Intention of NFP/Contraception

[TaliaHudspeth]

You will have to excuse me preliminarily. I was raised in a Christian faith tradition that accepts birth control without question. Until I visited CAF, it never occured to me to even consider that birth control was in any way wrong, when used inside of marriage (naturally use outside of marriage is fornication and wrong)

My question is that if you are using NFP to avoid a pregnancy, is not the intention of your actions the same as if you were using artificial birth control?

Looking back at the gospels, Jesus seems to take the spirit of the law with our intentions - i.e. You have heard it said ‘Do not commit adultery,’ but I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart…

That being the case, would the two not be similar in intention? I’m NOT at all trying to debunk Catholic teachings… I’m truly inquiring and attempting to understand something that I once accepted unquestioningly.

 

[Scottgun]

My question is that if you are using NFP to avoid a pregnancy, is not the intention of your actions the same as if you were using artificial birth control?

Intending to not have a child is not usually an evil intention. It could be if you rejected altogether that marriage is for procreation. The Church is not against birth control *per se, *but against contraceptive means. (It uses the term birth *regulation *because birth control is so commonly associated with contraceptives.)

 

[Rico_S]

My question is that if you are using NFP to avoid a pregnancy, is not the intention of your actions the same as if you were using artificial birth control?

Yes. But, the church does teach that it is ok to space your children, or opt to avoid pregnancy for just reasons (these reasons are not delineated, but must be serious). When couples make this choice the only acceptable method of “birth control” is NFP.

The reason that artificial birth control is sinful is that the use of birth control disrupts the “procreative” aspect of the act (the act must always be unitive and procreative). And by procreative, the church doesn’t mean “fertile” or open to life. It basically means the the natural tendency for life must be fullfilled by the union as God intended. It isn’t really clear, nor easily understood, but that is the gist.

The big problem the Church has created with the whole NFP thing is that it is used as the answer to artificial birth control, when the real problem is not the method of contraception, but the couples desire for contracepting. Pushing NFP as a contraception is not the answer to that.

–Rico

 

[TaliaHudspeth]

The big problem the Church has created with the whole NFP thing is that it is used as the answer to artificial birth control, when the real problem is not the method of contraception, but the couples desire for contracepting. Pushing NFP as a contraception is not the answer to that.

–Rico

I guess that’s what I’m getting at. I have two beautiful children, am open to having more in the future, but can barely afford to feed the ones I have now. As I understand it, I would be okay for using NFP to space my kids based on the teachings of the Church.

However, if I simply replace ABC with NFP, I don’t understand how its different… if God intends for me to have children, I’ll have them - I should know. Both my girls were conceived while using ABC. Using NFP doesn’t make it “easier” for Him to override my will.

I hope I’ve expressed myself well and charitably - I’m NOT saying I’m right and the Church is wrong. I’m just trying to understand

 

[Rico_S]

I hope I’ve expressed myself well and charitably - I’m NOT saying I’m right and the Church is wrong. I’m just trying to understand

You have expressed yourself well and I cannot see anyone taking offense with your questions.

The Chruch sees artificial birth control as intrinsically evil b/c it thwarts the procreative aspect of the marital union. And again, “procreative” does not mean open to life.…so your argument of “However, if I simply replace ABC with NFP, I don’t understand how its different… if God intends for me to have children, I’ll have them - I should know. Both my girls were conceived while using ABC. Using NFP doesn’t make it “easier” for Him to override my will,” doesn’t apply.

For the act to be procreative it has to fulfill the natural tendency toward that end…aritficially disrupting it, through barrier or chemicals, surgical procedures, etc. then negates the procreative aspect of the marital union. Others may be able to explain it better, but it really is not a question of being open to life.

I really struggle with this aspect of the Church’s teachings because I see no demonstrable harm…I don’t see the intrinsic evil. But that is the Church’s teaching.

–Rico

 

[mmt4]

This is something I am wondering about when I read that NFP for prevention of conception is OK if having another child would be burdensome: whose concept of burdensome governs this?

Is it completely left up to the individual couple? Are there writings/guidelines to help a couple decide what is truly burdensome? There are some areas of black and white to this, but it seems that there is a lot of gray as to what each family would consider burdensome.

 

[Seatuck]

This is something I am wondering about when I read that NFP for prevention of conception is OK if having another child would be burdensome: whose concept of burdensome governs this?

Is it completely left up to the individual couple? Are there writings/guidelines to help a couple decide what is truly burdensome? There are some areas of black and white to this, but it seems that there is a lot of gray as to what each family would consider burdensome.

The couple are supposed to be praying about it and discussing it. Often. They can also seek counsel from a priest. Catholic families are called to be generous. There needs to be a serious evaluation of resources and finding a deficit for postponement of a child to be moral. It is a grey area because it is unique to each couple.

 

[Seatuck]

I guess that’s what I’m getting at. I have two beautiful children, am open to having more in the future, but can barely afford to feed the ones I have now. As I understand it, I would be okay for using NFP to space my kids based on the teachings of the Church.

However, if I simply replace ABC with NFP, I don’t understand how its different… if God intends for me to have children, I’ll have them - I should know. Both my girls were conceived while using ABC. Using NFP doesn’t make it “easier” for Him to override my will.

I hope I’ve expressed myself well and charitably - I’m NOT saying I’m right and the Church is wrong. I’m just trying to understand

You can’t base your reasoning on a fluke of nature of concieiving a child while on ABC.I have one of those as well. You also need to look at the meaning of the marital act. The act needs to be free and fruitful. It is a gift. The man gifts his wife from his body in a mirror image of the way Christ gifts his church from his body in communion. It’s a very spiritual act.Marriage is an image of Christs love for his church. Marital relations is “marital communion”. We need to form the one flesh union. Contraception puts something in the way of the gift and that union. NFP doesn’t put anything in the way of the gift. It just postpones the gift giving event.

You are correct to be wary of what many church teachers consider a “contraceptive mentality”. That is when catholic couples use NFP without the discernment and prayer necessary to make the moral decision about whether it is time to pospone a pregnancy or not. A catholic couple using NFP who says “well we have our perfect family a boy and a girl we are done” and never checks to see if God is calling their family to be perfect with 5 or 6 members is using the method immorally .

You might want to look into some Christopher West writings. Or Marriage and the Eucharist writings or audio files by John Martignoni and others. Good stuff.

 

[tassitus]

…My question is that if you are using NFP to avoid a pregnancy, is not the intention of your actions the same as if you were using artificial birth control?

NFP should not be used with a contraceptive mentaility, but it may morally be used provided the married couple has sufficiently serious reasons (not selfish or materialistic reasons) for wanting to avoid conception. I think the key is that as Christians were are not to impede the possibility of procreation by “interfering” in the conjugal act.

“…But when couples carry out conjugal acts on the infertile days exclusively, they are not frustrating the natural power and purpose of those acts that they perform on those days. Those particular acts do not have any natural [procreative] power and purpose to begin with. You cannot frustrate a nonexistent power or purpose.”
This is pasted from a longer article, here: catholic.com/thisrock/2005/0502fea2.asp

You’ve asked a good question, and I too think you’ve asked in a most respectable way - no offense will be taken.

Peace all.

 

[TaliaHudspeth]

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies.

Looks like I have some serious prayer to do. But, the one thing I’ve learned discovering orthodoxy from a protestant view point is that truth is the truth, no matter if I believe it or not… and especially no matter if it is convenient for me or not!

 

[Newbie2]

I guess that’s what I’m getting at. I have two beautiful children, am open to having more in the future, but can barely afford to feed the ones I have now. As I understand it, I would be okay for using NFP to space my kids based on the teachings of the Church.

However, if I simply replace ABC with NFP, I don’t understand how its different… if God intends for me to have children, I’ll have them - I should know. Both my girls were conceived while using ABC. Using NFP doesn’t make it “easier” for Him to override my will.

I hope I’ve expressed myself well and charitably - I’m NOT saying I’m right and the Church is wrong. I’m just trying to understand

I still struggle with this teaching in the same way…I’ve studied it for years, and accept that the Church is in authority when she teaches it, but I still have trouble completely understanding it.

The couple are supposed to be praying about it and discussing it. Often. They can also seek counsel from a priest. Catholic families are called to be generous. There needs to be a serious evaluation of resources and finding a deficit for postponement of a child to be moral. It is a grey area because it is unique to each couple.

And those resources are emotional and mental, as well as monitary.

 

[Seatuck]

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies.

Looks like I have some serious prayer to do. But, the one thing I’ve learned discovering orthodoxy from a protestant view point is that truth is the truth, no matter if I believe it or not… and especially no matter if it is convenient for me or not!

Good for you . Keep studying too.
I remember when I decided to get serious as a Catholic. I couldn’t believe the stuff I was reading was the real teaching of the church. I didn’t know anyone who was talking about following church teaching. I had to start making an effort to meet people who did so that I could at least get some support. Reading and listening to Internet Catholic Radio has been a huge help. I listened to years of Catholic Answers programs for the archives as well as EWTN archives. Huge help for me.

 

[choose_to_love]

Talia, I have understood Church teaching on licit use of NFP with regard to following framework. One, what is God calling the couple to do? This implicitly assumes the couple is communicating with God, i.e. a regular prayer life, so that they can listen to Him. I know for my bride and I, this can be difficult at times, both to cultivate a joint prayer life and to listen!

Second, what are each spouse’s responsibilities to the other spouse? Is one spouse overwhelmed with work or childcare responsibilities, or caring for an aged or infirm relative? Is the physical health of one or both spouses an issue?

Third, what are the responsibilities to the existing family? Economics can be taken into account here, but I would suggest here in the U.S. it is easy to get caught up in consumerism. Certainly if there is absolutely no room or no money in the budget, that can be a serious reason to postpone, but it should not, again as I understand it, be interpreted to mean a Lexus in every driveway, etc.

Fourth, what are the couple’s responsibilities to society? Again, here in the U.S., it doesn’t seem to me like that would be a major factor against pregnancy.

We have always taken the position that if there is, after prayer and discernment, a serious reason to postpone, that we should be actively working on a plan to change that reason, as appropriate. For instance, budget is tight, due to medical bills & credit cards - - what is our plan to get those paid off or payments reduced?

Second example, recently we had adopted a newborn, and she wasn’t sleeping at night. We had two other kids, 3 and 2 when the baby came home. We were very busy with our existing family and worn out. Our monthly discussion on what we were being called to was very short for a couple months until the baby’s sleep schedule calmed down. Not much we could actively do to change that, except let the time pass.

Anyway, I have come to feel tremendously empowered and loved by God through the practice of NFP, which we have used with, with better and worse attitudes, through our eight years of marriage. The God of the Universe trusts my bride and I to co-create life with Him. He trusts us to apply the factors above to discern His will for us. I think that’s awesome!

I must add that God will not be outdone in generosity. It is up to us to trust Him, and sometimes that’s not easy for us, as we are used to having our own ideas.

Finally, to see some other clear explanations of the Church’s views on NFP, birth regulation, and such, I would recommend you search the user named “1ke” as she does a great job of explaining the theory concisely.

 

[newbetx]

There are many resources to explain the difference. One key difference is attitude about the marital act. To get a complete understanding of this relationship I point you to The Theology of the Body (TOB) that was pulled together by JP II. Christopher West and other great apologists have written great books on the subject that bring the terminology down to us common folk.

If you want to understand this and many of the other aspects of RCC teaching on marriage, your body, and your relationship with God, I recommend investigating TOB. It really turned around my life and my heart.

 

[dumblondi16]

"…But when couples carry out conjugal acts on the infertile days exclusively, they are not frustrating the natural power and purpose of those acts that they perform on those days. Those particular acts do not have any natural [procreative] power and purpose to begin with. You cannot frustrate a nonexistent power or purpose."

I too am having trouble completely comprehending the difference between NFP and Contraception. According to the quote, “those acts do not have any natural [procreative] power and purpose to begin with.” would not contraceptives be acceptable during this period? Seeing as that this period has no procreative power, would it be a sin?

 

[gardenswithkids]

You will have to excuse me preliminarily. I was raised in a Christian faith tradition that accepts birth control without question. Until I visited CAF, it never occured to me to even consider that birth control was in any way wrong, when used inside of marriage (naturally use outside of marriage is fornication and wrong)

My question is that if you are using NFP to avoid a pregnancy, is not the intention of your actions the same as if you were using artificial birth control?

Looking back at the gospels, Jesus seems to take the spirit of the law with our intentions - i.e. You have heard it said ‘Do not commit adultery,’ but I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart…

That being the case, would the two not be similar in intention? I’m NOT at all trying to debunk Catholic teachings… I’m truly inquiring and attempting to understand something that I once accepted unquestioningly.

**The intentions are different. Those using artificial contraception intend to avoid pregnancy without avoiding sexual relations. Those using NFP intend to avoid pregnancy by avoiding sexual relations some times.

The intention of those using contraception is to render the sexual act (and at least one member of the couple) infertile. The intention of NFP users is to respect the fertility of the sexual act and of both spouses.

I realize that you aren’t Catholic, so this next point isn’t applicable to you (yet ) Catholics who use NFP usually intend to follow Church teachings on matters of sexuality, believing Christ gave us the Church to guide us in matters of morality and that “those who listen to the Church, listen to Christ” (see Luke 10:16). Catholics who know the Church teachings yet who use contraception, usually intend to reject Church teachings.

 

[TaliaHudspeth]

I just wanted to express my amazement to those of you that have replied and are faithfully using NFP and following the guidance of the Church in this matter. To me, it does indeed seem like a call to radical holiness - one I hope I am able to live up to.

I had an emotional experience in the car last night after reading the last post in this thread - God really showed me how its my selfishness, my fear of dying in pregnancy (yeah I’m a little neurotic…:stretcher: ), my discomfort, etc. that’s holding me back from considering having more children once we’ve gotten to where we are stable again from this recent birth. And oh by the way… I’m wrong and he’s God

I really appreciate CAF and those of you who responded. I always thought Catholicism was something that I couldn’t be a part of - I wasn’t born into it, so I had to stand on the outside and look in. I’m still trying to relearn Christianity and what it means to be orthodox. God has me in an excellent traditional Anglican church (they identify as Anglo-Catholic) learning the basics. Something tells me He’s not finished with me yet, though, as CAF and all things Catholic are on my mind.

 

[Seatuck]

I too am having trouble completely comprehending the difference between NFP and Contraception. According to the quote, “those acts do not have any natural [procreative] power and purpose to begin with.” would not contraceptives be acceptable during this period? Seeing as that this period has no procreative power, would it be a sin?

No it would not be a sin. Just as when natural infertility occurs with age sex is not a sin. The marital act itself must remain open to life as they say. It has a spiritual meaning as well as a physical action. Contraceptives are never acceptable because they block the full meaning and full action of the marital act. Contraceptives put a block in between the spouses. Marital intercourse during a non fertile period is not blocked intentionally . It is just a matter of the natural state of the the woman’s body.

 

[gardenswithkids]

I just wanted to express my amazement to those of you that have replied and are faithfully using NFP and following the guidance of the Church in this matter. …I really appreciate CAF and those of you who responded. I always thought Catholicism was something that I couldn’t be a part of - I wasn’t born into it, so I had to stand on the outside and look in. … Something tells me He’s not finished with me yet, though, as CAF and all things Catholic are on my mind.

What a beautiful post. May God richly bless you on your journey.

 

[dumblondi16]

I am still unclear as to whether contraceptives are wrong during the infertile period? The post seemed to say that they are not a sin, but then continued to say that it was wrong to use the contraception.