Inter-religion

[Gagthemouse]

I wouldn’t recommend interfaith marriages. My wife has a different faith than I have. It worked ok when she was straddling the fence and I wasn’t going to church, but once she decided to become more spiritual, it became the wedge that is driving us apart (and leading to our potential divorce). Ultimately, because of this I am closer to God now. I think strong spiritual support is the building block needed to make a healthy lasting marriage and relationship. Its is very sad to go to church and not have your spouse there and share in your participation of your religion.

Hi Dawgfan,

So how long did you guys last? Did you constantly fight over this or did it just become a quiet misunderstanding? I hear that sometimes happens to couples because they are afraid to offend the other person.

 

[rwoehmke]

I have been on this planet for over 70 years. My parents were in a mixed marriage. My mom was Catholic my dad lutheran. Fortunately he was not a strong Lutheran, but was a good man. My grandparents on his side were always intolerant of our Catholic Faith. Grandma was a Catholic become Lutheran when she married grandpa who was a pillar of the Missouri Synod Lutheran Church. I have known quite a few people in mixed marriages over the years, many of them reasonably happy, but there seems almost always to be a sadness because they are not and or cannot be together in matters of their Faith. Sometimes it gets to the point of open hostility and divorce although the first few years seem to be good. One makes more allowances in those years you know, but as time passes the differences pinch. It is not only having different faiths that seem to matter, but also situations where one is fervent and the other is at best lukewarm in their common Faith. Do yourselves a favor and part as friends. It’s not so much a matter of intolerance as it is a fact that there will always be a chink in your relationship that usually grows larger with time. It is difficult enough to live for a lifetime with another person without introducing a flaw right from the get go.

 

[Peter_DiMitri]

Hi, all. I apologize for causing quite a stir but I am still thankful. I appreciate it very much, especially now that I realize not one of my friends has gone through an inter-religious relationship. So I actually have no one to talk to about this.

I see where you are all coming from and I’m trying to absorb as much “wisdom” as I can this early in our relationship. Anyway, we talk everyday, our relationship has transcended beyond waiting for when each of us would be online at itzamatch.com and are feelings for each other have grown. Unbelievable considering we have not met yet. The whole religious difference has made us rethink what we thought we wanted to do and we’re talking about it more now, which is good. It might be easy to say to just disregard our differences in faith but my parents are devout Christians and his are active in their church too. So… this is harder than I thought.

God is indeed first in my life. Always has been. Although I am not active in church (I do attend Sunday mass), I pray on my own every chance I get and I find myself thanking God, talking to God, anytime I feel like it. His views on Jesus are of course nothing compared to mine. But as much as we don’t want to talk about it, we WANT to talk about it without having to argue. I really feel that the both of us are too scared to compare religious points for fear of losing what relationship we have. We haven’t scheduled a rendezvous yet because we are both being careful.

Sucks, if you ask me, but there’s more to this guy than his religious. He is funny, smart, respectful, polite and stable. I HATE being in this position.

To whatever extent you both have strong beliefs, harmony will be more difficult to achieve. You’re very early in this relationship… ask yourself whether or not it’s truly prudent to move further along this road.

Inter-Faith marriage can work well when one or both of the participants don’t really care that much (a lot of people are in this category). But when you have two people of devout and different beliefs, it WILL cause friction, especially when children come into it.

How would the Children be raised? A previous poster said that they raise the Children in both faiths. Without meaning to be disrespectful to that person, that is the worst possible message to send to your children. By teaching both, you are teaching them that they are both inherently false. Either Jesus is the Savior or he isn’t. There’s no way you could possible teach them both without confusing your children spiritually and undermining both faiths in a very real and tangible way.

I understand these things are complicated, and I pray for your well-being. But understand this: there is no such thing as a “soul-mate”. There are many possible people that you can be united with, and happily so. When I was a teenager I thought my life would end because the girl who was my love left me. I never thought I would recover. Now I’m married to someone different, and we’ve built a life together. You will find, I’m sure, that there are an abundance of Catholic men who will also be able to make you happy, and you won’t have spiritual division in your home – which can be a truly debilitating thing.

I have two friends that are married and one of them was raised Catholic and the other Jewish. They ended up getting married in a Unitarian Church. Neither one of them really cares all that much about religion, but they both (ironically) refuse to allow their kids to be taught the **other’s **religion. The result? To avoid the conflict, they are raising the kids with no faith whatsoever.

If Catholicism is really important to you – Catholicism, not this relativistic “all religions say the same thing” stuff that a lot of people buy into – then think carefully about getting more connected to someone outside of your faith. It can cause lots of hardship.

May the Holy Spirit guide you.

 

[BlestOne]

I was married to a non-christian for 13 very long years. We had 4 children together and according to his religion, divorce is ok so he took off and after about a year nobody has heard from him. During our marriage he discouraged me from the most important relationship of my life…my relationship with God. No, he didn’t prevent me from going to church or reading my Bible. He just didn’t offer any support like helping me get the kids ready for mass or attend with us. As for my Bible…it kept getting put in different places than I left it. I don’t recommend a interfaith relationship at all! Now, that being said…I am now married to a convert to the Catholic faith. When I met him he was Lutheran (MO synod) and not practicing very much. We had been dating about 2 weeks when I invited him to my parish and he fell in love with the mass. It took a little more time for him to get over some of his Protestant upbringing and actually see what Catholics believe. I was very upfront with him when we started dating and I told him that my faith was such a big part of my life that I couldn’t imagine spending my life with a non-Catholic after all I had been through before. I did not push him to join the Catholic Church, but I did patiently answer all his questions and when I didn’t know the answers I asked here or asked my pastor. 2.5 yrs after we started dating, he entered RCIA and joined the church. We dated for a total of 5 years before we married. He is a wonderful husband and father today. I made a list of things I wanted if I ever remarried… I got everything on my list:

1. Catholic
2. Prays together with me (very important)
3. Acts as head of family i.e. raises children in the faith
4. Faithful to God first then to me…and expects no less from me.

 

[Gagthemouse]

Wow. Thanks for all your stories. They sure have provided a lot of insight on where we are right now. I know there’s more to a person than his religion but unfortunately, my religion has shaped me for all my years. So if that can’t be compromised, so will everything else. Thanks again.

After a really really long talk over the weekend about our faiths (our first, by the way) we decided to let go of the pressure. It seems now we’ve gone back to where we used to be.Waiting for each other to be online at itzamatch before we can chat. I have stopped calling and so has he. I guess we are both rethinking things a lot because we already see how difficult things would be if we decided to go any further. What sucks is I know he misses me as much as I miss him. We miss just laughing over the silliest things. I don’tknow if we’re ever going to see each other or when we will, how we’d react. But now, everything’s sort of hanging.