Inappropriate for Confession!

[minkymurph]

I also have to share a funny story about confession. On a pilgrimage to Lourdes our guide was showing us around the Grotto, and explaining when Mass was held and the process for having confessions heard. As it’s an international area, she explained that priests put a sign on the door to let you know what language they speak, and to look for a sign that said English. She then said you could always go to a confessional that doesn’t have English on the door if don’t want the priest to understand what you are saying!

I wonder if that counts as a valid confession?

If I tried that knowing my luck, I’d get a priest that spoke about five languages.

 

[laszlo]

For valid confession one must see his sins as disgusting, and one should be ashamed by them. Such view excludes to see sin as source and excitement for others. Sometimes this view is hard to reach, but this is the goal. This goal excludes the discussion of any exciting terms.

 

[powerlinemom]

I also have to share a funny story about confession. On a pilgrimage to Lourdes our guide was showing us around the Grotto, and explaining when Mass was held and the process for having confessions heard. As it’s an international area, she explained that priests put a sign on the door to let you know what language they speak, and to look for a sign that said English. She then said you could always go to a confessional that doesn’t have English on the door if don’t want the priest to understand what you are saying!

I wonder if that counts as a valid confession?

If I tried that knowing my luck, I’d get a priest that spoke about five languages.

I just went through RCIA this year, and in the class on confession our priest told us that a confession is valid even if you and the priest don’t speak the same language. He was saying that if you were travelling and needed to make a confession that it wasn’t necessary to find an English speaking priest but that you could go to any priest and it would be just the same.

 

[puzzleannie]

Do you think that there is anything that might be inappropriate for a woman to “confess” to a priest? e.

no, any more than their would be for a men. Priests are not 14 year old boys, they are trained spiritually and theologically for their role as confessor. No excuses. Just say the name of the sin, without the backstory, and get on with the confession.

 

[Joannm]

Think of it this way, would you feel that if you had to explain something embarassing to your medical doctor that it would cause him or her scandal. The priest is a doctor of souls so he would not feel embarassed or scandalized or “aroused” over what you tell him anymore than a medical doctor or psychologist would.

 

[SanctaMommy]

Think of it this way, would you feel that if you had to explain something embarassing to your medical doctor that it would cause him or her scandal. The priest is a doctor of souls so he would not feel embarassed or scandalized or “aroused” over what you tell him anymore than a medical doctor or psychologist would.

Good point - although there are definitely some, ahem, intimate issues that I’d MUCH rather discuss with a female physician over a man. For example, if I were having sexual dysfunction with an inability to climax, I would most likely seek the help of a woman doctor over a male. I just don’t think I could speak to a man in that capacity. It would be so improper and uncomfortable.

 

[nicolep]

As others have said, there is no reason to get into details. Stating the facts and only the facts shouldn’t cause a bit of scandal to the priest.

 

[chaldobyzantine]

Very true that there is no need to go into details. Latin rite Catholics have it a bit easier than Eastern Christians… We have to be face to face with the priests we confess to, albeit under his stole/epitrachelion. Though I think that some Latin rite parishes also have fact-to-face confession. In my opinion, if you and the priest know openly each other, he would give you better advice that is more specific (sometimes more blunt) just as any good parent would.

Though that’s just my 2cents

 

[AnneTeresa]

Ok, i understand not going into details about sexual sins in confession. But what if you have questions about what is considered to be sin in that area and need to ask someone?

As a female, I think it is awful to have to ask a priest (so I don’t) but honestly sometimes I have specific questions about specific activities. What should you do in that case–and if you don’t have a close female catholic friend to ask? Hope it’s ok to ask here instead of starting a new thread. I always wondered what women do about this–I’m sure I’m not the first person to have these kinds of questions.

P.S. Also if the priest is very new, it IS possible he hasn’t heard everything yet!

 

[minkymurph]

Ok, i understand not going into details about sexual sins in confession. But what if you have questions about what is considered to be sin in that area and need to ask someone?

As a female, I think it is awful to have to ask a priest (so I don’t) but honestly sometimes I have specific questions about specific activities. What should you do in that case–and if you don’t have a close female catholic friend to ask? Hope it’s ok to ask here instead of starting a new thread. I always wondered what women do about this–I’m sure I’m not the first person to have these kinds of questions.

P.S. Also if the priest is very new, it IS possible he hasn’t heard everything yet!

My answer to this is, this is the importance of Catholic Education. When sex education is well taught in school, and parents have a close an open relationship with their children, healthy and informed attitudes to sex develop. School can be a great place to deal with all those questions you never dared to ask if you have a good educator who creates the appropriate learning environment, and it’s very important the teacher is comfortable with it.

As a student RE teacher, one module I am currently studying is moral education. This includes sex education and I can tell you that while there’s a serious side to it, we’ve had some laugh’s in the class! I also had to teach some risky topics to teenagers. One of things my lecturer told us that if want complete silence from a group of noisy, unruly 14 year olds, say the word ‘vagina’ very loudly!

 

[AnneTeresa]

My answer to this is, this is the importance of Catholic Education. When sex education is well taught in school, and parents have a close an open relationship with their children, healthy and informed attitudes to sex develop. School can be a great place to deal with all those questions you never dared to ask if you have a good educator who creates the appropriate learning environment, and it’s very important the teacher is comfortable with it.

As a student RE teacher, one module I am currently studying is moral education.

Thanks for your reply. For those who are past the age of catholic education (way past ) and who didn’t get this training, what would the answer be? Are there some religious ed or other materials that go into detail on these things?

 

[minkymurph]

I don’t know of any material for those past the age of education that will give a direct answer. What there is out there is written material that outlines the principles behind Church teaching on sexuality. I’m currently reading one by Christopher West on the theology of the body. You can read some of it on-line on google books. These principles help us make moral decisions in an ever changing world.

 

[JimG]

Catholic Sexual Ethics, by Lawler and May, might be of interest.

 

[losh14]

Do you think that there is anything that might be inappropriate for a woman to “confess” to a priest?

No more inappropriate than for a man to confess to a priest with same-sex attraction. I can see how it might feel uncomfortable. Seek out a counselor in your parish who may help you with the emotional aspects of it - confession to a priest is still warranted but you can hash out the deeper points with a counselor.

For example, let’s say that a woman has pleasured herself. Would it not be extraordinarily inappropriate and possibly scandalous to engage …

Don’t let it get inappropriate. “Father, I masturbated. I used devices to help. I thought of someone I’m not married to.” Leave it at that - enough to have an adequate Penance, ie “Avoid occasion of sin, stop having any involvement with this other man, and get rid of the devices. Spend time in prayer and with Scripture, and make a special effort to spend time with your husband to let your heart fully approach him, and not yourself, your sense of pleasure or another man.”

of “sexual impurity” or “unchastity” so as not to cause scandal to Father

That might do it. I wouldn’t call it an uncomfortable moment, though, unless you were actually trying to seduce him. They develop an immunity to this sort of thing, so I’ve been told.

“I don’t think I could look Father O’Brien in the face after telling him how many times I’d used my vibrator in the last year!”

Okay, two things. One, shame is good - it keeps us from enjoying sin, even if it doesn’t keep us from sinning. Shame is a message from your conscience and should be listened to, and shame goes away when you stop doing it. Two, Confession can be in private for a reason, and even when it is face to face the priest takes on the role of counselor as well, and counselors don’t look down on the people they’re trying to heal.

And humiliation before a priest is a very good reason to avoid such sins, but might there be some things better left vague for everyone’s benefit?

That’s not the point of confession - it may be a desired result, but I think what’s stronger is that when you confess with the aide of another human being you know you’re being honest, or at least having a harder time lying or justifying. It’s one thing to kneel and pray and let it creep into your mind that “yeah, it’s just a habit, and I only do it when my husband isn’t paying attention to me, so it’s not really wrong”, but another to tell another human being and before God, “I did this. This is my sin and I don’t want it anymore.”

but maybe it’s not quite the same when he’s listening to a college-age girl discuss topics like masturbation and her impure sexual fantasies?

I think if it got inappropriate he’d tell her to cut back on the details. If one relishes in one’s sin, one isn’t truly contrite.

 

[Soldier_Of_God]

Admittedly, I’ve have difficulty in times past in confessing some sins due to embarassment or otherwise. The objective is to remember that the sacrament of Reconciliation is about uniting ourselves with God. We receive God’s pardon and the priest is a conduit (acting in the person of Christ) in which this pardon is received. The priest imparts absolution to the sins that are confessed.

Going into inordinate details on the is not required and probably should be discouraged as it can indicate being vainglorious in a respect. The goal to confess and reconcile with God.

 

[Spirithound]

Okay-my question for Spirithound is that when I used to be impure with myself, I mentioned that in confessional. Even used objects yet didn’t mention that, too-didn’t know I was supposed to also mention that, too. Now I feel bad-haven’t slipped-up in a long while and at least overcame that problem yet based on what you have written, I was supposed to mention more than being impure or self-abuse but what was used-I am afraid that maybe my confession wasn’t valid-I always go to the same confessor so what should I do-go back and mention all that and include using the object? I am ashamed of what I’ve done and acting out impurely and hoped that I done my confession correctly. I am feeling a little troubled-thanks for any advice and (name removed by moderator)ut-
PS-I like your bunny rabbit.

Hi Laura, I’m sorry I took so long to get back to you; I’ve been away for the weekend.
First, God bless you for renewing your commitment to chastity! It is truly wonderful when God gives us the grace to overcome our faults. Your confession was valid because you did not willfully hold back that information, since you did not know you were supposed to confess it. I agree with another poster who said that using an object to masturbate does not change the essence of the act, however my concern is that this sort of object is only intended for one kind of use, and that is to sin. Buying the object is then at least a near occasion of sin. (I am willing to be corrected in any of this!).

You do not need to repeat your entire confession, but I would highly recommend confessing using an object to masturbate. Mention that it has to do with a previous confession, and he will guide you on that.

Peace