Inter-religion

[Gagthemouse]

Hi. I’m new here and I’m a devout Catholic. I have a bit of a problem concerning a relationship I’m having online.

I met this this guy at this dating site, itzamatch.com. We got to chatting and after communicating for weeks, I realized I really really like this guy. We never touched the topic of religion because I didn’t think it was necessary. Anyway, I later on found out that he was Jewish which I thought was fine until I learned that he was falling for me and intends to pursue me. Now, I may like him a lot but I certainly am not looking for a husband just yet. And the whole issue or religious differences… I’m not sure how I can handle that if he does intend to be my boyfriend. Should I just back out now that we’re not that into each other yet or should I dip my foot in the pool knowing it will give me and my family a hell of a headache later on?

 

[elg26]

It doesn’t have to be a headache. Everyone is entitled to thier own religious belief. Practice yours, and allow him to practice his.

I am in an interfaith relationship. My wife is a devout Catholic, and I am not. We get along just fine.

If kids appear, teach them both faiths…kids have the right to know about the beliefs of thier parents.

Respect each others beliefs and all will be fine. Disrespect the others religious beliefs and problems will occur…

Good luck to you!

 

[Della]

If you are not interested in pursuing a relationship at this time, and you feel he is more interested in getting serious than you are, no matter what his religion, back out now before you hurt him.

Especially since this is an internet relationship, you don’t really know who you are dealing with. And if you are a minor, drop the dating site pronto and tell your mother or other legal guardian what this man has been saying to you.

If you are an adult, then be an adult and let him go so he can find what he is really looking for in a wife.

 

[elvisman]

It doesn’t have to be a headache. Everyone is entitled to thier own religious belief. Practice yours, and allow him to practice his.

I am in an interfaith relationship. My wife is a devout Catholic, and I am not. We get along just fine.

If kids appear, teach them both faiths…kids have the right to know about the beliefs of thier parents.

Respect each others beliefs and all will be fine. Disrespect the others religious beliefs and problems will occur…

Good luck to you!

Gagthemouse -
This is about the worst advice anybody could give you.
First of all mixed marriages (interfaith) - especially where children are concerned are a mixture for disaster. I’m not sure if elg26 and his wife have children (I noticed that he didn’t mention it), but it gets much more difficult when there are children involved.
The one thing that most people fail to examine when entertaining this choice is that as Catholics, our faith in God and our relationship with him and His Church is THE most important thing in our lives (or SHOULD be).
I have seen many mixed marriages suffer because the parents argue about how their children should be raised.
Remember, when you marry somebody, their families are involved as well and there are stress factors from that source.
This has been a recurring topic on this forum for as long as I’ve been a member and the problem is always the same - it is a nearly impossible situation.
In my own very large family, I have seen this phenomenon happen to 7 of my siblings - not to mention many extended family members and friends.
When it comes to dating and marriage, people should yoke with others of their own faith.

 

[ALLFORHIM]

Hi,

I agree with Elvisman. I am protestant and my husband is catholic. I think because neither one of practiced our religion when we got married, it didnt matter. We got married in my Episcopal church and we are raising the children in a non-denom church. If my husband was a devout catholic we would have had a problem. What I am going to say next is NOT a catapult for derailing this thread–so please people dont do it!! Since I do not believe in much of catholocism I would not have wanted to raise the kids catholic. That really would have been a deal breaker. Im a born again christian and my husband is still not interested in catholocism to date so it has not been a problem.

You are talking about a Jesus centered faith vs. a non Jesus ceentered faith. I would ask him if he practices his faith or if he is willing to research catholocism. If he says he is a devout Jew I would end it. Raising kids would be a nightmare. If you teach them both religions you are not only doing the kids a disservice you could be keeping them from salvation Plus they would be confused:whacky:

God Speed and keep us up to date(no pun intended )

 

[elg26]

Gagthemouse -
This is about the worst advice anybody could give you.
First of all mixed marriages (interfaith) - especially where children are concerned are a mixture for disaster. I’m not sure if elg26 and his wife have children (I noticed that he didn’t mention it), but it gets much more difficult when there are children involved.
The one thing that most people fail to examine when entertaining this choice is that as Catholics, our faith in God and our relationship with him and His Church is THE most important thing in our lives (or SHOULD be).
I have seen many mixed marriages suffer because the parents argue about how their children should be raised.
Remember, when you marry somebody, their families are involved as well and there are stress factors from that source.
This has been a recurring topic on this forum for as long as I’ve been a member and the problem is always the same - it is a nearly impossible situation.
In my own very large family, I have seen this phenomenon happen to 7 of my siblings - not to mention many extended family members and friends.
When it comes to dating and marriage, people should yoke with others of their own faith.

No kidding… the WORST advise huh?

People should “yoke” with others of thier own faith?

Do you think that people of other ethnicities should “yoke” with thier own kind as well?

It seems to me that the word INTOLERANCE just reared it’s head in your commentary.

Two examples of how this works when people love EACH OTHER FIRST, and do NOT place religion ABOVE thier love and marriage…

1. My wife and I do not have children together. However, she has a 10 year old daughter. I do not stand in her way of teaching catholicism to her daughter. I encourage her and make no negative commentary AT ALL to her daughter, even though I do not believe in catholicism at this time.

I do this because I love my wife, and I work with her to fulfill her wish to teach her daughter the catholic religion. It’s what she wants from me in the marriage. I do it for her.

It’s called LOVE. And it works.

1. My best friend is a methodist. He married a Jewish lady. They raised thier children within both religions, and taught them all the good of both. They celebrate all holidays of both religions annually, and the kids (now adults) are doing the same for thier kids.

They UNDERSTAND both religions, and can live with people of other religions peacefully. They did this with the loving and encouraging help of both families.

Because of LOVE for each other. Love works.

In both cases, if anyone had been predjudicial and intolerant enough to say “I’ll only marry for someone within my religion”…Well…I’d be an unhappy man today without my wife…and my best friend and his wife would be without two of the most wonderful kids I’ve ever met, as well as being without each other…

A heckuva lot of goodness and love came about because people got together for LOVE first…and NOT religion first.

This world is being torn apart right now because people are fighting over religious beliefs. And, mankind has killed one another over religion time and time again.

We need to STOP religious intolerance.

Sorry if I side tracked…

Worst advise, indeed…

 

[dal11]

How do you raise children in both a christian and non-christian religion. This is totally bafleing to me…There’s this man, oh yeah he’s also God and he died to save us… the next day he’s told. You know all that stuff you learned about Jesus yesterday, well it’s all hogwash…See what I mean?

 

[ALLFORHIM]

No kidding… the WORST advise huh?

People should “yoke” with others of thier own faith?

Do you think that people of other ethnicities should “yoke” with thier own kind as well?

It seems to me that the word INTOLERANCE just reared it’s head in your commentary.

Two examples of how this works when people love EACH OTHER FIRST, and do NOT place religion ABOVE thier love and marriage…

1. My wife and I do not have children together. However, she has a 10 year old daughter. I do not stand in her way of teaching catholicism to her daughter. I encourage her and make no negative commentary AT ALL to her daughter, even though I do not believe in catholicism at this time.

I do this because I love my wife, and I work with her to fulfill her wish to teach her daughter the catholic religion. It’s what she wants from me in the marriage. I do it for her.

It’s called LOVE. And it works.

1. My best friend is a methodist. He married a Jewish lady. They raised thier children within both religions, and taught them all the good of both. They celebrate all holidays of both religions annually, and the kids (now adults) are doing the same for thier kids.

They UNDERSTAND both religions, and can live with people of other religions peacefully. They did this with the loving and encouraging help of both families.

Because of LOVE for each other. Love works.

In both cases, if anyone had been predjudicial and intolerant enough to say “I’ll only marry for someone within my religion”…Well…I’d be an unhappy man today without my wife…and my best friend and his wife would be without two of the most wonderful kids I’ve ever met, as well as being without each other…

A heckuva lot of goodness and love came about because people got together for LOVE first…and NOT religion first.

This world is being torn apart right now because people are fighting over religious beliefs. And, mankind has killed one another over religion time and time again.

We need to STOP religious intolerance.

Sorry if I side tracked…

Worst advise, indeed…

Hi,
I understand where you are coming from, but God should come first in everyone’s life. We are to put God first even ahead of our spouse. That is biblical.
I feel the people fighting over religious beliefs are fanatics and not TRUE followers of their faith. If their faith is love then they would choose not to kill people. See where Im going with this. People who can raise their kids with 2 entirely different religions are probably not devout in either one otherwise they would have a problem raising their children to believe something they find to be false.

 

[ALLFORHIM]

How do you raise children in both a christian and non-christian religion. This is totally bafleing to me…There’s this man, oh yeah he’s also God and he died to save us… the next day he’s told. You know all that stuff you learned about Jesus yesterday, well it’s all hogwash…See what I mean?

Im with ya on this one.

 

[Mystophilus]

I met this this guy at this dating site, itzamatch.com. We got to chatting and after communicating for weeks, I realized I really really like this guy. We never touched the topic of religion because I didn’t think it was necessary. Anyway, I later on found out that he was Jewish which I thought was fine until I learned that he was falling for me and intends to pursue me. Now, I may like him a lot but I certainly am not looking for a husband just yet. And the whole issue or religious differences… I’m not sure how I can handle that if he does intend to be my boyfriend. Should I just back out now that we’re not that into each other yet or should I dip my foot in the pool knowing it will give me and my family a hell of a headache later on?

Cross-cultural, including cross-religious, relationships can be very, very complicated and very, very rewarding. Families can be unhappy, but, if they love you, they will learn to cope with it.

Let me ask you a question: do you really think that a loving God, and a God who commands us to love each other, would be upset with you for loving another person? Even assuming that your view of God is absolutely, perfectly correct, is that a reason not to love someone whose view of God is not yet absolutely, perfectly correct?

Consider this, also: you are not actually talking about someone from a completely different religion. You are talking about someone from another part of the same religion. He believes in the same God as you do; he merely does not currently accept that Jesus is the Incarnation of that God.

If he is mean, selfish, or disrespectful, I would say, “Dump the guy”, but merely because he happens to be Jewish!?!

 

[Fidelis]

Hi,
You are talking about a Jesus centered faith vs. a non Jesus ceentered faith. I would ask him if he practices his faith or if he is willing to research catholocism. If he says he is a devout Jew I would end it. Raising kids would be a nightmare. If you teach them both religions you are not only doing the kids a disservice you could be keeping them from salvation Plus they would be confused:whacky:

I have to totally agree with this part of ALLFORHIM’s advice. Perhaps some lucky couples have been able to make inter-faith marriages work (and, if so, God bless and more power to 'em), but in my direct experience and from everything I’ve heard, it is an almost guaranteed asking-for-it recipe for marital disaster. Look how many people come into these forums heartbroken over the mistake they have made, but have too late realized.

Racial, ethnic, socio-economic, political – All these other differences can be overcome; but in religion, sooner or later, the roots run too deep, and the emotions too high. Don’t do it, little sister.

 

[LumberGumRubber]

Racial, ethnic, socio-economic, political – All these other differences can be overcome; but in religion, sooner or later, the roots run too deep, and the emotions too high. Don’t do it, little sister.

A split fingered Live long & prosper … actually what one needs in the final end, is not religion, but eternal redemption.

Salvation (eternal salvation, i.e. Hebrews 5:9) is not to be found in Catholicism / Protestantism, but rather in a finished work accomplished by the crucified and resurrected Christ of God, i.e. 1Timothy 2:6.
Christ has provided the means by which sinful men (even religious sinners) can be saved from the horrific judgment of God, i.e. Hebrews 9:27 / 10:31.
But to get in on the good of what Christ has provided, is not religion as we know it, but rather an acknowledgement of God’s verdict upon our sin, and a genuine repentance from it, i.e. Acts 17:30 and a faith placed alone in the Person and finished work of Christ, i.e. Jn 3:16-18.
That would mean taking ones’ faith out of whatever that one might have it in, and place it fair & square in Christ alone.
That’s when (and only when) men & women can know for sure of their entrance into the kingdom of God.
Somewhat for to consider …
(If perchance this note is not seen by any, please advise me immediately)

 

[Fidelis]

A split fingered Live long & prosper … actually what one needs in the final end, is not religion, but eternal redemption.

Salvation (eternal salvation, i.e. Hebrews 5:9) is not to be found in Catholicism / Protestantism, but rather in a finished work accomplished by the crucified and resurrected Christ of God, i.e. 1Timothy 2:6.
Christ has provided the means by which sinful men (even religious sinners) can be saved from the horrific judgment of God, i.e. Hebrews 9:27 / 10:31.
But to get in on the good of what Christ has provided, is not religion as we know it, but rather an acknowledgement of God’s verdict upon our sin, and a genuine repentance from it, i.e. Acts 17:30 and a faith placed alone in the Person and finished work of Christ, i.e. Jn 3:16-18.
That would mean taking ones’ faith out of whatever that one might have it in, and place it fair & square in Christ alone.
That’s when (and only when) men & women can know for sure of their entrance into the kingdom of God.
Somewhat for to consider …
(If perchance this note is not seen by any, please advise me immediately)

Whatever. I understand that many fundamentalists have trouble with the term “religion” to the point of being impelled to deliver a sermon on it’s evils, but most educated people know what is generally meant by the term. The subject is off topic, BTW, but thanks anyway.

 

[amills]

A lady in our my Parish recently married a Jewish man. He went through RCIA. In the RCIA class he mentioned how he felt he was “cheated” in his growing up because he knew so little about Jesus. He is now very active in the parish - bible studies, Eucharistic minister, etc. Conversion does happen but don’t depend on it or think you will make the change.

If the Catholic Church thought that it was not possible for couples of two different faiths to marry and make a success of it they would not allow the marriage at all. But they DO allow these marriages because many times they not only work but work for the salvation of the spouse. They also many times are a uniting factor in different faiths learning to live together and respect each other.

One very important thing to remember is that in an interfaith marriage it is not your job to convert the spouse and you should never feel guilty because it does not happen. Your job is to live your faith fully and to pray. The Holy Spirit is responsible for the conversion. It may be that you may be the only way this person can get to heaven…

 

[urbana]

I am happy to hear that your interfaith marriage works well, elg26. However, it is important to note that you are allowing your wife to raise her child as Catholic, not teaching two faiths. If it were not her child, but both of yours, would you still allow her to raise your child as Catholic and only Catholic?

While I can appreciate the sentiment behind your statements, careful examination reveals that your charges of intolerance are in fact intolerant of my Catholic faith.

For instance, for a Catholic to marry someone who is not a baptized Christian (disparity of cult) requires an express dispensation. This means that I am in fact forbidden to marry outside the Christian faith (as dispensation means to exempt from a rule). Therefore, your claim that it would be intolerant to say:

In both cases, if anyone had been predjudicial and intolerant enough to say “I’ll only marry for someone within my religion”

is itself intolerant of my religious beliefs, as I would be merely expressing my intent to abide by the rules of my faith.

Some tenents of the Catholic faith:

1. The Catholic Church professes that it, and it alone, of all religions, holds the fullness of the truth.
2. Catholics are required to do their best to raise their children Catholic.

The following two sentences, when taken together (as they were written), cannot therefore be reconciled.

If kids appear, teach them both faiths…kids have the right to know about the beliefs of thier parents.

Respect each others beliefs and all will be fine.

It is impossible to both respect my beliefs (which require me to raise my child Catholic, to the best of my ability, which precludes raising my child in two religions) and at the same time to advocate my teaching them both faiths. I must teach them that the Catholic faith is the true faith. While I could teach them ABOUT my spouse’s faith (I am neither married nor have kids at this time.), I could not teach them that faith, and would have to emphasize where that faith falls short of the fullness of the truth. Therefore, we again have an irreconcilable problem, where your “tolerance” is itself intolerant of my beliefs.

A belief in tolerance is often espoused these days, but all to often, the tolerance is not authentic tolerance, but rather forcing another individual to abandon their beliefs. I do not claim that this is necessarily intentional, but believe that it often instead reflects a lack of understanding of tolerance, and the interplay between beliefs. While a dense book, I recommend reading “Truth and Tolerance” written by Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, to gain an understanding of authentic tolerance.

 

[elvisman]

No kidding… the WORST advise huh?

People should “yoke” with others of thier own faith?

Do you think that people of other ethnicities should “yoke” with thier own kind as well?

It seems to me that the word INTOLERANCE just reared it’s head in your commentary.

Two examples of how this works when people love EACH OTHER FIRST, and do NOT place religion ABOVE thier love and marriage…

1. My wife and I do not have children together. However, she has a 10 year old daughter. I do not stand in her way of teaching catholicism to her daughter. I encourage her and make no negative commentary AT ALL to her daughter, even though I do not believe in catholicism at this time.

I do this because I love my wife, and I work with her to fulfill her wish to teach her daughter the catholic religion. It’s what she wants from me in the marriage. I do it for her.

It’s called LOVE. And it works.

1. My best friend is a methodist. He married a Jewish lady. They raised thier children within both religions, and taught them all the good of both. They celebrate all holidays of both religions annually, and the kids (now adults) are doing the same for thier kids.

A heckuva lot of goodness and love came about because people got together for LOVE first…and NOT religion first.

This world is being torn apart right now because people are fighting over religious beliefs. And, mankind has killed one another over religion time and time again.

We need to STOP religious intolerance.

Sorry if I side tracked…

Worst advise, indeed…

elg26 -
I stand by my original statement that it is the worst advice. In fact, it’s awful advice.
First of all, your wife’s daughter is not your own. She was there before you met your wife, so you really wouldn’t have any right to demand that she believe some other way in the first place.

Secondly, this is not a matter of intolerance. You say that your wife is a devout Catholic and that you’re not. Your spouse is NOT more important than God - period. We, as Catholics believe that there is NO relationship more important than the one we have with God.

Your touchy-feely sentiment that religious tolerance is the cornerstone of every great relationship was answered so aptly by G.K. Chesterton: "Tolerance is the virtue of the man without convictions."
Intolerance, indeed . . .

 

[Gagthemouse]

Hi, all. I apologize for causing quite a stir but I am still thankful. I appreciate it very much, especially now that I realize not one of my friends has gone through an inter-religious relationship. So I actually have no one to talk to about this.

I see where you are all coming from and I’m trying to absorb as much “wisdom” as I can this early in our relationship. Anyway, we talk everyday, our relationship has transcended beyond waiting for when each of us would be online at itzamatch.com and are feelings for each other have grown. Unbelievable considering we have not met yet. The whole religious difference has made us rethink what we thought we wanted to do and we’re talking about it more now, which is good. It might be easy to say to just disregard our differences in faith but my parents are devout Christians and his are active in their church too. So… this is harder than I thought.

God is indeed first in my life. Always has been. Although I am not active in church (I do attend Sunday mass), I pray on my own every chance I get and I find myself thanking God, talking to God, anytime I feel like it. His views on Jesus are of course nothing compared to mine. But as much as we don’t want to talk about it, we WANT to talk about it without having to argue. I really feel that the both of us are too scared to compare religious points for fear of losing what relationship we have. We haven’t scheduled a rendezvous yet because we are both being careful.

Sucks, if you ask me, but there’s more to this guy than his religious. He is funny, smart, respectful, polite and stable. I HATE being in this position.

 

[elvisman]

God is indeed first in my life. Always has been. Although I am not active in church (I do attend Sunday mass), I pray on my own every chance I get and I find myself thanking God, talking to God, anytime I feel like it. His views on Jesus are of course nothing compared to mine. But as much as we don’t want to talk about it, we WANT to talk about it without having to argue. I really feel that the both of us are too scared to compare religious points for fear of losing what relationship we have. We haven’t scheduled a rendezvous yet because we are both being careful.

Sucks, if you ask me, but there’s more to this guy than his religious. He is funny, smart, respectful, polite and stable. I HATE being in this position.

Gagthemouse -
Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and that you are serious about your faith. I hope that the Lord continues to guide you in this matter and that everything works out according to His will.
God bless.

 

[Gagthemouse]

Thanks, elvisman. I hope so too.

 

[dawgfan]

I wouldn’t recommend interfaith marriages. My wife has a different faith than I have. It worked ok when she was straddling the fence and I wasn’t going to church, but once she decided to become more spiritual, it became the wedge that is driving us apart (and leading to our potential divorce). Ultimately, because of this I am closer to God now. I think strong spiritual support is the building block needed to make a healthy lasting marriage and relationship. Its is very sad to go to church and not have your spouse there and share in your participation of your religion.