Increase of faith

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halfamustardseed

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This probably isnt the right place for this question, so I’m sorry if I messed this up. I just made an account now to ask it.

I grew up in a non-religious house with a slight Protestant lean, but religious studies has always been a passion of mine. I was also born with severe anxiety and depression - apparently the early age they developed at is a bit unusual - and hobbies, religious studies included, have helped take the edge off. So it wasn’t weird for me to read from the six or seven bibles I owned at home! Christianity was always my favorite.

I don’t think I’ve ever understood what the “right reasons” for becoming a Christian are. I’ve gone from wanting something to help me with my condition (on top of the meds!), to wanting a stable basis to raise a family on, to wanting some form of community. That this form of Christianity would be Catholic has always been a given for me. It’s obvious that the main point of conversion is, and should be, because of faith in Christ and the tenets expressed in the Apostles’ Creed. Which is sort of where my problem is.

I want to believe all this. I really do. I love everything about the history, tradition, liturgy, art, etc of the Church. I love the idea of Christ and the faith of the early Christians who faced down enormous persecution in defense of that faith. I just don’t know if I believe it myself. Trust me, I’ve tried to. Even prayed to a God I’m not sure I believe in for faith, because I’ve heard it’s a gift of grace. But I still have this doubt, like a kid on the edge of thinking Santa might not be real, and I can’t very well go to church and lie when I say the Creed or anything else.

I guess I’m asking for advice on what to do because this is really bothering me. Where does faith come from? How do I get it? If anything is true, then this is true, but I want to be able to profess faith and not be fibbing. I’m sorry if this is long or has offended anyone and I hope you see that I’m being geniune and not a lame internet atheist. Thank you so much for reading this far.
 
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Ill bump this thread up so that someone may answer hms 🙂
I will remember you in my prayers,God bless.
 
Don’t know how much help this is, but I found that embracing religion grew my faith much more than focusing primarily on my faith did.
 
If you read the gospels, say the Gospel according to St John, and look at what Jesus is saying and consider that He was telling the truth that may help. But read slowly, considering His words as well as you are able. Faith grows you see, little by little.

I’d also recommend reading about the lives of saints, especially modern saints, St Pio, St Therese of Lisieux, St John Vianney, St Kolbe, St. Faustina and others. Reading about these saints should help supplement what you have read in the Gospels. Remember these were people like you in many ways, perhaps some more than others but still like you.

Speaking with your priest regularly about any questions you may have will help too. Asking difficult questions, the ones that you’d really like to ask but are afraid to, the Truth is not to be hidden from anyone, you are entitled to it by your humanity alone.

As for me, I can tell you that my hopes about God have been surpassed. He is real, our prayers are constantly heard, don’t doubt that and use your prayers to commune with God. And while your faith grows ask Him who is sublimely benevolent to aid your efforts and give wings to your holy aspirations.
God bless and guide you on your journey.
🙏
 
btw I love the username, @halfamustardseed
 
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Go to confession and feel the difference of telling someone who can’t repeat your sins the things you’ve done wrong. Let’s say it’s more than a pick-me-up because nobody ever forgives us and we can be our own worst critics. Give it a try because maybe there will be something spiritual to follow.
 
Thanks very much for your replies (and any prayers!) I admittedly haven’t read the Gospel of John as many times as the others, I’ll do that tonight. It would definitely be helpful to see if there have been any saints that struggled with faith and how they overcame it, or any who came from a non-Christian background. It would be so much easier if I could have a vision or something, like many of the saints!

I haven’t been to church in a while. To be honest, I’ve been too ashamed to go. I’ve been in RCIA twice and both times I dropped out because I was afraid to go to my Confirmation and feel like I’m lying to the bishop because I don’t believe enough. I would go to Adoration and ask quietly for help, would pray the rosary hoping that if I did it enough my intentions would evolve into certainty (the rosary did comfort me a great deal though), but I could never get past the possibility that Jesus was just a really good rabbi and was maybe misrepresented in the gospels, or that the apostles misunderstood him, or that he had a lot of great ideas with the one quirk that he thought he was God. I know these thoughts are blasphemous and horrible and I want to be certain they’re not true, but I can’t shake it. I had my first and only confession during RCIA Round 2 and it didn’t make me feel better because I thought maybe it didn’t mean anything. The confession didn’t make me feel bad, my own doubt did. If I went back to that church, it would be a little embarrassing.

I’ll pray. If everything is as real as I want it to be then there are an army of saints and angels who I hope will pray for me if I ask them to. It would mean someone is listening and hopefully will help me. It feels so insurmountable, though.
 
Thanks! I actually dove into the Bible for a good username, and found this pretty accurate.
 
Have you heard of St Pio, or Padre Pio as he is sometimes known? Pray asking St Pio to intercede with the Lord for you for an increase in faith.

God is real. Jesus is real. The Catholic faith is really true. Knock, search, seek and you WILL find.

Keep going to Eucharistic Adoration also. You must really aim to spend an hour at a time. Persevere. Jesus Will reveal Himself to you.

God bless you.
 
I’ll do that, and see if I can find a good biography of him too. I’ve heard a little about the kind of person he was and his experiences with the stigmata and he seems likeable and interesting. I love reading, so I’ll make a note to add more biographies of saints to my must-read list.

EDIT: Because I’m an impulse buyer, Padre Pio: Man of Hope is already on the way!
 
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Think about this: If Jesus was really just a good Rabbi, then when He was crucified He would not have risen from the dead.

The majority of the apostles died painful deaths rather than renounce their faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. They would not have done so if they had not seen him risen from the dead, and then they were filled with the Holy Spirit at Pentecost.

Perhaps speaking to a priest about your doubts would help?

I would suggest you keep saying the Rosary!

I will pray for you also.
 
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