Inappropriate for Confession!

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SanctaMommy

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Do you think that there is anything that might be inappropriate for a woman to “confess” to a priest? For example, let’s say that a woman has pleasured herself. Would it not be extraordinarily inappropriate and possibly scandalous to engage in a conversation about this topic with a priest, who is, of course, a man with all the feelings and urges that most men have? If the nature of the sin is sexual, but almost of a pornographic nature, might it not be better to let such acts fall under a broader category of “sexual impurity” or “unchastity” so as not to cause scandal to Father and make for an extremely uncomfortable moment in the confessional? My sister-in-law, after a few glasses of wine, once said, “I don’t think I could look Father O’Brien in the face after telling him how many times I’d used my vibrator in the last year!” I was horrified, of course. And humiliation before a priest is a very good reason to avoid such sins, but might there be some things better left vague for everyone’s benefit? I think it might be different when Father and another male are talking “man to man” - but maybe it’s not quite the same when he’s listening to a college-age girl discuss topics like masturbation and her impure sexual fantasies?

Thoughts, please.
 
SanctaMommy said:
Do you think that there is anything that might be inappropriate for a woman to “confess” to a priest? For example, let’s say that a woman has pleasured herself. Would it not be extraordinarily inappropriate and possibly scandalous to engage in a conversation about this topic with a priest, who is, of course, a man with all the feelings and urges that most men have? If the nature of the sin is sexual, but almost of a pornographic nature, might it not be better to let such acts fall under a broader category of “sexual impurity” or “unchastity” so as not to cause scandal to Father and make for an extremely uncomfortable moment in the confessional? My sister-in-law, after a few glasses of wine, once said, “I don’t think I could look Father O’Brien in the face after telling him how many times I’d used my vibrator in the last year!” I was horrified, of course. And humiliation before a priest is a very good reason to avoid such sins, but might there be some things better left vague for everyone’s benefit? I think it might be different when Father and another male are talking “man to man” - but maybe it’s not quite the same when he’s listening to a college-age girl discuss topics like masturbation and her impure sexual fantasies?

Thoughts, please.
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Two thoughts come immediately to mind:
  1. He’s heard worse. Guaranteed.
  2. He’s behind a screen. How is he going to know you anyway?
One other thought, just in case:

Go to another parish if you’re really worried about it.

Do I need to give the standard Catholic Answers Forums patented “there is the seal of confession” spiel, or have you read it already?
 
SanctaMommy said:
Do you think that there is anything that might be inappropriate for a woman to “confess” to a priest? For example, let’s say that a woman has pleasured herself. Would it not be extraordinarily inappropriate and possibly scandalous to engage in a conversation about this topic with a priest, who is, of course, a man with all the feelings and urges that most men have? If the nature of the sin is sexual, but almost of a pornographic nature, might it not be better to let such acts fall under a broader category of “sexual impurity” or “unchastity” so as not to cause scandal to Father and make for an extremely uncomfortable moment in the confessional? My sister-in-law, after a few glasses of wine, once said, “I don’t think I could look Father O’Brien in the face after telling him how many times I’d used my vibrator in the last year!” I was horrified, of course. And humiliation before a priest is a very good reason to avoid such sins, but might there be some things better left vague for everyone’s benefit? I think it might be different when Father and another male are talking “man to man” - but maybe it’s not quite the same when he’s listening to a college-age girl discuss topics like masturbation and her impure sexual fantasies?

Thoughts, please.
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I don’t actually get into conversations about any of my sins - my practice is simply to name them in a straightforward manner and say how many times I did it, and any relevant circumstances (lost my temper while driving and swore at a little old lady, for example).

I’m not sure whether or not I envy people who can be articulate and talkative in the Confessional. :o
 
The priest has heard everything before. And there is no need to go into too many details. Just the plain, basic, commonly-understood word for the deed. “Forgive me father, I have sinned. It has been a year since my last confession, in that time I have masturbated every day.” That’s all you need to say. No explanations of how or where. Men and women, boys and girls all can say the same thing, no special euphemisms needed.
 
SanctaMommy said:
Do you think that there is anything that might be inappropriate for a woman to “confess” to a priest? For example, let’s say that a woman has pleasured herself. Would it not be extraordinarily inappropriate and possibly scandalous to engage in a conversation about this topic with a priest, who is, of course, a man with all the feelings and urges that most men have? If the nature of the sin is sexual, but almost of a pornographic nature, might it not be better to let such acts fall under a broader category of “sexual impurity” or “unchastity” so as not to cause scandal to Father and make for an extremely uncomfortable moment in the confessional? My sister-in-law, after a few glasses of wine, once said, “I don’t think I could look Father O’Brien in the face after telling him how many times I’d used my vibrator in the last year!” I was horrified, of course. And humiliation before a priest is a very good reason to avoid such sins, but might there be some things better left vague for everyone’s benefit? I think it might be different when Father and another male are talking “man to man” - but maybe it’s not quite the same when he’s listening to a college-age girl discuss topics like masturbation and her impure sexual fantasies?

Thoughts, please.
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well these things are mortal sins, and if they are left out of Confession because they’re too embarrasing, the whole confession becomes invalid. We’re supposed to confess everything. But in order to not make it awkward for the priest, (or put him in temptation) - sexual sins should be confessed without explicit detail. THe person should just say what they did and how many times - NO telling a story. That is what I read regarding Confession. Priests have heard it all before… it’s really difficult to shock them. Another way to make it less awkward for the priest is to confess behind the screen. As for masturbation which is what you’re asking about, - I think someone on these forums said that the ‘euphemism’ for that is “being impure with oneself”. But it’s not wrong to just say the word - again priests have heard it all. In fact, just saying the word might help a person to face their sin more directly and be more repentant for it. Regarding “sexual fantasies”, again “impure thoughts” will suffice. Then if a person had sex before marriage they should say something like “premarital sex” and how many times. NO explicit detail.
 
You are assuming the priest will be aroused by hearing such a confession. I doubt it. I bet 9 out of 10 people in confession do confess sexual sins. This would not be titillating after hearing it so many times, week after week after week. It becomes academic.
 
jpjd said:
You are assuming the priest will be aroused by hearing such a confession. I doubt it. I bet 9 out of 10 people in confession do confess sexual sins. This would not be titillating after hearing it so many times, week after week after week. It becomes academic.
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Not if it’s really graphic!
 
SanctaMommy said:
Do you think that there is anything that might be inappropriate for a woman to “confess” to a priest? For example, let’s say that a woman has pleasured herself. Would it not be extraordinarily inappropriate and possibly scandalous to engage in a conversation about this topic with a priest, who is, of course, a man with all the feelings and urges that most men have? If the nature of the sin is sexual, but almost of a pornographic nature, might it not be better to let such acts fall under a broader category of “sexual impurity” or “unchastity” so as not to cause scandal to Father and make for an extremely uncomfortable moment in the confessional? My sister-in-law, after a few glasses of wine, once said, “I don’t think I could look Father O’Brien in the face after telling him how many times I’d used my vibrator in the last year!” I was horrified, of course. And humiliation before a priest is a very good reason to avoid such sins, but might there be some things better left vague for everyone’s benefit? I think it might be different when Father and another male are talking “man to man” - but maybe it’s not quite the same when he’s listening to a college-age girl discuss topics like masturbation and her impure sexual fantasies?
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You need not describe your sins, only name them. If you have masturbated, confess masturbation. If an object was used in masturbation, confess that, and get rid of that object. Do not describe every motion. If you have entertained lustful fantasies, confess lustful fantasies. Do not describe the fantasies. The priest is acting in the person of Christ Himself; there is nothing that you ought to hold back, even in the interests of his own chastity.
 
Just the facts, please. If you get too descriptive, he will stop you; if he needs more information he will ask.
 
Hi-used to have these problems, thankfully, I have gotten away from that after many confessionals and prayers-now if only I can say the same about anger issues and cussing, especially while driving in heavy traffic. Struggle with patient issues. Okay-my question for Spirithound is that when I used to be impure with myself, after my divorce when feeling lonely, I mentioned that in confessional. Even used objects yet didn’t mention that, too-didn’t know I was supposed to also mention that, too. Now I feel bad-haven’t slipped-up in a long while and at least overcame that problem yet based on what you have written, I was supposed to mention more than being impure or self-abuse but what was used-I am afraid that maybe my confession wasn’t valid-I always go to the same confessor so what should I do-go back and mention all that and include using the object? I am ashamed of what I’ve done and acting out impurely and hoped that I done my confession correctly. I am feeling a little troubled-thanks for any advice and (name removed by moderator)ut-😊:gopray2:
PS-I like your bunny rabbit.
 
lauraabarlow said:
Hi-used to have these problems, thankfully, I have gotten away from that after many confessionals and prayers-now if only I can say the same about anger issues and cussing, especially while driving in heavy traffic. Struggle with patient issues. Okay-my question for Spirithound is that when I used to be impure with myself, after my divorce when feeling lonely, I mentioned that in confessional. Even used objects yet didn’t mention that, too-didn’t know I was supposed to also mention that, too. Now I feel bad-haven’t slipped-up in a long while and at least overcame that problem yet based on what you have written, I was supposed to mention more than being impure or self-abuse but what was used-I am afraid that maybe my confession wasn’t valid-I always go to the same confessor so what should I do-go back and mention all that and include using the object? I am ashamed of what I’ve done and acting out impurely and hoped that I done my confession correctly. I am feeling a little troubled-thanks for any advice and (name removed by moderator)ut-😊:gopray2:
PS-I like your bunny rabbit.
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Heavens to betsy. No, Jesus is not sitting there in the Confessional with His arms crossed, judging to make sure you got the wording exactly right. He knew what you were confessing, and what was important to Him was that you were sorry and that you wanted to make it right with Him.

In future, if you think of it, you can include those kinds of details, but when you did your best at the time, Jesus accepted it, and you are completely forgiven for those sins.
 
TrueLight said:
Not if it’s really graphic!
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As I mentioned above, I don’t even get “graphic” with my normal every-day sins - I just say what I did, and how many times.

I can’t even imagine getting into the details of sexual sins with a priest. I am certain he would stop you and ask you to just name the sin, if you were to start getting graphic with a sexual sin. It’s not phone sex - it’s Confession.
 
jmcrae said:
As I mentioned above, I don’t even get “graphic” with my normal every-day sins - I just say what I did, and how many times.

I can’t even imagine getting into the details of sexual sins with a priest. I am certain he would stop you and ask you to just name the sin, if you were to start getting graphic with a sexual sin. It’s not phone sex - it’s Confession.
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LOL, I’m referring to the poster’s comment that she could not discuss frequency of vibrator use.

That is certainly too graphic.

I think just saying “I masturbated many times” is enough.
 
lauraabarlow said:
Hi-used to have these problems, thankfully, I have gotten away from that after many confessionals and prayers-now if only I can say the same about anger issues and cussing, especially while driving in heavy traffic. Struggle with patient issues. Okay-my question for Spirithound is that when I used to be impure with myself, after my divorce when feeling lonely, I mentioned that in confessional. Even used objects yet didn’t mention that, too-didn’t know I was supposed to also mention that, too. Now I feel bad-haven’t slipped-up in a long while and at least overcame that problem yet based on what you have written, I was supposed to mention more than being impure or self-abuse but what was used-I am afraid that maybe my confession wasn’t valid-I always go to the same confessor so what should I do-go back and mention all that and include using the object? I am ashamed of what I’ve done and acting out impurely and hoped that I done my confession correctly. I am feeling a little troubled-thanks for any advice and (name removed by moderator)ut-😊:gopray2:
PS-I like your bunny rabbit.
Click to expand...
Laura, the only way a Confession is invalid is if you lie to a priest - so if you know you should say a mortal sin, (or something important about a mortal sin), but don’t. It sounds like you confessed honestly, you said everything you knew to say at the time, so it’s fine 🙂 now I’m not even sure if you were supposed to say that extra detail… I don’t know. In any case you are forgiven. I do know there’s this idea that if we didn’t know about something, and confessed best we could, but later on found out that something is a sin, etc, - we should go back to Confession and mention it (even though it was forgiven). So I don’t know, maybe you could mention this at your next confession but - without getting into specifics (just general language) and behind the screen, etc? I honestly have no idea.
 
Monica4316 said:
Laura, the only way a Confession is invalid is if you lie to a priest - so if you know you should say a mortal sin, (or something important about a mortal sin), but don’t. It sounds like you confessed honestly, you said everything you knew to say at the time, so it’s fine 🙂 now I’m not even sure if you were supposed to say that extra detail… I don’t know. In any case you are forgiven. I do know there’s this idea that if we didn’t know about something, and confessed best we could, but later on found out that something is a sin, etc, - we should go back to Confession and mention it (even though it was forgiven). So I don’t know, maybe you could mention this at your next confession but - without getting into specifics (just general language) and behind the screen, etc? I honestly have no idea.
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Actually I would have said that it isn’t really necessary to say that one used an object. I suppose if you went out and bought a sex toy or something that might be a different sin to confess in addition to the other.
 
I agree with the above. Use of a vibrator does not in any way alter the nature, gravity or culpability of the actual sin (masturbation) so does not need to be confessed.
“I masturbated x times/about every x days for y long’”
is sufficient.
The question of who the penitent and confessor are should not come into it.
 
I find the ideas people have about confession intriguing. A friend of mine who’s Protestant has this idea that when Catholics go to confession, the are telling the Priest all these sordid and gory details about their life. It doesn’t happen like that. Anyone who goes to confession regularly will tell you that.

Some people have this idea that spelling it out for the priest is something Catholics are obliged to do. Confession is not for the benefit of the priest. It is for the benefit of the person who is wants forgiveness and grace. So there’s no need to fill him in on all the details and explain everything to make sure understands. When I made making my first confession, I was told that the words you use are not important. The priest will know what you’re talking about irrespective of the words you use, particularly priests who have a lot of experience in hearing confessions. It’s always amazed me when I go to confession, that when you struggle to express yourself, priests seem to have this ability to understand exactly what your saying and tell you what you need to hear; even when they don’t know the first thing about you. A good confessor will also pull you out of a hole if you struggle for words by telling you they understand what you are saying and there’s no need to explain it.

I agree with what two other posters have said. Confession isn’t phone sex. Priests don’t want to know the gory details. It would be inappropriate for them to listen to and if you started going into detail, the Priest would stop you.
 
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