Inappropriate Behavior?

  • Thread starter Thread starter CuriousInIL
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
C

CuriousInIL

Guest
Okay, so the question is, is the following behavior inappropriate and/or sin.

A wife enjoys and does activity X (it really doesn’t matter what the specific activity is—it is not sinful). Husband does not like his wife doing X, asks her to stop, and she does.
Instead, wife does activity Y; however wife gets bored with just Y.
Wife tells a friend about this and asks friend to suggest other activities so that wife won’t be so bored.

Instead, friend tells wife “Your husband is being unreasonable. You should tell him that and you should continue to do X because you like it.”

So, with just that understanding of the situation, was friend’s comment inappropriate? After all, wife didn’t ask how friend felt about it, just if friend knew of other activities. Or, does it depend on why friend reacted that way? Or on what wife does after the talk? Or on what husband says in response?

Let me know what you think.
 
I think the situation present is lakcing pertinent details. What are the activities being referred to and why does the husband not like the activity; expense, time away from home, hazardous, smelly? Rarely would such a request be utterly arbitrary.

For example, if the wife likes to fly airplanes, but money was tight and/or the husband is afraid of flying, it would not be unreasonable for him to ask her to stop ir cut back on flying.

I do not think you can generalize to the extent you have here. Sweeping generalizations about moral issues is rarely wise.
 
I think we get to my point easier without debating the activity. But, for those who need it, assume X is reading fiction. And no, not 24/7 reading that is leading to any neglect or the like.
 
CuriousInIL said:
I think we get to my point easier without debating the activity. But, for those who need it, assume X is reading fiction. And no, not 24/7 reading that is leading to any neglect or the like.
Click to expand...
Then the husband is being unreasonable.
 
Wow, this sounds amazingly like another thread about reading Romance novels.

Perhaps you should check it out… 👍
 
**I agree with rpp. You are way too vague. What kind of books? Fiction is kinda broad. Is there anything morally objectionable? What if you are reading modern romantic novels and immersing yourself in fantasy that takes away from your marriage and denigrates your husband?

You are being too coy here, and I suspect it’s because you want to hear a desirable answer, and not the one you fear may be the correct answer. Your friend isn’t married to your husband. You are.

What are the specifics of his objections? That’s the issue here.**
 
CuriousInIL said:
I think we get to my point easier without debating the activity. But, for those who need it, assume X is reading fiction. And no, not 24/7 reading that is leading to any neglect or the like.
Click to expand...
Irishmom2 said:
Wow, this sounds amazingly like another thread about reading Romance novels.

Perhaps you should check it out… 👍
Click to expand...
Trashy romance novels are a form of pornography that appeals to women. Thus reading them is, at best, a near occasion of sin, but more likely they are intrinsically sinful. If that is the material being read, then your premise that the activity is not sinful is not correct. The husband is not being inappropriate and the friend’s comments are out of line.
 
Gerard_Nadal said:
**I agree with rpp. You are way too vague. What kind of books? Fiction is kinda broad. Is there anything morally objectionable? What if you are reading modern romantic novels and immersing yourself in fantasy that takes away from your marriage and denigrates your husband?

You are being too coy here, and I suspect it’s because you want to hear a desirable answer, and not the one you fear may be the correct answer. Your friend isn’t married to your husband. You are.

What are the specifics of his objections? That’s the issue here.**
Click to expand...
👍

(Gerald, do you bold because it is easier for you to read? It almost seems like shouting and is more difficult for me to read.)
 
rpp said:
I think the situation present is lakcing pertinent details. What are the activities being referred to and why does the husband not like the activity; expense, time away from home, hazardous, smelly? Rarely would such a request be utterly arbitrary.

For example, if the wife likes to fly airplanes, but money was tight and/or the husband is afraid of flying, it would not be unreasonable for him to ask her to stop ir cut back on flying.

I do not think you can generalize to the extent you have here. Sweeping generalizations about moral issues is rarely wise.
Click to expand...
I could not agree with you any more
 
rpp said:
👍

(Gerald, do you bold because it is easier for you to read? It almost seems like shouting and is more difficult for me to read.)
Click to expand...
SORRY. I’ll try not to bold. No shouting intended, but it is easier. Typical New Yorker, I’ll tone it down.:tiphat::tiphat:
 
Gerard_Nadal said:
(Gerald, do you bold because it is easier for you to read? It almost seems like shouting and is more difficult for me to read.)
Click to expand...
SORRY.
[/quote]

I’ll try not to bold. No shouting intended, but it is easier. Typical New Yorker, I’ll tone it down.:tiphat::tiphat:
Not a problem. If you have trouble, consider using a larger or different font. To see these, you need to use the advanced editor.

Okay, back to the topic. 🙂
 
CuriousInIL said:
Okay, so the question is, is the following behavior inappropriate and/or sin.

A wife enjoys and does activity X (it really doesn’t matter what the specific activity is—it is not sinful). Husband does not like his wife doing X, asks her to stop, and she does.
Instead, wife does activity Y; however wife gets bored with just Y.
Wife tells a friend about this and asks friend to suggest other activities so that wife won’t be so bored.

Instead, friend tells wife “Your husband is being unreasonable. You should tell him that and you should continue to do X because you like it.”

So, with just that understanding of the situation, was friend’s comment inappropriate? After all, wife didn’t ask how friend felt about it, just if friend knew of other activities. Or, does it depend on why friend reacted that way? Or on what wife does after the talk? Or on what husband says in response?

Let me know what you think.
Click to expand...
***Okay, so I see…your question is more if the friend’s behavior is inappropriate. No, not really…when we share the intimate details of our marriages with others, we are actually more in the wrong, than those listening and giving advice. Maybe the wife in question is asking for her opinion…maybe not. How many times have we complained about something, anything really, and someone gives us unsolicited advice? This could be one of those times, too. But, if the friend in question isn’t looking out for the best interest of the wife and her husband, best to find a new friend. I don’t share things of an intimate nature with anyone, not even family.

That said, if the wife in this scenario follows the friend’s advice…that’s another problem altogether. A wife’s loyalty lies with her husband, not her friend. Unless the wife is being abused and confides in her friend, and her friend recommends her to leave…that could be different, and the friend can be seen in that case, as trying to be loving and helpful. But, I don’t think we’re talking about that here…so I’d say that no, the friend was not out of line, but if the wife makes a habit of telling all to her friends, then unforuntately her friends are going to give her advice, not especially good advice.

I’m thoroughly confused now. :p***
 
Some clarifications.
  1. This is not about porn. Nor does activity X take away from the marriage or denigrate the husband.
  2. The question is whether the friend’s behavior is appropriate. It is not about whether the husband’s or wife’s behavior is appropriate.
  3. I am not the husband, wife or friend in this drama and I want any and all views. I have no desire for one answer over another.
 
Well, if I were the wife, I would say to my friend, “I think you probably want to be helpful and that you want to stick up for me but the way you are doing it, by encouraging me to argue with my husband, I don’t think would be very helpful. This isn’t about whether you think my husband’s behavior was appropriate or right; this is about the fact that I have already decided willingly and cheerfully that I would rather not do that behavior and I’ve asked you to help me come up with other things to do. So please, let’s agree that you won’t tell me my husband’s behavior is inappropriate or make judgments about him or me, and let’s just forget you said what you did and discuss some things I might enjoy. If this does bother you and you’re more concerned with making me ‘change my mind’ and argue it out with my husband because my decision challenges your opinion/stereotypes, etc., just say so now and we won’t discuss the topic at all if we want to stay friends.”
 
Some clarifications.
  1. This is not about porn. Nor does activity X take away from the marriage or denigrate the husband.
  2. The question is whether the friend’s behavior is appropriate. It is not about whether the husband’s or wife’s behavior is appropriate.
  3. I am not the husband, wife or friend in this drama and I want any and all views. I have no desire for one answer over another.
 
Irishmom2 said:
Wow, this sounds amazingly like another thread about reading Romance novels.

Perhaps you should check it out… 👍
Click to expand...
Well see the problem with this analogy is that in the original post it was stated that the activity was not sinful, however there are plenty of perfectly good arguments for why romance novels are most likely sinful. I know if I was married I would be very annoyed if my wife read romance novels. They are just way too trashy.

But about the question… I really don’t think the friends behavior was all that inappropriate. Perhaps they just felt like the husband was being unreasonable. Ultimately it will come down to a case by case basis on what the activity is and why the husband doesn’t want his wife to continue doing such a thing. Without that information it is impossible to really answer the question.
 
A person cannot make wide-sweeping conclusions about moral issues. Be specific or stop posting. There is no other choice.
 
rpp said:
A person cannot make wide-sweeping conclusions about moral issues. Be specific or stop posting. There is no other choice.
Click to expand...
Or, another possibility is that if you don’t feel you can answer a question, you just don’t post in that thread, rather than criticizing the question and questioner. Frankly, essentially telling me that I’m not welcome to post is quite uncharitable. Also, in many areas, and unlike you I believe here also, hypothetical questions can be the most useful device for testing issues and answers.
 
Hmmm,

Lets say we substitute activity X with say scrapbooking and activity Y with crocheting.

Dh does not like dw scrapbooking and asks her to stop … and she does. Instead, wife starts to crochet; however wife gets bored with just crocheting. Wife tells a friend about this and asks friend to suggest other activities so that wife won’t be so bored.

Instead, friend tells wife “Your husband is being unreasonable. You should tell him that and you should continue to scrapbook because you like it.”

“So, with just that understanding of the situation, was friend’s comment inappropriate? After all, wife didn’t ask how friend felt about it, just if friend knew of other activities. Or, does it depend on why friend reacted that way? Or on what wife does after the talk? Or on what husband says in response?”

If a friend of mine told me something like this, I would wonder about the husband 😊 as I gave her a few alternatives to crocheting :cool:. I wouldn’t respond like the friend above because unsolicited advice is rude. I would, however, ask why dh requested that my friend stop scrapbooking. What I’d do/say after that would depend on the answer.

Something like that happened to me before. My bil requested my sil stop reading for fun. Her reading choices were innocuous fantasy books such as “Lord Of the Rings”, so it wasn’t the material. She also didn’t spend hours & hours reading. Basically, bil objected to her reading because she wasn’t “doing” anything :eek: (bil has a hard time sitting down and relaxing; he also has a hard time comprehending reading for fun). Sil asked if I thought he was being unreasonable and I said yes 😛 .

MadameButterfly
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top