Infertility

[Amber2]

Thanks Jen for your response
Wow those prices are quite saltyuch:
I don’t know how we should ever afford that.
I hope to hear soon that you are expecting
Hugs
Amber

 

[pjlagein]

Amber,
My insurance BCBS of North Dakota paid all except for maybe $2000 for the first surgery. The second surgery they weren’t as generous. I don’t understand why insurance will pay for IVF easier than paying for infertility treatments that work with the woman’s body, go figure. Not pregnant yet but in God’s timing we will.

Hugs,
Jen

 

[Amber2]

Dear Jen
This is exactly one of the problems here. We do not live in the states but in Europe in a country that does not have a NaProTechnology clinic. We can’t get any insurance or state support for fertility treatment in a different country
Hugs,
A

 

[Rob_in_Oregon]

Isn’t infertility a message from Heaven that there are other children out there in the world who need your loving home?

Without being judgmental, I’m somewhat astounded at the trouble and expense some of you are going to in order to conceive.

My wife and I resolved to adopt rather than go through invasive, unnatural, and difficult medical procedures.

We have two wonderful kids, adopted as babies. A boy from Korea who is now 13, and a girl from China who is now 10. We can’t tell you how happy we are!

When the adoption caregiver hands you that little blanket with the face peeking out, it won’t matter one whit that the baby wasn’t born to you. Your life, your priorities will change forever, and you will love that child with all your heart.

Don’t continue in this heartache. Adopt! We did, and it’s the most wonderful, most pro-life thing we’ve ever done.

The reputable adoption agencies (we used Holt International Children’s Services, based in Eugene, OR) have meetings where you can listen to a short presentation from other couples who have adopted, and then ask questions.

Why not go to one of these meetings? You’ll find that a big majority of the couples are Christians committed to social justice and pro-life.

Don’t grieve any longer. Look into this. Talk to adoptive couples. Go to a meeting. I will keep all of you in my prayers…

• Rob in Oregon

 

[gam3rchic]

Isn’t infertility a message from Heaven that there are other children out there in the world who need your loving home?

Without being judgmental, I’m somewhat astounded at the trouble and expense some of you are going to in order to conceive.

My wife and I resolved to adopt rather than go through invasive, unnatural, and difficult medical procedures.

We have two wonderful kids, adopted as babies. A boy from Korea who is now 13, and a girl from China who is now 10. We can’t tell you how happy we are!

When the adoption caregiver hands you that little blanket with the face peeking out, it won’t matter one whit that the baby wasn’t born to you. Your life, your priorities will change forever, and you will love that child with all your heart.

Don’t continue in this heartache. Adopt! We did, and it’s the most wonderful, most pro-life thing we’ve ever done.

The reputable adoption agencies (we used Holt International Children’s Services, based in Eugene, OR) have meetings where you can listen to a short presentation from other couples who have adopted, and then ask questions.

Why not go to one of these meetings? You’ll find that a big majority of the couples are Christians committed to social justice and pro-life.

Don’t grieve any longer. Look into this. Talk to adoptive couples. Go to a meeting. I will keep all of you in my prayers…

• Rob in Oregon

While I agree that adopting is a very noble cause, I think this is a rather judgmental and harsh post on us TTC. Adoption isn’t for everyone; everyone has their own unique situation with which they must deal with.

And also, what “invasive, unnatural and difficult” procedures are you speaking of??? As Catholics, we are not doing in-vitro or insemination. All I’m doing is taking a pill for 5 days in my cycle then a shot a week later to ensure I ovulate. This is not “invasive, unnatural or difficult” by any means!!! It’s like taking a pill for blood pressure: your pressure is high, take a pill. My ovaries won’t ovulate, take a pill. It’s called medicine and it’s not “unnatural.”

Also, as a woman I crave to be pregnant and be a biological mother. It’s something that is very painful to think I might never get to carry a life within me like so many countless women can. It’s not as easy as just saying “I give up, I’ll just adopt.” Women WANT to be pregnant with their own babies, that is natural.

And also, even when I do decide to adopt, it’s not like I will never grieve another day that my most basic female function doesn’t work and that I’ll never get the chance to be pregnant. This is something that is so painful, I can not even begin to put it into words. Women who face this carry a huge cross that you belittle by your post by telling us that what we are doing is “unnatural” and we would be happier doing what you did. Not everyone’s situation is the same, what is good for one family is not for the next.

 

[Rob_in_Oregon]

I still think that spending many tens of thousands of dollars on fertility surgeries can be accurately be called, “invasive” and “unnatural.”

This is especially unnecessary when there are so many needy babies out there in the world who will quite probably die, unbaptized, if we don’t adopt them.

Yes, not ever getting pregnant is a loss. But Is God offering you an alternative to dwelling on the loss? Does He have another course for you to take?

It seems I have caused some hard feelings by what I have posted, so I won’t say much more. I apologize to anyone whose feelings have been hurt. It was not my intent to add to anyone’s suffering. I was trying to help.

Best wishes…

• Rob

 

[Morwenna]

I still think that spending many tens of thousands of dollars on fertility surgeries can be accurately be called, “invasive” and “unnatural.”

This is especially unnecessary when there are so many needy babies out there in the world who will quite probably die, unbaptized, if we don’t adopt them.

Yes, not ever getting pregnant is a loss. But Is God offering you an alternative to dwelling on the loss? Does He have another course for you to take?

It seems I have caused some hard feelings by what I have posted, so I won’t say much more. I apologize to anyone whose feelings have been hurt. It was not my intent to add to anyone’s suffering. I was trying to help.

Best wishes…

• Rob

You make a very good point, Rob.

Adoption is something that has been very near and dear to my heart for a long time. If God someday blesses me with a husband, I’d love to adopt a child or children.

I remember years ago seeing a documentary on an orphanage-type facility. Once a month, they would have an ‘open-house’ in which prospective parents would come in to meet and spend time with the children there.

So, every month, the kids would put on their best clothes, comb their hair, and try SO hard to be ‘good’ so that someone would choose them. Every month they would go through this again and again, hoping that THIS time, if they just tried harder, someone would want them. It absolutely broke my heart. :crying:

There are organizations which help with the financial costs involved (I’ve had these bookmarked for years, in the hopes that I’ll one day be able to use them ). Here are a few, if anyone is interested:

giftofadoption.org/About.asp

nafadopt.org/how-we-can-help/how-we-can-help.shtml

members.shaohannahshope.org/site/PageServer?pagename=ado_applicationstart

achildwaits.org/Grant%20Program.htm

God bless you all in your struggles, and please do keep these dear children in your prayers as they wait so desperately for a home and family.

 

[Annibc]

Dear Rob
I also think you are harsh. I would like to adopt but where I live it is completely expensive. If I have to wait and adopt I will not have a child for at least 7 years.
As you may know infertility is a medical condition. If something is wrong with my body I should have it fixed with or without the result being a baby. I never heard that people should apologise for going to the doctor before. Congrats on your two babies. What might have been possible and inexpensive to you is impossible for me.
Amber.

 

[gam3rchic]

I still think that spending many tens of thousands of dollars on fertility surgeries can be accurately be called, “invasive” and “unnatural.”

This is especially unnecessary when there are so many needy babies out there in the world who will quite probably die, unbaptized, if we don’t adopt them.

Yes, not ever getting pregnant is a loss. But Is God offering you an alternative to dwelling on the loss? Does He have another course for you to take?

It seems I have caused some hard feelings by what I have posted, so I won’t say much more. I apologize to anyone whose feelings have been hurt. It was not my intent to add to anyone’s suffering. I was trying to help.

Best wishes…

• Rob

These “surgeries” you speak of are usually women getting things corrected which just don’t affect fertility. Like women with endometriosis…if they don’t have surgery not only are they infertile but it can lead to cancer if left untreated.

I’m just saying you shouldn’t jump to conclusions. A lot of times if we are having surgery it’s because something should be getting fixed anyways, whether or not a baby is a result.

Infertility isn’t just about us not getting pregnant. A lot of times whatever is causing it makes other problems as well.

You shouldn’t feel like you can’t post, but I’m just pointing out how us who are the ones physically struggling with infertility feel. It’s different from a man’s perspective to a woman’s. My husband doesn’t view what I’m going through the same as I do. It’s kinda funny b/c I’ve suggested adoption and we’ve talked about it, but he’s more adamant than I am about having biological children. He thinks God will bless us with our own, while I’m starting to think we are called to adopt.

It’s funny, just last night I had a dream about adopting. Was a very touching dream and honestly, will probably be the route we end up taking.

 

[dkoinzan]

Dear Rob,

I would hope you feel welcome to post, but as other posters have said, infertility is a symptom of other health issues.

I had two children die before birth. Had I continued to just accept what was happening with my body I would have lost all the babies that followed.

My system produced fertile signs all the time. My husband and I would have never been able to enjoy the other as God intended had we left things.

I also have endo… Had I left it, it could have shut the flow of blood off to my kidneys, bladder, and other important organs.

My thyroid wasn’t working correctly and it literally left me feeling that I may loose my mind as well as my hair. I couldn’t sleep nights and had terrible mood swings.

He also found adhesions that were harming my intestines. Had I left them alone, I could have had ended up with a bowl resection.

I also ended up with low progesterone.

All these things could have ended the life of those children and many more children. It would have cost me even more money in funeral costs.

God calls us all to different paths. I realized my body was not healthy and I needed to get healthy. God didn’t call me to adopt. He very well may at sometime though. I am glad he has blessed you with your wonderful children I am also glad he has blessed me with mine, all of them.

 

[aurora77]

Rob, while I agree with you that infertility may be God’s way of pushing couples into adoption, I have to take issue with the idea that persuing the issue medically is a waste of time or somehow wrong.

We can spend so much time focusing on what we can’t have that we deny the amazing opportunities in front of us. There does come a point when it’s time to cut our losses and move on.

But, as others have said, infertility can be a symptom of an underlying condition. Mine definitely was. If we hadn’t made the decision to see a doctor about our infertility, I might not have lived to see 40.

I think it’s a matter of perspective. To seek to get an issue like infertility resolved is a good thing. To persue it to the detriment of the rest of one’s life is a bad thing.

 

[yessisan]

Rob, you have come to this thread with the same response twice and I answered before that it’s nobody’s business what we do to fix out bodies to be able to be healty and to be able to have a baby. Some of us just can’t adopt for different reasons, not because we don’t want to. You’re being too harsh coming here and question and judge us for wanting to do things right to be able to have babies. Just because you have come to peace with your infertility it doesn’t give you the right to judge us because we haven’t.

We’re young, I’m 27, I have lost 2 children. I can get pregnant, but my body would kill these babies. What’s wrong with me fixing my body so that my body won’t continue to kill babies???

I also have endo and I had adhesions which could’ve caused extreme damage to my internal organs, not just my reproductive organs. You are nobody to come and judge our actions. This thread is for those of us trying to come to peace with our crosses, not for those of you trying to rub in it our faces.

I’m sorry, but I find your posts very judgemental, offensive and lacking of sympathy. If you yourselves have gone thru inferitlity, why can’t you have some empathy and let us be? Yes, suggest adoption (don’t you thnk many of us have actually already looked into it???) in a nice way, but leave it at that, as a SUGGESTION!

It’s my body, and I do what I think it’s right in order to fix it so it doesn’t cause me more pain (as in another miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy or possibly a strange cancer that those with endometriosis have higher risk of actually getting)…

I was nice to you before but for you to come more than once to judge our decisions just set me off. How dare you come and question my call to motherhood???

God wouldn’t be giving me these answers (as in TWO SURGERIES) to be able to have a live child, or let doctors actually bring their costs down so that I could get the treatment I need so that I can make my body function the way it’s supposed to. Why would God put adoption as a choice, but actually put a barrier for me? If adoption was a choice for us, we’d have an adopted child already. I cannot adopt in this contry because of my DH not having all his immigration issues resolved, and I cannot adopt in my country (which is dh’s country also) because we live here in the US. So there! You should actually think twice before posting something so judgemental. Can’t you stop for a second and review your posts before posting them? Did you think you would actually give us an ":newidea: " moment and make us forget all our struggles? PLEASE!!!

 

[Amber2]

Dear Yessisan and the others who have written Rob back (myself included)
I think we should stop explaining ourselves to this person. We don’t owe him any explanation. How we feel about and react to our infertility problem is completely natural and right
All the best wishes,
A

 

[yessisan]

Dear Yessisan and the others who have written Rob back (myself included)
I think we should stop explaining ourselves to this person. We don’t owe him any explanation. How we feel about and react to our infertility problem is completely natural and right
All the best wishes,
A

You are right Amber, it’s just that things like this make me so mad. Here we are struggling because we can’t get pregnant or because we miscarry and a fellow “catholic” comes and makes it worse.

I’m sorry that we have to actually explain ourselves. God wants me to be a mother, otherwise, why would he put this extreme desire in my heart since I was a kid?

Anyway, see you in the adoption thread.

 

[baylee]

**NOTICE: **Before posting on this thread, please disable any pregnancy tickers in your signature out of respect for those dealing with infertility.

The purpose of this thread is for people who are infertile to express their feelings and share their experiences/solicit advice from those who are also infertile. The former thread on this topic was lost, so please feel free to resume any conversations which were formerly in progress.

Mane Nobiscum Domine,
Ferdinand Mary

With all due respect, I think this site needs a separate FORUM for those who are dealing with infertility. One thread that is over 760 posts long is impossible to follow/get anything out of.

 

[yessisan]

With all due respect, I think this site needs a separate FORUM for those who are dealing with infertility. One thread that is over 760 posts long is impossible to follow/get anything out of.

The only problem with making a separate forum is that it’s harder to track for the Mods. There would be lots of medical advise when it’s not allowed. It’d be a big mess.

 

[baylee]

The only problem with making a separate forum is that it’s harder to track for the Mods. There would be lots of medical advise when it’s not allowed. It’d be a big mess.

I can understand that, but I don’t think asking those who struggle with infertility to post infertility related threads in “Family Life” (with the “Parenting” sub-forum which discusses pregnancy, childbirth and childrearing just above it) is the best way to go.

 

[aurora77]

Baylee, I do understand what you’re saying, but there just aren’t all that many posts in this thread. Probably not enough to warrant the creation of a new forum.

I, for one, don’t mind this being in the family life/parenting area. It’s just a matter of keeping away from things that may upset you. There was a time when I couldn’t read the parenting posts because they made me too depressed. Of course, I had to take a break from the politics forum for awhile too because my BP was too high.

 

[Serap]

Hi guys,

While I am not dealing with fertility issues (that I know of as I’m TTC #2), I read Rob’s post and I agree that it was very disheartening for you to read He meant well, but I would never say something like that to a woman who is having TTC issues b/c it is a huge cross to carry. He’s a man after all girls

I just want to give you guys some encouragement. Don’t give up! Have the surgeries; take the drugs; do what you feel is right and stay positive.

IF (and a big IF) the time comes and you are ready to look at other options, then you can look into the possibility of adopting. Like Yessisan said, she’s only 27!!! Why should she give up now I think most of you will eventually become pregnant. I read that 80% of women with fertility issues become pregnant. Those odds are good and the odds are in your favour so DON’T GIVE UP LADIES!!!

I have a friend with PCOS who FINALLY got pregant at 37 after she had given up.

I have a friend who tried IVF and everything under the sun and then got pregnant naturally at 36.

I have a friend who had endo and had surgery and then got pregnant afterwards.

I’m sure there are many more success stories. These are just mine.

Remember ladies…BD every month because you never know when you could become a mommy :curtsey:

 

[LittleDeb]

Hi guys,

While I am not dealing with fertility issues (that I know of as I’m TTC #2), I read Rob’s post and I agree that it was very disheartening for you to read He meant well, but I would never say something like that to a woman who is having TTC issues b/c it is a huge cross to carry. He’s a man after all girls

I just want to give you guys some encouragement. Don’t give up! Have the surgeries; take the drugs; do what you feel is right and stay positive.

IF (and a big IF) the time comes and you are ready to look at other options, then you can look into the possibility of adopting. Like Yessisan said, she’s only 27!!! Why should she give up now I think most of you will eventually become pregnant. I read that 80% of women with fertility issues become pregnant. Those odds are good and the odds are in your favour so DON’T GIVE UP LADIES!!!

I have a friend with PCOS who FINALLY got pregant at 37 after she had given up.

I have a friend who tried IVF and everything under the sun and then got pregnant naturally at 36.

I have a friend who had endo and had surgery and then got pregnant afterwards.

I’m sure there are many more success stories. These are just mine.

Remember ladies…BD every month because you never know when you could become a mommy :curtsey:

Excellent post!!