Infertility

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waitngnjyflhope said:
I recently decided to do a search for any support for women facing infertility and came across this site. Thank you to all you sweet ladies, for sharing some of the crosses you bear. I am strengthened knowing that others, too, are carrying a similar load. You inspire me to not just pick up my cross… but walk with it.

I am offering prayers for all those that have been requested. Please pray for my husband and I, as well. We are discerning whether to start consultations with our fertility care specialist regarding our fertility.

My biggest heartache/personal struggle is all those people that keep asking “when are you going to have children?” “why are you waiting?” “you don’t have a good reason to wait,” “oh, just enjoy this time together,” think that we are using contraception, or seeing those close friends and family conceive who may not have “optimal” life circumstances and complain about that child.

It’s hard to share this cross with others who may not truly understand what it is. The aloneness that I feel.

Anyways, thank you for your prayers. Rest assured in ours for you all.
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Welcome to CAF. I have not posted here yet but I am often here to read and know that I am not alone. It is a great trail and although I know this is my cross to bear I sometimes fail and get frustrated. I only hope that I can learn to accept my cross. I do have two children that I have conceived and I am so grateful for. But my dream of the huge catholic family has come to a halt. I know that God makes these decisions and not us, so I take my cross a day at a time.

Again welcome.
 
Has anyone here done a clomid challenge test? I’m sched to start this week…just wondering what to expect…that, and I have a saline infused sonogram to check for anatomical issues with the uterus…also, looking for what to expect…

thanks!
 
It’s not the same as a clomid challenge test, but I took clomid during two cycles–the first at 50 mg, the second at 100 mg. In terms of side effects, I had one heck of a bad temper. I can be moody, but can’t recall when I’ve been that nasty. Fortunately I was also pretty aware of my mood and just removed myself from the situation. But you probably will want to warn your DH!

Are you having a sonohystogram? There’s a description by a woman of her experience having one here: stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/2006/07/sonohystogram.html.

I hope all goes well!
 
waitngnjyflhope said:
My biggest heartache/personal struggle is all those people that keep asking “when are you going to have children?” “why are you waiting?” “you don’t have a good reason to wait,” “oh, just enjoy this time together,” think that we are using contraception, or seeing those close friends and family conceive who may not have “optimal” life circumstances and complain about that child.

It’s hard to share this cross with others who may not truly understand what it is. The aloneness that I feel.

Anyways, thank you for your prayers. Rest assured in ours for you all.
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I hate these questions also - and I’ll add my favorite “I thought you were Catholic shouldn’t you have had a kid by now”. Anyone have a good answer 🙂 for these questions. I don’t want to lie and I don’t want to tell everyone (so I’ll post it on a message board instead 🙂 !) We would have loved to have had a child (or 2) by now.
 
When ever anyone has anything to say about how many children I have, I just tell them that I will have as many as God will give me.

Pray for me and my family. I had an ultrasound to check the ovaries. I will go to the doctor Thursday. I am hoping he has some answers as to why I have had two preborn children die in a year and why I have had no period since the last child died Nov. 6th. I am stuck in a fertile phase that has lasted a month. This doctor is using the Napro method to help and I have confidence in him. My husband who is not Catholic is not as confident and would like me to use the pill to straighten things out.
 
leaner said:
Has anyone here done a clomid challenge test? I’m sched to start this week…just wondering what to expect…that, and I have a saline infused sonogram to check for anatomical issues with the uterus…also, looking for what to expect…thanks!
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Never did the challenge, but I have taken clomid many times. Even worked once, we got DS! It made me moody and I had the most horrendous hot flashes. I thought I was going to spontaneously combust! So watch out for that.
I haven’t had the saline one, but I did have a HSG (hysterosalpingogram) where they shoot the dye into your uterus and out the tubes under xray to check for tube patency and uterine structure. It was quite painful… hoping your saline one isn’t so bad!
 
I am sorry for posting twice in one day, but I really do need the prayers. My husband and I just had a heated discussion about the medical route I have chosen to take. He wants me to get some quick fix on the situation. He doesn’t want to take any time off from work to watch the kids so that I can go to the doctor appointments. He wants me to switch doctors and to take some kind of birth control so that his needs can be met. I would like to make him happy, but that won’t solve the problem. I am sure it is hard for him to take off from work once in a while and not be able to have the marital imbrase when he wants. He doesn’t understand. Pray for him.
 
Does anybody know of some good books that deal with infertility? I am looking for ones that, preferably, have a Christian undertone, or at least don’t delve into not so good technologies. Thank you.
 
Does anybody know of some good books that deal with infertility?
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Hannah’s Hope by Jennifer Saake is good. Saake is evangelical, so theologically there are some minor issues, but in terms of dealing with the emotional and spiritual difficulties of infertility from a biblical standpoint, it’s helpful. One thing I particularly like is that at the end of each chapter she has verses/passages that might help in a given situation, as well as what she calls Burden Bearers, advice for those who care about people going through infertility, e.g., friends, pastors, relatives.

She does discuss how she and her husband approached things like IUIs and IVFs and suggests biblically based questions to ask when considering them, but doesn’t endorse either one. Ultimately the book isn’t designed to teach about procedures, but rather about how to maintain your relationship with God through this challenge.
 
By the way, **waitngnjyflhope, **I love your username. Our parish is quite sensitive to the concerns of couples dealing with infertility. During Advent we don’t pray for those who are “expecting a child” or pregnant, we pray for those “who wait in joyful hope for a child to come into their life.” I like that this covers pregnancy, infertility, and those waiting for an adopted child.
 
Thanks MsAnnie for the reading resource! I just finished Water from the Rock by Donna Gibbs, and others. It was helpful; written by evangelical Christians, so a differenet perspective, but good for me.
Our library has another called Empty Womb, Aching Heart; I hope to pick that one up too on my next foray to the library.
I was deciding what to pick for a username, and that just sort of popped into my head. Definitely the Lord, since I don’t feel I have ANY patience:) Nor is it at times easy to be joyful. Sort of ironic but a good inspiration and reminder to me.
 
Sounds like a round of ice cream is in order for all of us! 😉 Low fat ice cream, of course…😛
 
This has been a toughie for us.

My wife learned not long after we were married that she had Premature Ovarian Failure. This devastated her. She had always wanted to become a mom, and without that ability, she feels less of a woman for it.

What gets me is that there’s nothing I can do, try as I might, to affirm her femininity. She’s told me she’s had to mourn that loss in her life. What can I do for her?

We do not feel called to adopt for a number of reasons that I will not discuss here. Trust me, it’s not just because adopting children would “crimp our style” or anything. We’re just trying to find our calling being a childless couple, and as I’ve shared before, that’s made me feel like an outsider in the Church sometimes as lots of other families make up for the children we lack.

Thanks for your understanding.
 
Cygnus_X1 said:
What gets me is that there’s nothing I can do, try as I might, to affirm her femininity. She’s told me she’s had to mourn that loss in her life. What can I do for her?
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I am so sorry you are going through this. My prayers are with you.

When my fertility was in doubt, I found that I really wanted to “fru-fru” my entire life. I went through a period of wanting a lot of lace in my house and wearing lots of very feminine clothes. Although I was single at the time, so I probably felt different than your wife does.

I would say to be very patient during this trying time. You are grieving too. Men and women grieve differently. Give her lots of time. That she is aware that she must mourn this time is a very feminine response. Many women mourn during menopause too. Just keep an eye out for true depression, but otherwise do what you would normally do during a tragedy. This is a tragedy for her and she needs to be allowed to mourn it as such. Also be aware that she is also mourning the loss of being able to give you children even if you seem fine with it.

That she is mourning the loss of motherhood shows how deeply feminine she is. I am asking Our Lady to intercede for her. God bless you both.
 
Cygnus_X1 said:
What gets me is that there’s nothing I can do, try as I might, to affirm her femininity. She’s told me she’s had to mourn that loss in her life. What can I do for her?

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Check out the Women of Grace material. It is so beautiful. It talks about the role of women and how we are called to give life, not just physical but spiritual. I can’t do it justice.
 
Cygnus_X1 said:
We do not feel called to adopt for a number of reasons that I will not discuss here. Trust me, it’s not just because adopting children would “crimp our style” or anything. We’re just trying to find our calling being a childless couple, and as I’ve shared before, that’s made me feel like an outsider in the Church sometimes as lots of other families make up for the children we lack.

Thanks for your understanding.
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This may be the case for now, but don’t rule it out forever. You may feel differently in a few years. God has a plan for you, but none of us know what that is right now. Keep your focus on Him, and He will lead you where you need to be.
 
waitngnjyflhope said:
Does anybody know of some good books that deal with infertility? I am looking for ones that, preferably, have a Christian undertone, or at least don’t delve into not so good technologies. Thank you.
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This is not a Christian book, and the authors do deal with IVF and other morally wrong techniques, but I just finished reading a book called A Few Good Eggs: 2 Chicks Dish About Overcoming Infertility. I don’t know anyone in real life to discuss this with and the book was just so conversational. It was comforting to just read about a couple of couples dealing with this issue.

We’re still finding our way through this maze. DH got his little swimmers tested and has a low normal count; his doc gave him a prescription for low dose of testosterone in hopes of getting his count up a bit. My doc doesn’t quite get the urgency we’re feeling (I’m going to be 30 in a couple of months and want to get started on a family–if I’m absolutely infertile we’ll deal with that and start working on adopting). So, DH’s next appointment is this month and I’m going to go with him and we’ll talk to his doc.

After doing some more reading, it sounds like my periods aren’t normal (I spot for 3-5 days b/f my actual period)–I have a short luteal phase. In looking at charts for several months, it’s usually 9-12 days. Hopefully DH doctor can steer us in the right direction to fix this.
 
Women of Grace is foundational study series for Catholic Women. It isn’t about fertility or infertility it teaches the role of women in the Church. Johnnette Benkovic is the the Author. We have a group of women in the Full of Grace Women and the Abundant Life group. It has really helped all of us in our crosses in life.

I have had a continued battle with many fertility issues. I have buried babies, many surgeries for endo., and an ongoing fight with unbalanced hormones. I have been working with Doctors who practice in Napro and pray to have as many children as God wills.
 
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