Infertility

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Of course you still “feel bad”. After nearly 20 years of struggling with infertility, I still “feel bad” about it!!! Infertility is a life long cross to bear. Everyone has a cross. It appears that you have a number of crosses to bear. What will keep you feeling bad is to dwell on what you don’t have. It is imperative for your well being that you begin to find things that you are grateful for in your life. It sounds as if you have a supportive mother…many do not have that.
Back to infertility…it is a loss to grieve when one can not bear a child. God has made women to have a very strong desire to have babies. It is a physical longing that probably never goes away—although I think it may fade at some point ( I hope!). Offer your pain for your intentions. Every time you suffer with your infertility, offer it back to God as a sacrifice. Ask him to please show you the road that he wishes you to travel!! Ask Him to show you how to become a parent, if that is His will. If it is not His will, ask him to give you peace. It is hard to be grateful when you feel so bad. It is hard to ask for God’s will, not your own. Your sacrifice and pain will not be forgotten by God. In the Catechism, it says that God has a special compassion for those of us who are infertile. He knows what a tremendous cross it is to bear.
Last, but not least, I would contact Catholic Charities and find a good counselor. You need to speak to someone about your emotional difficulties. Especially since you are feeling “suicidal”. You are in my prayers.
 
gracielynn said:
Thanks to all who wrote but I still feel bad. I know 28 is young but all my health problems make me feel old. I don’t want to live to 99 if that means living in pain and misery. everything in my life that i ever wanted is gone. I know i should probably go get help but I can’t afford to. I have no job. due to my health problems i am not allowed to work or drive. I drive when i have to but i probably shouldn’t.I just some times wish i could start my life over again.reborn in to a better healthier person. my mom says if i don’t stop sounding like i’m suicidal she will baker act me. I just want someone neutral to listen to me.Does anybody know any free theropists in florida. I’m scared that i will never be a mother that i will never be well. what if this is gods plan. If it is it’s a bad plan and i don’t want any part in it. I have no choice though. I tryed going to my priest to talk but he shruged me off. It just made me feel like i didn’t matter. now i don’t know who to talk to. I had been raised to trust in your church and your priest,mine seem to care more about waving to people and chating after church than to his parishners who are standing infront of him in tears. what am i to now believe about the church?
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dont worry about the priests… i had the catholic church priest tell me to go get a divorce and not care at all about what i was going through… I am only 30 and i also felt like my life is over… but we do not go to church for the priests is the conclusion that i have come to… i look at the eucharist during mass and see the One who loves me so much that nothing else matters… also believe me, once you start praying, he will give you signs to help you out… I will be praying for you and do send me a PM if you are depressed… we can correspond via emails as I know the pit of depression that you are in right now… i was in it just 2 months ago and have not totally recovered.
 
I am finally having the courage to post this. Please pray for me (and my husband.) After 9 months of breast-feeding infertility followed by a year and a half of abstaining during fertility for serious reason, my husband and I are going to try to conceive again. Tears filled my eyes as I typed that word try. I am so scared.

Carrying my son all the way to term was amazing! I just don’t know if I am worthy of more than one miracle. I am so afraid of trying to conceive and failing, or conceiving and miscarrying. God has worked amazing wonders in my life, though, so I am trying to trust Him. For example: A positive pregnancy test during my wild and checkered past kept me from getting a hysterectomy even though I miscarried. (weird story) I only ovulated twice in the whole year that our son was finally conceived. And during the time we have been called to abstain, I was so close to normal that my charting has been easy!

I thought we were being called to wait longer, “for my husband’s sake.” It turns out I was mistaken. He is the one saying NOW is the time. I know he is right but I am afraid. I just don’t know if I can take that loss. My grandmother was only able to have one child, and I know she is interceding for me now. (I ovulated that first time exactly 2 weeks after she died. The second time was 6 months later and our son was conceived.)

Sorry, this post is a little disjointed. Usually words come easily to me. I am not actually sure why I am so upset about this. By all standards, I am not really infertile, just marginally fertile. I have read the stories here of those who have a much heavier cross to bear than mine. I am thankful for what I have, yet scared to want too much.

Please keep me in your prayers.
 
Deb,
I understand how you feel. When I found out I was pg for the second time (almost 10 years after our first was born!) the first thing I did was start crying, because I was so scared I would lose this baby we had wanted for so long. It is very hard to deal with it all again. The best thing I can say is to trust Him. There is nothing else we can do. Trust Him in everything! He will give you the strength to get through whatever happens. Even if it takes a long time to get there! I had given up after 10 years, we had adopted a baby. But His plans are not ours. He meant for us to adopt her, and He means for us to have this one too. No matter how scared about it I am. Trust. And come here to talk about it! We’ll listen.
 
Deb,
you are in my prayers. Infertility, no matter if it’s marginal or not, is difficult and painful. I hope that everything goes well, and you have a new blessing soon.
 
Deb, I will be praying for you as well.

DH is on his way home from Afghanistan and we will begin our post surgery attempts. (I wrote about it pre-crash.) I feel good knowing that we have done all we could to heal me and that any children will be God’s will.
 
stadre said:
I feel good knowing that we have done all we could to heal me and that any children will be God’s will.
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Same here. This is a very positive way to look at it.

Thank you to all for your prayers. I will keep you posted.
 
Deb–I’ll be praying for you, too. I hope the time is right for you and your husband and that you’ll soon have another little blessing!

Please, everyone, pray for DH and I. He has his doctor’s appointment this Friday to start discussing his fertility. I’m excited, but really nervous at the same time. I want to know if we’re officially infertile, but then at the same time I don’t. Nothing is going to be decided this week, I’m sure, but at least we’re on the right path.

Another wonderful thing, DH and I have really been talking about adoption lately and he’s all for it. He wants to find out if biological children are an option for us first, but if not, he’s fully open to adoption. Plus, it’s the time of year to re-up for our benefits at work and I just found out that my company offers a $3000/year adoption credit. They’ll just give me $3000, distributed in my paychecks, once we adopt, if we go that route. I was so psyched! Money has been a huge worry for me. I really, really, really want to be a SAHM as much as possible if we do have children. If we had to take out big loans to adopt, I don’t think that would be an option. I realize that kids are expensive, but anything that can make this easier would be a big help!
 
And don’t forget the adoption tax credit, you get $10,000 per child per year (I think, we only got one child). And if you adopt a ‘special needs’ child, the definition of which varies greatly, even including minorities, you can sometimes get state medical or other assistance. Just mentioning it for everyone else that thinks adoption is too expensive. It can be done! God will provide.
 
Yippee!:dancing:

Our Lady of Guadalupe, please intercede for Little Deb and the new life she now carries in her womb. Increase her joy and faith; decrease her worries and any barriers to a healthy, full-term pregnancy. Amen!
 
St. Gianna Molla, intercede for this little life that God has created in His image. Bring peace to this family and let their joy increase. Mother Mary, pray for us!
 
I am being denied seeing a napro doc (Hilgers trained) b/c my local MTF is telling me they have a Repro endo on staff; she said “we can treat your medical needs, and are not concerned with your religious requirements when we can treat your medical needs here on base” –

now what??!
 
Leaner,

Are you on prime or standard tricare? I had the same dilemna… turns out that the flight dr I saw on base is a former ob/gyn who is familiar with the Creighton Model that I use and was willing to help me without resorting to methods that are against the Church.

Have you talked to Tricare? You have a strong basis because of religious reasons.

From what I understand you can change to prime and then see if the Creighton dr takes tricare…

Lucy
 
Sorry… just tell me - what is your MTF? I’m fairly new to military life… whoever they are I would not stand for them telling me that!

Lucy
 
Thanks folks – I am tricare prime, and as I understand it, I can switch to standard (then after a year go back to prime if I want to) and choose my own doctors with the co-pay (15%, with a $1000 catastrophic cap). Right now, the big thing they’re saying is that they have a reproductive endocrinologist on staff, and that I should go see him; hence why they won’t approve me going out to the network to the Napro doc in the area. That whole “right of first refusal” and they have space for me, so they’re not sending me outside just b/c this doctor is in accordance with my religious beliefs. The woman I spoke with was a _itch – no two ways about it; she was so snotty I could barely remain civil to her on the phone. “What is it that you want me to tell you?” she kept asking…rrrgh. I guess my next step is to go see the RE here on base, and get HIM to say I need to go outside, that HE can’t do what I want…I dunno…I just know that she was so nasty, I feel like I need to make a big stink and at least make her do lots more work if nothing else…LOL
 
Well maybe go see this RE, ask him/her if they know the Creighton model etc and that you will only work with someone who knows this model for this very important reason: It is a waste of your time charting if you have someone who doesn’t understand them and can’t treat/test according to your specific needs.
 
I need to vent and I hope you all don’t mind. I have buried two preborn children in this last year. I am working with a doctor affiliated with the Pope John Paul VI institute. It is not a quick fix like my husband would like. I haven’t had a period since my son, Joseph, was born dead on Nov. 6th. At this point I am just working to make sure I are healthy. Once I have a period, my Doctor will then do more tests. My husband is saying absolutely no more trying. It has been to hard on him to bury our youngest babies. I want more children, but I want to respect his wishes. I know it would be hard if we ended up having to bury another child. I am trying to just trust that God will help lead us to what he wants for us. I have checked into support groups, but it is hard when they don’t share the same beliefs. My husband is not Catholic and has been faithful to NFP. He isn’t always nice about it. I have to be very careful who I expose him to. One misguided Catholic in an a leadership role and I am sure my husband would drop the NFP altogether. I have begged to have each one of our children and I would love to be surprised with a child. The only time I got pregnant without working at it, the children died. It is so hard!
 
dkoinzan said:
I need to vent and I hope you all don’t mind. I have buried two preborn children in this last year. I am working with a doctor affiliated with the Pope John Paul VI institute. It is not a quick fix like my husband would like. I haven’t had a period since my son, Joseph, was born dead on Nov. 6th. At this point I am just working to make sure I are healthy. Once I have a period, my Doctor will then do more tests. My husband is saying absolutely no more trying. It has been to hard on him to bury our youngest babies. I want more children, but I want to respect his wishes. I know it would be hard if we ended up having to bury another child. I am trying to just trust that God will help lead us to what he wants for us. I have checked into support groups, but it is hard when they don’t share the same beliefs. My husband is not Catholic and has been faithful to NFP. He isn’t always nice about it. I have to be very careful who I expose him to. One misguided Catholic in an a leadership role and I am sure my husband would drop the NFP altogether. I have begged to have each one of our children and I would love to be surprised with a child. The only time I got pregnant without working at it, the children died. It is so hard!
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You are in my prayers. :gopray: Your burden is very heavy with both infertility, and infant deaths. Kudos to your husband for being as supportive as he is. Tell him for me that my husband came from a previous contracepting marriage. He is a Catholic convert and you could not PAY him to use contraception again!

Trusting God with our fertility is mostly a HUGE leap of faith! What God has in store for you, I don’t know. Somehow He can turn sadness into joy and trials into celebrations. I am so glad He is in charge. Every time I try to be in charge, I just manage to louse it up! May God bless you and your family both here in this life and forever joyful with Him eternally.
 
I recently decided to do a search for any support for women facing infertility and came across this site. Thank you to all you sweet ladies, for sharing some of the crosses you bear. I am strengthened knowing that others, too, are carrying a similar load. You inspire me to not just pick up my cross… but walk with it.

I am offering prayers for all those that have been requested. Please pray for my husband and I, as well. We are discerning whether to start consultations with our fertility care specialist regarding our fertility.

My biggest heartache/personal struggle is all those people that keep asking “when are you going to have children?” “why are you waiting?” “you don’t have a good reason to wait,” “oh, just enjoy this time together,” think that we are using contraception, or seeing those close friends and family conceive who may not have “optimal” life circumstances and complain about that child.

It’s hard to share this cross with others who may not truly understand what it is. The aloneness that I feel.

Anyways, thank you for your prayers. Rest assured in ours for you all.
 
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