Indifferent to my father?

[LethalMouse]

It’s definitely not unheard of for that to happen. One of my uncles was treated very cruely and sometimes violently by my grandmother. She treated everyone else very well, and one other sibling in particular was her little prince.

The family always chalked it up to her alcoholism. Regardless, the scapegoat still suffers terribly from it and has a very hard time being around his siblings, even though they all acknowledge it and try very hard to make him feel loved.

Two siblings can without question receive very different, lifelong treatment from their parents. One sibling’s experience does not negate the other’s. And your family’s dynamic cannot be extrapolated to all of humanity.

I did say 9/10 not 10/10…come on now you know I said something sensible amid that which is disliked

And again I refer to the difference between one or more getting “better treatment” vs getting straight up “abused” and your Uncle is a sad case, and also infused alcoholism…I don’t have such info on this case or that would lean me to start thinking along such lines. I comment only on the available information! which still includes my ability to be wrong hence my 9/10 comment

<3’s

 

[mommy_k]

f you don’t want to, then don’t text him. You can forgive from afar. No need to put yourself in a position of continued abuse if this is what it is-- Makes it harder to forgive imho.

But if you want to have a reationship-you have to lower your expectaions from him and be cordial. It’s not your fault he treats u this way, it’s his.

 

[Sarcelle]

The things that stand out to me is your sister doesn’t seem to have this issue, and that you self decribed as particularly sensitive. Was he really that bad? Is he really that bad?

When I have seen 3 brothers with the same parents I would like to give as an example. The oldest could do no wrong, and was always well over the other two, he remembers his childhood as horrible and wroght with near abuse. The middle says they grew up fine and normal loving home despite his tendancy to remember the woes of middle child syndrome. The youngest was the worst behaved who remembers a slightly more negative experience than the middle but mostly based on the general idea that he was messing up all the time and his future was called into question and says the oldest’s account is false. So which is true? Why do 2 children think great of the parents and one horrible?

As a note of knowing the parents and the children I give no stock to the oldest’s rendition. And the oldest is the “worst” person in adulthood.

It is possible for parents to play favorites. It is more common than you think. So yes, it is possible for kids to have totally different experiences of their parents while growing up.

I knew someone who was designated scapegoat of the family. Whenever his parents had problems in their marriage they would target him, with verbal abuse and sometimes physical abuse. Everyone in my neighborhood knew what was going on but they looked the other way. He wasn’t given Christmas presents growing up but they gave his younger siblings everything they asked for.

If you asked him his experiences growing up it would be totally different than that of his siblings.