Infant baptism, Protestant Parent

  • Thread starter Thread starter HD0521
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
H

HD0521

Guest
I am a recently converted Catholic. My wife and I were raised Protestant. We were practicing Protestants when we were married. Halfway through the pregnancy of our second child I entered the Catholic Church. She wasn’t happy about it. Still isn’t. But she is supportive. After our second child was born he nearly died at a week old. We believe different things about baptism, but she said for my peace of mind, I could have our children baptized. But she wasn’t having any part of it. Doesn’t want our children raised Catholic. And I can’t take them to mass. (One is 2 yo and the other 7 months btw.) My hopes and prayers are; that she will convert and we can be a happy catholic family. I’m running this race as a marathon and not a sprint, so I don’t aggressively or vehemently push the issues. But we have our third child on the way ( you wouldn’t guess she’s not catholic. Haha) so my question is; should I have my children baptized now/soon? Or wait in hopes she’ll come around to the catholic faith? I’m raising them to be Catholic as best as I can right now, but she’s not willing to completely let go and allow me raise them Catholic.
 
As I understand it, if you baptize them you’re obligated to raise them Catholic. But really the best person for you to ask is a priest. I’m sure your situation isn’t unusual and he would know best.
 
have your children baptized catholic;

after that let the chips fall where the may; your child is catholic

that can never change
stay the course
 
Last edited:
I don’t think that would be the best thing for their marriage—they need to agree about how the children will be raised.
 
that is certainly a serious concern

but let the child into the doors of Mother Church.via Catholic baptism

we’ll deal w/ the rest of the issues LATER
 
Last edited:
Unfortunately, it’s possible the children will not be raised as Catholics and will be obligated to follow rules they are not prepared to follow.

I would suggest a talk with your pastor.
 
i can’t arrgue with that

get the child baptized catholic

deal w/ the other issues L8TR

pragmatic approach
 
Think about it this way: say you and your Catholic wife are married for a while, and then she decides to become a Methodist. And then gets your children baptized as Methodists without your consent. How would you feel?

He “changed the rules,” so to speak. He wasn’t Catholic when they married. It’s reasonable that he’s the one who’ll have to be patient.
 
i’ve walked this walk

milquetoast protestant fathers are not going to battle against catholic mom who wants the child baptized in her home catholic parish

this should be an easy victory…
 
i misread OP; you are 100% correct

long, single spaced posts can be problematic for those of us who have vision issues

God help the couple; i’m out
 
Last edited:
Talitha712 said:
As I understand it, if you baptize them you’re obligated to raise them Catholic.
Click to expand...
This is what stopped me from baptizing them already. I read my oldest a very “catholic” Jesus story book. (ie talking about the sacraments.) Pray the rosary, sign of the cross that kind of thing, but they can’t come to mass with me. So that’s been my hang up.
JulianN said:
Think about it this way: say you and your Catholic wife are married for a while, and then she decides to become a Methodist. And then gets your children baptized as Methodists without your consent. How would you feel?

He “changed the rules,” so to speak. He wasn’t Catholic when they married. It’s reasonable that he’s the one who’ll have to be patient.
Click to expand...
This is my wife’s point of view on it as well. Had she been angry, unreasonable, and snide about my conversion it may be easier. But she was genuinely sad and upset and felt like I betrayed her. So I definitely feel some guilt, despite knowing I did the right thing.
marhaba said:
Are you aware of the Eastern Catholic Church? (There are various). It is essentially Orthodox. Same beliefs & practises as Orthodox; yet fully Catholic. (Since the Latin Rite Church changes & changes whilst the Eastern & Oriental Catholic Church does not).

I realise it sounds off topic; but I mention it here because the Protestant reformation churches looked toward Orthodox Christianity for their beliefs & practise. No purgatory/no mortal & venal enumerated sins/no immaculate conception/no rosary/no sacred heart/no stigmata/etc.

Therefore the older Orthodox Catholic (Melkite etc.) Church is more acceptable to people who have difficulties w/ all the later adaptations to the Latin rite Church - such as Protestants.

Perhaps this could be a compromise for your family. The Latin rite which gives Protestants so much trouble is not the only Catholic rite. And any Catholic of any rite can worship at any Catholic rite Church - regardless of where baptised.
Click to expand...
If there were any within reasonable driving distance I probably would. But unfortunately it’s not really possible.
brian_custer said:
i misread OP; you are 100% correct

long, single spaced posts can be problematic for those of us who have vision issues

God help the couple; i’m out
Click to expand...
I literally LOL.

Thank you all for the replies. I’ll definitely be making an appointment with my priest to discuss it with him.
 
Speak to your pastor about this. You, and your wife, want a stable marriage as well as a Christian education for your children.
 
HD0521 said:
I am a recently converted Catholic. My wife and I were raised Protestant. We were practicing Protestants when we were married. Halfway through the pregnancy of our second child I entered the Catholic Church. She wasn’t happy about it. Still isn’t. But she is supportive. After our second child was born he nearly died at a week old. We believe different things about baptism, but she said for my peace of mind, I could have our children baptized. But she wasn’t having any part of it. Doesn’t want our children raised Catholic. And I can’t take them to mass. (One is 2 yo and the other 7 months btw.) My hopes and prayers are; that she will convert and we can be a happy catholic family. I’m running this race as a marathon and not a sprint, so I don’t aggressively or vehemently push the issues. But we have our third child on the way ( you wouldn’t guess she’s not catholic. Haha) so my question is; should I have my children baptized now/soon? Or wait in hopes she’ll come around to the catholic faith? I’m raising them to be Catholic as best as I can right now, but she’s not willing to completely let go and allow me raise them Catholic.
Click to expand...
Yes, do baptize your child. You do fulfill the requirement for your child’s baptism.

Of course, it won’t be the most ideal situation but mixed marriage is valid and allowed in Catholicism. Only that you try your best to raise your children in the Catholic faith and that has to begin in Baptism.

God bless you.
 
It’s a little different in this situation though – they weren’t married in the Catholic Church, because neither of them were Catholic at the time. So no promises were made regarding children. Their marriage is valid and sacramental because they were both baptized Protestants when they married.

He absolutely should make every effort to raise his children as Catholics, but not over the objections of his wife – and certainly not by baptizing them against her will. That’s a recipe for very serious marital trouble.
 
To begin, welcome home.

That’s a tough one. Definitely speak to a priest about this and get some spiritual direction on this matter.

Pray the rosary regularly. I REALLY encourage this – pray specifically for your wife.

Continue to love your wife and kids. Do whatever you can to even go that extra mile. Maybe go to confession more frequently if you think you can – even if it’s just for venial sins. It may bring any dirt to the surface and help you be a better family man.

You’re a Catholic now. You have a domestic Church to guide – your family. You can serve as an incredible witness to your wife. Be strong, gentle, and virtuous. It is a great start.
 
HD0521 said:
should I have my children baptized now/soon?
Click to expand...
You need to talk to your pastor. You cannot have your children baptized and then not take them to mass or raise them Catholic. Because baptizing them into the Catholic faith makes them Catholic and includes all the obligations to take them to mass and raise them in the faith.

You and your wife should sit down with your pastor.

You should not proceed with baptism until you can honestly make baptismal promises to raise the children in the Catholic faith.
HD0521 said:
I’m raising them to be Catholic as best as I can right now, but she’s not willing to completely let go and allow me raise them Catholic.
Click to expand...
Talk to your pastor. He will likely advise delaying baptism.
 
brian_custer said:
get the child baptized catholic

deal w/ the other issues L8TR

pragmatic approach
Click to expand...
Not a pragmatic approach. Have you been to a baptism recently? Very literally, the parent promises to raise the child in the Catholic faith. Your “pragmatic” approach leads the OP into sinful behavior: making a promise to God that he knows he cannot fulfill.
 
Reuben_J said:
Yes, do baptize your child. You do fulfill the requirement for your child’s baptism.
Click to expand...
No. I think you’re conflating the promise made during the pre-marital interview with the promise made at baptism.

In the pre-marital interview, the Catholic is asked to promise to do his best to raise any children from the marriage as Catholic. However, in the baptismal rite, there’s no notion of “giving it the old college try”; rather, in baptism, the promise is to actually do it.

@1ke is correct here: his pastor, one would think, would delay baptism until the situation clarifies itself and the pastor has a “founded hope that the [child] will be brought up in the Catholic religion.”
 
I would suggest against baptizing the children. Here’s why. You want your wife to participate in their Christian upbringing. As long as they believe in Jesus, they can be baptized whether in a Catholic or Protestant Church so right around 5-8 years old, they will be baptized anyways. I’m so sorry your 2nd child almost died. God does sort this out but if a child reaches the age of reason, they must be baptized! They must be born of the water and the spirit so right around the time where they’ll believe anything is the perfect time to get them baptized anyways. And I don’t think a priest will baptize your kids without the wife’s consent.

What is non-negotiable is not being able to take the kids to mass. What is non-negotiable is that you must go to mass. You should attend Protestant services with her and so should her kids but on the condition that the kids must go to Catholic services. She doesn’t have to come! You have an obligation to raise the kids Catholic.
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top