Inappropriate 5 year old B-day invitation

[Avocadomom]

If you think the invitations are that bad, just decline politely. It’s really not your place to “school” other parents on what you think they should or shouldn’t be permitting. If you try, you will come across (and correctly so) as sanctimonious.

 

[HouseArrest]

With three kids from 19 to 11, they didn’t make it to every party they were invited to growing up for a variety of reason, time conflicts etc and so on. If Op thinks this is inappropriate then she shouldn’t send her daughter. Trust me it is much easier to say no to a 5 year old and teach them now that they are not going to be able to go to everything they are invited to than try to say no to a 15 year old when the stakes are higher and the problems bigger at some parties. This doesn’t need to be a big sceen, she can politely decline and then maybe suggest that the girls get together at lunch or the park to have more appropriate fun. It is much easier to learn this lesson now with a 5 year old party than in the teenage years that may have parties that involve drinking and drugs.

I was just stating my perspective on the situation, which is why I started with “I would…”.

As far as saying no to a 15 year old going to parties with drinking and drugs, it helps our family immensely when we say yes to as much as we can, because we are forced to say “no” so often.

 

[Catholic1954]

Hello-

My 5 year old daughter received an invitation to a birthday party that is “Little Monsters High” themed. I don’t know if you have seen them, but the little cartoon girls are dressed very provocatively, very immodest. They look like cartoon prostitutes.

I want to tell this mother how horrible this is. We continue to talk in this society about “rape culture” and the “war on women” but I really get the feeling the issue isn’t that men need more training. How can boys learn to respect girls who can’t respect themselves? Why should they?

These are 5 year olds. Not that the caricatures are appropriate at ANY age, but 5?

Do I just decline the invitation? Or do I decline and give reasons? Is there a way to say WHY I am declining it without being obtuse? Just ignore it?

Thank them for thinking of your daughter and politely decline the invitation. No explanation is needed.

 

[robwar]

I was just stating my perspective on the situation, which is why I started with “I would…”.

As far as saying no to a 15 year old going to parties with drinking and drugs, it helps our family immensely when we say yes to as much as we can, because we are forced to say “no” so often.

I’m not sure what you mean by forced to say no. My point is if you give in to everything your child wants while young, you are going to have a much harder time when they are teens to say no when the stakes and problems are bigger. Trust me, I know what I am talking about. A five year old party will be forgotten about within a year, but the lesson in that the child isn’t going to do and go to anything and there a limits will last a life time.

 

[3DOCTORS]

My daughter wanted them a number of years ago. What concerned me wasn’t the way they were dressed. I was more concerned with the imagery (vampires, ghosts etc)

The dolls per se, aren’t really built like women. They could almost look the way aliens from outerspace are depicted. Very long limbs, tiny torso’s, huge heads, really big eyes.

The phase came and went. She did receive a couple as gifts. I don’t think she’s played with them for a long while.

I’ve noticed that they are so skinny and flimsy that the hands often break off. I make 18" doll clothes and sometimes Barbie clothes, and was thinking about whether to make Monster High clothes (and make them not as skimpy as the ones the dolls come with - experiment with fun fabrics and more coverage), but I didn’t want to shell out for a doll at full price just to get the measurements. Ones I’ve seen in the thrift stores are usually broken.

 

[Demetra2]

If it really bothers you, decline the invitation. Keep in mind that it is not your place to chastise the mother about the poor choice of party theme. Your opinion is only your opinion. Keep in mind that your child will be the one to feel the brunt of criticizing the other child and her party. Not worth it and it is not charitable. Another way to approach this is to attend the party with your daughter and observe the home and the family. I wouldn’t judge them solely on the choice of party decorations and invitations for a five year old. You have to teach your daughter to live in the world and not to hide from it. Don’t stay in the Catholic bubble too long.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

I’ve noticed that they are so skinny and flimsy that the hands often break off. I make 18" doll clothes and sometimes Barbie clothes, and was thinking about whether to make Monster High clothes (and make them not as skimpy as the ones the dolls come with - experiment with fun fabrics and more coverage), but I didn’t want to shell out for a doll at full price just to get the measurements. Ones I’ve seen in the thrift stores are usually broken.

Target had a few on sale for about $11.00. They actually can be dismantled fairly easily, they sell kits to build the dolls from scratch.

You might be able to find the various pieces at the thrift store, they are all interchangeable.

 

[3DOCTORS]

Target had a few on sale for about $11.00. They actually can be dismantled fairly easily, they sell kits to build the dolls from scratch.

You might be able to find the various pieces at the thrift store, they are all interchangeable.

That’s interesting. I think I’ll hold off for now, as I’m still working on mostly 18" doll clothes and then may do a few for Barbies. They keep changing Barbie’s figure to make it more like a normal woman, which is a good thing, I suppose, but making sure the clothes fit the newer dolls and the older ones is a thing now. Not too difficult, but something to pay attention to. As for Monster High dolls, their skimpy dresses they come with are teeny-tiny. If I did get into sewing for them I’d make stuff like ball gowns with a monster vibe (fun, colorful, but not hyper-sexy or overly creepy).

Sorry, OP, for hijacking the thread; promise I’ll stop now.

 

[kaos713]

With three kids from 19 to 11, they didn’t make it to every party they were invited to growing up for a variety of reason, time conflicts etc and so on. If Op thinks this is inappropriate then she shouldn’t send her daughter. Trust me it is much easier to say no to a 5 year old and teach them now that they are not going to be able to go to everything they are invited to than try to say no to a 15 year old when the stakes are higher and the problems bigger at some parties. This doesn’t need to be a big sceen, she can politely decline and then maybe suggest that the girls get together at lunch or the park to have more appropriate fun. It is much easier to learn this lesson now with a 5 year old party than in the teenage years that may have parties that involve drinking and drugs.

Your child isn’t going to learn anything if you just refuse to take her to the party. In fact shielding her from reality is only going to increase the likelihood she’ll rebel when she gets older - that’s where the drugs and excess alcohol will come in. The problem isn’t the wearing of skimpy clothes, if that’s even a problem (have you been to the beach?), but let’s say it’s for the wrong reasons - the problem is a lack of dignity, or self confidence, or thinking that that appearance is more important that character. That said, this applies more to older kids. I think the 5 year olds really just like the cartoon.

 

[HouseArrest]

I’m not sure what you mean by forced to say no. My point is if you give in to everything your child wants while young, you are going to have a much harder time when they are teens to say no when the stakes and problems are bigger. Trust me, I know what I am talking about. A five year old party will be forgotten about within a year, but the lesson in that the child isn’t going to do and go to anything and there a limits will last a life time.

I’m saying I have teens and I have said no when the stakes and problems are bigger. And even before that, there have been many, many, no’s. With the culture and the “new normal” for what kids are allowed to do, it is harder to find times to say “yes” than times to say “no”. Believe me, if we count the movies the other kids go to and nothing else, we have had lots of times where we’ve said no. I like to find times to say yes.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Is there anyway to call the mom up and ask exactly what is meant by the theme? I googled the dolls and yes, they do seem to be provocatively dressed, but I am sure by the time a kid is 5 they seen similar things on TV on even out in public.

If it means your daughter needs to dress like that, then I would say no If it simply means the napkins will have those pictures on it, I would let my daughter go.

 

[Radish]

I think if it’s a dress up party the kids can just go in a normal Halloween monster costume. They don’t have to go in short skirts or tank tops or anything. Maybe she is picking monster high because she is a girl and likes monster themes? It might also be the only thing she can get since Halloween is kind of far off at this point.

I kind of like the dolls myself - they look weird. But I’m a doll collector.

 

[lily22]

Throw the dang thing in the garbage. End of problem.