Input in counselling potential divorce

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Captain_America

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I have been talking over a year with a couple who are deeply apart: the man, because his wife belittled him and ran the family; the woman because the man cheated on her.

The wife has undergone a great deal of examination and personal change and wishes the marriage to continue. The man is self-absorbed on the pain he experienced in the past, and believes that relationships aren’t built through deliberate choice and experience, but simply happen or fall on you immediately, like a ton of bricks from the sky.

My gut is that it’s likely the man will continue to stick in his self-absorption and passivity.

The couple has had counselling for two years now, with little to show; the man hardly communicates. They live together in the same house, but have separate existences.

How can I advise the woman?
 
If you are the counselor and are asking how to counsel them in this forum… I am very puzzled about your request! Maybe suggest them a different therapist or underline that their situation is stuck?
If you are not their counselor… you may not know a lot about what is going on in the couple and maybe it is too risky to push them in one direction or an other.
Just my two cents…
 
You have been talking to them for a year and they still live separate lives. Perhaps it’s time they decide to make a decision for NO decision or change in behavior is a decision to do Nothing.

The options seems to be:
  1. continue to live separate lives and be civil which certainly doesn’t sound like a marriage.
  2. separate awhile and see if that helps while they work in counseling.
  3. one or the other files for a divorce.
Maybe if they are Catholic they could also speak to a priest if they have not already.

However, there is always hope of restoration of a marriage if BOTH parties want it and are willing to work towards it. That is what a Christian marriage counselor told me once. Both parties want to make it work for counseling to be successful.

JMO
I’m not a counselor.

Mary.
 
Are you a professional counselor? Are they practicing any religion? Or are these people acquaintances?
 
um… I really don’t think advising a family member on how to run the marriage has a high sucess rate

I would advise the woman to pray for God’s will. Anything more than that can easily become crossing an inappropriate boundary

Angie
 
Some marriages cannot be saved. If the counselor hasn’t given them good insight to help them decide what can/cannot be done after all this time, its best to find a counselor, one that’s better-recommended, who can give advice on a timetable that is a* lot *shorter than 2 years…

It doesn’t seem like a good idea to proceed with divorce until one has a* real* clarity on what went wrong and why it cannot work.
 
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