Integrity and Dating

[DL82]

I have quite strong traditionalist views about how the married state should be. I believe that people should be virgins when they marry, that as it says in Proverbs, we should love the wife of our youth, i.e. marry while still young enough to be good parents, (biologically, a woman is at her child-bearing prime around 17), and that the man should be the chief or sole bread-winner. More importantly, I believe people should marry someone who helps them in their spiritual growth, that they should seek out a spouse in the same way they would seek out a spiritual director, without too much emphasis on emotion or ‘chemistry’, if we pray to God He will give us the desire for union, and it ought to be a gift from Him, not something we take for ourselves.

But…

Saying all that, I am not a virgin, I have been in a past relationship which was very much about ‘chemistry’ and would feel (emotional response, not what I believe in my will) that my marriage lacked something if it didn’t have that. I am 26 already, and am a graduate student, so don’t make enough money to support a family, and won’t for some years.

I feel like if I’m to have any integrity I have to accept that I am now too old and too wrecked to marry. I know God can forgive, and I know we need to forgive eachother, but I feel that if I care about a woman enough to want to marry her, I wouldn’t want her to HAVE to forgive all of that, I would care about her enough to want her to marry someone who has integrity.

My ex told me that I would never be happy, because I’ll always feel guilty about my past, and about not being the best I could have been. I think she’s right. I would dearly love to live a life of radical penance, to be like the homeless guy who used to pray on his knees outside the cathedral where I used to worship, kneeling until his trousers were ripped, his knees bleeding and he could barely walk. I saw him and just knew that he cared so deeply and felt so unworthy of the God who had shown him so much mercy.

OK, so I’m too hard on myself, but I always will be. I wouldn’t be happy with a wife unless she was equally hard on me, but then it wouldn’t be true love if all she ever did was point out my faults, or would it? Do I just accept lifelong singleness as part of my penance for messing up the first 26 years of my life? I feel so joyful when I think of that possibility, an integrity that is worth even more than the love/lust I constantly find myself craving.

So why do I still feel so unhappy? Why do I still find myself coveting the married state?

 

[Sierrah]

I think you’re too hard on yourself and expect perfection where perfection is impossible. Only God is perfect. You need to let go and understand that we are all fallible beings that will sin and error and that’s just the way it is. If it wasn’t that way then there would have been no point in the resurrection.

 

[DL82]

I think you’re too hard on yourself and expect perfection where perfection is impossible. Only God is perfect. You need to let go and understand that we are all fallible beings that will sin and error and that’s just the way it is. If it wasn’t that way then there would have been no point in the resurrection.

Thanks Sierrah, I realise I’m too hard on myself, but St Paul was too hard on himself when he spent the rest of his life wandering all over Europe preaching the gospel, St Francis of Assisi was too hard on himself when he stripped himself naked rather than accept gifts from his father, and then stripped himself of his order to go preach to the saracens, expecting certain martyrdom, St Rose of Lima was too hard on herself when she slept on a bed of nails and broken glass and spent all her days in labour and fasting.

Also, if I was to marry and have children, how could I expect to raise those children well if I couldn’t say that I’d done it myself. How can I tell my son to keep himself pure until marriage when I didn’t and still managed to have a successful Catholic marriage? I’d much rather be a sign, even if I’m regarded as a fool, a sign of the incredible heights of God’s justice and the glories of His callings to marriage, religious life or priesthood, by showing how even someone like me who takes it all seriously still falls short of all 3.

 

[jwashu]

Everyone makes mistakes. You have in the past and you will in the future.

While I would encourage everyone to remain a virgin until marriage that is not the case for most people due to our secular society. Depending on how you were raised you may not even truly be culpable for the sin.

The bottom line though is have you confessed this? Have you been absolved? If so then it’s in the past.

I know more women who feel this way than men but it’s the same for both sexes. It’s in the past, if God can forgive and forget the we must also.

While I know some of the ways I have acted in the past were sinful, they eventually brought me to a realization of that and in turn a more deeper spirituality.

God isn’t expecting you nor any of us to be perfect, Christ was, is, and always will be our Sacrificial Lamb. Take comfort in knowing that God knew you would make those mistakes even before He created the world, and He still sent His Son so that one day we might be with Him. What He wants is for us to focus on him and grow closer which in turn will produce less sin.

Today’s world isn’t the Old Testament, don’t focus on Proverbs as much as Paul’s letters. You may not be the sole bread winner, you may have a wife that wants to work or needs to, don’t let your preconceived notions determine your life - pray about it and be open to whoever God puts there. You may be surprised.

What is most important in marriage is that you love each other, that you love God and desire to follow His will. If you do that, there is no need to worry about your past.

Joe

 

[GraceDK]

Brother DL.
Beware of two things: pride and bitterness. Both things are destructive to the soul. Both are sins… and both hide well under a false appearance.
Why do you think God gave you life? So you could say: " I am a man who made a mess and I am a mess so I will continue to mess up", ?
NO… sorry pal… Jesus has cleaned you up real good in confession… what you gotta do now is walk on humbly, pure and joyful and be that man of integrity that you know you have to be. Period.
Look… let me spill the beans to you. We have ALL sinned. No one is good but God… What ever woman you meet she will have her own faults and failures and past mistakes. Do you think sexual sin is the only one that counts?
Come on now brother.
I have been there too… thinking: “let me spend the rest of my time living on a stone.” HA! who are we kidding. What takes most courage and heroism? to stand up and embrace life or to succumb to our lower urgings to resign on ourselves and become hard and bitter. The first is divine response… the latter is the repsonse of the flesh. Its not heroic… its pride in disguise.
You and I are really alike… 26 years YOUNG… feeling suddenly old and “yesterdays news” because of an intense love affair that leaves us feeling empty and disillusioned.

Brother… come on man… I thought you were a romantic. You have so much capacity in you to love passionately and combine it with holy zeal for Christ. … I take it you are having a bad day today…
Dont look for the easy way out. Right now some beautiful strong princess is living on the planet to be your future bride according to God’s wish… What will you do? How will you respond: will you be the knight that wrestles with himself and takes the challenge… or will you be the one to quit without a fight?

You got so many good qualities… Don’t let the devil pull this trick on you… frankly, its old news and I have seen where it takes people.
Be a man of God. The Lord calls you. Are you not even going to try? … no?-its really too bad because I see great potential in you.

Again… we ARE NOT the sum of our failures and weaknesses. We are the sum of our Father’s love for us.
You know it.
Will you let your PAST flaws define you… or will you let Truth define you?

Neither God nor His Church will let you off the hook. We wanna see CROWNS on your head in heaven- but crowns come to those who dare to love and live.

 

[DL82]

Today’s world isn’t the Old Testament, don’t focus on Proverbs as much as Paul’s letters. You may not be the sole bread winner, you may have a wife that wants to work or needs to, don’t let your preconceived notions determine your life - pray about it and be open to whoever God puts there. You may be surprised.

Thanks Joe, actually, I think the love the wife of your youth thing might be in Paul’s letters, Proverbs was a bit of a stab in the dark, I’ll go look that up.

The problem is, today’s world isn’t the world of the great saints of the Church. It isn’t the world of St Francis of Assisi, where hundreds of men and women left their possessions and lived lives as lay penitents or brothers just because of his preaching. It isn’t the world of the Didache, when the prophets of the Church had no home or support and begged for the few scraps of vegetables they ate to keep them alive to pray and serve the Church. Why? Why have we let ourselves become so soft? Why, when the Apostles lived (according to syriac tradition) on bread and herbs, does the Church only require us to abstain for 2 days a year? Why do so few people give up even a pointless possession like their TV and use the money for the poor? Why are so many families more interested in getting their kids into college than getting them into heaven?

Why am I, who live quite comfortably, and probably have a better standard of living than the rich man who Jesus preaches against (heating on demand, meat on demand, several sets of ‘best’ clothing, etc.), accused of being too hard on myself?

 

[jwashu]

Thanks Joe, actually, I think the love the wife of your youth thing might be in Paul’s letters, Proverbs was a bit of a stab in the dark, I’ll go look that up.

The problem is, today’s world isn’t the world of the great saints of the Church. It isn’t the world of St Francis of Assisi, where hundreds of men and women left their possessions and lived lives as lay penitents or brothers just because of his preaching. It isn’t the world of the Didache, when the prophets of the Church had no home or support and begged for the few scraps of vegetables they ate to keep them alive to pray and serve the Church. Why? Why have we let ourselves become so soft? Why, when the Apostles lived (according to syriac tradition) on bread and herbs, does the Church only require us to abstain for 2 days a year? Why do so few people give up even a pointless possession like their TV and use the money for the poor? Why are so many families more interested in getting their kids into college than getting them into heaven?

Why am I, who live quite comfortably, and probably have a better standard of living than the rich man who Jesus preaches against (heating on demand, meat on demand, several sets of ‘best’ clothing, etc.), accused of being too hard on myself?

Why? because the world has changed.

Christ has not and will not but how we inspire others to be like Him and accept His Grace and forgiveness are different today than in the day of St. Francis.

Yes, we can still (and you should if called) follow His call to religious life and order.

Yet for most I believe He needs us in the streets, in our Parishes and in our Neighborhoods setting a good example of what it means to be a Christian.

Someone who is perfect or unhappy isn’t going to win any converts because people don’t want to be sad and they know they can’t be perfect.

The Sacrament of Reconciliation is so powerful because it’s so important. When we are forgiven and we are filled with the Grace of God from the Eucharist we should be a shining light for the World to see. A light that they want, that shows them there is something different about us, even though in many ways we are failures to sin.

Why do we call our worship service Mass? Because of the Latin missa or dismissal or end of prayers. At the dismissal the Priest calls us to “GO in Peace, to LOVE and SERVE the Lord.”

At our confirmation (sometimes as Baptism) we are anointed Priest, Prophet and King. Christ calls us to be all of these things and we are reminded of that each time we leave Mass.

Why do you think some Protestant Mega churches are getting so many people? It’s the love, it’s the excitement… and they only have some of the Truth. We have the fullness of Truth. WE should be singing on rooftops!

What the protestants miss IMHO is true worship, they do a great job, better than us, often at Praise but there is a difference. What we can learn from some (and note I say some) is how to better show God’s love to others in our daily lives.

That is why I say we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves.

Look at Peter? He failed, often. He is my patron Saint because of both his failures and his great success. He was the first Pope, the leader of the Apostles, the Vicar of Christ once Christ ascended. Yet He committed some of the biggest blunders and sin in the NT. Why do you think those are in there? Why would God want us to see the leader of new Church on Earth failing so much?

Because He KNEW we would fail, it is sometimes in our weakness that He is strongest. Christ shows us through His word that we can do fantastic things through Him, no matter how bad we fail. We just have to ask for forgiveness and then accept it when it’s given.

Christ is holding us to the same standard He always has, the standard of following Him.

Joe

 

[1ke]

Why am I, who live quite comfortably, and probably have a better standard of living than the rich man who Jesus preaches against (heating on demand, meat on demand, several sets of ‘best’ clothing, etc.), accused of being too hard on myself?

I don’t know about “too hard on yourself” but definitely “unrealistic” and “unbiblical”. You state:

I have quite strong traditionalist views about how the married state should be. I believe that people should be virgins when they marry, that as it says in Proverbs, we should love the wife of our youth, i.e. marry while still young enough to be good parents, (biologically, a woman is at her child-bearing prime around 17), and that the man should be the chief or sole bread-winner.

I don’t know where you get the idea that this is a “traditionalist” view of marriage if you are using the term “traditionalist” to mean “Catholic”.

First, as to virginity-- yes, of course, sex outside marriage is a sin. However, the Church has no teaching that a person who has fallen into sin and had sexual relations cannot subsequently marry. There is no impediment to marriage based on prior sexual intercourse.

Second, as to “love the wife of your youth” that has NOTHING to do with marrying young. The actual passage is in Malachi 2:14 and it states “despise not the wife of your youth” and it deals with divorcing/putting aside an old wife. It has to do with not discarding a wife once she is old and no longer thin, pert, and wrinkle-free. Proverbs 5:18 says “may you rejoice in the wife of your youth”. Again, nothing about marrying young, only about rejoicing in her when she is no longer young.

As for the “prime child bearing” age of 17… well, I think you have some bizarre ideas. Women are not baby factories.

Third, as to being the “sole” breadwinner, I direct you to Proverbs 31. The worthy wife sells in the market, provides for her home, and is not depicted in the manner you state is the “ideal” way to be married. She contributes to the household to make it strong and successful.

Bottom line-- you are not too old, too tainted, or too lacking in “breadwinner” skills to be married.

So, here’s the deal. Perhaps you are called to a life of radical poverty. You seem to be very drawn to rejecting material posessions. That’s great, and I suggest you get spiritual direction if that’s the case. It may very well be that you are called to be single and working in the world in a radical way. Radical poverty/ voluntary poverty is a calling not everyone has. But it is a valid option in preaching the Gospel.

However, what you should not do is confuse what you have written regarding your “ideals” of marriage and your possible call to a radical way of life. They are not related, and one is not a punishment for perceived offenses against the other.

Marriage and radical poverty for the Gospel are-- for the most part-- mutually exclusive propositions. Neither are right or wrong, only different ways of working for the Kingdom.

You need som spiritual direction to find out which you are really called to.

 

[DL82]

Why? because the world has changed.

Christ has not and will not but how we inspire others to be like Him and accept His Grace and forgiveness are different today than in the day of St. Francis.

Yes, we can still (and you should if called) follow His call to religious life and order.

Yet for most I believe He needs us in the streets, in our Parishes and in our Neighborhoods setting a good example of what it means to be a Christian.

…

Look at Peter? He failed, often. He is my patron Saint because of both his failures and his great success. He was the first Pope, the leader of the Apostles, the Vicar of Christ once Christ ascended. Yet He committed some of the biggest blunders and sin in the NT. Why do you think those are in there? Why would God want us to see the leader of new Church on Earth failing so much?

Because He KNEW we would fail, it is sometimes in our weakness that He is strongest. Christ shows us through His word that we can do fantastic things through Him, no matter how bad we fail. We just have to ask for forgiveness and then accept it when it’s given.

I’m talking about being in the world, being in my parish and on the streets (perhaps literally) talking about Christ and how His standards really HAVEN’T changed. Look at the Franciscans of the Renewal for example, they do amazing work, because they live exactly the way Francis lived, but in the modern world. There is a Dominican friar who is chaplain to the homeless on the streets of Paris, and he lives alongside them on the streets, sleeping in doorways and leading outdoor masses.

As for the point about St Peter, yes he failed, but the important thing was he carried on. Look at St Paul, God said to Ananias when He sent him to anoint and heal Paul, ‘I will show him how much he must suffer for My sake’ - Paul’s preaching was evangelical but also penitential, he knew he had to atone for the temporal effects of his persecutions of the Church. I’m talking about carrying on, but not carrying on as if my sins never happened, that’s the kind of thing protestant evangelicals often do. That’s why the mega-churches are full, because their kind of repentance doesn’t require any penitential fruits (I know, I used to be one). Our penance should bear fruit, it should be obvious that, though sin abounded, yet grace abounded the more because we strive to outdo our previous sins with penance.

I’m not talking about pride and outward signs. It is easy to be a hypocrite. I’m talking about radical self-giving, the kind of thing that really shows the Holy Cross, which is foolishness to the world.

 

[23eagle23]

Dude…chillll

you will never be perfect, Only GOD is perfect…

after reading all your posts, my adivce is

“become a priest”

Your hero’s are saint so become someone elses hero and become a priest…

 

[1ke]

I’m talking about radical self-giving, the kind of thing that really shows the Holy Cross, which is foolishness to the world.

You know, this sentence really struck me. It struck me because radical self-giving takes several forms:

(1) The type of radical poverty and missionary spirit St. Paul and many others took up to preach the Gospel, as a lay person or religious.

(2) A vocation to the priesthood or religious life, that may not encompass the same type of radical poverty but is a “radical” witness to the Cross nonetheless.

(3) A vocation to fatherhood-- a radical self-giving and witness to the Gospel through the begetting and raising up of saints.

All of these are equal in dignity and all of them are necessary.

Your crisis seems to be determining which you are called to. Again, don’t pit them against each other. They are different, yet they are all holy and sanctifying paths to take.

Get some spiritual direction to see what God is calling you to do.

 

[Kirsty33]

DL82

I was just glancing through the replies to your post. People have given you such wise advice. Listen to it-especially about hidden pride and know that true humility is returning to the Father all dirty and broken- opening ourselves up so he can see all our failings and then embracing his mercy whilst knowing full well we don’t deserve any of it. Someone once told me part of charity is accepting charity- the same goes for grace that comes with forgiveness- it is an undeserved but most precious gift. Though our sins may be like scarlet he will make us as white as snow.

To a certain extent I understand what you are feeling- for a long time I couldn’t get over the fact that I might have ‘messed up’ a call to the religous life. It took me a long time to get over my pride and constant self reproach to realise that Christ had his hand stretched out, all was forgiven and he was ready to lead me to something better. Nothing you have done in the past can separate you from Christ’s love. All he asks is that you repent and listen to him and not to your own guilt. What you have done is over it is not who you are now. You have learned from your mistakes and God can use that. You are not old- you have not thrown everything away. If it is God’s will you could be a wonderful husband and father one day. There’s quite a good book that illustrates that- Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers based on the book of Hosea.

Just take it day by day-listening and doing God’s will just for today
You’re in my prayers

 

[John_AH]

I hear you DL82,
I feel exactly the same way. God has blessed me with alot and much of which I have already given away (huge blessing in my eyes). I constantly look for things to give up that take me away from God. So TV is 99% out of my life, radio is down to 80% out. I have a really hard time buying myself anything (food clothing). I fast every Friday by cutting out meat. Very little fast food or eating out. Forget vacations, I spend them at church.

Through those simple actions I’ve been able to grow spirtualy much more than I ever imaged. Yet my heart seems unsatisfied. I long to be married so I can give 100% of myself, I also have strong calling to be a Deacon (which I am too young to fullfill).

Doing all of this has with His power let me do things I never thought even remotely possible. I’ve been blessed countless times a day, fed when I had nothing to eat, clothed when I did not even ask for it, and so much more. I’ve been able to put so much trust in the Lord by getting rid of all the distractions. He leads me on.

My simple motto right now is "let go, trust God, and just Love.

God’s servant
John Anthony

 

[kage_ar]

And again, 1ke took the words - and the scripture passages - right out of my mouth!

Maybe we are the same person…

 

[EasterJoy]

I’m talking about being in the world, being in my parish and on the streets (perhaps literally) talking about Christ and how His standards really HAVEN’T changed.

You’re right, His standards haven’t changed. He stated them this way:

Then Jesus straightened up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She replied “No one, sir.” Then Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go, and from now on do not sin anymore.” (John 8:10-11)

Likewise, the Church does not require that those presenting themselves at seminary, those who will act in the person of Christ in offering the Most Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, to be virgins. They require that they have been celibate for at least three years, as evidence that they are capable of honoring their coming promise, to be celibate for life.

It is not wrong to want to marry someone who, though no longer a virgin, has nevertheless shown in her life that she has the self-control required to remain chaste and faithful. If you meet a woman who has given up her virginity but has repented and not engaged in pre-marital sex for an extended period of time, then, do not hold her past sins against her. She has shown she is capable of fidelity, and that is what counts. Expect the same of yourself.

Start doing the work to forgive yourself for your past now. Otherwise, if your wife ever makes a really serious mistake and sins against you, your marriage will be over, even though your promises will bind you to her for life. Think about that.

If you never extend the same forgiveness to yourself that God has given you, you will also be bound to your past sins for life. Is that what God wills for you? Heaven forbid! If you, who have been forgiven, stand in judgement of yourself, you stand in judgement of all whom God has likewise forgiven. You are looking upon those cleansed by the Blood of the Lamb, and declaring “once defiled, always defiled.” You are not married to your sins. You belong to God. Let go of them, then. Die to your sins, accept that you, too, are in need of redemption, so as to live for Christ. If you aren’t at least willing to let God do this in you, you won’t be fit to spread the Gospel, whether married or not.

“Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who have loved poorly. The hard truth is that all of us love poorly.” Henri Nouwen

“To pray means to stop expecting from God the same smallmindedness which you discover in yourself. To pray is to walk into the full light of God and to say simply, without holding back, “I am human and you are God.”…A human being is not someone who once in awhile makes a mistake, and God is not someone who now and then forgives. No! Human beings are sinners and God is love…This conversion brings with it the relaxation which lets you breathe again and puts you at rest in the embrace of a forgiving God.” Henri Nouwen

Preach a God who dies in order to forgive, or don’t preach at all.

 

[ecp007]

DL, with all due respect, and please know I will be praying for you. I believe you need to go see a thearpist.

I agree with all of your thoughts (lets call them the “dots”) BUT, the manner that you are “connecting the dots” doesn’t seem all that well adjusted to me.

Perhaps a Catholic marriage and family councilor would be able to help you.

 

[DL82]

Then Jesus straightened up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She replied “No one, sir.” Then Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go, and from now on do not sin anymore.” (John 8:10-11)

I totally agree. Totally.

It’s the ‘go and sin nomore’ part that I’ve not been able to do yet. I find that my one problem with remaining single is not having anyone to love and give myself for. This makes it difficult to focus on God, and easy to fall back into old habits.

I guess that’s why I find myself so conflicted, I know it would be easier for me not to sin if I were married, because I’d have someone to serve and give myself for every day of my life. I know the same would be true in Religious life, because I’d have my community to give myself to. I also know I’m not called to priesthood. That’s why I’d love to be a Lay Brother, but there are so few places that have them now. I’d love to be able to enter into that relationship of radical self-giving, but don’t quite know how to make that jump. I know in the meantine I need to become the person who has the self-discipline and integrity to be a good husband or a good religious, and I just don’t know how long that will take.

I don’t doubt God’s forgiveness, not for a second. I only doubt my own readiness to receive it.

 

[kage_ar]

I totally agree. Totally.

It’s the ‘go and sin nomore’ part that I’ve not been able to do yet. I find that my one problem with remaining single is not having anyone to love and give myself for. This makes it difficult to focus on God, and easy to fall back into old habits.

I guess that’s why I find myself so conflicted, I know it would be easier for me not to sin if I were married, because I’d have someone to serve and give myself for every day of my life. I know the same would be true in Religious life, because I’d have my community to give myself to. I also know I’m not called to priesthood. That’s why I’d love to be a Lay Brother, but there are so few places that have them now. I’d love to be able to enter into that relationship of radical self-giving, but don’t quite know how to make that jump. I know in the meantine I need to become the person who has the self-discipline and integrity to be a good husband or a good religious, and I just don’t know how long that will take.

I don’t doubt God’s forgiveness, not for a second. I only doubt my own readiness to receive it.

Remember, we are called to serve others - not ONLY the person to whom we are married.

Christ said that the world will know we are disciples by how much we love one another.

Perhaps in addition to seeking a counselor and a spiritual director, you should start giving yourself to those in need. Call your Parish and volunteer - I’ve yet to find a Parish where they have so much help that they do not need any more.

Your local food pantry, soup kitchen, crisis pregnancy center - they are all begging for volunteers. Go to the Nursing Homes, spend time with those forgotten people. How about Prison ministry?

Start giving yourself today.

 

[DL82]

Remember, we are called to serve others - not ONLY the person to whom we are married.

Christ said that the world will know we are disciples by how much we love one another.

Perhaps in addition to seeking a counselor and a spiritual director, you should start giving yourself to those in need. Call your Parish and volunteer - I’ve yet to find a Parish where they have so much help that they do not need any more.

Your local food pantry, soup kitchen, crisis pregnancy center - they are all begging for volunteers. Go to the Nursing Homes, spend time with those forgotten people. How about Prison ministry?

Start giving yourself today.

I already do work at my local soup kitchen, for one evening a week, i do help out at the prison mass, one hour a month, i am involved with my local church.

What I’m talking about is not ‘doing’ charity, so much as ‘being’ charity, living for someone else all the time, not just for a few hours a week. I don’t know how to even begin that work, and that’s the key, you can do all the most amazing works, but our salvation is not from works. If you have faith to move mountains, but have not love, it’s pointless.

It’s that transition that I can’t seem to make, and that’s why I don’t feel that I have the integrity to be a full-time servant of love, whether a husband or a monk. The transition from occasionally wrenching myself away from doing what I want to ‘do charity’ to actually being someone who always lives for God and for his neighbour, someone whose nature is charity. Everything I read in Catholic teaching, in the Bible, in the life of the saints, and everything I receive in prayer and fellowship tells me that nothing less than this will do to be a genuine Christian, someone with integrity, and nothing less will count as truly following Christ. If we knowingly and willingly turn away from Him, even for a moment, we are committing sin. But there’s knowing it, and then there’s living it. It’s so counter-cultural, so opposed to the ‘do alright for yourself’ values I was raised with.

You cradle Catholics have an amazing gift, you’ve always lived in that world, the world where following God is the supreme value. How do you guys do it?

 

[John_AH]

Honestly DL82 we don’t.
Dl82 from what you have said you do much more than most cradle Catholics I know. I do know a handful like you who put allot of effort in becoming more like Jesus. The mix is about 50/50 from Cradle to convert but they all that strive to become better and that are the key!

My simple way of looking for a spouse is very simple; she has to have that strive to become better. Without that strive what the point of going is on? This place looks nice and comfortable so I will stop here mentality is rampant across all Christians. God promise more; he promised we can move mountains, we can do much greater things that what He did, He said we would be great then John the Baptist; it is all possible with Love. Ask yourself when was the last time you moved a mountain or did something greater than Jesus? Most will say never some will recognize that things have changed that they never thought they would change but that was a long time ago. It can continue happening today and now if we let Him lead the way. He will feed that hunger to give more of yourself if you let him open your eyes (ie. your heart). To see things the way he saw them, to see all those opportunities to Love, to really move mountains.

Like you I can see further than I am able to go but I’m on that road and I am fighting to stay on it. Each moment I try to take one harder step in faith that I will grow. To grow in hope for better tomorrows not for just me but those I am able to Love. All we have to do is Love, but make no mistake about it; we have to sacrifice to Love. And to Love greatly we have to sacrifice greatly. It does not matter who you are or what your vocation is, God is asking for you to give 100% self (even though we may not be able to do that just yet, purgatory is our final cleansing).

Look at the parable of the rich man with plenty of crops, he is content so he stores them and rests. That very night God asks his soul of him. What good is that wealth if we can’t take it with you? What good are those God given crops if they are not being used to grow the soul by giving to those in need. It is the soul that we must build. The section ends with “Where your heart is so is your treasure”.

That being said, we are not perfect, we will never be in this life but what matters most is that strive to be perfect. Not just sit there and let the world pass us by but really ask yourself can I do more. I started asking myself that question 2 years ago and God has move great mountains first within me and now external to me. I will never go another day without asking myself that question again. I will never go another day without acting on it.

People forget they are on a road and it is a very hard road. The rewards of following it, of growing while walking along it, the perfection of peace, faith, and above all Love is sooooo worth it. Truly it free, Jesus gave it to us, but it is our very own hearts that make it difficult because our hearts on not set on the treasure of Love.

It all comes down to one incorrect assumption; people think the road is the time we spend in our whole lives. In reality it is the effort we put into growing our souls/hearts. Just like the rich man he does not know when God will come knocking, how can we not spend every moment trying to make ourselves better through sanctifying grace.

God’s servant,
John Anthony