Inheritance and Dissapointments

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I’ve been wanted to ask for advice for a while now. Today seems to be the day that I actually follow through. My paternal grandfather passed away some time ago and my dad and I were in his will. My dad’s two sisters were in the will as well. With that being said let me give you a break down in short of what the will stated:

To keep confidentiality I will not be using actual dollar amount received but the difference will be accurate.

My father received $100
I received $50
Sister 1 received $100
Sister 1’s three children received nothing
Sister 2 received $5,000
Her children and grandchildren all received $2,500 each

Fluctuate the numbers however you want but roughly one sister received 50 times more than her siblings.

Now with all that fun math out of the way, let me explain further. My grandfather wasn’t in anyone’s life except for my aunt that received most money. He stayed with her whenever he would go back to his home state. From hearsay from the family, he was a very mean and unpleasant person to be around - personally I never noticed it. She did put up with a lot. I tired telling my father this.

Anyway, let’s get to what is bothering me the most.

My dad was just completely destroyed when he read the will. He said it was the last way his dad could seal the deal on their relationship (not that it was good anyway). With that being said, I went on a road trip and stopped at my aunt’s to stay the night and we were talking about everything in the evening. She stated “I don’t think your dad got what he was hoping for because he used to brag about how much he had and that if he wanted to he could just throw money away. It was always when our dad was around and when they were both drinking.” Just to classify, our family is middle class. Not money burning rich.

That didn’t surprise me at all to be honest.

Do I let him know what she said? Or do I just let it go? Will it help in any way?

Neither my father nor mother know this. She said she only told me.

Personally I’m surprised I received anything. I greatly appreciate what I did receive.

Thanks for any advice.
 
What’s done is done, just let it go. That money was your Grandfather’s to do with as he wished, fair or not fair to everyone involved; he did not owe any adult children a thing.
 
Catholic1954 said:
What’s done is done, just let it go. That money was your Grandfather’s to do with as he wished, fair or not fair to everyone involved; he did not owe any adult children a thing.
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Exactly my thought. Thank you for reinforcing this.
 
Don’t say anything to anyone. You aren’t supposed to be a go between here. You’ll just add fuel to the fire. Stay out of this entirely, there is nothing you can do to change a deceased man’s mind. He did what HE chose to do. What’s done is done. The last thing your family needs is further hurt feelings, resentments or worse yet feuds. It’s just money. Let it rest.
 
Catholic1954 said:
What’s done is done, just let it go. That money was your Grandfather’s to do with as he wished, fair or not fair to everyone involved; he did not owe any adult children a thing.
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Exactly. Also, with the comments your aunt said that your dad made, well, maybe your grandfather thought that your dad didn’t need the money. That, and the aunt took care of him the most.

I agree that what is done is done. It can and does cause hard feelings, unfortunately.
 
Do nothing.
None of your concern, and it’s the man’s money to do with as he sees fit.
None of us are owed anything.
This is exactly why the Church tells us not to have our hearts tied up in money and “things”.
 
I’m all too familiar with inheritance hard feelings. Dad’s been dead 12 years and there are still hard feelings between my brothers over the will and what happened next.

My advice, never tell your dad what your aunt told you. If he brings up the topic of the will with you, you can always say “Did you ever give Grandpa a reason to think you didn’t need his money?” No need to say anything else.
 
I wouldn’t pass along what you heard, and I’d just let it go. It sounds like you have the right frame of mind (gratitude) and your father does not. If the only sibling that had anything to do with your grandfather was the sibling that got the lion’s share of the money, then that makes sense to me. But regardless, no one should have a sense of entitlement about inheritance. It’s a final gift from one person to another upon their death. It should never be viewed as an expectation. Inheritance issues often bring the absolute worst out in people.
 
Catholic1954 said:
What’s done is done, just let it go. That money was your Grandfather’s to do with as he wished, fair or not fair to everyone involved; he did not owe any adult children a thing.
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Yep. Saying something will not likely make it any better either. If anything I think it would just further deepen resentment for someone who has passed on.
 
Your aunt just taught you that people listen to the things you say, a piece of common sense your dad didn’t take to heart in this particular case.

The lesson was for you, and for you alone, because you asked in a way that prompted her to trust you with an honest response. If anyone else wants to hear her opinion, they can ask her. If your dad was to ask you about this, I would say this to him, but the chances are that he knows what his sister would have had to say. (Siblings are like that…)

Don’t cause trouble by passing this on to him. He can’t do anything now to change what he said to his dad, so let it go.

By the way, your grandfather taught you a lesson about the kind of hard feelings that wills can cause. When it is your turn to make your own estate plan, remember what you just saw. (Most estate planners would advise against doing what your grandfather did, but it was his money.)

You’ve learned on your own that once you’ve told someone something, let it drop if they don’t want to hear it. Good work.
 
Let it go and don’t get in the middle of it, your aunt is a grown woman and SHE can tell your dad if she wants to. This may be an attempt at stirring it up on the part of your aunt-- telling you something she hopes you tell your dad.

NO NO NO, stay out of it,
 
I don’t think bringing it up will help,at all, because even if your father is a millionaire, It’s not about the money for him, it’s what it represents.
 
Another ‘no’ here. Anything you say to your dad can and will be used against your aunt, and could send your dad into a tailspin of ‘I said/he said/she said’. There’s no winning this, and saying anything could send it into nuclear explosion territory.

This is now between your dad and his siblings. They have something to say, let them say it to each other. Next time your aunt says something, just tell her you consider the subject over and done with.
 
I agree with the others, don’t bring it up.

It would be nice if siblings split inheritance equally (allowing for differences in care expenses etc for the deceased parents) even though the parents didn’t see the need to do it.
 
I agree with those who say to say nothing. It’s probably better that way. Inheritance can cause bitter feuds among family members who were once close.

Personally, my own attitude on inheritance is to expect nothing and maybe be pleasantly surprised.
 
pianistclare said:
This is exactly why the Church tells us not to have our hearts tied up in money and “things”.
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This is precisely why I donated my inheritance to the Church. I gave up any ties that were bound to it. It was a very freeing action. Unless you really need it, consider donating it or even a portion along with any emotional burden that your grandfather attached to it. The only really beautiful inheritance is what God provides for us.
 
You sound pretty sensible about this, it isn’t good to dwell on situations like this as you will only become bitter. I would keep what you heard to yourself as it wont help the situation. If your dad and aunt want to talk about it let it be between them and pray for peace in your family.
 
Agreed; I’d let it go; even if he knew it wouldn’t change anything for the better.
Phemie said:
I’m all too familiar with inheritance hard feelings. Dad’s been dead 12 years and there are still hard feelings between my brothers over the will and what happened next.
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AKDee said:
Inheritance issues often bring the absolute worst out in people.
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AdamPeter said:
Inheritance can cause bitter feuds among family members who were once close.
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So true.

Something like this caused a split in our extended family 30 years ago and it was never resolved.
AdamPeter said:
Personally, my own attitude on inheritance is to expect nothing and maybe be pleasantly surprised.
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My father’s advice to me as well, telling me to “depend on yourself” and not expect to inherit money from someone.
 
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