Inter-Faith Marriages

  • Thread starter Thread starter jpink1019
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
J

jpink1019

Guest
Hello Everyone
I was not sure where to post this thread because I am interested in hearing thoughts from everyday catholic christians on the subject and I also wanted to know what Church Doctrine has to say on the matter.

I found this article on the internet after searching Catholic and Evangelical Marriage.
And at first I found this answer to be kind of harsh…
But I was wondering if many people feel this way / Is this the truth of the matter?

justforcatholics.org/a103.htm
 
Hello Everyone
I was not sure where to post this thread because I am interested in hearing thoughts from everyday catholic christians on the subject and I also wanted to know what Church Doctrine has to say on the matter.

I found this article on the internet after searching Catholic and Evangelical Marriage.
And at first I found this answer to be kind of harsh…
But I was wondering if many people feel this way / Is this the truth of the matter?

justforcatholics.org/a103.htm
Well, the writer is obviously wrong about a lot of things, and some of what he says is just plain anti-Catholic bigotry. At the same time, he is right about one thing: the differences between Catholicism and evangelical Christianity (or, frankly, just about any other branch of Christianity besides Catholicism) are so vast that they represent a chasm that is nearly impossible to bridge in a marriage. Note that I say “nearly,” not “entirely.” I have seen a very few interfaith marriages work. However, the potential problems are manifold. The two biggest are that:

a) One or the other must compromise his or her beliefs when children enter the mix. This is, unfortunately, even more true if both parents are deeply involved in their faith. Either the evangelical parent must accept that his or her children will be raised in a sacramental religion, or the Catholic parent must accept that the children will be taught that Catholicism is fundamentally flawed because, among other things, of the “once saved, always saved” doctrine taught in evangelical churches but not in Catholic ones.

b) NFP versus birth control. If you look at the threads in this forum, an overwhelming percentage of threads on mixed marriage come down to this. The Catholic spouse doesn’t want to use birth control, but the other spouse does, and doesn’t understand why they should have to use something as annoying and laborious as NFP can be, and only for certain reasons. Similarly, there are certain sexual practices that many branches of Christianity have no problem with but which the Catholic Church doesn’t allow as the ending point of the sexual act.

Look over a few pages of threads here, and you’ll see what I mean. It’s very sad, but it’s something to consider before marriage rather than after for reasons that will be eminently clear to the reader.
 
Well, the writer is obviously wrong about a lot of things, and some of what he says is just plain anti-Catholic bigotry. At the same time, he is right about one thing: the differences between Catholicism and evangelical Christianity (or, frankly, just about any other branch of Christianity besides Catholicism) are so vast that they represent a chasm that is nearly impossible to bridge in a marriage. Note that I say “nearly,” not “entirely.” I have seen a very few interfaith marriages work. However, the potential problems are manifold. The two biggest are that:

a) One or the other must compromise his or her beliefs when children enter the mix. This is, unfortunately, even more true if both parents are deeply involved in their faith. Either the evangelical parent must accept that his or her children will be raised in a sacramental religion, or the Catholic parent must accept that the children will be taught that Catholicism is fundamentally flawed because, among other things, of the “once saved, always saved” doctrine taught in evangelical churches but not in Catholic ones.

b) NFP versus birth control. If you look at the threads in this forum, an overwhelming percentage of threads on mixed marriage come down to this. The Catholic spouse doesn’t want to use birth control, but the other spouse does, and doesn’t understand why they should have to use something as annoying and laborious as NFP can be, and only for certain reasons. Similarly, there are certain sexual practices that many branches of Christianity have no problem with but which the Catholic Church doesn’t allow as the ending point of the sexual act.

Look over a few pages of threads here, and you’ll see what I mean. It’s very sad, but it’s something to consider before marriage rather than after for reasons that will be eminently clear to the reader.
I am that evangelical girl with the question at the beginning of the article.

Thankfully, He and I share the same beliefs and feelings about birth control.
I love my faith and I would not be the same person I am today without those experiences that I’ve had growing up.

But I truely am interested in other’s thoughts about the matter, because even though some interfaith marriages have worked, I am also aware of the divorce rates even within the Christian community.
 
I am a former evangelical protestant. When my wife, who is Catholic, and I were engaged to be married we discussed the matter of the differences in our faith traditions including the issue of infant Baptism, which of course she believed in and I did not. I decided that I could compromise since I didn’t believe that infant Baptism was efficacious anyway and we could attend both worship services and everything would be great. I had no intention of becoming Catholic and she had no intention of becoming a Baptist. I felt a burden in my heart, however, that I eventually could not ignore. How could we enter a marriage with such a great division? What message would this send to our eventual children? So many questions for which I did not have an answer, however I knew in my heart the answer was not to be a divided family from the get-go.

I didn’t know much about the Catholic faith so I ordered a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church and Catholicism for Dummies. Around that time I stumbled upon a new Catholic radio station in our area and began listening to Catholic Answers Live and visiting this forum. This lead me to a book by Scott Hahn - Rome Sweet Home - as well as other Catholic apologetic books. The Holy Spirit hooked me and that was that. I enrolled late in RCIA and was brought in to the Church on Easter Vigil 2011. It didn’t hurt that my wife’s very Catholic family is a shining example of the Catholic faith. Wonderful Christian people who love Jesus and his Church. I skipped some of the details, but you get the picture. I can tell you that two and a half years later I have never made a better or more important decision in my life (other than marrying my wife, of course!). I cannot imagine being a divided household on faith matters. Particularly since as Christians our faith should guide every decision that we make.

jpink, God has led you here for a reason. Listen to his call upon your heart. I encourage you to read and learn about his Church.

God bless you!
 
I am that evangelical girl with the question at the beginning of the article.

Thankfully, He and I share the same beliefs and feelings about birth control.
I love my faith and I would not be the same person I am today without those experiences that I’ve had growing up.

But I truely am interested in other’s thoughts about the matter, because even though some interfaith marriages have worked, I am also aware of the divorce rates even within the Christian community.
What I read in the article does not coincide with what I believe as a Catholic. We do not teach that other Christians will not go to Heaven–that was the main point that bothered me. Also, the Catholic Church IS biblical. Please inform yourself about the Church and not go by what the article and many other articles like this say about the Church. Catholics ARE christians and not opposed to being Christian.

As far as getting married, I can not tell you what to do. I’ve known many successful interfaith marriages and I’ve known many to fail as well. In the very least you both need to educate yourselves about each others beliefs from reputable resources. Learn the history of what your denominations teach, why, for how long, and changes through out history. It will be necessary for you both to know, understand and respect those beliefs and to decide what you are planning to teach your children. My current priest was raised in an interfaith marriage. His parents were happily married for 50 yrs. My father’s mother converted to Catholicism, but her Baptist mother lived with their family. It was quite similar to an interfaith family because the grandmother was very involved with the day to day activities. It was successful and the kids turned out fine. It will be a little more work but all marriages are difficult. I’ll pray for you both
 
To begin with, I would not try to learn Catholic teaching from non-Catholic websites, especially from websites that are dedicated to tearing down Catholicism (or what they portray Catholicism to be, accurate or not). We should endeavor first to understand each other with as much charity and honesty as possible. Find the common ground. Then, where we find it is not possible to agree, we can draw distinctions.

To give an example of inaccuracy, the site you linked attempts to differentiate between Catholicism and “biblical Christianity”:

Evangelicals believe in Christ for salvation - and in nothing and nobody else, nor do they rely on any merits of our own; whereas Catholics, in addition to faith, base their salvation on the reception of baptism and other sacraments, good works and penance. Evangelicals seek to live a godly life in grateful response to the grace of God; Catholics perform works to merit the graces needed to attain eternal life.

Okay, but what is the actual teaching of the Church? The (Catholic) Council of Trent declares,

And whereas the Apostle saith, that man is justified by faith and freely, those words are to be understood in that sense which the perpetual consent of the Catholic Church hath held and expressed; to wit, that we are therefore said to be justified by faith, because faith is the beginning of human salvation, the foundation, and the root of all Justification; without which it is impossible to please God, and to come unto the fellowship of His sons: but we are therefore said to be justified freely, because that none of those things which precede justification-whether faith or works-merit the grace itself of justification. For, if it be a grace, it is not now by works, otherwise, as the same Apostle says, grace is no more grace.
(Session 6, Decree on Justification, ch. 8)

Now, this is a teaching that is stronger than even many Evangelicals would feel comfortable affirming. The Roman Catholic affirms that justification is entirely by grace apart from any merit on the part of the man, and he can stand together with the staunchest of Calvinists on that point. The problem is that the Just for Catholics author has failed to clearly define what he means. Is receiving the sacraments a work? Is it necessary to obey God’s commandments to enter into heaven? Can justification be lost? Is faith not a work? There are suppositions behind these questions and more that have to be treated before we can accurately evaluate the differences between the two positions.

Before you reject your boyfriend’s faith, I would make a good-faith effort to understand what his faith actually is. It is not enough to say, “I believe this, and you believe that, and that’s just the way things are.” It is necessary to understand the Catholic teachings, properly understand your own beliefs and then evaluate the similarities and differences. By the fact of you making this thread, it is clear that you have an interest in working things out, so this will not be a worthless process. At the end, if you decide things can’t work, at least you will be better for what you learned in your period of discernment.

As for whether interfaith marriages can work, I say it is possible. Even between two Catholics, it is probable that one will be more devout than the other and there will not be uniformity of mind or spirit on every last thing, but spouses have to work together regardless. Between a Catholic and a non-Catholic, a good marriage is possible provided that there is enough common ground for you to be able to work tother toward your common goals, and provided that the non-Catholic will not be an obstacle to the Catholic upbringing of the children.

I see a few possibilities. You might decide that the Catholic faith was right all along after all. That would make things very simple. Second, you might decide that you cannot subscribe to the Catholic faith, but that the Catholic faith is acceptable for your spouse and your children. You might even come to the conclusion that the Catholic faith is, when it comes down to it, just as good as the beliefs of any Protestant denomination. “Sure, the Catholic Church has silly rituals and funny hats, but they still believe the Gospel.” I have certainly met plenty of Protestants who believe this way, and I believe it is a tenable position to hold from a Protestant perspective. I think marriage would be possible in this case. On the other hand, you might discern that the Catholic Church is the apostate Whore of Babylon, the Pope is the Antichrist, and that the Catholic faith is demonic, pagan superstition. In that case, I think you would have to admit a marriage is not possible.

In short, you will have to find what agreement you can arrive at and whether that is sufficient to build a successful marriage on.
 
From what I have seen it can work if the Catholic spouse has a very strong prayer life and knows their faith well, however it is often difficult.

Many times I have seen friends grow up and leave the both denominations (sometimes stop going to church altogether), unless there was at least one parent who was a good prayer warrior.

Everyone’s story is different and this is my general observation of the dozen or so interfaith marriages I have known. It can work and couples can love each other with no major issues. However, conveying the faith to ones children is were it can break down even if the couple has no major problems.

God Bless
 
What I read in the article does not coincide with what I believe as a Catholic. We do not teach that other Christians will not go to Heaven–that was the main point that bothered me. Also, the Catholic Church IS biblical. Please inform yourself about the Church and not go by what the article and many other articles like this say about the Church. Catholics ARE christians and not opposed to being Christian.

As far as getting married, I can not tell you what to do. I’ve known many successful interfaith marriages and I’ve known many to fail as well. In the very least you both need to educate yourselves about each others beliefs from reputable resources. Learn the history of what your denominations teach, why, for how long, and changes through out history. It will be necessary for you both to know, understand and respect those beliefs and to decide what you are planning to teach your children. My current priest was raised in an interfaith marriage. His parents were happily married for 50 yrs. My father’s mother converted to Catholicism, but her Baptist mother lived with their family. It was quite similar to an interfaith family because the grandmother was very involved with the day to day activities. It was successful and the kids turned out fine. It will be a little more work but all marriages are difficult. I’ll pray for you both
Thankyou for the (name removed by moderator)ut!
 
Just fair warning, though; as a party to a mixed marriage, there are going to be some conditions:

-You will be required to, absent a rare dispensation, be married in a Catholic ceremony.
-Your children will be baptized and recieve all the other sacraments in the Catholic Church and no other.
-Your Catholic spouse would be required to promise to raise his children Catholic, and to do all he possibly can to keep you from hypothetically doing otherwise. You will be informed of this. Now unlike before, they no longer require you to agree to raise them Catholic, but as a matter of honor I would in such a case hope you would continue to do so.
-Your Catholic spouse will be required to promise that he will remove any possibility he reasonably can of you turning him away from the Church. If it is evident to the priest or bishop that him marrying you would cause erosion of or defection from the Catholic faith, he will refuse to perform the wedding.

If you can’t live with any of those conditions, I would for your sake and the sake of your suitor think really hard about whether to continue the relationship.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top