Inappropriate 5 year old B-day invitation

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Hello-

My 5 year old daughter received an invitation to a birthday party that is “Little Monsters High” themed. I don’t know if you have seen them, but the little cartoon girls are dressed very provocatively, very immodest. They look like cartoon prostitutes.

I want to tell this mother how horrible this is. We continue to talk in this society about “rape culture” and the “war on women” but I really get the feeling the issue isn’t that men need more training. How can boys learn to respect girls who can’t respect themselves? Why should they?

These are 5 year olds. Not that the caricatures are appropriate at ANY age, but 5?

Do I just decline the invitation? Or do I decline and give reasons? Is there a way to say WHY I am declining it without being obtuse? Just ignore it?
 
It’s hard to say without knowing the other girl’s parents or your relationship with them.

I would recommend the following though:

apa.org/pi/women/programs/girls/report.aspx

It doesn’t talk about that specific brand, but it does reference the Bratz brand as an example, which I think may be similar.
 
When my 5yr old passes the Monster High toys in the stores she always wants one. She hasn’t even seen the show.

I don’t know how they do it, but some toys just really attract kids.

Needless to say, we do not let her have any of the Monster High dolls.
 
I’ll be in the minority (I always am): I think Monster High dolls are harmless fun. Look like prostitutes? One guy has snakes on his head. One is a vampire; one’s a ghost; one’s a werewolf.

I think items like this are basically morally neutral. We can always say, “something could look different,” but that doesn’t mean it’s immoral as it is.

Do we really think a 5-year-old party is going to be something other than some combination of pizza, cake/cupcakes, and/or some harmless activity? I doubt it.
 
It depends on how well you know the parents.

If it is your sister, tell her the birthday invitation looks like “Little Tarts” not “Little Monsters,” and that if you have any hope of keeping your daughters from wanting to dress like that when they’re 15, you’d better aim them in more innocent directions when they’re five.

If this is someone in the world whose daughter is an acquaintance of your daughter’s, just RSVP regrets.

If it is in-between, make some gauge of how likely your admonishment is to do any good before offering it. If it is going to fall on deaf ears, save it until it is solicited.
 
PolarGuy said:
I’ll be in the minority (I always am): I think Monster High dolls are harmless fun. Look like prostitutes? One guy has snakes on his head. One is a vampire; one’s a ghost; one’s a werewolf.

I think items like this are basically morally neutral. We can always say, “something could look different,” but that doesn’t mean it’s immoral as it is.

Do we really think a 5-year-old party is going to be something other than some combination of pizza, cake/cupcakes, and/or some harmless activity? I doubt it.
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youtube.com/watch?v=SaaZeI3kJew
 
If it were me, I would probably just say something like, “my daughter isn’t allowed to watch that show.” Then if the mother asks why, you can explain. If she doesn’t, then just leave it at that.
 
Eeewww those are some ugly hideous looking dolls, I don’t know if they look like prostitutes but they sure are ugly. LOL.
 
Prov31HelpMeet said:
Hello-

My 5 year old daughter received an invitation to a birthday party that is “Little Monsters High” themed. I don’t know if you have seen them, but the little cartoon girls are dressed very provocatively, very immodest. They look like cartoon prostitutes.

I want to tell this mother how horrible this is. We continue to talk in this society about “rape culture” and the “war on women” but I really get the feeling the issue isn’t that men need more training. How can boys learn to respect girls who can’t respect themselves? Why should they?

These are 5 year olds. Not that the caricatures are appropriate at ANY age, but 5?

Do I just decline the invitation? Or do I decline and give reasons? Is there a way to say WHY I am declining it without being obtuse? Just ignore it?
Click to expand...
I f you feel that this is inappropriate, then I would politely decline, you don’t need a reason and thank the mom for thinking of your daughter and leave it at that. It is that simple. I am not familiar with this stuff so I would probably not get into it with the mom with what you listed here. She probably thinks this stuff is harmless and fun so bringing up rape culture and respect over a 5 year old party may be over the top and not well received. Keep the decline simple and friendly.
 
robwar said:
I f you feel that this is inappropriate, then I would politely decline, you don’t need a reason and thank the mom for thinking of your daughter and leave it at that. It is that simple. I am not familiar with this stuff so I would probably not get into it with the mom with what you listed here. She probably thinks this stuff is harmless and fun so bringing up rape culture and respect over a 5 year old party may be over the top and not well received. Keep the decline simple and friendly.
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I agree with this. Different people have different views and to tell her you think it’s inappropriate is like telling her indirectly that she’s wrong for letting her child have a party like that and she will immediately get defensive. So just decline and don’t try to go into why. 😉
 
My neice has some of these dolls. I don’t think she’s ever watched the show. (I didn’t even know there was one.) The dolls themselves are ugly, but I don’t think any of the outfits she has are any more inappropriate then Barbie or any other fashion doll. I have to say though, the last time I went out to buy a Barbie for a little girl, I was a little taken aback. Dang, Barbie! I know times are hard but did you really need to go that route professionally?
 
I don’t let my girls play with the dolls, either. My older daughter received a Bratz doll or two for birthdays but I just returned them.

That being said, I wouldn’t turn down a birthday party invitation over it. I would just point out to my daughter that the dolls are immodest and we won’t be playing with them at our house. My guess is that even if the party is Monster’s High themed, it probably means there will be plates and cups with the dolls’ pictures on them, but that is where it will end. My guess is that they won’t be having hooker contests as games or anything like that.
 
I agree the dolls are somewhat similar in looks to Bratz, which I’ve never liked, and they’re extremely skinny which could be taken as anorexic, but they’re monsters so I guess it’s aiming for a “skeletal” look. And the lower legs and footwear are disproportionate which is a look that I find kind of trying-to-look-sexy or just odd. They also have “big head syndrome” like Barbies and other dolls in the last few years. I suppose that’s kind of a cartoonish thing, maybe influenced by anime or who knows what.

However, I recall when I was a kid, among my Liddle Kiddle dolls I had the Kozmic Kiddles which were little space aliens - they glowed in the dark and had little spaceships. I find the Monster High dolls are kind of like the Kozmic Kiddles in that they’re different and in fun colors and so on - that may be an innocent reason why kids like them. Of course as a parent, it’s your call, but it may not be harmful for your daughter to attend this party. Unless you’re afraid she’ll start wanting some Monster High dolls and you won’t want to buy them and it will create friction, maybe it would be better then if she skipped the party. 🤷
 
HouseArrest said:
I don’t let my girls play with the dolls, either. My older daughter received a Bratz doll or two for birthdays but I just returned them.

That being said, I wouldn’t turn down a birthday party invitation over it. I would just point out to my daughter that the dolls are immodest and we won’t be playing with them at our house. My guess is that even if the party is Monster’s High themed, it probably means there will be plates and cups with the dolls’ pictures on them, but that is where it will end. My guess is that they won’t be having hooker contests as games or anything like that.
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With three kids from 19 to 11, they didn’t make it to every party they were invited to growing up for a variety of reason, time conflicts etc and so on. If Op thinks this is inappropriate then she shouldn’t send her daughter. Trust me it is much easier to say no to a 5 year old and teach them now that they are not going to be able to go to everything they are invited to than try to say no to a 15 year old when the stakes are higher and the problems bigger at some parties. This doesn’t need to be a big sceen, she can politely decline and then maybe suggest that the girls get together at lunch or the park to have more appropriate fun. It is much easier to learn this lesson now with a 5 year old party than in the teenage years that may have parties that involve drinking and drugs.
 
3DOCTORS said:
I agree the dolls are somewhat similar in looks to Bratz, which I’ve never liked, and they’re extremely skinny which could be taken as anorexic, but they’re monsters so I guess it’s aiming for a “skeletal” look. And the lower legs and footwear are disproportionate which is a look that I find kind of trying-to-look-sexy or just odd. They also have “big head syndrome” like Barbies and other dolls in the last few years. I suppose that’s kind of a cartoonish thing, maybe influenced by anime or who knows what.

However, I recall when I was a kid, among my Liddle Kiddle dolls I had the Kozmic Kiddles which were little space aliens - they glowed in the dark and had little spaceships. I find the Monster High dolls are kind of like the Kozmic Kiddles in that they’re different and in fun colors and so on - that may be an innocent reason why kids like them. Of course as a parent, it’s your call, but it may not be harmful for your daughter to attend this party. Unless you’re afraid she’ll start wanting some Monster High dolls and you won’t want to buy them and it will create friction, maybe it would be better then if she skipped the party. 🤷
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Barbies are also absurdly proportioned, you’d think the designers never saw a real woman.
 
You do realize that “rape culture” is the idea that, for example, women aren’t free to wear what they want because there is still a perception that they are “asking for it” if they dress a certain way, right?

Criticizing the dolls – or real girls for that matter – for dressing too immodestly is essentially perpetuating rape culture, not helping to put a stop to it.

Putting a stop to it would be first accepting for yourself and then helping to teach others that what people wear has to do with their fashion sense and not their sexuality. 😛
 
QuasiCatholic said:
You do realize that “rape culture” is the idea that, for example, women aren’t free to wear what they want because there is still a perception that they are “asking for it” if they dress a certain way, right?

Criticizing the dolls – or real girls for that matter – for dressing too immodestly is essentially perpetuating rape culture, not helping to put a stop to it.

Putting a stop to it would be first accepting for yourself and then helping to teach others that what people wear has to do with their fashion sense and not their sexuality. 😛
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Actually, the term “rape culture” to me indicates a society that is so over-sexualized and self-centered that people look at others and even themselves as nothing more that an object designed to provide sexual gratification. In order to be “authentic”, one does not control or supress sexual desire and if another person “causes” sexual desire and does not deliver, then they are being “fake”, “prudish”, “stuckup”, “a tease” or must be some sort of sexual deviant or freak. Add to this mentality, a violent, controlling nature, and you have the recipe for sexual assault. Even without that, you have a society where both men and women feel enormous pressure to “express themselves sexually” or risk ridicule and isolation. Immodest clothing contributes to this culture because it is designed to objectify the wearer. It advertises to others that she doesn’t hold her sexuality as something sacred to be shared with her husband, but something to be expressed to everyone as part of her style and personality. No, dressing like a prostitute does not give someone the right to rape a woman. Yes, dressing like a prostitute is a method of objectifying oneself and does contribute to the rape culture.
 
My daughter wanted them a number of years ago. What concerned me wasn’t the way they were dressed. I was more concerned with the imagery (vampires, ghosts etc)

The dolls per se, aren’t really built like women. They could almost look the way aliens from outerspace are depicted. Very long limbs, tiny torso’s, huge heads, really big eyes.

The phase came and went. She did receive a couple as gifts. I don’t think she’s played with them for a long while.
 
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