R
Reuben_J
Guest
Yes, my bad. I didn’t read properly. I thought he was a Catholic in a mixed marriage.
- Status
W
Whitney
Guest
Yes I am wondering OP if she will agree to let you take them at a 5 pm mass and then go to her church in the morning?
G
Gorgias
Guest
Well… he is. It’s just that it wasn’t a mixed marriage at the time they married. So, that makes for quite a conundrum now.
H
HeDa
Guest
My suggestion for the wife is to find a priest or deacon that she could talk to regarding all those questions and teachings about the Catholic Church that she has been taught but are not correct. It could be your parish priest but in one way it would make the husband and priest as a “team Catholic vs wife non Catholic/outsider” so maybe it is better with the wife talking with a second priest or a priest from a different parish.
Another suggestion would be for the wife to go to RCIA and just listen to the teachings. Not making any commitment at all but just learn about the Catholic faith.
Third suggestion is to find happy, rock solid Catholics who stand with both feet on the ground and have a similar background as the wife. When the wife asks questions, they answer with a little more info than is required to keep her reflecting on the faith. No pressure to convert at all but being friendly and showing that living a Catholic life is possible. Start a conversation when going to coffee and doughnuts as it is pretty short for a start.
Another suggestion would be for the wife to go to RCIA and just listen to the teachings. Not making any commitment at all but just learn about the Catholic faith.
Third suggestion is to find happy, rock solid Catholics who stand with both feet on the ground and have a similar background as the wife. When the wife asks questions, they answer with a little more info than is required to keep her reflecting on the faith. No pressure to convert at all but being friendly and showing that living a Catholic life is possible. Start a conversation when going to coffee and doughnuts as it is pretty short for a start.
T
TheLittleLady
Guest
I’d suggest this book When Only One Converts: Nordhagen, Lynn: 9780879733155: Amazon.com: Books
B
brian_custer
Guest
no, i don’t agree with that all
once the child is baptized catholic; he/she is forever so…
ultimately & at a certain point in time the child will be responsible for forming him/herself as a conforming, practicing catholic
are you suggesting the child shouldn’t be baptized in the catholic church because the parents are lukewarm about the faith?
once the child is baptized catholic; he/she is forever so…
ultimately & at a certain point in time the child will be responsible for forming him/herself as a conforming, practicing catholic
are you suggesting the child shouldn’t be baptized in the catholic church because the parents are lukewarm about the faith?
Last edited:
H
HD0521
Guest
Thank you all for the help and replies. You’ve brought up some points I hadn’t thought about yet. I’m making an appointment ASAP with my pastor to discuss it. Definitely feel better prepared for it now! :+1:t2:
B
brian_custer
Guest
this isn’t really that complicated…
if the parents are receptive to catholic baptism (even for decorative/ceremonial purposes)
let it hap’n’ , cap’n
the child will’ve received her/his first sacrament
we’ll cross the rest of the bridges when they come…
if the parents are receptive to catholic baptism (even for decorative/ceremonial purposes)
let it hap’n’ , cap’n
the child will’ve received her/his first sacrament
we’ll cross the rest of the bridges when they come…
B
bobperk
Guest
The husband is the spiritual head of the family. I would be firm and baptize the children. The wife should be subordinate.
Not a popular opinion and easier said than done, obviously.
Not a popular opinion and easier said than done, obviously.
P
Pup7
Guest
Just curious. What if the wife was the Catholic and the father was Protestant?
The OP is still married to this woman and still obviously loves her, and will have obligations to his children that it doesn’t sound as though he’ll be able to fulfill. Is he supposed to forcefully take them to Mass?
The OP is still married to this woman and still obviously loves her, and will have obligations to his children that it doesn’t sound as though he’ll be able to fulfill. Is he supposed to forcefully take them to Mass?
Last edited:
J
JulianN
Guest
So if two Catholics got married and the husband converted to, say, Mormonism, the wife should acquiesce to having the children baptized as Mormons?
R
rcwitness
Guest
I agree very much with this!
However, reality is that this means a couple things in particular.
A husband who’s wife does not submit to ligitimate headship is very very prevalent in these times. And that means the husband must practice much patience and suffering for the sake of the marriage. Not easy!
The tables have turned in our culture. Modern women have huge control issues! They demand to have the ultimate say in matters. Of course not all, but the “modern woman”.
So saying the way it should be, and the way it is, are not always the same.
Make the marriage work and be strong, without violating the Catholic faith. Pray together, husband and wife privately, about what you are dealing with! And strive to be on the same page.
R
rcwitness
Guest
Its not completely different religion. Yes observed differently with alot of different beliefs, but also alot of common ground!
But i agree the approach should not be to assume someone will “come around”. That leads to disappointment. Actually, approach the situation as though someone will not “come around” but keep hope that they may.
The issue here, in this marriage situation, is that at the time of marriage, both were non-denom Christians. So their is no “obligation” for the wife to raise the Children Catholic herself, while the husband is already compelled (not out of obligation, but love) to raise the kids Catholic.
Ideally, the wife should allow the husband this privilege as head of the family. Though she herself should not be coerced into the Catholic devotions.
I would make honest study and sharing that study about Infant Baptism. What it means AND what it doesnt mean. Its not magic, but a promise and a reception. Its not Eternal Security, but an indelible mark on the soul.
But i agree the approach should not be to assume someone will “come around”. That leads to disappointment. Actually, approach the situation as though someone will not “come around” but keep hope that they may.
The issue here, in this marriage situation, is that at the time of marriage, both were non-denom Christians. So their is no “obligation” for the wife to raise the Children Catholic herself, while the husband is already compelled (not out of obligation, but love) to raise the kids Catholic.
Ideally, the wife should allow the husband this privilege as head of the family. Though she herself should not be coerced into the Catholic devotions.
I would make honest study and sharing that study about Infant Baptism. What it means AND what it doesnt mean. Its not magic, but a promise and a reception. Its not Eternal Security, but an indelible mark on the soul.
G
Gorgias
Guest
Unfortunately, then, you’re quite mistaken. From the baptismal rite:
So, I get it that you disagree and all, but… the Church disagrees with you.
No… what’s in play here isn’t ‘lukewarmness’, but rather, whether the parent(s) are able to live up to the obligation they assume at the baptism.
Like I quoted from the canons, upthread, if the pastor has a well “founded hope” that this will happen, then the baptism can go on. However… if he does not see that this is possible at the present, then the pastor has the obligation to delay the baptism, until such time as he does have a hope for the catechesis and formation of the child.
Last edited:
T
TheLittleLady
Guest
People convert to Catholicism every day.
R
Reuben_J
Guest
As according to the OP, the wife allows for Baptism but against raising the children Catholics. The OP, however, would try his best to raise them as ones.
The OP’s question is whether to baptise the baby now or wait for the wife to turn around to become Catholic/allow the children to be brought up Catholics.
Seeing this is a mixed marriage now, whether the assurance of husband’s trying his best to bring up their children in the Catholic faith is sufficient for Bsptism or as he said, to wait for his wife’s agreement?
As it is now, only the husband can be counted to bring the children up in the Catholic faith, while the wife would have nothing with it.
For those who push for Baptism, I think it is because the wife’s cooperation is not forthcoming, and the children will risk being not baptised.
It is definitely not an ideal situation where both parents in the mixed marriage agree in bringing the children up in the Catholic faith. The wife concession is only that the children can be baptised.
Would the wife understand what it entails for a child to be baptised, which she agrees to, in the Catholic Church?
God bless.
The OP’s question is whether to baptise the baby now or wait for the wife to turn around to become Catholic/allow the children to be brought up Catholics.
Seeing this is a mixed marriage now, whether the assurance of husband’s trying his best to bring up their children in the Catholic faith is sufficient for Bsptism or as he said, to wait for his wife’s agreement?
As it is now, only the husband can be counted to bring the children up in the Catholic faith, while the wife would have nothing with it.
For those who push for Baptism, I think it is because the wife’s cooperation is not forthcoming, and the children will risk being not baptised.
It is definitely not an ideal situation where both parents in the mixed marriage agree in bringing the children up in the Catholic faith. The wife concession is only that the children can be baptised.
Would the wife understand what it entails for a child to be baptised, which she agrees to, in the Catholic Church?
God bless.
P
PJM
Guest
1. Get the child Baptized IF, if your pastor will permit it {he may not given your wife’s stated position}; but call and ask him giving ALL of the information you shared here.
If you are living fully a Catholic Life that is what you NEED to continue to do and do it publicly as possible.
- JESUS HIMSELF teaches {John 3:5} that NO-ONE {age not an exclusion} CAN or WILL enter into heaven without a Christian Baptism.
- Be aware that your priest CAN choose NOT to Baptize if there is a serious risk of that child being raided AS A CATHOLIC.
I’ll pray for you both too,
PJM
G
Gorgias
Guest
That, of course, is the question. If she says “go ahead and baptize them” and also “but don’t raise them Catholic”, then it’s clear she doesn’t understand what Catholic baptism entails. Therefore, baptism now is not recommended, while this is the situation between the OP and his wife.
While his wife would reject this approach.
No – if she’d have said, “I’m not going to help you”, that’d be one thing. According to the OP, what she actually said was, “don’t raise the child in the Catholic faith.” That’s quite a different thing.
There is greater risk than being baptized – and not meeting the obligations of baptism (both for child and parent) – than in not being baptized.
V
vallancec
Guest
You should talk to your priest about this. Praying for your family.
L
lilypadrees
Guest
I am a product of a Catholic-Protestant marriage. Before Mama and Daddy married, she had to promise to raise any children they had in the Catholic Church. She had no problem with it and now in the winter of her life, is Catholic.
If your Protestant wife has given her consent for you to have your children baptized Catholic, do it. It would be nice if she fully supported your conversion and your desire to raise your children in the Catholic Church. But it’s evident that she doesn’t since she doesn’t want you taking the children to Mass
Can you find a compromise? In my case, Mama took me to Mass. And when we moved here, I attended Protestant churches while she tried to find the nearest Catholic Church to us.
After Mama found the parish we now call home, I was able to attend the Early Mass on Sundays and then attend Protestant services down the street. I never gave up being Catholic. But attending Protestant services as well gave me the perspective of both sides.
Perhaps you can appease your wife by allowing your children to attend services in her chosen denomination as well. And when they are older, they can decide whether they wish to be Catholic or Protestant.
I also suggest you speak to your priest about this. He may have other suggestions for resolving your dilemma.
If your Protestant wife has given her consent for you to have your children baptized Catholic, do it. It would be nice if she fully supported your conversion and your desire to raise your children in the Catholic Church. But it’s evident that she doesn’t since she doesn’t want you taking the children to Mass
Can you find a compromise? In my case, Mama took me to Mass. And when we moved here, I attended Protestant churches while she tried to find the nearest Catholic Church to us.
After Mama found the parish we now call home, I was able to attend the Early Mass on Sundays and then attend Protestant services down the street. I never gave up being Catholic. But attending Protestant services as well gave me the perspective of both sides.
Perhaps you can appease your wife by allowing your children to attend services in her chosen denomination as well. And when they are older, they can decide whether they wish to be Catholic or Protestant.
I also suggest you speak to your priest about this. He may have other suggestions for resolving your dilemma.
- Status