Infertility

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pennamejaneq

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My questions relate to infertility. I tried to search for “infertility” but nothing came up, so I decided to start this thread here. I hope this is the right place.

Background: My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 2.5 years now. We are faithful to Catholic teaching - we have been using Napro Technology this entire time. We are an NFP couple that waited to have sex until marriage. We’ve been trying to do everything the “right way,” so to speak. We are not tempted at all to pursue IVF or IUI. We’ve had my husband’s sperm tested using the Church approved collection device. We are trying very hard to stay hopeful.

Up until, Monday, our Creighton doctor said that our problem was my husband’s low sperm count. On Monday, I had a laparoscopy to remove scar tissue; they also checked my Fallopian tubes. Both tubes are blocked, making conception impossible. This is a big blow to me. Seriously, this process feels so long, exhausting, complicated, and seemingly pointless at times. I just want answers.

I have two questions:
  1. Does anyone have any experience with bilateral blocked fallopian tubes? I’m not searching for medical advice here; I just need to not feel so alone in all of this
  2. Are there any support groups anywhere in real life or online for CATHOLIC women who are suffering from infertility who want to be FAITHFUL to the church? My husband is a wonderful support, but he’s not a woman, and all the women around me are having babies, which makes this journey feel incredibly painful and lonely
Any advice would be helpful.

Thank you.
 
pennamejaneq, welcome to CAF. First off, thank you for sharing your story. What an incredible witness you are to the faith! So many couples have stood where you are and chosen a more selfish path. May God bless you abundantly in this life and next for your fidelity to Christ’s Church.

I am so sorry for your painful struggle with infertility. It’s not the same at all, but it took us a longish time for me to conceive my first born (about a year and a half) and it was a difficult year. I used to take the bus to work and it would stop in front of a daycare every morning. I remember just looking at those little faces and begging God for a miracle. As far as I know, we didn’t have any medical reason why we didn’t conceive right away. I think maybe God gave me that “gift” (though it didn’t feel like it at the time) so that I might better sympathize with women like you who really are struggling with infertility.

I don’t know anything about bilateral fallopian tube blockage. Did your doctor offer any hope? Surgery?

I did want to mention one resource that you might find helpful. Colleen Carroll Cambell is a journalist, author, former presidential speechwriter and devout Catholic. She struggled with infertility for some time and has some thoughtful insights about it. I’d recommend finding her book, My Sisters the Saints. I haven’t read it, but I heard an excerpt on Catholic radio and it was about infertility and how she began framing her suffering and struggle in light of St. Edith Stein.

You might consider posting your intention for a child and for peace on the prayer intention page. Those guys over there are prayer warriors; they don’t mess around.

I wish I had more for you. God bless.
 
pennamejaneq said:
  1. Are there any support groups anywhere in real life or online for CATHOLIC women who are suffering from infertility who want to be FAITHFUL to the church?
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I suggest you check with your diocese for a support group. Here in my diocese (St. Paul and Minneapolis), the diocese runs a group called In His Time: “In His Time is a support group for couples who are struggling with infertility. This group provides a supportive environment for Catholics who follow the church teachings on infertility. It allows couples to share their experiences with others who are on a similar journey. Meetings offer comfort, hope, and a place for couples as they wait for God’s plan to unfold in their life.”

My wife and I attended meetings for a few years once we realized we were infertile and it wasn’t likely to change. We found it very useful to talk through things with other couples also resisting the easy lure of IVF. It was especially helpful for her to talk to the other women there instead of just talking to me. We also got some really good adoption info from those couples.

Keep walking the Church’s path. I know how hard it is. You are not alone in the struggle!
 
My husband and I were married for 10 years before finally conceiving our first child. That child was lost to miscarriage, and then we welcomed our only daughter within a year. I was never given a medical reason, we just kept trying.

As far as blocked fallopian tubes, did your doctor offer any treatment options?

:hug1:
:gopray2:
 
nodito, thank you for your response. I greatly appreciate it. It’s funny that you should mention Colleen Carroll Campbell. I just heard her speak at a conference and bought her books for other people, but not for myself. I guess I should buy it for myself now!

Wampa, thank you for your reply. The twin cities are not extremely far from me. I had no idea such a group existed there! I will talk to my husband about maybe attending a group some times. Thank you so much for telling me about this.

JanetF, congratulations on your baby! I’m sorry for your loss, though, and that they could not help you more. I can’t imagine going through this struggle for ten years. I would be so exhausted.

I’m not sure what surgical options are available. I just had a laparoscopy and tubal testing on Monday and the doctor said, basically, “Your tubes are blocked. I don’t know why. I don’t know how to unblock them,” and referred me to a specialist. The specialist is hugely into the IVF business, though, and I don’t think I want to give my money to them (insurance probably won’t cover fertility surgery). We’re now looking into making a trip to Omaha to the Pope Paul VI Institute. We’re not sure what else to do. Our local Napro doctor thinks it’s a good idea, too. I guess we’ll see from there.
 
pennamejaneq said:
We’re now looking into making a trip to Omaha to the Pope Paul VI Institute. We’re not sure what else to do. Our local Napro doctor thinks it’s a good idea, too. I guess we’ll see from there.
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This is a great idea. I’ve read Hilger and he seems extremely knowledgeable. It seems like tuboplasty was the treatment option of choice before IVF became so widespread, so one would think that somebody would know how to do it!
 
Hi there pennamejaneq, I’ve been searching for the same type of support online and I’ve unfortunately found it to be lacking. Any type of search for “infertility support forums” inevitably turns up results with an" secular/ IVF spin. I’ve seen Catholic-specific blogs but they’re either outdated or the couple has now had kids and they’ve moved on.

My husband and I have been married for over 2 years and have been trying to conceive since then with no luck. I did the whole temperatures and charting, I did the whole “stop monitoring and relax” and currently I’m using a fertility monitor. Just found out today that this month is a wash. Please feel free to PM me; I know how the loneliness is. I have very few Catholic friends (and my husband, while incredibly supportive isn’t Catholic either) and it’s really hard sometimes to just “have faith.”
 
ColleenEH said:
Hi there pennamejaneq, I’ve been searching for the same type of support online and I’ve unfortunately found it to be lacking. Any type of search for “infertility support forums” inevitably turns up results with an" secular/ IVF spin. I’ve seen Catholic-specific blogs but they’re either outdated or the couple has now had kids and they’ve moved on.

My husband and I have been married for over 2 years and have been trying to conceive since then with no luck. I did the whole temperatures and charting, I did the whole “stop monitoring and relax” and currently I’m using a fertility monitor. Just found out today that this month is a wash. Please feel free to PM me; I know how the loneliness is. I have very few Catholic friends (and my husband, while incredibly supportive isn’t Catholic either) and it’s really hard sometimes to just “have faith.”
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2 years of no success is long enough to warrant a medical review.
 
My husband and I have been unable to conceive. In my case I have accepted that this is something the Catholic Church, at least as an institution, cant really support me through, there don’t seem to be a lot of us about and my diocese is struggling so I don’t expect an infertility support group to start up any time soon. I struggle at mass being alone surrounded by families but feel better now I have adjusted my expectations if that makes sense.

I am trying to be accepting of my situation, we will either conceive or have to come to terms with childlessness and I will have to find something else to do with my life. I try to keep up a prayer life even if all I can face are a few decades of the rosary. Sometimes I find support in secular media but I wouldn’t expect a non-Catholic in this situation to understand why I wouldn’t have IVF, actually I personally do feel very tempted to consider it but my husband is more strongly against it.

I think you should try to find some childless/childfree friends, not necessarily to discuss this but to have some fun relationships with people where you wont feel like the one without kids.
 
pennamejaneq said:
  1. Are there any support groups anywhere in real life or online for CATHOLIC women who are suffering from infertility who want to be FAITHFUL to the church? My husband is a wonderful support, but he’s not a woman, and all the women around me are having babies, which makes this journey feel incredibly painful and lonely
Any advice would be helpful.

Thank you.
Click to expand...
There is a Facebook support group for Catholic women facing infertility: facebook.com/CatholicInfertilityStGerardPrayforUs/

That page is the gateway page, as the actual group is a closed/“secret” group for privacy. Just send them a message through the gateway page, and they can add you to the group.
 
Welcome to CAF.

My husband and I also dealt with infertility for 6+ years, but not for the same medical reasons as you. We used NaPro Technology as well and eventually were successful at conceiving and carrying to term one biological child after treatment with one of the doctors who had done a fellowship with Dr. Hilgers in Omaha. We also have adopted children.

Your diocese might have some sort of support group for infertility… Many groups do exist but aren’t advertised. You could try calling the diocesan office for family life (or whatever it’s called in your diocese) to ask if a group like that exists or what sorts of resources they could direct you to.

Also, try looking up the Facebook group called “Fertility Care Creighton & NaPro User Support Group.” This group is Creighton/NaPro-specific and most (but not all) users there are dealing with infertility and are trying to conceive. It’s more focused on the nuts and bolts of charting and treatment. The Catholic infertility group mentioned above offers somewhat more in the way of spiritual support, I think.

Prayers and virtual hugs to you. The road of infertility can be a lonely one and I hope you can find the support you’re looking for.
 
You are to be commended for your desire to follow church teachings.

I know you’re not asking about this, but have you considered foster-adoption? Even after having had two biological children, there was a time when I was aching for another child. I know that feeling.
Adoption is not for the faint-hearted, but for us it worked out really well. Both our adopted children are bright, fairly well adjusted, and doing much better than they would have if they had stayed in foster care, which is the main thing.
There is no cost to foster-adoptive families, and usually they qualify for a subsidy.
God bless.
 
My husband and I also adopted our two youngest from foster care. They came to us at 5 months and 3 months.
 
ColleenEH said:
Hi there pennamejaneq, I’ve been searching for the same type of support online and I’ve unfortunately found it to be lacking. Any type of search for “infertility support forums” inevitably turns up results with an" secular/ IVF spin. I’ve seen Catholic-specific blogs but they’re either outdated or the couple has now had kids and they’ve moved on.

My husband and I have been married for over 2 years and have been trying to conceive since then with no luck. I did the whole temperatures and charting, I did the whole “stop monitoring and relax” and currently I’m using a fertility monitor. Just found out today that this month is a wash. Please feel free to PM me; I know how the loneliness is. I have very few Catholic friends (and my husband, while incredibly supportive isn’t Catholic either) and it’s really hard sometimes to just “have faith.”
Click to expand...
:hug3: Thank you
 
ConfusedLucy, I think I know what you mean about the church not having anything institutional to offer those who are suffering with infertility. Institutionally, the church has holy laws about what not to do when faced with infertility, but I don’t think many people in the church understand what it’s actually like to go through infertility. This creates a complex problem. Couples suffering with infertility already feel alone, and then when their own church doesn’t know what to say to them (this is based on my personal experiences), they feel even more lonely. The answer is always, “Just pray more.” In my opinion, what’s missing is bravery from those who are suffering. It’s the Body of Christ that is called to step up and support one another. That means that we need people who are suffering with infertility to stand up and lead the rest of us in this suffering. The difficulty is that most of these couples, statistically, eventually have children and no longer have the same experience - I suppose they lose the urgency to find help because their situation becomes somewhat resolved. I keep thinking to myself that, if my fertility problems can’t be fixed, maybe I should start a ministry. Of course, like you said, lots of parishes are smaller or struggling and there may only be one or two couples suffering with this. Then, it’s a matter of trying to create a regional network of support. Easier said than done! I don’t know what the answer is, except to discern.

Thank you, EnglishTeacher and AnastasiaRomero

Viki63, yes, I’ve considered foster-adoption. My husband, however, is afraid of being foster parents. I continue to pray for him.

Catholic Mama 6, that’s wonderful! Can you tell me a little about your experience?
 
To be fair prayer is important in this situation but I do wish I felt less lonely in this.

Its always tricky working with any kind of minority that doesn’t gel naturally with the other established groups. My parish is predominantly families and there just aren’t enough people to start up a sizeable ministry for non-family people (for want of a better expression). My diocese has a young adult group but its spread over a wide area and we cant always travel to it, it’s also not especially sizable either. I feel very left out of a lot of parish life as a childless person as the things that bring a parish together tend to revolve around children. I don’t know what the answer is though if it is now normal for youth to leave the church and to come back when starting families, as people often tell me, where does it leave us?

I think it’s somewhat inevitable that when a couple has children they move on to another stage of life that fits in better with other families. That said I like to think if I ever have my own baby I will have the tact not to lecture any childless/childfree people that 'I never knew what love/joy/the meaning of life meant until…" or expect them to be as interested in the baby as I am ;).

We need to reach out more to each other, in or out of church. Families always put each other first and it’s important to have people in our lives we can prioritise and be prioritised by.
 
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