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Giannawannabe
Guest
Thank you! I thank God every day for my blessings. I am confident you will also have your own little blessings, soon, Pumpkin!
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clskier
Guest
I feel so selfish right now. At this moment, my nephew and his wife are at the hospital delivering their child. I should be extatic for them. Unfortunately all I can think about is our empty second bedroom upstairs 
You see, my wife and I became pregnant at the same time as my nephew and his wife. Our darling Isaac would be born any day now. Instead he had to leave us nearly 8 months ago.
I just don’t know if I can bear all the attention they will be getting. I should be so happy for them, and not fighting back tears of grief.
I am praying for a safe delivery.
You see, my wife and I became pregnant at the same time as my nephew and his wife. Our darling Isaac would be born any day now. Instead he had to leave us nearly 8 months ago.
I just don’t know if I can bear all the attention they will be getting. I should be so happy for them, and not fighting back tears of grief.
I am praying for a safe delivery.
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LittleDeb
Guest
I am so sorry you are going through this. Your conflict is completely understandable! What a testament to the grace of God you are!I feel so selfish right now. At this moment, my nephew and his wife are at the hospital delivering their child. I should be extatic for them. Unfortunately all I can think about is our empty second bedroom upstairs
You see, my wife and I became pregnant at the same time as my nephew and his wife. Our darling Isaac would be born any day now. Instead he had to leave us nearly 8 months ago.
I just don’t know if I can bear all the attention they will be getting. I should be so happy for them, and not fighting back tears of grief.
I am praying for a safe delivery.
To be able to still pray and offer up your pain is an amazing gift. Don’t even worry about feeling “selfish” right now. Anyone who knows your struggle will understand. Those who don’t understand you can just ignore.
I’m sending hugs and prayers your way. Ask your darling Isaac to intercede for you.
“Dear Lord, please help these grieving parents. May they know that their darling child is with you. Help all those suffering from miscarriage to know and remember what You have told us, ‘In your mother’s womb I knew you.’ Holy Spirit comfort them in their pain. Amen.”
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leaner
Guest
Oh, I can SOOOO relate here – right or wrong, I can soooo relate. My brother and his wife are expecting #3 in November…based on her due date (and it’s also my son’s birthday, so I know this from when I conceived him, I didn’t jump up and run to the calendar…) they conceived either during, or immediately after my 3rd child’s funeral – he was born at 27wks and did not live beyond that first day --they called us 7wks later to tell us…I really tried my hardest to sound happy, b/c deep down I am happy – but deep down, I’m also very sad. sigh I wish I could say it gets easier but after 3 m/c and one burial, it just doesn’t. I try to think of all those angels up there interceding on my behalf when I get too caught up in it all…and I take comfort in the fact that they never had to know pain or sorrow, only the glory of Heaven from the very beginning.I feel so selfish right now. At this moment, my nephew and his wife are at the hospital delivering their child. I should be extatic for them. Unfortunately all I can think about is our empty second bedroom upstairs
You see, my wife and I became pregnant at the same time as my nephew and his wife. Our darling Isaac would be born any day now. Instead he had to leave us nearly 8 months ago.
I just don’t know if I can bear all the attention they will be getting. I should be so happy for them, and not fighting back tears of grief.
I am praying for a safe delivery.
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Giannawannabe
Guest
I’m so sorry for your loss, clskier. Your feelings are not selfish. They are normal. The best you can do is try to distance yourself from the situation. Send a nice card and present. Go see the baby later, when it’s just you and not the whole darn family! That will give you time to get some control over your emotions. I’m sure that your nephew and his wife understand how you must be feeling (if they are compassionate at all!). It’s okay to “fake” good cheer sometimes. God understands the sacrifice that takes, and you will receive many graces.I feel so selfish right now. At this moment, my nephew and his wife are at the hospital delivering their child. I should be extatic for them. Unfortunately all I can think about is our empty second bedroom upstairs
You see, my wife and I became pregnant at the same time as my nephew and his wife. Our darling Isaac would be born any day now. Instead he had to leave us nearly 8 months ago.
I just don’t know if I can bear all the attention they will be getting. I should be so happy for them, and not fighting back tears of grief.
I am praying for a safe delivery.
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nfpteacher1
Guest
I want to start with saying all of you are in my prayers…
I had 4 miscarriages in a row and it was agonizing. I come from a large family and many were pregnant and telling me not to worry. I was really losing hope because the doctors told it was “bad luck,” just keep trying.
Then we heard about the Pope Paul VI Institute and Dr. Hilgers. To make a long story VERY short, I was seen by Dr. Hilgers and treated by Naprotechnology and have had 3 healthy children since then! I now work with MANY infertile/miscarriage couples who have also been seen at the Institute and have conceived and carried babies to term.
You can read about my story as well as many other beautiful stories in, Women Healed.
I will keep all of you struggling in my prayers, it is a difficult time. I would encourage you to call the Institute or check out the website for information as well.
God Bless!!
I had 4 miscarriages in a row and it was agonizing. I come from a large family and many were pregnant and telling me not to worry. I was really losing hope because the doctors told it was “bad luck,” just keep trying.
Then we heard about the Pope Paul VI Institute and Dr. Hilgers. To make a long story VERY short, I was seen by Dr. Hilgers and treated by Naprotechnology and have had 3 healthy children since then! I now work with MANY infertile/miscarriage couples who have also been seen at the Institute and have conceived and carried babies to term.
You can read about my story as well as many other beautiful stories in, Women Healed.
I will keep all of you struggling in my prayers, it is a difficult time. I would encourage you to call the Institute or check out the website for information as well.
God Bless!!
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leaner
Guest
Can someone put naprotechnology into a nutshell for me? I’ve read about it, but it’s all very vague descriptions with very few “this is what it is all about” kind of info…I’m curious, thanks!
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SeekerJen
Guest
Same here, even when I go to Dr. Hilgers’ website, everything is very vague: pay this amount and have Dr. Hilgers look over your charts. Pay this amount and buy this book of testimonials. All very nice, I’m sure, but I would like cold hard facts without having to shell out money first.
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leaner
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Agreed, I’m not trying to be a skeptic, but we’ve been using NFP for our entire marriage, and my cycles all look pretty dang normal, but my pregnancies tell a different story – it almost sounds (from the info I could find online) like glorified creighton model, but with very little detail what comes next
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Teakafrog
Guest
Well, it is based on Creighton method. You keep detailed charts, and then going by the charts they see what is probably happening with you, and do tests accordingly.
All of my stuff was done by a NP in our local diocesan NFP office who has had extensive training in Omaha by Dr. Hilgers himself. Never had to pay any extra.
Based on my charts, she did hormone level checks at very specific days during my cycle. They have their own interpretation of the results, most labs use a different scale and say that levels are ‘normal’, when they are not for that particular day in the cycle. Then she prescribed medications for my specific problems, including progesterone, and metformin for my PCOS, and clomid.
If you have very severe problems, you can have Dr. Hilgers look at your charts, or even see him. He does surgeries, etc. that many Drs don’t do, like ovarian wedge resections or ovarian drilling for PCOS.
That is what we personally did, and it took a while, but it worked. My other option was to keep seeing the local RE (reproductive endocrinologist) who kept telling me the only way I’d ever get pregnant was to do IVF. That’s why we quit going, and found our NP!
You’re right though, his site is pretty generic. I wish they would put more info up there. I think it’s just so individualized, it’s hard to do that though. But definitely try to find a local practitioner who has had training from them. It makes a big difference, because they are 100% in agreement with church teaching on treatment options. You won’t get bullied into IUI or IVF there.
Tammy in MO
All of my stuff was done by a NP in our local diocesan NFP office who has had extensive training in Omaha by Dr. Hilgers himself. Never had to pay any extra.
Based on my charts, she did hormone level checks at very specific days during my cycle. They have their own interpretation of the results, most labs use a different scale and say that levels are ‘normal’, when they are not for that particular day in the cycle. Then she prescribed medications for my specific problems, including progesterone, and metformin for my PCOS, and clomid.
If you have very severe problems, you can have Dr. Hilgers look at your charts, or even see him. He does surgeries, etc. that many Drs don’t do, like ovarian wedge resections or ovarian drilling for PCOS.
That is what we personally did, and it took a while, but it worked. My other option was to keep seeing the local RE (reproductive endocrinologist) who kept telling me the only way I’d ever get pregnant was to do IVF. That’s why we quit going, and found our NP!
You’re right though, his site is pretty generic. I wish they would put more info up there. I think it’s just so individualized, it’s hard to do that though. But definitely try to find a local practitioner who has had training from them. It makes a big difference, because they are 100% in agreement with church teaching on treatment options. You won’t get bullied into IUI or IVF there.
Tammy in MO
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aurora77
Guest
Ladies, I need your help! I went to the doc today and she basically told me that before they would do any infertility testing on me, they would want to get a sperm count from my husband. Of course, we all know what that entails. Moral issues aside, I just don’t see DH being comfortable with that, and I’m definitely not comfortable with the way it would be done.
Is this what you all have been told as well? I’ve done some reading that there are some Church-approved ways of getting a sperm count. Do you think we could convince his non-Catholic doctor to go along with any of them?
This is just so upsetting to me (more so because I’m really PMSy and tense right now anyway
). We have a Catholic hospital about an hour away from here; I may have a look around their website and see if they can help.
Is this what you all have been told as well? I’ve done some reading that there are some Church-approved ways of getting a sperm count. Do you think we could convince his non-Catholic doctor to go along with any of them?
This is just so upsetting to me (more so because I’m really PMSy and tense right now anyway
). We have a Catholic hospital about an hour away from here; I may have a look around their website and see if they can help.
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Teakafrog
Guest
This CAN be done! You have to get a special condom that is perforated, and it has to be done during the marital act–not masturbation. You simply use this special condom that has holes in it (so you are still open to life, since some of the sperm can get through) while having normal relations. You can get this from the Dr. Just let them know that this is the only way you can do it, for it to be moral. They may try to push the ‘easy’ way, but stand firm. They might have to order these in if they don’t have them on hand, but they can get them. This is perfectly ‘legal’ according to Catholic teaching, because you are not contracepting in intent or actual act, because of the holes that allow just a little sperm to get through. It still gives an accurate sample though. And yes, you need a sperm count, because if the problem is with him, why do all the invasive tests on you? He would be the one that needs treatment. If he’s OK, then they start the tests on you. Good luck!
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aurora77
Guest
Thanks Tammy! You’ve really helped a lot. For some reason I had it in my head that this would be a test that we could only do in a limited number of places, that it wouldn’t be an option with our local doctor. I’ll talk to DH tonight and see what he thinks. Thank you so much!
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mom2boyz
Guest
Several weeks ago my husband told me that a friend’s wife was pregnant. His wife had a miscarriage last year. I am genuinely happy for them. This will be their third child. They too have had some fertility problems, but have managed 4 pregnancies.
Today, the friend gave my hubby the update from the doctor’s office visit. Hubby was sharing the news with me. I am glad all is going well and I want them to have the great joy of another child. I just don’t want to hear how every office visit goes. So I told my hubby that. I am glad I stood up and told him. Before I would have just suffered through it all, but I’ve decided the daily living with infertility is suffering enough. I don’t need others to keep adding to it. I felt a great weight lifted off of me.
God Bless everyone who visits here.
Today, the friend gave my hubby the update from the doctor’s office visit. Hubby was sharing the news with me. I am glad all is going well and I want them to have the great joy of another child. I just don’t want to hear how every office visit goes. So I told my hubby that. I am glad I stood up and told him. Before I would have just suffered through it all, but I’ve decided the daily living with infertility is suffering enough. I don’t need others to keep adding to it. I felt a great weight lifted off of me.
God Bless everyone who visits here.
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Giannawannabe
Guest
I think that’s why infertility is so difficult. We don’t want to appear selfish or not be “happy” for a friend having a baby, so we constantly stomp on our feelings to put on a good front. After a time, people really do not want to listen to how difficult it is to deal with infertility. It is a battle. Sometimes when I am in a situation where I’m hurting, I need to focus on Jesus. In my head, I repeat over and over “I offer this pain to you Jesus.” I will usually offer it up for people I know who are contracepting or have had an abortion. Sometimes I will offer my suffering for the souls of my children or my marriage. It takes a great deal of effort and self sacrifice to do this. It helps me to know that there is a reason for this particular suffering of mine.
I’m glad you found peace mom2boyz. You can still be happy for your friend and “put on a good front” for her—God appreciates your sacrifice to do that. Yet, at home, you can have peace. I’m so glad we have this place to come. I really don’t discuss my feelings about this with anyone.
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gracielynn
Guest
i am 28 years old and can’t have children due to ovarian cancer when i was 24. i had a full histerectomy by the time i was 25. i have wanted children my whole life. i can’t adopt due to my financial and medical state. this is all i ever wanted was to have a family. now my husbands gone i have no kids and my carear is slowly dying as well. I was raised catholic and they have always said to have children when you get married and to never get divorsed and now i have no choice about either. what did i do wrong in my life to end up like this. i was alwasys a good person and a religous person and have had only bad stuff happen to me. when will it be my turn. I can;t even be a god mother because the church says i’m not a member becaus ei haven’t been paying anything. did anyone ever tell the church that people have to live and if you make hardly anything to support yourself how can you possibly have enough to give away
natalie
natalie
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gracielynn
Guest
the age limit is not totaly a factor and it verys from state to state but i’ve seen as high as 50
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Teakafrog
Guest
You didn’t do anything wrong. God has seen that you are strong enough to bear a heavy cross. He still loves you. You are young, and still have many years that your situation may change. You may be able to adopt in a few years. It took us several years to be able to save enough money to adopt. But God’s timing was perfect, we got the exact little angel He meant for us to have. Try offering up this suffering for those who are thinking about abortion, that they might choose life instead. I know it still hurts, but whatever you do, don’t lose your faith. God will get you through this. He always does. He may have something wonderful in store for you, but just not yet. Our timing is not His timing.
Tammy in MO
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LittleDeb
Guest
I am so sorry you are going through this tough time. From your post it sounds like you have a lot going on. Please get some help from your diocese to work out the troubles there. Supporting your parish has nothing to do with being able to be a god-mother. That sounds like a miscommunication on their part. If you are divorced you may want to contact the tribunal to have the validity of your marriage investigated. Please seek out a good Catholic counselor to help with the issues that may be on your heart. (Contact Catholic Charites in your area for good counselors and good rates.)
Our secular society finds the removal of ovaries and the uterus quite routine. Our sacred society sees it for what it is, a very tragic loss. It sounds like you have never mourned the loss of your fertility. It is extremely important to do so!! Your fertility is a very important part of who you are. It does not, however, define all of you. Again, please seek out help to overcome this tragic time. You are not alone. Fall in love with Jesus. Ask him to be the spouse you need. He does all the ‘heavy lifting’ you will ever need.
I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but 28 is still young. You have a whole lot of wonderful life to look forward to!
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gracielynn
Guest
Thanks to all who wrote but I still feel bad. I know 28 is young but all my health problems make me feel old. I don’t want to live to 99 if that means living in pain and misery. everything in my life that i ever wanted is gone. I know i should probably go get help but I can’t afford to. I have no job. due to my health problems i am not allowed to work or drive. I drive when i have to but i probably shouldn’t.I just some times wish i could start my life over again.reborn in to a better healthier person. my mom says if i don’t stop sounding like i’m suicidal she will baker act me. I just want someone neutral to listen to me.Does anybody know any free theropists in florida. I’m scared that i will never be a mother that i will never be well. what if this is gods plan. If it is it’s a bad plan and i don’t want any part in it. I have no choice though. I tryed going to my priest to talk but he shruged me off. It just made me feel like i didn’t matter. now i don’t know who to talk to. I had been raised to trust in your church and your priest,mine seem to care more about waving to people and chating after church than to his parishners who are standing infront of him in tears. what am i to now believe about the church?
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