In the marriage bed

  • Thread starter Thread starter Learningmore
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
L

Learningmore

Guest
I’m coming here to ask a rather frank question but will try not to be too graphic.:o

A close Catholic friend of mine came to me recently hoping for some advice or direction on how to fix a problem in his marriage. Without telling me a whole lot of detail (thankfully), it sounds like he’s battled with not being able to last very long when making love with his wife.
It must be taking its toll on him. He’s been on this website and feels pretty upset I guess because he reads about ejaculating outside his wife and by the sounds of it, sometimes he enters her so briefly and only in fear that he’ll sin if he doesn’t do so. I feel for him and told him I didn’t need any more detail but said I’d post something here and see what people say or any books to read or something. He only wanted me to add that this has happened for so long that he can’t bring his wife the satisfaction she needs.

I wish I could help him, but unfortunately I too have a concern because my wife and I don’t have relations nearly as often as I’d like and at times feel very refused. So I am not one to offer him any advice.
 
Your friend needs to start with a visit to a urologist to see if there is a physical reason for the problem. He’s probably embarrassed to go to a doctor, but he told you about it so he obviously is interested in solving the problem.
 
Thanks for the replies so far. I can see why this would be a medical matter, but aside from that, there’s the religious matter to contend with and that’s why I’ve posted in this forum.

I can’t tell him what to do for his wife to ensure as much mutual satisfaction as possible while still being in the right for what’s allowed in the marriage bed and I can’t tell him if its ok to not worry so much about the “spilling of seed” so to speak because it may or may not be sin.
 
For it to be a sin, it requires that:
  1. The situation must be grave matter.
  2. You make a conscious decision to choose the sin.
  3. You have to do it.
If this is a spontaneous ocurrence that he has trouble controlling, how could it be a sin? He really needs to see a doctor, though.

You might try to find a copy of The Good News About Sex and Marriage by Christopher West. It has the answers to many questions like these as far as sin is concerned.
 
How old is he? Does he go for long periods with no sex?

My educated guess this is not a medical problem, but anxiety based.

Learing control is something all of us (men) have to learn at one time or another.

What is his partner’s attitude with all this?

My only suggestion is he fix this a natural way without drugs or those desensitize creames. I know I’m not gonna take or do anything that makes me numb.

And I agree, I don’t see this as a religious matter, meaning he’s accountable for his problem.
 
Thanks again for the replies. I’ll be sure to share this with him or have him read the posts next time he has a chance.

He’s in his 30s, been married for several years. . He has read a lot of books so I’ll guess that the “good news” book is one of them. Like a lot of the answers that people give on forums and in books, there’s a lot of opinion being given so that’s worth something I suppose. I do suppose you’re right about the sin factor.

I can’t tell you how his wife feels. Considering how he shared his feelings, you would think she’s disappointed and probably left a bit hurt or frustrated in unfulfilled intimacy. Whether learning control means more frequency or what, short of medicines I dont’ know what to say to him. Like I posted - I’m far from one to talk about having frequent relations. I’m almost on the opposite spectrum. 😦
 
i don’t see how it is a sin to allow his wife satisfaction even though he is finished. i may be wrong. i am not a priest but have had to answer similar questions and i have sought catholic counsel from several priest

it seems like we get so caught up in making sure that we follow the rules to the “t” that we do not think clearly… i am speaking to myself as well…then making love is not a holy act. it becomes a mechanical act.

sin is in the intention of the will, if you will is only to avoid procreation then that may be a sin but sexual pleasure is not a sin. if there is spontaneous ejaculation and your wife has had no pleasure and then you say, well its over…is that what we think God wants?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top