Infant Baptism - out of wedlock

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My wife and I were asked to be godparents for an infant baptism of a relative. Both parents of baby are Catholic, living together, but not married. Baby was born out of wedlock.

Question - Do we support the baptism by going and standing up for the baby even though we do not condone the actions of the parents?

May seem like a strange question but we want to support the innocent baby but by doing so does it tell the parents we also support their lifestyle of living together unwed.

Advice is appreciated
 
“Insofar as possible, one to be baptized is to be given a sponsor who is to assist an adult in Christian initiation, or, together with the parents, to present an infant at the baptism, and who will help the baptized to lead a Christian life in harmony with baptism, and to fulfill faithfully the obligations connected with it” Code of Canon Law No. 872.

Your job would be to assist the parents in raising the child in the faith. I don’t know how you could control or know with certainty how your choice to sponsor or not sponsor will be interpreted by the parents or how they will be inspired to act.
 
at least they are taking the step to get the baby baptized. they must admire you to ask you to be godparents.
 
If this is their first baby, the new parents are undoubtedly thinking about the world, life, work, family, death and spirituality in a whole new way.

I know meeting our first and only child for the first time was a mind blowing, almost spiritual experience. I was totally unprepared for the emotion and the thoughts that flooded my mind in the first few months. I was seeing everything in a different way, my husband also went through a similar experience.

You in your role as godmother and this precious baby may be the conduit that brings them back wholly into the Church.

I’m guessing the Priest conducting the Baptism knows they are unmarried?

I won’t encourage you either way. I will suggest you speak about your reservations to the Priest conducting the Baptism before you make up your mind.
 
MTKM said:
My wife and I were asked to be godparents for an infant baptism of a relative. Both parents of baby are Catholic, living together, but not married. Baby was born out of wedlock.

Question - Do we support the baptism by going and standing up for the baby even though we do not condone the actions of the parents?

May seem like a strange question but we want to support the innocent baby but by doing so does it tell the parents we also support their lifestyle of living together unwed.

Advice is appreciated
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The decision to baptise the baby rests with the priest who has the cura animarum for these souls: the father, the mother, and the baby. The baptism of a child is about the child who is receiving this sacrament and thereby being incorporated into the Church. That is where the focus properly belongs.

The ultimate question for the priest is: does he have a founded hope that the child will be raised in the Faith? Apparently, he has found reason for a founded hope, however non-ideal the situation of the parents may be.

The question for the godparents is: will you be faithful to the commitment you would freely make before God and His Church to help the child to grow up in the Faith. This is the question you will be asked at the beginning of the rite: “Are you ready to help the parents of this child in their duty as Christian parents?” It is an important responsibility. Please understand that this is not, therefore, a matter of “standing up for the baby” at a ceremony. This is, rather, a lifetime commitment for you and your wife to this child.

If you cannot actually take up the duty of a godparent, then you should decline so that two people who can fulfill this role may do so.
 
SAVINGRACE said:
The Pope baptised a baby of an unmarried woman. The father of the baby was in fact married to another woman.

I believe he was sending the message that the child should not be denied baptism due to the parents sins.

dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2538097/Pope-Francis-baptises-baby-unmarried-couple-Sistine-Chapel-Baptism-Of-The-Lord-mass-Vatican.html
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The message His Holiness was sending was explicit and it was expressed in both word and deed. It is an urgent message. The life situation of the parents is not the determinant for a baby’s baptism.
 
Don_Ruggero said:
The decision to baptise the baby rests with the priest who has the cura animarum for these souls: the father, the mother, and the baby. The baptism of a child is about the child who is receiving this sacrament and thereby being incorporated into the Church. That is where the focus properly belongs.

The ultimate question for the priest is: does he have a founded hope that the child will be raised in the Faith? Apparently, he has found reason for a founded hope, however non-ideal the situation of the parents may be.

The question for the godparents is: will you be faithful to the commitment you would freely make before God and His Church to help the child to grow up in the Faith. This is the question you will be asked at the beginning of the rite: “Are you ready to help the parents of this child in their duty as Christian parents?” It is an important responsibility. Please understand that this is not, therefore, a matter of “standing up for the baby” at a ceremony. This is, rather, a lifetime commitment for you and your wife to this child.

If you cannot actually take up the duty of a godparent, then you should decline so that two people who can fulfill this role may do so.
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And perhaps to make too fine a point of it, it is not the duty of the godparents to start telling the couple they are living in sin, or that they are a horrible example to the child. The phrase that St Francis apparently did not say, but which appears to be very Franciscan is: Preach the Gospel. If necessary, use words.

It is fine to answer questions which are asked, and to do so with an honest but charitable answer. But it is the duty of the priest, not the godparents, or the neighbors, or the person sitting next to them in the pew, to tell them they are living in sin. And hopefully, that will be done with an abundance of charity; we already have way too many families who have been confronted on one matter or another, and have simply chosen to no longer darken the doors of the parish.

Which, if one thinks about it, leaves the godparents in a rather unenviable position.
 
otjm said:
Which, if one thinks about it, leaves the godparents in a rather unenviable position.
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This is, actually, the most critical point. In a sense, the godparents embody the Church for this child in a singular way since they pledge themselves to helping the child to grow and to live the faith.

Just as it is the parents duty to educate their child in the faith, the godparents commit themselves, before God and the Church regarding the child. They are to journey with the child that they have brought, together with the parents, to the baptismal font. They are embarking on a journey for life, precisely in what concerns the child’s growth in the faith and relationship with the Church – and there should be a role to play at every stage of the child’s life, well into adulthood.

It is a profoundly personal bond that is effected.
 
otjm said:
And perhaps to make too fine a point of it, it is not the duty of the godparents to start telling the couple they are living in sin, or that they are a horrible example to the child. The phrase that St Francis apparently did not say, but which appears to be very Franciscan is: Preach the Gospel. If necessary, use words.

It is fine to answer questions which are asked, and to do so with an honest but charitable answer. But it is the duty of the priest, not the godparents, or the neighbors, or the person sitting next to them in the pew, to tell them they are living in sin. And hopefully, that will be done with an abundance of charity; we already have way too many families who have been confronted on one matter or another, and have simply chosen to no longer darken the doors of the parish.

Which, if one thinks about it, leaves the godparents in a rather unenviable position.
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“Preach the Gospel, if necessary use words”, is NOT a Catholic teaching let alone blamed on poor St. Francis, who did lots of preaching using words, in his day! That goes against the spiritual work of Mercy, “admonish the sinner”. Being asked to be a God parent is a perfect time to explain to them that you take that responsibility VERY seriously and expect them as parents, to do the same. I made my brother promise to bring the baby to Mass before I agreed to be her godmother. I have several Godchildren whose parents did NOT live up to their promise and I pray for them every day. I never knew either of my Godparents as I grew up, but I found out later in life that they both prayed for me always. Fr. got them to stand up for me as my intended godparents couldn’t make it to the Church because of a storm. I met my God mother when I was 50 years old. Thru another priest who knew her. My God father had already died. I am sooo thankful for their prayers. I am sure they still pray for me from Heaven. I pray for them. God Bless, Memaw
 
They want their baby to be baptized! That is a very good sign.

They either have to get married or live as brother and sister. I think it is important for you to remind them that fornication is a grave sin and puts a soul in danger of eternal fire.
They need Holy Confession and a sacramental life.

I would say this: I would be the child’s godparent in that situation. God is at work in this situation. They have fallen away either from the Faith altogether or they have disregarded doctrine. This puts their eternal souls in danger. God can use you to bring them back and you can help see to it that their child is not taken captive by Satan. I was taken captive by Satan in part because my family fell away from the Faith. It is a terrible existence. God brought me back, but I was in mortal sin for about a decade of my life.

Let God use you. Make it clear to them that they have to either get Sacramentally married or they have to live as brother and sister. If they can not live as brother and sister, they MUST be married in the Church. Be clear to them on what the Church teaches and do not make any compromises. Their eternal souls are at stake. God loves them and that child. You are His servant and He loves you. He is with you.

1 Peter 4:10
Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.

Love their souls. Pray for the grace of conversion and try to convert them. Love their child, and have the eternity of the child in your heart at all times, whenever you think of them.
 
Memaw said:
“Preach the Gospel, if necessary use words”, is NOT a Catholic teaching let alone blamed on poor St. Francis, who did lots of preaching using words, in his day! That goes against the spiritual work of Mercy, “admonish the sinner”.
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One thing I have been in my life is a “people watcher”. Maybe it is just me, but I have seen so many instances of individuals who have felt an overwhelming need to “admonish the sinner”; and I have watched those being admonished. I watch eyes; and I could tell at just about the exact moment the “sinner” simply shut down and stopped listening.
I have also received many an earful from those sinners, who likened the one admonishing to “that stuck-up prig”; this being the most polite reference to the admonisher, and most of the references being unprintable in polite discourse.

I wouldn’t be at all surprised to find that the couple in question in the OP’s post may already have an inkling that they are not in a proper relationship with one another and with God.

I did not suggest, and never would, that if one were asked by the couple questions concerning their status, that one should be any less than honest, and deliver any answer in charity. My suggestion is that the OP not confront the couple.

And I will stand by that, as well as my comment about how one should “preach the Gospel”. Strangely, I have only heard the comment made by Catholics. Including not a few Catholic teachers.

And considering that Pope Francis has started us on the year of Mercy, I have a sneaking suspicion he might agree with my comment too.
 
MiserableSinner said:
They want their baby to be baptized! That is a very good sign.

They either have to get married or live as brother and sister. I think it is important for you to remind them that fornication is a grave sin and puts a soul in danger of eternal fire.
They need Holy Confession and a sacramental life.

I would say this: I would be the child’s godparent in that situation. God is at work in this situation. They have fallen away either from the Faith altogether or they have disregarded doctrine. This puts their eternal souls in danger. God can use you to bring them back and you can help see to it that their child is not taken captive by Satan. I was taken captive by Satan in part because my family fell away from the Faith. It is a terrible existence. God brought me back, but I was in mortal sin for about a decade of my life.

Let God use you. Make it clear to them that they have to either get Sacramentally married or they have to live as brother and sister. If they can not live as brother and sister, they MUST be married in the Church. Be clear to them on what the Church teaches and do not make any compromises. Their eternal souls are at stake. God loves them and that child. You are His servant and He loves you. He is with you.

1 Peter 4:10
Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.

Love their souls. Pray for the grace of conversion and try to convert them. Love their child, and have the eternity of the child in your heart at all times, whenever you think of them.
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And I think it is important that the OP stay out of what belongs to the pastor.
 
otjm said:
One thing I have been in my life is a “people watcher”. Maybe it is just me, but I have seen so many instances of individuals who have felt an overwhelming need to “admonish the sinner”; and I have watched those being admonished. I watch eyes; and I could tell at just about the exact moment the “sinner” simply shut down and stopped listening.
I have also received many an earful from those sinners, who likened the one admonishing to “that stuck-up prig”; this being the most polite reference to the admonisher, and most of the references being unprintable in polite discourse.

I wouldn’t be at all surprised to find that the couple in question in the OP’s post may already have an inkling that they are not in a proper relationship with one another and with God.

I did not suggest, and never would, that if one were asked by the couple questions concerning their status, that one should be any less than honest, and deliver any answer in charity. My suggestion is that the OP not confront the couple.

And I will stand by that, as well as my comment about how one should “preach the Gospel”. Strangely, I have only heard the comment made by Catholics. Including not a few Catholic teachers.

And considering that Pope Francis has started us on the year of Mercy, I have a sneaking suspicion he might agree with my comment too.
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There is a reason why a priest is called a physician of souls. It is not a title that is without meaning.

The priest who is doing this baptism is the pastor, the shepherd, of these souls – the father and the mother as well as the baby. No one else…not a priest who is commenting on this situation and certainly not a lay person…has the knowledge of the situation or of the people themselves as they are in this present moment. In fact, we do not know, nor should we know, what this pastor knows. He knows why he has discerned the “founded hope” mandated by canon law for proceeding with the baptism. He alone knows where this couple is in the process of regularising their union.

I, too, have seen the harm done by those who come in, like bulls in a china shop, destroying the work of grace that had been at work…sometimes for years. In eternity, these people will suddenly know and discover the incalculable harm they did by their purposeless intervention. May God have mercy upon their immortal souls.
 
otjm said:
One thing I have been in my life is a “people watcher”. Maybe it is just me, but I have seen so many instances of individuals who have felt an overwhelming need to “admonish the sinner”; and I have watched those being admonished. I watch eyes; and I could tell at just about the exact moment the “sinner” simply shut down and stopped listening.
I have also received many an earful from those sinners, who likened the one admonishing to “that stuck-up prig”; this being the most polite reference to the admonisher, and most of the references being unprintable in polite discourse.

I wouldn’t be at all surprised to find that the couple in question in the OP’s post may already have an inkling that they are not in a proper relationship with one another and with God.

I did not suggest, and never would, that if one were asked by the couple questions concerning their status, that one should be any less than honest, and deliver any answer in charity. My suggestion is that the OP not confront the couple.

And I will stand by that, as well as my comment about how one should “preach the Gospel”. Strangely, I have only heard the comment made by Catholics. Including not a few Catholic teachers.

And considering that Pope Francis has started us on the year of Mercy, I have a sneaking suspicion he might agree with my comment too.
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👍 I agree. If the Pope can baptise a child at the Vatican who was not only born out of wedlock but whose father was married at the time of conception then I don’t see why this baby should be punished for the sins of it’s parents.

I would never tell new parents that they are sinning and should sort themselves out. They are in a fragile and emotional frame of mind as it is.

Besides, the Priest baptising the baby will have already spoken to the couple.
 
Don_Ruggero said:
There is a reason why a priest is called a physician of souls. It is not a title that is without meaning.

The priest who is doing this baptism is the pastor, the shepherd, of these souls – the father and the mother as well as the baby. No one else…not a priest who is commenting on this situation and certainly not a lay person…has the knowledge of the situation or of the people themselves as they are in this present moment. In fact, we do not know, nor should we know, what this pastor knows. He knows why he has discerned the “founded hope” mandated by canon law for proceeding with the baptism. He alone knows where this couple is in the process of regularising their union.

I, too, have seen the harm done by those who come in, like bulls in a china shop, destroying the work of grace that had been at work…sometimes for years. In eternity, these people will suddenly know and discover the incalculable harm they did by their purposeless intervention. May God have mercy upon their immortal souls.
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Thank you!
 
MTKM said:
May seem like a strange question but we want to support the innocent baby but by doing so does it tell the parents we also support their lifestyle of living together unwed.
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No it tells them that you welcome their decision to baptise their baby and fully intend to support them in raising the child in the faith.
 
Don_Ruggero said:
There is a reason why a priest is called a physician of souls. It is not a title that is without meaning.

The priest who is doing this baptism is the pastor, the shepherd, of these souls – the father and the mother as well as the baby. No one else…not a priest who is commenting on this situation and certainly not a lay person…has the knowledge of the situation or of the people themselves as they are in this present moment. In fact, we do not know, nor should we know, what this pastor knows. He knows why he has discerned the “founded hope” mandated by canon law for proceeding with the baptism. He alone knows where this couple is in the process of regularising their union.

I, too, have seen the harm done by those who come in, like bulls in a china shop, destroying the work of grace that had been at work…sometimes for years. In eternity, these people will suddenly know and discover the incalculable harm they did by their purposeless intervention. May God have mercy upon their immortal souls.
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This ^ ^
 
otjm said:
One thing I have been in my life is a “people watcher”. Maybe it is just me, but I have seen so many instances of individuals who have felt an overwhelming need to “admonish the sinner”; and I have watched those being admonished. I watch eyes; and I could tell at just about the exact moment the “sinner” simply shut down and stopped listening.
I have also received many an earful from those sinners, who likened the one admonishing to “that stuck-up prig”; this being the most polite reference to the admonisher, and most of the references being unprintable in polite discourse.

I wouldn’t be at all surprised to find that the couple in question in the OP’s post may already have an inkling that they are not in a proper relationship with one another and with God.

I did not suggest, and never would, that if one were asked by the couple questions concerning their status, that one should be any less than honest, and deliver any answer in charity. My suggestion is that the OP not confront the couple.

And I will stand by that, as well as my comment about how one should “preach the Gospel”. Strangely, I have only heard the comment made by Catholics. Including not a few Catholic teachers.

And considering that Pope Francis has started us on the year of Mercy, I have a sneaking suspicion he might agree with my comment too.
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I never said “confront” them. It should be done in love and kindness. But to just to stand by and not “Use words” when possible, would NOT be following Church teaching. Fr. Mitch Pacwa on EWTN said they have read all of what St. Francis said, and he did NOT say “Only use words when necessary.” No one seems to know who started that and blamed it on St. Francis but it is not true! And it has spread like wildfire! It seems to be an excuse for some to not ever evangelize God Bless, Memaw
 
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