Infertility

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In the US adoption costs range dramatically. You can do a private adoption for a few hundred dollars in lawyer fees, or spend upwards of $30,000 on an international adoption. Most are in between. 😉
We also get a federal tax credit of somewhere around $10,000 for adoption expenses, and some states give tax credits as well. Not to mention employer sponsored adoption expense reimbursements, and private foundations that give grants. And you can get personal loans to cover the cost. So for most people, adoption can be affordable.
I don’t know what is available in your country, but you could look for some of these types of ways to help with financing. Good luck!
 
Thank you Teakafrog
Im from Denmark. Here International adoption is the only possibility and the cost is 20-30.000 This is unrealistic for us for the next at least 7-10 years. And that is certainly a loong time when I am already now longing so much to become a mom.
But all is in Gods Hands:)
Annibc
 
Hi,

I found this thread while doing a search for “clomid” “Catholic” and “morality.” My husband and I have been asking God for the gift of a child since our wedding, one and a half years ago.

I’m so disappointed in the supposedly Catholic hospital I went to. They have signs all over advertising birth control and the doctor asked me if I was willing to try… (list of all sorts of things against Catholic teaching.) I was so shocked. I told him I wasn’t interested in anything immoral or against Catholic teaching. Then he suggests clomid even though this was my first visit to him and he had just looked at my NFP charts that show perfectly fine cycles. Has anyone else had a similar experience? I felt like just a number being pushed through the system.
 
Philothea27 - yes I know what you mean. I have just gone through the round of infertility testing (bloodwork, hsg, PC test, etc.). Results came back fine and my RE basically didn’t know what to do with me so, visibly irritated that we were not interested in IVF or AI, just gave me some clomid and sent me home. I haven’t taken it (yet). After all that went down last month I made an appointment for a second opinion at a Catholic, pro-life ob/gyn about 1.5hrs away. We will see what he says.

From what I understand, Clomid can be prescribed for a number of irregularites in your cycle (some visible, some not). But, I would like to find a dr who is actually interested in ferreting out this problem rather than just giving me some pills and shooing me out of the office as quickly as possible.

My regular obgyn - who said he was catholic - also said I might need IVF. I told him that was against catholic teaching. He said he had no idea and we had a rather tense discussion. Yes, he could have been “non-truthful” about not knowing but I believe that he really didn’t know. He interrogated me pointedly and was a little defensive - which I think is how smart people act when they discover that they don’t know everything. I subsequently got a book from the Paul VI institute and sent it to him. Can’t wait for my next appointment. 🙂

DH and I also have been married and ttc for about 1.5 year. Not easy, especially when my sis in laws have, respectively, 4, 4 with one on the way and 1 with one on the way. Also we belong to a latin mass parish where most people have at least 5 - 8 kids, and the major topic of discussion in the social room is who’s pregnant.

My mother in law keeps on sending me novenas to say and proposing various spiritual exercises (hey you could go to Quebec this Saturday to pray for a baby - we live in Virginia). We have been praying all along and I don’t think the issue here is that we are saying the wrong novena. I have already offered up any sufferings associated with infertilty in a blanket sense but also try to remember to do so when a particular suffering comes up. I am thinking now that if it’s not in God’s plan for me to be a mother, then what am I supposed to do instead? Just tell me, please.
 
cdesi said:
But, I would like to find a dr who is actually interested in ferreting out this problem rather than just giving me some pills and shooing me out of the office as quickly as possible.

I am thinking now that if it’s not in God’s plan for me to be a mother, then what am I supposed to do instead? Just tell me, please.
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Maybe you need to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist. I saw at least 5 different OB/GYNs who never diagnosed my PCOS before I went to a RE who literally took one look at me and said, “You have PCOS–You have all the symptoms”. So that is a thought, except that most of them will also push IVF. For me, it was worth going there to be diagnosed, then got follow up at an OB who is willing to work with me in the context of morally acceptable treatments–and clomid IS one of those.

And who says you can’t be a mother just because you can’t get pregnant? There’s always adoption. DH and I always knew we would adopt at some point, we just thought we would have bio kids first. God had other plans. Now we have both bio and adopted kids. Just pray to know His will, but don’t exclude any possibilities. His ways are not always what we have planned for ourselves.
 
Teakafrog- Yes that is true. We have not made up our minds on that yet. My husband keeps saying let’s see if we can have bio kids first.

I will admit that I have done ZERO real research on adoption so far. I do have a sensitive question, though, that perhaps you could answer: Let me explain - we are working-class, traditional catholics. We live in the country. My husband doesn’t make a lot of money and we rent an 800sqft house. It’s an absolute given that I won’t be working full-time if/when children arrive on the scene (maybe part-time, at night, if nec.). It’s an absolute given that we will homeschool. Our social center is our parish. We are completely happy with our lifestyle and certainly think that it makes for a fanstastic enviroment to raise children. However, to someone who lives more in accordance with mainstream culture (like a social worker, for instance), I can see where this would be a little unusual. Do you think that any of this would have an impact on our ability to adopt?

Also, to me adoption seems like a long, expensive and emotional journey. I’m already on one of those right now. I don’t know if I have the stamina to embark on another one.
 
I really don’t think lifestyle will be a problem. The only thing is the small house–will the child have a bedroom? They do usually want them to have their own room. Other than that, as long as you are financially stable enough to support the child (no excessive debt, enough income to cover bills plus some emergencies, have health insurance, etc), that isn’t a problem either. Usually a strong faith life is a plus. Of course this all depends entirely on how you go about your adoption–different agencies will have different requirements.

And as for adoption in general, I will repeat my standard advice–research, research, research! Knowledge is power when is comes to adoption. Read up on all types of adoption–international, domestic, foster, private, agency, etc., so that you can make an informed decision. Know what your state’s laws are, and find out exactly what the requirements are of the program you decide to go with. It may take months to years to get through this step before you decide exactly which type of adoption is right for your family. And that’s OK! Just keep praying about it, and He will lead you where you need to be.
 
I just want to become a mom but now we have been trying for 17 months and I just got my period again. I just feel so sad. It is like it is the most important thing in my life and it just doesnt work out. I don’t know where to go with all this sadness. As for adoption my husband and I cant afford that.
Amber
 
Amber2 said:
I just want to become a mom but now we have been trying for 17 months and I just got my period again. I just feel so sad. It is like it is the most important thing in my life and it just doesnt work out. I don’t know where to go with all this sadness. As for adoption my husband and I cant afford that.
Amber
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My DH and I have been trying for 15 months, Amber…I’m so sorry you are having to go through this too. :hug1: :hug1: :hug1:

Has your doctor run any tests to check for basic hormone problems? It is substantially cheaper than adoption, and many times is covered by insurance if you also have cycle irregularities/pain, etc. It’s not always the magic answer, but you just never know…🙂
 
Dear Kevinsgirl
I did have my hormone levels checked and they are just fine. I obviously ovulate every month … I am happy to hear from someone who is in the same situation. It is difficult for the people who I am normally close to, to understand me in this.
I can also see that we are almost on the same day in our cycle, I guess I am on day one. So keep me updated.
Hugs
Amber
 
Amber2 said:
Dear Kevinsgirl
I did have my hormone levels checked and they are just fine. I obviously ovulate every month … I am happy to hear from someone who is in the same situation. It is difficult for the people who I am normally close to, to understand me in this.
I can also see that we are almost on the same day in our cycle, I guess I am on day one. So keep me updated.
Hugs
Amber
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Well, just having a period doesn’t necessarily mean you ovulate. The obvious next question, though, is: has your husband been checked? Maybe the problem is his, not yours. Which leads to a whole nother problem, of doing that licitly–by finding a doctor who will check sperm counts using a perforated condom, during marital relations, not masturbation. But that would definitely be my next step, along with getting some Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPKs) to see if you really are ovulating or not. Those are both relatively inexpensive steps that will yield a lot of information about where to go next. Good luck, I know it’s hard waiting.
 
Amber we have been trying for 18 months and it is very sad and frustrating. Most people can’t relate to what you are going through. And (I am also thinking of one person in particular here)sometimes people who have experienced the same thing can be the least understanding (I think that they don’t like to re-live their own pain maybe?). And my husband (who is a very caring and understanding person) really, deep down, doesn’t get how important this is to me. I tell him, but I don’t think that he really, really gets it.

In order not to drive everyone around me crazy, I try not to go on and on about it all the time - but really there is almost no time that a part of me is not thinking about it. This board is great since we can see that there are other people out there experiencing the same thing. It really helps.
 
Like I said the doctor did examine my hormone levels ect (blood work) So I know I am at least in that respect functioning.
My husbands sperm has not been checked since we need to go to a different country to have that done. Where I live there are no catholic hospitals, doctors etc. We might have to go to England. But since starting treatment there is not inexpensive I hesitate to ask my husband that we go there.
Amber
 
Dear Cdesi
I understand your frustration. My husband also does not understand. Though he would like to have children too, it will ever be that important to him. He is always optimistic. And he has his own set of dreams that are on his mind. It must be a gender thing. But it does get lonely and frustrating. My husbands siblings have been babybooming for the last two years. They all have children… except us. I wonder what is wrong with me. I don’t think the problem is my husband because I was pregnant 2,5 years ago. It was an ectopic pregnancy.
What is your story? Maybe we should make a club with Kevinsgirl. For people who waited a looong time.
Thank you
Amber
 
Amber2 said:
Maybe we should make a club with Kevinsgirl. For people who waited a looong time.
Thank you
Amber
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Time does seem to drag when you’re waiting, huh? It took us a year and a half for our first, and 10 YEARS for our second bio kid, but did adopt after ‘only’ 9 years. 😛 First was born in 1996, adopted in 2005, second bio in 2006.

I know that ANY time spent dealing with this is extremely painful. After the first few months, I was driving myself crazy with charting and obsessing on it. The best thing I did for myself, besides praying a lot and finally giving it over to God, was to get real info on what was happening. That involved seeing an RE who gave a correct diagnosis and told us what kinds of treatment might actually work. It was the unknown that bothered me the most, of ‘will I EVER be able to have a baby?’ Of course, adoption was always in the plans, we just had to save up for a few years.
 
Dear Teakafrog
Thank you for sharing your story. It is good to be reminded that it might still happen. But you are so right. The worst thing is the not knowing if I will ever be a mom.
God bless you
Amber
 
Amber2 said:
I did have my hormone levels checked and they are just fine. I obviously ovulate every month … I am happy to hear from someone who is in the same situation. It is difficult for the people who I am normally close to, to understand me in this.
I can also see that we are almost on the same day in our cycle, I guess I am on day one. So keep me updated.
Hugs
Amber
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Well, that’s good that your hormones are good! 👍 Mine aren’t–possibly have PCOS (based on hormone tests–my ovaries aren’t polycystic) and have low progesterone levels. I take Prometrium to supplement during my luteal phase.

That’s cool that we are cycle buddies! 🙂
cdesi said:
Amber we have been trying for 18 months and it is very sad and frustrating. Most people can’t relate to what you are going through. And (I am also thinking of one person in particular here)sometimes people who have experienced the same thing can be the least understanding (I think that they don’t like to re-live their own pain maybe?). And my husband (who is a very caring and understanding person) really, deep down, doesn’t get how important this is to me. I tell him, but I don’t think that he really, really gets it.

In order not to drive everyone around me crazy, I try not to go on and on about it all the time - but really there is almost no time that a part of me is not thinking about it. This board is great since we can see that there are other people out there experiencing the same thing. It really helps.
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:hug1: I don’t know if the two of you have checked out the Pregnant or Not? thread on the parenting forum. It’s mainly women ttc although most of the ladies don’t have problems conceiving, but it’s another supportive place to obsess. 🙂
Amber2 said:
My husbands sperm has not been checked since we need to go to a different country to have that done. Where I live there are no catholic hospitals, doctors etc. We might have to go to England. But since starting treatment there is not inexpensive I hesitate to ask my husband that we go there.
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My DH’s sperm hasn’t been checked yet either. I wanted to wait to do it until we were seeing a specialist as I have a feeling he’s gonna make me repeat some of the tests I did with my OB.

I’m not looking forward to convincing the dr. to let us use a perforated condom, though. 🤷 But you know what is interesting? I was reading an article the other day about how infertility affects many women in developing nations and it discussed how many couples have problems with different parts of fertility treatment, namely the expectation for masturbation to provide a sperm sample. It was surprisingly sympathetic towards their religious beliefs and talked about using a perforated condom. So maybe it won’t be so bad–I’ll just say my culture doesn’t allow it…:rolleyes:

Here’s the article:newsweek.com/id/158625

It’s obviously a very secular view, but I found myself so grateful that I live in a country that doesn’t ostracize a woman for not being able to have children.
Amber2 said:
Dear Cdesi
I understand your frustration. My husband also does not understand. Though he would like to have children too, it will ever be that important to him. He is always optimistic. And he has his own set of dreams that are on his mind. It must be a gender thing. But it does get lonely and frustrating. My husbands siblings have been babybooming for the last two years. They all have children… except us. I wonder what is wrong with me. I don’t think the problem is my husband because I was pregnant 2,5 years ago. It was an ectopic pregnancy.
What is your story? Maybe we should make a club with Kevinsgirl. For people who waited a looong time.
Thank you
Amber
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Ok, I got married in June 2007 and we started ttc right away. Four months later I got pregnant and miscarried almost immediately. We named our little angel Michael Audrey. After the miscarriage I really wanted answers so I pushed for the hormone testing and they found I had low progesterone levels as I had suspected from my charting. I started Prometrium supplements. After 6 more months of trying and approaching our one year wedding anniversary, I asked my doctor about fertility meds. He put me on Clomid and I conceived that first month on it only to miscarry again right away. We named our second little angel Victoria Hope. We were still hopeful, though, as it seemed Clomid was our miracle drug, but after 3 more cycles on Clomid, we still haven’t conceived. Last month was our most aggressive cycle yet with a higher dose of Clomid, u/s to monitor the follicles, and a trigger shot to induce ovulation. So that brings us to the start of this brand new cycle after trying for about 15 months. I made my first appointment with a specialist for next month and am hoping that he will give us some answers. 👍

I’m so sorry to hear that you had an ectopic pregnancy. :hug1:
 
Amber2 said:
I just want to become a mom but now we have been trying for 17 months and I just got my period again. I just feel so sad. It is like it is the most important thing in my life and it just doesnt work out.
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I can relate to that sadness, Amber2. It is such a disappointing let down each month. When my temperature drops, my husband and I know what is coming that day and we feel so sad. What a rollercoaster ride of hope, eager expectation, and then incredible disapointment it is!

Has anybody actually ordered perforated condoms from a place that specifically makes them that way? The doctor said to just get a normal one without spermicide and then wash it in soapy water and puncture it ourselves, but I’d rather not support the industry by buying their products if I can help it.
 
Hi girls
Thankyou for all your support. Kevinsgirl, I was married just one month before you in May 2007;)
I really wonder about this sperm testing. In a way I am afraid to know. I mean, I don’t think my husband is the problem but I think it would be hard for him to carry it if it was. Also if the sperm count is low, I guess the chances of getting pregnant aren’t good.
It has been great talking to you guys but I have decided to have a break from this kind of forums and try to think of other things than pregnancy for a while. It has just become too hard:(
I wish you all the best, and we’ll see each other again inhere in a month or two…
Love A
 
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