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Gisella
Guest
Have you tried seeing a fertility specialist?
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prayful
Guest
yes, we have done 3 ivf’s with no success. they never found anything wrong with either of us, but I am now almost 44 yr old, so we would have to use donor eggs if we did ivf again and I would rather use to money to adopt
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Gisella
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mom2boyz
Guest
Prayful,
Has your husband given any reasons why he isn’t interested in adopting internationally? Sometimes people are scared of the stories they hear. In the news are only the bad things. If his reasons are based on these kinds of fears, maybe meeting some families that have adopted internationally would help. All children bring their own struggles including bio children. There are no perfect children as much as we parent would like to think ours are.
Has your husband given any reasons why he isn’t interested in adopting internationally? Sometimes people are scared of the stories they hear. In the news are only the bad things. If his reasons are based on these kinds of fears, maybe meeting some families that have adopted internationally would help. All children bring their own struggles including bio children. There are no perfect children as much as we parent would like to think ours are.
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brandymmiller
Guest
Laura -
I am sure your husband is against adoption because he is afraid he couldn’t love a child that wasn’t his biologically as much as he would love one who was born from both of you. I would look and see if there is a support group in the area for parents who have adopted internationally, and then try to get him involved. This way he can meet men who have adopted, and listen to their stories, and maybe he will change his mind.
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prayful
Guest
A friend of DH told him a story about how international adoption is all about bribes and being lied to . Now , no matter what I say about international adoption , he won’t listen. I have begged him to go to information sessions where you meet people who have adopted internationally and he has refused. I can’t believe we are going to miss out on the joy of being parents. I am not sure If I can ever forgive him for this. He would be a great dad. I would try to Napo process if I wasn’t almost 44 yr old.
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Teakafrog
Guest
Why does it have to be international? Why not adopt domestically?
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prayful
Guest
We have been trying to adopt for almost 2 yrs domestically and it hasn’t worked, either the birthmom changed her mind at the last minute or the birthmother has some major medical diagnosis.
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dkoinzan
Guest
I take care of a child who was adopted. Her parents were married over ten years ago. I am not sure how long they waited to become adoptive parents, but I know they would tell you she was worth the wait. I know without a shadow of a doubt that she was given to her adoptive parents by God. Trust in him. His plan for us is so much better than our plans, after all his plan is to get us to heaven.
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mom2boyz
Guest
It really doesn’t matter whether the child is a bio child, adopted domestically, or adopted internationally. Either way there is a risk that the child will have some type of problem. I know many people with bio children who have severe medical issues (muscular dystrophy, hemophilia, cerebral palsy, cancer, autism, asperger’s, severe mental retardation, etc.). I know a few who have adopted children with attatchment problems. But the vast majority of the children who are either adopted or bio are healthy or have minor problems.
As for the bribe issue, there are countries where the process weeds this out. But really one has to understand how thing are accomplished outside the USA. In many countries bribary is a way of life. Ask any Mexican. It is expected. So if this is abhorrant to you then don’t go to Guatamala. We’ve adopted twice from Russia. We used reputable agencies and never once was asked for more money by either the agency or anyone in Russia. We signed a contract and both times the fees in the contract were what we paid. Now having said that, I am sure that some of that money went to grease the wheel in the first adoption. I don’t believe it did in the second adoption.
Now if money went to grease the wheel, I frankly don’t care. It was done out of my sight. But most importantly it got 2 children out of situations that left them w/o futures. I can’t think of a better way to spend money. Saving two children from a life of lack of food, loving care and minimal schooling, and a future of being put on the streets at age 16 to fend for themselves which usually means prostitution, stealing or mafia is a good use of the money God has provide for us IMO.
Our adopted children are beautiful (If I do say so myself), healthy, and intelligent. Both have experienced minor speech delays, but this is correctable. They have attached w/o any problems.
We chose international adoption because it was going to be quicker. The 1st time was 11 months and that included the months we took off because my brother died. The second was 2 years.
As for the bribe issue, there are countries where the process weeds this out. But really one has to understand how thing are accomplished outside the USA. In many countries bribary is a way of life. Ask any Mexican. It is expected. So if this is abhorrant to you then don’t go to Guatamala. We’ve adopted twice from Russia. We used reputable agencies and never once was asked for more money by either the agency or anyone in Russia. We signed a contract and both times the fees in the contract were what we paid. Now having said that, I am sure that some of that money went to grease the wheel in the first adoption. I don’t believe it did in the second adoption.
Now if money went to grease the wheel, I frankly don’t care. It was done out of my sight. But most importantly it got 2 children out of situations that left them w/o futures. I can’t think of a better way to spend money. Saving two children from a life of lack of food, loving care and minimal schooling, and a future of being put on the streets at age 16 to fend for themselves which usually means prostitution, stealing or mafia is a good use of the money God has provide for us IMO.
Our adopted children are beautiful (If I do say so myself), healthy, and intelligent. Both have experienced minor speech delays, but this is correctable. They have attached w/o any problems.
We chose international adoption because it was going to be quicker. The 1st time was 11 months and that included the months we took off because my brother died. The second was 2 years.
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Teakafrog
Guest
I always find other peoples’ adoption stories interesting. And I wonder why so many are so difficult? It took us 5 months start to finish to get a perfectly healthy newborn. I know that our agency says most people come home with a baby in well under a year. We had referrals on 10 babies in that 5 months, so I know the babies are out there. 
Hmmmmm.
Hmmmmm.
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mom2boyz
Guest
It is always God’s will. I also think that sometimes there is another force that doesn’t want the goodness that adoption brings. Despite my brother dying unexpectedly, our 1st was done in under a year which might have been sooner if I hadn’t been grieving. I can’t say adopting while grieving was easy. Then with the second. There were just many unforseen obstacles. Neighbors in a new neighborhood who didn’t want to help write a letter of recommendation for the homestudy and people who killed their Russian born adopted children. W/O those things it would have been under a year for the second. I firmly believe that we are each called by God. Many are called to have bio children. Some are called to adopt domestically. I know I am called to adopt internationally. When I look back on my life I can see how God has groomed me for this calling.
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Teakafrog
Guest
Oh yes, I didn’t mean you specifically. I’m sorry if I worded that badly. Your situation sounds great–only a year for an int’l is very good. We have several family members who have adopted int’l, from Russia, China, and Columbia. We thought about it ourselves, but couldn’t afford it. Those kids certainly need good loving homes, and I’m glad people are able to provide them.
I guess what I was trying (apparently badly) to say was that it is quite strange to me that you hear so many people say they’ve tried to adopt for years without success, when we found so many babies out there, both domestically and int’l when we were looking. If we would have had more money, we could have easily adopted from several countries, but even without it, there were lots of kids here who needed homes. I guess I just don’t understand why the process is not more streamlined, or more equitable for everyone. I’m just wondering about how the adoption system as a whole just seems to let some people fall through the cracks, while others, like (thanks be to God) us, had no problem at all. We filled out the papers, got a bunch of calls, and ended up with a healthy newborn in just a few months time. Why isn’t it like that for more people?
I guess what I was trying (apparently badly) to say was that it is quite strange to me that you hear so many people say they’ve tried to adopt for years without success, when we found so many babies out there, both domestically and int’l when we were looking. If we would have had more money, we could have easily adopted from several countries, but even without it, there were lots of kids here who needed homes. I guess I just don’t understand why the process is not more streamlined, or more equitable for everyone. I’m just wondering about how the adoption system as a whole just seems to let some people fall through the cracks, while others, like (thanks be to God) us, had no problem at all. We filled out the papers, got a bunch of calls, and ended up with a healthy newborn in just a few months time. Why isn’t it like that for more people?
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mom2boyz
Guest
I too have wondered the same thing. I guess that is just one of those life mysteries.
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Asillia
Guest
Hi, I have a quick question for you all…
I’m 25 and I just started my NFP charting (I’m getting married in 6 months)…I just completed my first cycle and I have a luteal phase of 8 days. I know that this can cause a lot of problems with sustaining a pregnancy, because any fertilized egg can’t implant in time.
If you know you are at a high risk for miscarriage/rejecting the fertilized egg, is it morally permissible to have sex at all? It seems to me that I’m basically concieving with the knowledge that the life will die, and therefore guilty of an abortion each month. I really need to know now because if this is the case, I need to explain to my fiance why we will have to live a celibate marriage, or at least give him time to break the engagement. Or am I being overly legalistic? (I can tend to scrupulosity at times).
Also, how common is it in a normal woman to have a short luteal phase? Might this be a fluke, or is this something that is going to be consistent from month to month?
Thanks
I’m 25 and I just started my NFP charting (I’m getting married in 6 months)…I just completed my first cycle and I have a luteal phase of 8 days. I know that this can cause a lot of problems with sustaining a pregnancy, because any fertilized egg can’t implant in time.
If you know you are at a high risk for miscarriage/rejecting the fertilized egg, is it morally permissible to have sex at all? It seems to me that I’m basically concieving with the knowledge that the life will die, and therefore guilty of an abortion each month. I really need to know now because if this is the case, I need to explain to my fiance why we will have to live a celibate marriage, or at least give him time to break the engagement. Or am I being overly legalistic? (I can tend to scrupulosity at times).
Also, how common is it in a normal woman to have a short luteal phase? Might this be a fluke, or is this something that is going to be consistent from month to month?
Thanks
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Teakafrog
Guest
Good for you for finding out now! Now you can do something about it! Go see your OB, and if they’re not helpful, go to a RE (reproductive endocrinologist) and find out what you can do to fix it. I think they usually give progesterone supplements for that, but I’m sure someone here will correct me if I’m wrong. But you’re right, it could just be an irregularity, you might have a normal length LP next month. So keep charting, but do make an appointment to get it checked out.Hi, I have a quick question for you all…
I’m 25 and I just started my NFP charting (I’m getting married in 6 months)…I just completed my first cycle and I have a luteal phase of 8 days. I know that this can cause a lot of problems with sustaining a pregnancy, because any fertilized egg can’t implant in time.
If you know you are at a high risk for miscarriage/rejecting the fertilized egg, is it morally permissible to have sex at all? It seems to me that I’m basically concieving with the knowledge that the life will die, and therefore guilty of an abortion each month. I really need to know now because if this is the case, I need to explain to my fiance why we will have to live a celibate marriage, or at least give him time to break the engagement. Or am I being overly legalistic? (I can tend to scrupulosity at times).
Also, how common is it in a normal woman to have a short luteal phase? Might this be a fluke, or is this something that is going to be consistent from month to month?
Thanks
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LittleDeb
Guest
There is nothing immoral in spontaneous abortion. It is only in procured abortion. Spontaneous miscarriages are more common than most people realize.Hi, I have a quick question for you all…
I’m 25 and I just started my NFP charting (I’m getting married in 6 months)…I just completed my first cycle and I have a luteal phase of 8 days. I know that this can cause a lot of problems with sustaining a pregnancy, because any fertilized egg can’t implant in time.
If you know you are at a high risk for miscarriage/rejecting the fertilized egg, is it morally permissible to have sex at all? It seems to me that I’m basically concieving with the knowledge that the life will die, and therefore guilty of an abortion each month. I really need to know now because if this is the case, I need to explain to my fiance why we will have to live a celibate marriage, or at least give him time to break the engagement. Or am I being overly legalistic? (I can tend to scrupulosity at times).
Also, how common is it in a normal woman to have a short luteal phase? Might this be a fluke, or is this something that is going to be consistent from month to month?
Thanks
Yes, see a specialist if you can. A boost in B vitamins (B6, B12) can lengthen luteal phases from a charting perspective. To support a pregnancy, Teakafrog is right, I believe they will give a progesterone supplement.
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dkoinzan
Guest
Asillia, I second all that advice!
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Chovy
Guest
Asillia- I just wanted to also note that sometimes with the stress of wedding planning, a woman’s cycle gets a little goofy. So, I wouldn’t worry too much about a short luteal phase until you can detect a longer pattern.
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Asillia
Guest
Thanks so much for all your advice I will definitely look into some B supplements if this happens this month, and make an appointment if it continues. I’m also glad I was able to locate this now. The funny thing is, my cycle was a 28 day cycle, but my peak day, and my first high, weren’t until day 20 (The thermal shift was very pronounced, so I have no doubt that I calculated it right).
I also spoke with my priest (whom I trust to give good, sound advice) and he said that the moral issue isn’t one because it isn’t willed, and because conception can still happen. Then he said the really holy thing to do was to keep having sex (when we get married, of course!) in the hopes we conceive. Ha! Best advice I ever got from a priest
We also hope to adopt one day so no matter what (God willing!) we will have some children.
I will definitely look into some B supplements if this happens this month, and make an appointment if it continues. I’m also glad I was able to locate this now. The funny thing is, my cycle was a 28 day cycle, but my peak day, and my first high, weren’t until day 20 (The thermal shift was very pronounced, so I have no doubt that I calculated it right).I also spoke with my priest (whom I trust to give good, sound advice) and he said that the moral issue isn’t one because it isn’t willed, and because conception can still happen. Then he said the really holy thing to do was to keep having sex (when we get married, of course!) in the hopes we conceive. Ha! Best advice I ever got from a priest
We also hope to adopt one day so no matter what (God willing!) we will have some children.
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