Inter-Faith relationships

[Niki_Anne]

I have been struggling for a while with if my relationship is one that I should continue to pursue and am getting mixed messages in prayer on what to do.

My boyfriend and I meet last July and started to date last August. At the time I was away from the church so I was perfectly happy dating someone who just said they were Christian with no other ties to any religious affiliation. Last fall I started to come to church again off and on while taking RCIA classes to get confirmed(I grew up catholic but never got confirmed). I went on a retreat at the end of February and it really hit me that I need to be living my faith. I have spent the past two weeks trying to become more involved in my faith and getting involved with a bible study and trying to engage in prayer every day.

I told my boyfriend when I saw him after the retreat that we needed to pray if were a good match for each other because his family does not like the Catholic church due to some bad priests/parishes his mom experienced growing up. He said through prayer he was getting the message to be more open minded toward Catholicism but that he will never convert and never get baptised any sort of Christian.

He has said that he would be ok with raising the kids Catholic and would got to church with me if we ever got married but he would want to teach the kids what he believes when they are old enough to understand that there are different view point.

I am not sure what to do, there are a few other issues not related to faith that make me question if we will work but some people have made me feel like I would be a horrible person for breaking up with him because of religion and when I talk to him about it he sees no issue with me being Catholic and him being christian.

 

[Convert_in_99]

I have been struggling for a while with if my relationship is one that I should continue to pursue and am getting mixed messages in prayer on what to do.

My boyfriend and I meet last July and started to date last August. At the time I was away from the church so I was perfectly happy dating someone who just said they were Christian with no other ties to any religious affiliation. Last fall I started to come to church again off and on while taking RCIA classes to get confirmed(I grew up catholic but never got confirmed). I went on a retreat at the end of February and it really hit me that I need to be living my faith. I have spent the past two weeks trying to become more involved in my faith and getting involved with a bible study and trying to engage in prayer every day.

I told my boyfriend when I saw him after the retreat that we needed to pray if were a good match for each other because his family does not like the Catholic church due to some bad priests/parishes his mom experienced growing up. He said through prayer he was getting the message to be more open minded toward Catholicism but that he will never convert and never get baptised any sort of Christian.

He has said that he would be ok with raising the kids Catholic and would got to church with me if we ever got married but he would want to teach the kids what he believes when they are old enough to understand that there are different view point.

I am not sure what to do, there are a few other issues not related to faith that make me question if we will work but some people have made me feel like I would be a horrible person for breaking up with him because of religion and when I talk to him about it he sees no issue with me being Catholic and him being christian.

I would look elsewhere for a marriage partner. I am in a mixed faith marriage and while we have a good marriage, the differences on where we go to church Sunday really tears a hole in your heart at times. Your boyfriend isn’t even Christian, think how much more difficult that would be even! Please do yourself a favor and wait for a good catholic guy to date.

 

[Niki_Anne]

His family does say they are Christian they just don’t think you need to be baptized to get to heaven. His mom thought it was the most ridiculous thing when her father would mourn a friend who never got baptized and be up set that they never would be able to get into heaven.

He prays and has read some of the bible

 

[pianistclare]

His family does say they are Christian they just don’t think you need to be baptized to get to heaven. His mom thought it was the most ridiculous thing when her father would mourn a friend who never got baptized and be up set that they never would be able to get into heaven.

He prays and has read some of the bible

So his mother didn’t read the part in the Bible about the Baptism in the River Jordan?
Or does she believe a person is a Christian just because they say so? Never mind, just a rhetorical question.
Part of me wants to say maybe he’ll come around, but another part of me says that you will have endless problems with his family when you get around to getting married and have children.
You’re young. You can still remain friends. He’ll respect you for standing up for what you believe in. It may even stir his heart.
But if you are considering marriage, I’d lean towards: do yourself a favor.
Don’t put obstacles in the way. Marriage can be challenging on it’s own.
God bless you.

 

[1ke]

He has said that he would be ok with raising the kids Catholic and would got to church with me if we ever got married but he would want to teach the kids what he believes when they are old enough to understand that there are different view point.

That’s a deal breaker in my book.

some people have made me feel like I would be a horrible person for breaking up with him because of religion

Those people either don’t understand religion or don’t understand the purpose of dating (or both).

Dating is to discern marriage. Marriage requires two people both working toward the same goal.

and when I talk to him about it he sees no issue with me being Catholic and him being christian.

But you wisely do see.

 

[EnglishTeacher]

I have been struggling for a while with if my relationship is one that I should continue to pursue and am getting mixed messages in prayer on what to do.

My boyfriend and I meet last July and started to date last August. At the time I was away from the church so I was perfectly happy dating someone who just said they were Christian with no other ties to any religious affiliation. Last fall I started to come to church again off and on while taking RCIA classes to get confirmed(I grew up catholic but never got confirmed). I went on a retreat at the end of February and it really hit me that I need to be living my faith. I have spent the past two weeks trying to become more involved in my faith and getting involved with a bible study and trying to engage in prayer every day.

I told my boyfriend when I saw him after the retreat that we needed to pray if were a good match for each other because his family does not like the Catholic church due to some bad priests/parishes his mom experienced growing up. He said through prayer he was getting the message to be more open minded toward Catholicism but that he will never convert and never get baptised any sort of Christian.

He has said that he would be ok with raising the kids Catholic and would got to church with me if we ever got married but he would want to teach the kids what he believes when they are old enough to understand that there are different view point.

I am not sure what to do, there are a few other issues not related to faith that make me question if we will work but **some people have made me feel like I would be a horrible person for breaking up with him because of religion **and when I talk to him about it he sees no issue with me being Catholic and him being christian.

To most people, “religion” is not a big deal and that’s why they think that. But a shared faith is one of the most foundational and important things to look for in a marriage partner. It is a very big deal, to say the least.

Something to think about is whether 1) you want to marry someone who merely tolerates your religion, and is just “ok” with raising the kids Catholic, leaving the burden mostly on you to bring them up in the faith. (Not to mention that he plans to introduce his own contradictory beliefs to the children at some point, very possibly undoing all the work you have done to raise them Catholic.) Or 2) would you rather find a man who shares a deep faith and love for Christ and his holy Catholic Church, who will be an example to your children of a good Catholic husband and father, and who brings the family to Mass and Confession.

 

[Ignatius]

I have been struggling for a while with if my relationship is one that I should continue to pursue and am getting mixed messages in prayer on what to do.

My boyfriend and I meet last July and started to date last August. At the time I was away from the church so I was perfectly happy dating someone who just said they were Christian with no other ties to any religious affiliation. Last fall I started to come to church again off and on while taking RCIA classes to get confirmed(I grew up catholic but never got confirmed). I went on a retreat at the end of February and it really hit me that I need to be living my faith. I have spent the past two weeks trying to become more involved in my faith and getting involved with a bible study and trying to engage in prayer every day.

I told my boyfriend when I saw him after the retreat that we needed to pray if were a good match for each other because his family does not like the Catholic church due to some bad priests/parishes his mom experienced growing up. He said through prayer he was getting the message to be more open minded toward Catholicism but that he will never convert and never get baptised any sort of Christian.

He has said that he would be ok with raising the kids Catholic and would got to church with me if we ever got married but he would want to teach the kids what he believes when they are old enough to understand that there are different view point.

and when I talk to him about it he sees no issue with me being Catholic and him being christian.

You do realize that The Catholic Church is the original Christian Church founded by Jesus Christ?

If he won’t get baptized, then you cannot have a Sacramental marriage. It is very unwise to maintain a relationship with an unbaptized person. Is he even willing to raise your children in The Catholic Faith as required?

I am not sure what to do, there are a few other issues not related to faith that make me question if we will work but some people have made me feel like I would be a horrible person for breaking up with him because of religion

Why? Religious incompatibility is one of the chief causes of divorce. It is far better to end it now than to have to violate your Solemn Vows since you can’t remarry after a divorce.

 

[sisterpatril]

Hi, Niki-Anne.

Jesus promised to be with us until the end of time. And he does so through the Church that He Himself established. He promised the gates of hell will not prevail against it.

The Catholic Church IS the Church Jesus left for us to guide us in everything we do. It is true and so, so beautiful. Study the Catechism, and you will see just how loving the Church is. Come home…and don’t give it up ever again…not for anyone! (Also, a good thing to remember is this: The CHURCH is holy; the PEOPLE of the Church, not so much!)

There are true Catholic gentlemen out there. Find yourself one…that would be my recommendation.

 

[GregorysArmy]

To truly live the faith on a day to day basis, it is very important to have a partner who is completely on board. He may say he is willing to raise the children as Catholic but he is NOT willing to role model the faith and that is a HUGE disservice to your children. They need a mother and father who teach through example and are a single unit on parenting decisions. For example, a Friday in lent, grabbing a bite to eat. Dad orders a cheeseburger. Mom orders a fish sandwich. Children don’t want to eat a fish sandwich. They ask why they have to when Dad isn’t doing it? It sounds simplistic but these kinds of things happen every day. What about tithing? How many children you will have? Going to mass on holy days of obligation? Possible points of strife and contention. Marrying someone outside the faith sets up a multitude of possible daily conflict. Marriage is hard enough when both members agree on these things. The other thing about marriage is that it changes over time. The partners need to grow together to remain strong. If he’s not growing or willing to even plant the seed, how much will you really have in common? You are in a tough situation and you have my prayers. God bless!

 

[underacloud]

Niki_Anne,

This just doesn’t seem like a good fit, and it seems clear enough from your post that you know this.

 

[Niki_Anne]

You do realize that The Catholic Church is the original Christian Church founded by Jesus Christ?

If he won’t get baptized, then you cannot have a Sacramental marriage. It is very unwise to maintain a relationship with an unbaptized person. Is he even willing to raise your children in The Catholic Faith as required?

Yes I do know that the Catholic Church was the one founded by Jesus.

And you can have a sacramental marriage without the other person being baptized, I asked my priest and My sister’s husband was not baptized till they had been married quite a few years and they got married in the church

 

[underacloud]

And you can have a sacramental marriage without the other person being baptized, I asked my priest and My sister’s husband was not baptized till they had been married quite a few years and they got married in the church

This is incorrect.

The marriage - with proper dispensation - would be valid but not sacramental. It is known as a “disparity of cult” marriage.

 

[1ke]

And you can have a sacramental marriage without the other person being baptized,

You can have a VALID marriage with an unbaptized person (with the correct dispensation from disparity of cult). But it is not a sacrament. Baptism is the gateway to all sacraments. See below, emphasis mine:

Can. 1055 §1. The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life and which is ordered by its nature to the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring, has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament between the baptized.

§2. For this reason, a valid matrimonial contract cannot exist between the baptized without it being by that fact a sacrament.

I asked my priest and My sister’s husband was not baptized till they had been married quite a few years and they got married in the church

Correct. One can **validly **marry an unbaptized person with a dispensation from disparity of cult. This is called a **natural **marriage. It would become a sacrament if your sister’s husband ever were to be baptized. But it is not a sacrament while he is unbaptized.

 

[on_the_hill]

I know six interfaith marriages and in every one of them the Catholic fell away from the Church.

And despite the intentions at the time of the marriage, none of their children are being raised Catholic.

Just something to keep in mind.

 

[OraLabora]

I know six interfaith marriages and in every one of them the Catholic fell away from the Church.

And despite the intentions at the time of the marriage, none of their children are being raised Catholic.

Just something to keep in mind.

Well I won’t be your seventh. My wife is Anglican, I’m Catholic. I am in no danger of falling away from the Church whilst I still have all my faculties about me.

We have been married 26 years, though my wife became Anglican around the time I reverted after a long absence from the Church. That was 18 years ago.

Moreover my Catholic mother married my Anglican father in 1955 with the appropriate dispensations. He took his duty to raise me Catholic so seriously, that if my mother didn’t feel well and couldn’t come to Mass, he’d take me alone (he didn’t of course receive communion), and we often went to Mass as a family. My parents had been married 16 years when my father passed away suddenly.

I also have a very good friend and former colleague who converted to Catholicism when he married his Catholic wife. Fact is I know of only one interfaith marriage where the Catholic fell away and the fall was underway well before he married.

 

[Kal2012]

Yea - I converted into the faith after I got married too.

I know several guys who converted after their marriages too.

You never know how the Holy Spirit is going to work in people’s lives.

 

[Niki_Anne]

Thank you all who have answered. I ended my relationship with him today after reading what people have said and talking to people close to me. I honestly feel nothing but relief, I thought I would be upset but I really wasn’t because I know this is what God was pushing me toward with my life. I am going to take some time away from being in a serious relationship and maybe date causally for a little while. I am going to just focus on my relationship with God and finishing my degree for now as well as being involved with the Catholic group at my school.

 

[chero23]

I have been struggling for a while with if my relationship is one that I should continue to pursue and am getting mixed messages in prayer on what to do.

My boyfriend and I meet last July and started to date last August. At the time I was away from the church so I was perfectly happy dating someone who just said they were Christian with no other ties to any religious affiliation. Last fall I started to come to church again off and on while taking RCIA classes to get confirmed(I grew up catholic but never got confirmed). I went on a retreat at the end of February and it really hit me that I need to be living my faith. I have spent the past two weeks trying to become more involved in my faith and getting involved with a bible study and trying to engage in prayer every day.

I told my boyfriend when I saw him after the retreat that we needed to pray if were a good match for each other because his family does not like the Catholic church due to some bad priests/parishes his mom experienced growing up. He said through prayer he was getting the message to be more open minded toward Catholicism but that he will never convert and never get baptised any sort of Christian.

He has said that he would be ok with raising the kids Catholic and would got to church with me if we ever got married but he would want to teach the kids what he believes when they are old enough to understand that there are different view point.

I am not sure what to do, there are a few other issues not related to faith that make me question if we will work but some people have made me feel like I would be a horrible person for breaking up with him because of religion and when I talk to him about it he sees no issue with me being Catholic and him being christian.

I dated a girl who is Seventh Day Adventist. We knew about our differences prior to us dating as we were best friends for 3 years. Once we started dating as long as we didnt bring up the topic of faith we were fine. We started reading the Bible at the beginning of our 3rd year. We read from Genesis all the way through to Revelation. It took us 17 months to do so.

Although I don’t regret having spent 4 years with her, it did make me feel bad that she didn’t want to keep our promise to follow what our studies showed.

It will be hard, but know that if your having troubles the best thing is to just walk away.

 

[chero23]

Thank you all who have answered. I ended my relationship with him today after reading what people have said and talking to people close to me. I honestly feel nothing but relief, I thought I would be upset but I really wasn’t because I know this is what God was pushing me toward with my life. I am going to take some time away from being in a serious relationship and maybe date causally for a little while. I am going to just focus on my relationship with God and finishing my degree for now as well as being involved with the Catholic group at my school.

Hopefully you can cope with this, God willing it was the right decision, just keep your head up.

 

[white_sheep]

**

Thank you all who have answered. I ended my relationship with him today after reading what people have said and talking to people close to me. I honestly feel nothing but relief, I thought I would be upset but I really wasn’t because I know this is what God was pushing me toward with my life. I am going to take some time away from being in a serious relationship and maybe date causally for a little while. I am going to just focus on my relationship with God and finishing my degree for now as well as being involved with the Catholic group at my school.

Good. You did the right thing. It was a smart move and sounds like you have a good plan. Marry a Catholic. It makes life much easier.

There are probably a thousand threads in this forum about interfaith marriages falling apart. There’s a new one every couple of days.