Incredibly annoyed

[Lea101]

I’m beginning to get really annoyed at ‘needing’ to dress well + put on makeup in order to go to school or church. I know it’s not a sin, and grooming is fine.

But it is annoying because I want to be like the other girls in my class/etc that maybe put on a lipstick and leave. Even when I wear casual clothes, it has to be “cute casual”.

It’s annoying because I cannot just stop. I don’t have the luxury to not care, if it makes sense. (I’ve said this before many times here, that like it or not, physical beauty is important, even to good men. And I look like a nightmare even after dressing up nicely+makeup, so you can only imagine what I look like without it)

It’s annoying that I find myself annoying-i wish I am not whining to a bunch of strangers online CONSTANTLY.

I felt this way since I was 5 or 6 I believe. And it sucks. I’m not depressed or anything. My mental health is fine. It’s just that I cannot seem to ignore/forget about the cold hard truths.

I know God doesn’t care about this, but it still doesn’t change everything.

I guess my question is:

Why do you think God make some people ugly and some people gorgeous? Physically, not inner beauty. (Don’t give me the “everyone is beautiful/god thinks we are all beautiful” nonsense, that stuff was made up by attractive people to comfort us uglies )

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

I’m a bloke, but here goes.

You don’t want to hear about inner beauty, but perhaps it is good to.

I hope you will find reason to be proud of yourself, more than some people have perhaps been saying to you. Some younger folks have sadly had to put up with lots of put-downs.

Speaking for myself I have always liked a lady that had slight to moderate makeup with a sparkling personality, and perhaps simple though interesting style, than a stiff cold “conventional beauty”, calculated to “impress”. (There are those types of lady who are in between of course.)

Anyway it’s the personality that gets through to me. A person with poise and charm carries even simple clothes in an interesting way.

 

[Isca]

We’re all influenced by our female role-models. My dear mum wore no make-up, didn’t colour her grey hair, wore lace-up low-heeled shoes and knitted her own cardigans.

Apart from the knitting skills (which I didn’t inherit), I’m just like her. I haven’t worn make-up since I was 15, my hair’s been grey since my 30s, I favour jeans and tee-shirts. I’m now 58 and I reckon this will always be my way. My only concession to ‘vanity’ (but mostly for health reasons) is that I’ve lost a lot of weight in the last 10 years, as I was the fat woman in the room for all my young life.

As for looking like a nightmare - I’m pretty sure you don’t. If your hair is cut well and clean and your clothes are pressed, that’s more than half-way there to a presentable appearance. Develop your own style and have confidence in it. Decide what clothes make YOU feel happy, and wear them.

Smiling and being interested in what other people have to say will always be more important than make-up and “cute” clothes.

 

[Sarcelle]

I’m beginning to get really annoyed at ‘needing’ to dress well + put on makeup in order to go to school or church. I know it’s not a sin, and grooming is fine.

But it is annoying because I want to be like the other girls in my class/etc that maybe put on a lipstick and leave. Even when I wear casual clothes, it has to be “cute casual”.

It’s annoying because I cannot just stop. I don’t have the luxury to not care, if it makes sense. (I’ve said this before many times here, that like it or not, physical beauty is important, even to good men. And I look like a nightmare even after dressing up nicely+makeup, so you can only imagine what I look like without it)

It’s annoying that I find myself annoying-i wish I am not whining to a bunch of strangers online CONSTANTLY.

I felt this way since I was 5 or 6 I believe. And it sucks. I’m not depressed or anything. My mental health is fine. It’s just that I cannot seem to ignore/forget about the cold hard truths.

I know God doesn’t care about this, but it still doesn’t change everything.

I guess my question is:

Why do you think God make some people ugly and some people gorgeous? Physically, not inner beauty. (Don’t give me the “everyone is beautiful/god thinks we are all beautiful” nonsense, that stuff was made up by attractive people to comfort us uglies )

Sigh.

It is what it is.

We women will always be chiefly defined by physical beauty or lack of it.

Men will say that beauty is only part of the package and they look for other qualities but’s let’s face it is the quality that decides whether a particular woman is worthy enough to be considered a potential wife. If a woman may be the embodiment of all the virtues and be a saint on earth but if she does not have beauty than she might as well be invisible to men.

Beauty however is in the eye of the beholder and men are widely varied so I am sure there is a man out there who would think you absolutely stunning. Just pray that he finds you or vice versa.

 

[Allegra]

I have a different take on this. I don’t wear makeup or dye my hair though I do like to wear a pretty dress every now and again. I don’t think most men care about cosmetics and clothing and hair product. I think they look for a particular degree of confidence and approachability. Many men are interested women who they perceive as straightforward and confident. Some men are looking for a less confident needier woman. A woman’s sense of style does influence the perception but it’s less about her hair and earrings and more about her comportment and her face and speech. A genuine, kind smile will make you far more beautiful than a certain product or dress. I’ve often thought that women who put on trowels of cosmetics are actually trying to impress or be accepted by other females more than a male.

 

[John_Lazarus]

Sigh.

It is what it is.

We women will always be chiefly defined by physical beauty or lack of it.

Men will say that beauty is only part of the package and they look for other qualities but’s let’s face it is the quality that decides whether a particular woman is worthy enough to be considered a potential wife. If a woman may be the embodiment of all the virtues and be a saint on earth but if she does not have beauty than she might as well be invisible to men.

Beauty however is in the eye of the beholder and men are widely varied so I am sure there is a man out there who would think you absolutely stunning. Just pray that he finds you or vice versa.

I don’t think you mean to, but you’re kind of selling men short here. We’re not all dogs who want botoxed-boobjobbed-bleachblondes and who kick 'em to the curb at the first sign of a wrinkle.

Beauty is just packaging – it may attract initial attention, but it is not enough to keep it, if there is no personality, virtue, humour, etc to go with it.

It is far easier to love a woman – or any person, for that matter – who is “ugly” on the outside and beautiful on the inside, than vice-versa.

 

[Lea101]

I don’t think you mean to, but you’re kind of selling men short here. We’re not all dogs who want botoxed-boobjobbed-bleachblondes and who kick 'em to the curb at the first sign of a wrinkle.

Beauty is just packaging – it may attract initial attention, but it is not enough to keep it, if there is no personality, virtue, humour, etc to go with it.

It is far easier to love a woman – or any person, for that matter – who is “ugly” on the outside and beautiful on the inside, than vice-versa.

I agree with you, but c’mon (and nobody is saying that pretty=fake bimbo, it could be someone who has natural beauty). If you see an attractive woman (with an ugly personality, but you don’t know it yet) and an ugly woman (with an amazing personality, but you don’t know it yet), who are you going to approach/be attracted to? And after you find out the woman is terrible, you move onto the next woman you find pretty. Ugly woman (and men) are usually the last resort. Or they would only find someone after being friends with the guy after a long while.

The key point is that beauty is not what makes a man STAY, yes, but beauty is the quality that makes men (and women) to go up to them, if that makes sense

I will acknowledge the fact that beauty is subjective (although people say I’m objectively ugly )

 

[LethalMouse]

As a guy, I can say man or woman we look for different things. Physical appearance is a factor but a bigger one is shared ideals in some ways.

I see grooming as a level a give-a-hoot and effort. I make much efforts not to be poorly imaged not just to be physically attractive but to show that I am capable of making an effort. I can see where people descend when they stop caring… the sloppily groomed all too often are the ones who poo all over the toilet seat and drop food all over etc… the ones who don’t make efforts in their jobs, the ones who are unhealthy etc.

On the flip side we can take this issue to a insane level…

My job, my finances and lifestyle don’t support me walking around in a suit 24/7 so I do what I can with what I have.

It may be “unfair” with natural blessings… I am fir example fairly decent looking per numerous infornational (name removed by moderator)uts both the scientific golden ratio and my ability to attract fairly attractive women. However I am also no Brad Pitt…

I have had friends who could attract the caliber or “better”. When I need 5 well spoken sentences to get a date they got chased down by those kinds of women… for a while I thought I was ugly until I left my bubble of “more attractive people” and discovered things more objectively. Basically Jennifer Anniston is never going to run down the street and beg me for a date. such is life…

So I would see here you suffer from 1 of 2 or a combo of both issues.

1. You have issues with your image beyond your ability to cope. If you are no Jennifer Anniston than so be it. Work with what you got and move on.
2. You don’t wnat to put in the effort… the other image that grooming gives. Or you misguidedly have not mastered a blend between effort and reasonable. Maybe you can still dress nicely and groom with an easier method? I am not an expert at female makeup but I have known woman who get rather made up regularly like an ex gf who wore near full makeup daily and could get it done in under 30 mins in the morning…

On a side note, i know that physical shape is like the ultimate no no topic these days, but the only reason I am not a bodily Adonis is slothful gluttony and idc what anyone says the same is true for us all 90+ % of the time.

And tbh being fit and healthy is worth more than makeup both in attractiveness and showing that you are willing to execute self control and efforts in life… we can make all the excuses in the world but for everyone who has a bad right knee like I do there is a man with no legs doing some form of Olympic games…

So basically eat healthy, excersise and you would feel fantastic, you would be healthy, and as a side note you will be attractive to a high degree especially in a society of obesity… you would outshine the prettier girl who loves doughnuts…

 

[Lea101]

As a guy, I can say man or woman we look for different things. Physical appearance is a factor but a bigger one is shared ideals in some ways.

1. You don’t wnat to put in the effort… the other image that grooming gives. Or you misguidedly have not mastered a blend between effort and reasonable. Maybe you can still dress nicely and groom with an easier method? I am not an expert at female makeup but I have known woman who get rather made up regularly like an ex gf who wore near full makeup daily and could get it done in under 30 mins in the morning…

On a side note, i know that physical shape is like the ultimate no no topic these days, but the only reason I am not a bodily Adonis is slothful gluttony and idc what anyone says the same is true for us all 90+ % of the time.

And tbh being fit and healthy is worth more than makeup both in attractiveness and showing that you are willing to execute self control and efforts in life… we can make all the excuses in the world but for everyone who has a bad right knee like I do there is a man with no legs doing some form of Olympic games…

So basically eat healthy, excersise and you would feel fantastic, you would be healthy, and as a side note you will be attractive to a high degree especially in a society of obesity… you would outshine the prettier girl who loves doughnuts…

I can get ready under 30 mins, it’s not the time, but the amount of money I spend worrying about whether I need to touch up or not, avoiding eye contact with people, avoiding anyone with a camera pointed at me, making up excuses to avoid games (netball, soccer etc with my classmates, worrying about how much I eat, etc etc. Plus makeup is temporary. I don’t plan on waking up extra early to put a little makeup on before my future spouse wakes up you know

I don’t want to be THAT girl, ya feel? I don’t want to be this vain, I don’t want to be that girl whining about it. But it’s not like I have anyone in my life I can whine about life to, so y’all gotta deal with me

 

[LethalMouse]

I can get ready under 30 mins, it’s not the time, but the amount of money I spend worrying about whether I need to touch up or not, avoiding eye contact with people, avoiding anyone with a camera pointed at me, making up excuses to avoid games (netball, soccer etc with my classmates, worrying about how much I eat, etc etc. Plus makeup is temporary. I don’t plan on waking up extra early to put a little makeup on before my future spouse wakes up you know

I don’t want to be THAT girl, ya feel? I don’t want to be this vain, I don’t want to be that girl whining about it. But it’s not like I have anyone in my life I can whine about life to, so y’all gotta deal with me

Okay, well… finding someone you fear waking up next to is basically the definition of having a grander issue beyond the scope… I would suggest finding a preist or therapist to talk to on that.

Besides, we guys absolutely think girls are adorable as heck when you first wake up

I once… errr… “dated” the we’ll say scientifically the ugliest girl I ever dated, so much so that a later girl saw her when we were out and simply said “really? I can’t believe you were able to do that”…

Anyway she still looked cute as heck in the morning despite being otherwise well below my usual threshold lol.

So don’t worry about that

But seriously this is beyond even normal vanity, this is self esteem issues and you can say “no it is not” but we can not undo truth no matter how much we protest it

 

[Allegra]

I agree with you, but c’mon (and nobody is saying that pretty=fake bimbo, it could be someone who has natural beauty). If you see an attractive woman (with an ugly personality, but you don’t know it yet) and an ugly woman (with an amazing personality, but you don’t know it yet), who are you going to approach/be attracted to? And after you find out the woman is terrible, you move onto the next woman you find pretty. Ugly woman (and men) are usually the last resort. Or they would only find someone after being friends with the guy after a long while.

The key point is that beauty is not what makes a man STAY, yes, but beauty is the quality that makes men (and women) to go up to them, if that makes sense

I will acknowledge the fact that beauty is subjective (although people say I’m objectively ugly )

You speak as though people choose their spouses from random people on the street. Most people meet their spouse through regular human interaction. (Through a friend, in a club, at work, at a Church group, in their bowling league) Even less attractive people have an opportunity to meet and get to know others in real life.

 

[Sarcelle]

I don’t think you mean to, but you’re kind of selling men short here. We’re not all dogs who want botoxed-boobjobbed-bleachblondes and who kick 'em to the curb at the first sign of a wrinkle.

Beauty is just packaging – it may attract initial attention, but it is not enough to keep it, if there is no personality, virtue, humour, etc to go with it.

It is far easier to love a woman – or any person, for that matter – who is “ugly” on the outside and beautiful on the inside, than vice-versa.

Most men I know do not want botoxed bleached blondes, however a woman’s physical attractiveness is what triggers the initial approach. Can’t know a person’s good qualities without approaching them first.

 

[LethalMouse]

**Most men I know do not want botoxed bleached blondes, **however a woman’s physical attractiveness is what triggers the initial approach. Can’t know a person’s good qualities without approaching them first.

Very true, and this is the problem for young women.

They get 2 possible (name removed by moderator)uts from the new ideals that beauty is a sham:

1. Anyone who has standards wants a fake plastic barbie
2. They see 400 pounders talking about how real men like curves

The truth in the nature of truth lies somewhere in between. Men do like some curves… but round blob IS NOT curves, sorry.

I have dabbled in some shallowness but holy heck, we are not talking plastic surgery bimbos.

On top of that there are few men who want anorexic, it is so annoying hearing the clinically obese say “you want them too skinny girls”

WHAT?? She is medically 15 lbs overweight!! How the heck is that equating to anorexic??? Oh because people want to make excuses and pretend unfair standards are at play and not a love of doughnuts and couch sitting… ugh.

These physical weight aspects boil down to BE HEALTHY AND FIT for the sake of BEING HEALTHY AND FIT. Dont get hung up on ideals of the fat who say you are “fit and healthy” when you are freaking obese…

And furthermore don’t chase the smallest dang models image… in fact since the old cameras stopped adding 10lbs the old image of a super skinny model is not hot…(and even then it was questionable)

Same with makeup and such, just make yourself look good to you in the mirror and press on BUT DO NOT stop living life to keep yourself “just so” you’d be surprised at how odd you could come off to the very guys you’d be interested in when you are acting “off”…

Honestly I know looks matter, but if you are THIS disturbed by things idc how good you THINK you are at hiding it, it shines thru as something negative. You might be surprised at how that negative could impact your guy attention more than your percieved looks issues…

 

[Sarcelle]

I’ve been to Korea where getting plastic surgery is now becoming commonplace. In fact 3 out of 4 girls I know in Korea have had plastic surgery as soon as they graduate from high school. The pressure to look good is immense.

 

[LethalMouse]

I’ve been to Korea where getting plastic surgery is now becoming commonplace. In fact 3 out of 4 girls I know in Korea have had plastic surgery as soon as they graduate from high school. The pressure to look good is immense.

Glad I am not Korean lol

 

[Lea101]

I’ve been to Korea where getting plastic surgery is now becoming commonplace. In fact 3 out of 4 girls I know in Korea have had plastic surgery as soon as they graduate from high school. The pressure to look good is immense.

It’s ridiculous. And over here, some girls are influenced by Kpop. I have a friend who’s afraid of the sun because she doesn’t want to become “black and ugly” …as someone with dark skin, I think I deserved to be praised for not slapping her. It took all the self control I have

 

[Crown_of_Stars]

It’s ridiculous. And over here, some girls are influenced by Kpop. I have a friend who’s afraid of the sun because she doesn’t want to become “black and ugly” …as someone with dark skin, I think I deserved to be praised for not slapping her. It took all the self control I have

I’ve never understood people who don’t love dark skin. I think it’s gorgeous, and I will sound a bit braggy here, but my complexion is what you would call a deep golden olive. I’m Indian/ Italian. To be honest, I don’t think fair skin is very pretty. Not the pinkish kind that looks too white. Dark skin is beautiful. I think probably most people do think at least more of a gold olive is prettier than fair pinkish white. I know talking about skin color, though, is very sensitive these days, so I hope I haven’t offended anyone.( Just jumping into the conversation, because it is something I relate to. Black girls (or women) or African American, if that’s what I should say, are lovely.

 

[Allegra]

I’ve never understood people who don’t love dark skin. I think it’s gorgeous, and I will sound a bit braggy here, but my complexion is what you would call a deep golden olive. I’m Indian/ Italian. To be honest, I don’t think fair skin is very pretty. Not the pinkish kind that looks too white. Dark skin is beautiful. I think probably most people do think at least more of a gold olive is prettier than fair pinkish white. I know talking about skin color, though, is very sensitive these days, so I hope I haven’t offended anyone.( Just jumping into the conversation, because it is something I relate to. Black girls (or women) or African American, if that’s what I should say, are lovely.

I think fair skin can be very pretty too, but there is a definite benefit to having darker skin in that it provides extra protection from the sun and darker-tone skin tends to age better. There’s truth to the saying, “Black don’t crack”.

 

[Sarcelle]

I’ve never understood people who don’t love dark skin. I think it’s gorgeous, and I will sound a bit braggy here, but my complexion is what you would call a deep golden olive. I’m Indian/ Italian. To be honest, I don’t think fair skin is very pretty. Not the pinkish kind that looks too white. Dark skin is beautiful. I think probably most people do think at least more of a gold olive is prettier than fair pinkish white. I know talking about skin color, though, is very sensitive these days, so I hope I haven’t offended anyone.( Just jumping into the conversation, because it is something I relate to. Black girls (or women) or African American, if that’s what I should say, are lovely.

I think there is beauty in the diversity of skin tones.

I used to be quite self-conscious of my freckles but now they don’t bother me. In Asia, skin bleaching products are very popular. I think it connotes a higher social class if one has fair skin as it says they don’t have to toil outside the rice fields for a living.

Me, I admire and respect those who toil outside the rice fields for a living. They keep the country fed.

 

[Lea101]

I think there is beauty in the diversity of skin tones.

I used to be quite self-conscious of my freckles but now they don’t bother me. In Asia, skin bleaching products are very popular. I think it connotes a higher social class if one has fair skin as it says they don’t have to toil outside the rice fields for a living.

Me, I admire and respect those who toil outside the rice fields for a living. They keep the country fed.

Agreed.

Freckles are cute!

I don’t get it when people don’t like certain colours of their skin. There are so many beautiful people of different colours. I’m not white (i have “caramel” skin, i guess) I may be insecure, but the colour of my skin is the last thing I am ashamed about!