Infertility

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I have wet on so many sticks that I get this funny image of me running around the back yard after a storm…:o
 
dkoinzan said:
Ok, more than once, but I didn’t want to admitt to it. 😊
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**Hubby usually puts me on two, sometimes three. I get dizzy after about 15 mins. That’s why its my limit. It does me no good to TTC inverted if I pass out first! 😊 **
 
aurora77 said:
Tiber squid and others–have you had to deal with any sort of racism with regard to your kids? Are we worrying for nothing?
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I don’t want to completely hijack the discussion on fertility – it’s good to know that all the crazy stuff we did including not only the medical procedures but the things like using pillows and all of that crazy stuff wasn’t just us. It’s amazing what we’ll do. And very frustrating when there are others where couples seem to be able to get PG like clockwork. There is hope out there – it may be bearing a child, adopting a child, or some other path. God will take you where and when you need to go so just keep walking so to speak.

Quickly returning to the adoption question:
I’ve read books on the subject of trans-racial adoption and know that many have made it work and some haven’t – not unlike the fact that many parents with their biological children have had them turn out well and some have ended up having kids getting into all types of trouble. We’ve been fortunate to be in a very good town with a lot of diversity while not being too liberal – it’s a military town, the biggest Naval base in the world, etc. Many areas are not – you can make it work, but it depends on where you are at. When we’ve visited family in Wisconsin with some very quite frankly white-washed areas, we seemed to have gotten more stares than normal, similarly with visting other family in Alabama. 99% of people that are curious, staring and a few trying to ask an innocent question just simply are curious and we’ve been able to promote adoption. You’ll stand out – but as a great couple said during a training session with our agency during our adoption, you’ll stand out just as much or more in the culture if you are Christian. That said, there are things to think about and it isn’t right for everybody in every situation. Certainly everyone adopting should consider it though since there are so many children that have trouble being adopted even as tiny babies because they are not white. Hope that helps. Aurora77 or anyone else, please PM me if you have any other questions.
 
aurora77 said:
Tiber squid and others–have you had to deal with any sort of racism with regard to your kids? Are we worrying for nothing?
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He’s off on the politics/current events forums again… no, wait, he replied while I was trying to read the e-mail backlog from his other activities… ok, I’ll just add to what he said:

Generally, the reactions have been positive. We’ve been able to encourage lots of people about the realities of adoption, instead of the horror stories that make the news.

We have had a few nasty incidents over our transracial family. What sort of surprised us, however, was that the particularly awful ones were instigated by blacks. Some guy made a loud comment about the movie Losing Isaiah (white family loses black 5-year-old to cocaine addict birthmom… because she’s black and they’re not). A group of women at church came after me at CCD because, “we’ve been watching at mass, and that child never has any socks!” Huh? Do you remember trying to keep socks on an infant? (I spent half an hour hiding in a dark classroom while the ringleader ranted, “That white chick should never have been given that child! I’m a social worker and I can fix that!” As I said in another post, on my ungenerous days, I really hope that she complained to the priests… and got abruptly straightened out.)

Generally, though, I have to agree with the DH (and the “squid” reference in his screen name is a fondly derogatory slang word for a member of the Navy, BTW). Almost everyone has been friendly and supportive. Many people ask questions about adoption, because it’s obvious to most people that they are not bi-racial, so I can’t be their birthmom, so, “Um, they’re adopted? We’ve been thinking about that…”

Have some idea what you’re getting into, be prepared to deal with incidents, and listen to the questions (not everyone intends to be mean; some people want to ask about adoption, but aren’t sure how to and it comes out wrong).

There will always be the question, “Wouldn’t this child be better off in a more diverse area/with same race parents?” This can be argued, but nobody knows the future. Being bounced around the foster care system for years is definitely going to be a bad thing, though.

In the books I’ve read, the adult transracial adoptees that sound the most balanced, happy, and well adjusted are the ones with the religious upbringing. They don’t talk too much about the diversity of their communities growing up, about their white parents learning how to cook “soul food” or switching to a predominantly black church, etc.

The difference seems to be a good grounding in God and a lot of love in the family; the problems are manageable if you have those two things in place!
 
Gardening_Mommy said:
In the books I’ve read, the transracial adoptees that sound the most balanced, happy, and well adjusted are the ones with the religious upbringing. They don’t talk too much about the diversity of their communities growing up, about their white parents learning how to cook “soul food” or switching to a predominantly black church, etc.

The difference seems to be a good grounding in God and a lot of love in the family; the problems are manageable if you have those two things in place!
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Well said. I’ve always felt this way. Although I expose my kids to their birth “culture”, I try to put God first. We are here to know, love, and serve God so we can be happy with Him in Heaven. It doesn’t matter our color, culture, whether adopted or not. If that is the way you raise your children, then all obstacles can be overcome.
Our adoption journey was difficult at times. We had several failed adoptions and 2 very early miscarriages along the way. However, all of the suffering was well worth the blessings our children have been. I thank God every day for making me a mommy through adoption. Sometimes it still hurts to not know what it’s like to bear a child. I think it’s more to do with feeling “left out” or not experiencing something that is so commonplace for most of my friends. That being said, if given the choice, I would never trade the kids God gave me for the birth experience.
My kids who are transracially adopted have experienced some teasing or insensitive comments, but not many. Usually the teasing comes from kids who are just mean in general, and tease everyone. It’s just easier for them to tease my kids because they obviously look different. In general, they are considered to be well adjusted, good students, and have lots of friends. My older daughter actually enjoys looking different now. It makes her feel “unique” and special. We live in a very “white” community, too. However, it is not uncommon to see transracial families around, so maybe that helps a little. I would not let fear of prejudice hold you back. It’s really only a few people who would dare say something mean. I think most people think adoption is “wonderful” and we usually receive very positive comments.
 
Thank you so much for sharing some thoughts and stories about adoption!

I was wondering if there are some good adoption support websites for couples looking to adopt, but not sure where to get started? Also, if there are any tips or thoughts about the financial side to adoption?

Just my own browsing online, I was quite daunted by what I glanced at concerning costs. Maybe I’m not looking where I should be. Just praying for the Lord to guide our hearts:)

(name removed by moderator)ut would be much appreciated. Thanks!
 
waitngnjyflhope said:
I was wondering if there are some good adoption support websites for couples looking to adopt, but not sure where to get started? Also, if there are any tips or thoughts about the financial side to adoption?
Just my own browsing online, I was quite daunted by what I glanced at concerning costs.
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Costs vary widely, depending on the type of adoption you choose, and the specific case as well. You can adopt for next to nothing from the state or for just a few hundred dollars independently, up to tens of thousands internationally. I’d say just research, research, research. There are so many ways to go about it. Domestic or international? Every country has quite different requirements, regulations, and costs. I’ve heard you can easily adopt from Haiti for $7-8,000, whereas my cousin spent nearly $40,000 to adopt from Russia. 🤷 Remember travel costs add up quickly when going international (or even domestic sometimes–we had to spend 3 weeks halfway across the country waiting for paperwork to be able to cross state lines with our daughter).
Check out a LOT of agencies, talk to lawyers, ask questions. This is not something you can just decide, “OK, we’re going to adopt now”. It needs a lot of forethought and planning. So start now! Never too early to start. I began research several years before we actually adopted, so we had had time to discuss and digest, and knew what we wanted and how to go about it when the time was right and the opportunity presented itself. Good luck!
 
waitngnjyflhope said:
…I was wondering if there are some good adoption support websites for couples looking to adopt, but not sure where to get started? Also, if there are any tips or thoughts about the financial side to adoption?
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We have adopted twice locally from Bethany Christian Services – bethany.org/
They are a good Christian, althougn not a Catholic organization. If you adopt a child through them domestically, the require the person to be a Christian. Their fees are reasonable, are based on your income, and go to paying for legitimate services for the adoption and also help defray the costs of pregnancy counseling. We are adopting a 3rd internationally through them – so far so good. We are blessed enough that saving for the fees was possible – some talk about stories of getting help from churches, friends, family, etc.

There is a substantial adoption tax credit that can help you recover the costs of adoption, over $10k now. There are a number of good sites talking generally about adoption – www.adopt.org is a good start.
 
If someone spent $40,000 to adopt from Russia, I would wonder about the agency that they used. We’ve adopted twice from Russia and it didn’t cost that much. It was probably more expensive than some other adoptions, but less than Guatamala. Which is something I’ve never understood because Guatamala is geographically closer and generally only one trip is involved. First I would pray and look at the signs God sends you. It isn’t about which adoption is better, because all adoption is good in God’s eyes. I am absolutely certain we have the exact children God has intended for us. It is about you finding the exact child God has planned for you whether that is here in the US or abroad. As far as the money goes, you will find a way. If you live in MO, there is the federal tax credit of $10000 and a state tax credit of $10000 for a grand total of $20000. Other states may have the same. Also many employers offer adoption benefits. It may be a drop in the bucket compared to the cost, but every bit helps. davethomasfoundation.org/ASSETS/F716B4D9C3D944008127F67CECDB8117/100-BestAFW-Table-2007.pdf This link tells some of the top companies and what they provde.
 
I have had abnormal bleeding for 13 days now. I have went to see the doctor and he did cultures. I am waiting to find out the results. I doubt I will get any info until Wed. The bleeding is coming from my cervix. Pray I have patients. (Not my strong point.) In the mean time I am charting my temps four times a day and now they want me to not eat gluten, sugar, dairy, or lagumes. This is hard! Could ya send up some prayers?
 
dkoinzan said:
I have had abnormal bleeding for 13 days now. I have went to see the doctor and he did cultures. I am waiting to find out the results. I doubt I will get any info until Wed. The bleeding is coming from my cervix. Pray I have patients. (Not my strong point.) In the mean time I am charting my temps four times a day and now they want me to not eat gluten, sugar, dairy, or lagumes. This is hard! Could ya send up some prayers?
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**Aww…so sorry to hear. :console: I hope and pray the doctors discover what’s wrong and can get you better soon! Please keep us updated. Prayers for you! 🙂 **
 
dkoinzan said:
I have had abnormal bleeding for 13 days now. I have went to see the doctor and he did cultures. I am waiting to find out the results. I doubt I will get any info until Wed. The bleeding is coming from my cervix. Pray I have patients. (Not my strong point.) In the mean time I am charting my temps four times a day and now they want me to not eat gluten, sugar, dairy, or lagumes. This is hard! Could ya send up some prayers?
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I will be praying for you. It sounds like a very difficult time. But, I don’t get it. I’ve never heard of the stuff they’re telling you. And believe me, I used to spend my fair share of time on infertility boards. Why no gluten/sugar/dairy/legumes? And why temping 4x/day? The only thing close to that I’ve ever heard is the no sugar thing for PCOS. But you don’t have that, right?
 
I can answer the temp question because I have that issue too- it’s an issue with t3 and t4- the thyroid hormones. The t4 generally converts itself to t3, and in some women it doesn’t do it in the right ratio. The temperature and pulse of people with this issue are usually low (and blood work and thyroid ratios are checked with this). Treatment is supplemental t3 taken twice daily.

For example, prior to treatment my BBT averaged about 96.6 pre-ovulation and 97.1 post-ovulation. Now it’s in the more regular 97.4 pre-ovulation and 98.4 post-ovulation. This has been linked to infertility.

Celiac disease would be my guess as to why they’re having her abstain from gluten, etc… as a side effect can be frequent miscarriage/stillbirth but I have no idea of any relationship between that and unusual menstrual bleeding.

Of course I’m not a doctor or other medical person, only a patient of a doctor who uses the same methodology.

I’ll add this to my list of prayers for you dkoinzan.
 
I think at first my local doctor thought alot of what was going on was in my head or part of the stress of loosing the two children. I think there are several things going on at once. My T3 and T4 ratios are off but not by much. Right now I don’t think I am ovulating so there is no real change in temp. but they are all below 98.2. There is something up with my cervix which is bleeding. Then there is also Celiac. I guess PPVI is doing some studies on Celiac and one of the doctors who recently came together with Dr. H. for a conference has had luck with diet. I am trying to look on the bright side so now I have decided to call it the corn chip/potato chip diet. Neither contain anything I can’t eat. What luck!
 
I have little understanding of the deep relationship, but I saw a link in my Celiac disease and infertility.

When my Celiac was addressed my overall health improved. When it improved my thyroid issues were able to be addressed. Once my thyroid was addressed I began ovulating much more regularly. I think for me it was like peeling the layers off an onion. Keep peeling and the onion finally disappears. We never reached a single cause, but were able to get down to nothing standing in the way of conceiving. (Now twice!! :extrahappy:)
 
Ah, now I see. Different issues. That was confusing me. :whacky: I kept wondering how that could be related? :o

I know diet and nutrition can make a difference. I had gone on a no sugar/low carb diet, began exercising, and lost 20lb right before I finally conceived (after 9 yrs of trying).
 
Thanks for your replies everyone. Right now I’m just praying that we will be led to the right children and they to us. I want DH to be comfortable with every decision that we make. We had a good long talk about the issue of race and adoption and it turns out that his big fear, the thing he’s not sure he can handle is someone treating his kids badly for such a silly reason. I can respect that, so we’re just going to continue on in the process and see where it leads.

Dkoinzan, I’ll be praying for you!
 
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