Infertility

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Pumpkin said:
On the origional Infertility thread b4 the forums went down I introduced myself. DH and I have been TTC a little over 2 years now. We have never been pregnant.

We are beginning to look into adoption after 2 years of TTC using NFP, Fertility Care and Creighton. Does anyone know the age limitations that adoption agencies place on couples? A friend of mine who adopted said that our local Catholic Social Services considers people over the age of 35 old :confused: they do not adopt to people over 35. Have any of you experienced similar issues? DH is 36 and I will be 32 in Dec.

3 more questions…
How emotionally taxing was the the adoption process for you?
Was it as emotionally difficult as the monthly ups and downs you experienced while TTC without any success?

Also, I am 100% convinced about adoption, DH is still fearful of being able to love a child that is not his own as much as a biological child. How did you or your spouses overcome this fear?

Thanks in advance!
Pumpkin
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A little story here…

I have a cousin who married very young (at the age of 17 and her husband was 21 at the time). They tried for 5 years to have children to no avail. Finally, they decided to adopt. They adopted a baby boy (months old). After they adopted, something miraculous occured! She became pregnant and after that to make the long story short, they ended up having 4 more!

God Bless!
 
argon091076 said:
A little story here…

I have a cousin who married very young (at the age of 17 and her husband was 21 at the time). They tried for 5 years to have children to no avail. Finally, they decided to adopt. They adopted a baby boy (months old). After they adopted, something miraculous occured! She became pregnant and after that to make the long story short, they ended up having 4 more!

God Bless!
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I got a dog because the doctors told me I couldn’t have children… 9 months later my first was born.

Seriously,
Thank you all for your encouragement to each other and to all the readers. I have read but never posted in this thread. It has been so tough praying for just one more when I was so blest with the miracles I did have. When I got married (remarried that is) in Aug 2005, I didn’t think it would be this hard to get pregnant again. I know it’s an age thing (I’m 43) but going through the positive pregnancy tests after being a week late and then getting my period the very next day after getting a positive test has just been too much!!! This has happened 3 times in the past year and I am now wondering if I will ever have a successful pregnancy. If anyone could say a few prayers… I would really appreciate it.
 
We are about to complete our second adoption in April. It has been a 2 year process. It has been frustrating, but I don’t think more frustrating than not doing it. What I think I did wrong this time was wanting things to happen when I wanted. Patience has never been a strong suit of mine. But what I did right was keep heading in the direction of adoption.

As far as loving an adopted child as much as a bio child. That is just fear talking. Maybe you could point out to your husband that he might be living in his fear. The devil loves when we live in our fears. It keeps us from doing God’s work. Why does your husband love you? You aren’t biologically related to him. It is about commitment. How many parents worry about if they can love their second child as much as their first? It happens that they find they have a lot of love in their hearts anyway. What does biology give us any way? Maybe a few physical traits in common, but maybe not. Our adopted son looks so much like our bio son that people either think they are both bio or adopted. My bio son apparently looks like my husband. I can’t say because my husband was in a major motorcycle accident and looks nothing like his biological self. My adopted son acts more like me and I understand his personality better than my bio son whose personality is nothing like mine or my husband. I personally can’t imagine my life without my adopted son. It is certainly richer with him in it. I’m glad I didn’t let my fear stop me. I know I wondered if I would love him the same. Guess what I don’t love him the same as my bio child. I love both my children equally, but as their own individual selves. I can’t even begin to imagine what my adopted son’s life would have been like w/o being adopted. It breaks my heart to even think about it. Your husband can do it, but he has to make up his mind. I really is up to him to decide.
 
Thank you for your reflections about your adoptions. It is really good to read and think about from a first hand view.

I also had a thought to share and was wondering if I am the only one that feels this way or if there are others. I’m hoping there are others.

A good friend just had her first child. A few of her friends took over a casserole this evening for her and her husband as they just moved on top of the new baby.
It was somewhat difficult to be there. I felt very happy for them and loved to see the baby. I didn’t feel jealousy or envy in the sense, “I don’t want them to have this”. However, I did see the beauty of their family and longed for it.
Longed for it that it hurt me. Hurt because I don’t know the will of God for our family life. Hurt because I think of my cycles and the dread I feel when I near the end and the next one starts. Hurt because I don’t have the answers and everybody is continuously nosy/rude when they ask us about children, to the point where I can’t bear to talk about it with anyone for fear all they will say is, “enjoy being just with your husband” “you have so much time” “are you contracepting?” " are you delaying for a good reason?" “you are ‘financially stable’, why don’t you have a baby?”…
Thank you for reading and saying a prayer or two. Know that y’all are in mine.
 
mom2boyz said:
We are about to complete our second adoption in April. It has been a 2 year process. It has been frustrating, but I don’t think more frustrating than not doing it. What I think I did wrong this time was wanting things to happen when I wanted. Patience has never been a strong suit of mine. But what I did right was keep heading in the direction of adoption.

As far as loving an adopted child as much as a bio child. That is just fear talking. Maybe you could point out to your husband that he might be living in his fear. The devil loves when we live in our fears. It keeps us from doing God’s work. Why does your husband love you? You aren’t biologically related to him. It is about commitment. How many parents worry about if they can love their second child as much as their first? It happens that they find they have a lot of love in their hearts anyway. What does biology give us any way? Maybe a few physical traits in common, but maybe not. Our adopted son looks so much like our bio son that people either think they are both bio or adopted. My bio son apparently looks like my husband. I can’t say because my husband was in a major motorcycle accident and looks nothing like his biological self. My adopted son acts more like me and I understand his personality better than my bio son whose personality is nothing like mine or my husband. I personally can’t imagine my life without my adopted son. It is certainly richer with him in it. I’m glad I didn’t let my fear stop me. I know I wondered if I would love him the same. Guess what I don’t love him the same as my bio child. I love both my children equally, but as their own individual selves. I can’t even begin to imagine what my adopted son’s life would have been like w/o being adopted. It breaks my heart to even think about it. Your husband can do it, but he has to make up his mind. I really is up to him to decide.
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Everything you posted here is so true!

Before it did pass through my mind to adopt, but now I feel that I want to adopt!

God Bless Your Heart!!
 
BlestOne said:
I got a dog because the doctors told me I couldn’t have children… 9 months later my first was born.

Seriously,
Thank you all for your encouragement to each other and to all the readers. I have read but never posted in this thread. It has been so tough praying for just one more when I was so blest with the miracles I did have. When I got married (remarried that is) in Aug 2005, I didn’t think it would be this hard to get pregnant again. I know it’s an age thing (I’m 43) but going through the positive pregnancy tests after being a week late and then getting my period the very next day after getting a positive test has just been too much!!! This has happened 3 times in the past year and I am now wondering if I will ever have a successful pregnancy. If anyone could say a few prayers… I would really appreciate it.
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OK… now I really need your prayers… got a positive test this morning and based on my past track record… I will be getting my period any day now.
 
BlestOne said:
OK… now I really need your prayers… got a positive test this morning and based on my past track record… I will be getting my period any day now.
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Have you seen a Dr.? It sounds like you may be low on progesterone. You may need to see a RE (reproductive endocrinologist), they are much more highly trained in the hormone aspect than most OB/GYNs. Or have you checked out www.popepaulvi.com ? Their Drs and practitioners are also much more highly trained than the normal docs. They would know if a progesterone supplement (or something else) would help you maintain a pregnancy. Please get this checked by someone who knows what they are doing! Praying for you!
 
Teakafrog said:
Have you seen a Dr.? It sounds like you may be low on progesterone. You may need to see a RE (reproductive endocrinologist), they are much more highly trained in the hormone aspect than most OB/GYNs. Or have you checked out www.popepaulvi.com ? Their Drs and practitioners are also much more highly trained than the normal docs. They would know if a progesterone supplement (or something else) would help you maintain a pregnancy. Please get this checked by someone who knows what they are doing! Praying for you!
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Thanks! I have to go to assigned doctors with our insurance. Anyway, this time the pink line showed up brighter than bright and right away… the last couple times it was very faint. I altered my diet a bit to promote better implantation too.

Years ago, before my daughter, I had very high progesterone and low estrogen but I haven’t had that testing repeated in like 14 years since right after my daughter was born when I went way low on Progesterone and way high on Estrogen after her birth. I haven’t been to an OB-GYN since then.

Working out a deal with my boss so I am covered by insurance. I pointed out that I couldn’t go to the doctors since I owe $2100 but I saved him $8055 in the last 15 months by not carrying insurance. I think he is gonna pay my bill.
 
BlestOne said:
OK… now I really need your prayers… got a positive test this morning and based on my past track record… I will be getting my period any day now.
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Let us know–we’ll definitely be praying for you.

DH and I saw his doc today. It was actually a very good experience. We talked about options with him; I wanted to see if there was anything we could do here before moving on to a specialist. He was very upfront in what he could and couldn’t do for us, which I really appreciated. We decided to go see a specialist. The most amazing thing was, he asked if he could pray with us!!! I’ve never in my life had a doctor do that; it was wonderful, it had me tearing up.

Can any of you help me with a ballpark estimate on what you’ve paid for fertility testing? Blood work, the test that’s done to check fallopian tubes, ultrasounds? Our insurance won’t cover anything for fertility treatments, so I’m wondering what we might be getting in to. I know we’re all over the country, so prices may vary, but I’m just wondering about an estimate.

Also, I’m ready to call on Monday to set up an appointment(the doc thought we could just call, if not, we’ll see if he can refer us)–I’m on day 16 of my cycle now, should I wait to see if I start my period and then call, or just call and talk to the office? I’m thinking that’s what I’ll do, but I’m wondering.
 
Hi Aurora- I sent you a private message to answer what I could of your questions.

Thanks-
 
I am so flustered! I am trying to just hold on. I have had two preborn children die in one year. Right now my husband and I are using NFP to not acheive. I have had fertile mucus all month. We have only been intimate twice in two months. I am working with a doctor and will be going to PJP VI institute in June. I miss my husband. We are still grieveing the lose of our children. Baby Joseph’s due date is April 13. Baby Theresa was born dead on Mother’s Day of last year. This is so hard! I am praying that I can have a regular cycle so that my husband and I can be intimate again. Neither one of us could handle another pregnancy ending with another death at this time. Will you please pray for us?
 
dkoinzan said:
I am so flustered! I am trying to just hold on. I have had two preborn children die in one year. Right now my husband and I are using NFP to not acheive. I have had fertile mucus all month. We have only been intimate twice in two months. I am working with a doctor and will be going to PJP VI institute in June. I miss my husband. We are still grieveing the lose of our children. Baby Joseph’s due date is April 13. Baby Theresa was born dead on Mother’s Day of last year. This is so hard! I am praying that I can have a regular cycle so that my husband and I can be intimate again. Neither one of us could handle another pregnancy ending with another death at this time. Will you please pray for us?
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I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.

Sincerely,

Maria1212
 
St. Rita, St. Gerard, St. Gianna, pray for this couple that they may find the cause of their losses and deliver a healthy child. Amen.
 
Many prayers for you, my dear.

I also ask some prayers this day. I am headed to the doctor for a test and to get results from recent blood tests. We’re tracking some autoimmune issues right now. Thank you!
 
Praying for everyone here.

Can I add to the prayer requests? I finally saw a gyno last week about our infertility. He felt something funky w/ my uterus. I had an ultrasound yesterday and they found one large (11 by 8 cm) cyst behind my uterus and multiple smaller cysts around my ovaries. The next step is to go in laproscopically to see what exactly these are and to decide how best to remove them. Fortunately my only symptom is the infertility; I got to reading on line yesterday and it sounds like this can be horribly painful for many women, almost debilitating; I actually feel lucky, if you can believe it.

Anyway, we meet with him again Thursday to discuss our next course of action. Please pray for us! We can definitely use it.
 
I am praying for all on the thread and I decided to offer up tomarrow for all of us. Tomarrow is the day my son was to be born. God Bless!
 
I’d like to ask for prayers here too. I had a laparotomy last week by Dr. Hilgers, and a laparoscopy 2 days ago. I developed an infection, and had a never-yet-seen-before reaction to some of the gels used to treat my adhesions. Though I am comfortable and recovering, I just ask that my prayers be answered and that my husband and I would be given the chance to be parents at least once. We are only trying for 12 more months.
 
My wife and I have been married for 22 years as of today. (Thank you Lord!)

We have never been able to conceive (to our knowledge). That was the biggest challenge our marriage faced, and lasted for some time. We know the frustrations, impatience, embarrassment and hopelessness that comes from such a situation.

I wanted to share a personal experience, perhaps it will help someone today. After ten years, tests, a surgery, more tests, medication, adoption agency applications (and rejections), and our own disagreements on what to do, we just ‘gave up’. Surrendered. And it was not a happy surrender, but more of a ‘this is something we’ll never be able to figure out or be happy with, we’re so exhausted and spent we can’t do anything else’.

Only after we stopped trying so hard to ‘make’ something happen was when God showed his greatness. Out of the blue, we got a phone call from a friend, and 4 months later adopted a beautiful baby girl at birth. Nine years after that, God touched us again; we got a phone call and 3 days later we took home another newborn baby girl.

In both cases, someone needed us really badly. They were a gift to us and we were a gift to them, courtesy of God. God eventually makes his plans known when he is ready, not when we want him to. I feel that we needed to go through this ‘purification’ before we were ready for what God had in mind for us.

One bit of advice. Let people know your situation. Let them know that you are willing to make a commitment to a family. It may be embarrassing, but it really shouldn’t be something to be embarrassed about. You will have their prayers and their hearts.

Dan
 
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