Some background:
I get a lot of comments like this, from line workers to bosses, educated and uneducated…and family.
One of the bosses and I have had some rather lively conversations over lunch. Raised a non-Catholic, he nonetheless went to the Catholic grade school where his wife now teaches. He has initiated most of these discussions, and I don’t mind as it’s been friendly and open. Recently, after his vasectomy, he’s been very cool towards me. I didn’t say anything out of the way to him. I really don’t judge his decision as I believe he lacks an understanding of why sterilization is wrong. But suddenly my lifestyle is threatening and personal to him.
We also have two new division heads, and both made similar remarks when I reminded them of upcoming family leave. They asked if this was my first child. When I said it was the sixth, the first blurted out, “Are you insane?” He quickly regained his composure, never insinuated anything about religion, and appropriately congratulated me. He did comment about his own vasectomy. I took no offense. Later, when he confided in me about his daughter in college and her entitlement issues, I thought to myself that she wouldn’t be acting this way if she had five siblings and appropriate religious instruction. But I kept my lips shut.
The other department head also commented about his vasectomy after two or three children. He also said something remarkably insightful albeit misguided. He said that he couldn’t see himself giving his money away to any more children after the two or three. He made no mention of religion. Again, I said nothing.
Shortly after the birth of our daughter, I called my mother, who is not Catholic, but who had six children herself. I am the youngest. She has often stated that if she were to do it again she would have stopped after two. None of my other siblings take any offense at this frequent comment of hers. I do. Anyhow, my mother said something like, “Congratulations, I guess.” Then she went on a rant about pregnancies in the forties, the dangers of radiation, and insinuated (I am sure at the suggestion of my Darwinist brothers) that I am some sort of genetic mutation as a result of radiation exposure. This, of course, is the only possible explanation for my being Catholic. She strongly recommended that I get a vasectomy. I said, “Mom, gotta go,” about three times and hung up the phone. This, I find both exasperating but also so ridiculous that I can’t help but laugh.
I have found being at home with my wife, children and new baby incredibly mind-clearing. There have been a number of principle-centered dilemmas that I’ve been struggling with of late. Now, the answers to these problems are quite obvious. Getting away from the mind-numbing conformity of the secular workplace has been incredibly liberating for me.
So, it’s with that background that I stopped by the office and saw that sticky note. No, this person meant no harm and it wasn’t specifically anti-Catholic (though anti-Catholic remarks, specifically about pedophile priests–a phrase the culture now sees as redundant–are ubiquitous). It was an attempt at humor in poor taste, and for me poorly timed. Am I being overly sensitive? Perhaps. Maybe I should develop the thick skin of a warrior. But let’s not be pollyanna. At this moment, we are losing the battle in the culture wars.
No, I won’t go to HR or cause a whole big stink. What I will do is give her a small tin of cookies, a Christmas card, and a family photo. And I will tell her that I am praying that she find a suitable husband-- a kind, gentle, and verile man–who will provide her with a quiverful of little blessings of her own. And that will probably get ME in trouble with HR.
That’s why I love the comments from MomaMary reminding us that we should let our lives speak for themselves. And yellowbird’s conversations are probably spot on. But I will say that I think it’s important to make sure that you don’t feel like you are stifling your feelings and just sucking it up. Maybe find a way to communicate your joy and/or the inappropriateness of the comment without being uncharitable.
