Info on pornography addiction needed

[felra]

Sorry to hear of your situation. Here is a previous thread started by a woman in a similiar situation that may be worth your read for support, ideas and resources: New member wanting opinions .

God bless.

 

[homeschoolhelen]

Island Oak:

Sorry if this sounds harsh following all these very sincere prayers, directions to anti-porn sites, me-too stories and struggles, BUT what is the dilema here? I would drop this guy faster than you can say “Playboy.” You are not married and have no obligation to “work it out” or see him through this together. The purpose of dating is to discover and the attutides and values of those to whom we feel an emotional attraction. In picking a life mate, do you really want to start off in counseling?!?! Where is your common ground in terms of values, trust, intimacy? Would you EVER trust this man to be an example for children? Remember he’s already developed a pattern of lying to cover his activities.

You may feel emotion for him, but can you call it mutual love when there is such a breach of trust between you? Marriage is hard enough without starting out pushing a boulder up hill. I am no prude who freaks out at the thought that a man has seen porn in any number of settings in this culture and I applaud everyone who faces their demons and overcomes them. But… I would NEVER commit to sharing my life, spiritual well-being or future children’s welfare to a man who is still powerless in the face of a pathological additiction. It’s a set up for failure and heart ache, plain and simple.

I can completely understand your reaction. I also understand that sometimes . . . there is help that works. When I first fell in love with my husband, I was invited to his house for dinner. I used the restroom upstairs because the powder room was occupied. There in the magazine rack was pornographic magazines. Just like if you had Good Housekeeping or People magazines. I was shocked. It was totally foreign to me. I thought it was his “Dads” problem. Then I got married. He wanted to watch movies or “Spice” up things. Let me tell you, it was so difficult, but I stuck it out. ANY porn that I found went in the garbage and his friend gave him some porn tapes and I burned them in my backyard. Then I told his friend to never bring that garbage here again. I have a block on all channels that even suggest porn. AND we are now practicing Catholics that are raising our children differently. He now acknowledges that porn is wrong and here is why. I pointed out that most of these “women” after so long either commit suicide or find God. Usually the circumstances for these women to turn to porn is for money. Money to support children etc. Their lives are glamorized, but if you get the real story, your heart would ache for them. I don’t think my husband was addicted, but maybe he was. It is possible to get rid of pornography in every aspect of your life, pray, sacrifice, fast and get rid of it. Introduce life in the real world and show him that God loves him and forgives him.

May God bless you and keep you!

Blessings,
Helen