Inter-religious Marriage

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sasha01

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Hello everyone, I have a couple of questions as well as was looking for suggestions from people who may have been in the same situation as I am currently in. I am in a relationship with a man who is 28 and I’m 23. We met four months ago and have been in a relationship for the past three months. We understand each other really well and so have already begun discussing marriage though we don’t want to tie the knoy earlier than two years from now.
However he is Hindu and I’m Roman Catholic. We have both been aware of this difference right from the start. However he isn’t too orthodox and does visit churches himself. Talking about marriage with him he said he would never want me to convert and nor would he expect me to participate in any of the religious ceremonies as I did tell him that I wouldn’t be comfortable with doing so. He even agreed to having a church wedding. But when it came to discussing children and how we would bring them up he has no problem with me teaching them the faith but he doesn’t want them to be officially Catholic (Baptized) I of course didn’t agree to it. His concern is that his family tradition would come to an end.
He really is an amazing person and has never denied any of my wishes. We are in an extremely loving relationship and I don’t want to give up on it so easily. Is there any way to work this out?
 
It can work out, provided that he is willing to compromise here. From my readings on Missionaries in India, Hindus sometimes will welcome Jesus among their other gods, which confuses Christians, but I digress…

He seems to be pretty willing to compromise but I’m not sure if he understands how important Catholicism is to a Catholic.

Perhaps try to make his family understand that if marriage happens and you’re sticking to your faith and your children will be raised Catholic, that Indian culture and cuisine will be a strong family component. Your religion will just be different – no Hare Krishna, etc.

I hope that helps. Discern about this…

With my prayers
GreyWings
 
I will be blunt. I hope that you don’t mind. You should not consider marriage to this man unless he agrees that your children will be raised Catholic. Marriage to a non-Christian can be successful but would be a challenge. You do not want to ever consider endangering your salvation or that of you children. There are many fine Hindu people and also millions of Indian Catholics. A person can be fully Indian and respectful of that history and culture and also be a Christian.

If he is not willing to agree to this, cut your losses and move on.
 
PaulfromIowa said:
I will be blunt. I hope that you don’t mind. You should not consider marriage to this man unless he agrees that your children will be raised Catholic. Marriage to a non-Christian can be successful but would be a challenge. You do not want to ever consider endangering your salvation or that of you children. There are many fine Hindu people and also millions of Indian Catholics. A person can be fully Indian and respectful of that history and culture and also be a Christian.

If he is not willing to agree to this, cut your losses and move on.
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I agree with this, and I would like to add that you have only been dating for three months. That’s not long at all. If you don’t want your children to be raised as Hindus and he doesn’t want your children to be Catholic, I would end the relationship. There isn’t really a way around this, other than to compromise on what you don’t want to. I don’t doubt that your relationship is loving, but it is unwise to cause yourself heartbreak in the future because you still can’t agree on this.

Lou
 
sasha01 said:
He really is an amazing person and has never denied any of my wishes. We are in an extremely loving relationship and I don’t want to give up on it so easily.
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The longer you wait, the harder it will be to end.
sasha01 said:
Is there any way to work this out?
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No. The Hindu and Catholic faiths are not compatible. He has told you he does not want his children baptized into the Catholic faith. Do not make the mistake of believing you will change him. You have your answer-- this is not a man who is a serious marriage candidate for you, a practicing Catholic.

Move on.
 
PaulfromIowa said:
I will be blunt. I hope that you don’t mind. You should not consider marriage to this man unless he agrees that your children will be raised Catholic. Marriage to a non-Christian can be successful but would be a challenge. You do not want to ever consider endangering your salvation or that of you children. There are many fine Hindu people and also millions of Indian Catholics. A person can be fully Indian and respectful of that history and culture and also be a Christian.

If he is not willing to agree to this, cut your losses and move on.
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I agree with you, too, and I often state that InterFaith marriage is not a good idea, but he seems willing to make compromises such as having a Catholic ceremony; it just seems that he doesn’t fully understand the importance of the rules. I too agree that she should not agree to marriage if he is not willing to accept that the children will be raised Catholic.

Discernment and then a serious talk is needed…
 
GreyWings said:
I agree with you, too, and I often state that InterFaith marriage is not a good idea, but he seems willing to make compromises such as having a Catholic ceremony; it just seems that he doesn’t fully understand the importance of the rules. I too agree that she should not agree to marriage if he is not willing to accept that the children will be raised Catholic.

Discernment and then a serious talk is needed…
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That Catholic Faith is not a set of rules. It is a way of living. To try to distill it down to rules that a non-Catholic may we willing to compromise on is to miss the point.
 
I have to agree with the others; this is the sticky point here:
sasha01 said:
But when it came to discussing children and how we would bring them up he has no problem with me teaching them the faith but he doesn’t want them to be officially Catholic (Baptized) I of course didn’t agree to it. His concern is that his family tradition would come to an end.
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The non-Catholic spouse as I understand it doesn’t “have to” agree to your raising your children as a Catholic but he has to know it’s your obligation, and if he “doesn’t want” it that’ll make things very difficult. Not like my own mixed marriage upbringing where Dad had absolutely no problem with Mom having me baptized and teaching me the Catholic faith.
 
If you don’t act as one mind on this subject, expect your children to end up confused. And atheist/agnostic.
 
1ke said:
That Catholic Faith is not a set of rules. It is a way of living. To try to distill it down to rules that a non-Catholic may we willing to compromise on is to miss the point.
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Pardon, that is what I meant… thank you
 
sasha01 said:
Hello everyone, I have a couple of questions as well as was looking for suggestions from people who may have been in the same situation as I am currently in. I am in a relationship with a man who is 28 and I’m 23. We met four months ago and have been in a relationship for the past three months. We understand each other really well and so have already begun discussing marriage though we don’t want to tie the knoy earlier than two years from now.
However he is Hindu and I’m Roman Catholic. We have both been aware of this difference right from the start. However he isn’t too orthodox and does visit churches himself. Talking about marriage with him he said he would never want me to convert and nor would he expect me to participate in any of the religious ceremonies as I did tell him that I wouldn’t be comfortable with doing so. He even agreed to having a church wedding. But when it came to discussing children and how we would bring them up he has no problem with me teaching them the faith but he doesn’t want them to be officially Catholic (Baptized) I of course didn’t agree to it. His concern is that his family tradition would come to an end.
He really is an amazing person and has never denied any of my wishes. We are in an extremely loving relationship and I don’t want to give up on it so easily. Is there any way to work this out?
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I think you can continue to love him and have him as a good friend, but I don’t think he can be the father of your children.

There will be many battles to fight for your children’s souls in this life, and their mother and father both have to be on the same side of the battle line - they can’t be battling against each other.

I recommend you continue to discern marriage with other men, particularly Catholic men who take their faith as seriously as you take yours. 🙂
 
Three months is not a very long time. Ending the relationship now may be difficult, but you will both cope and move on fine. If you wait - expecting things to change somehow - it will get harder, and the longer you wait the harder it will become.

At the very least, put the brakes on hard and slow this all down. These are issues that need to be addressed right now before the relationship progresses any further. But frankly, I don’t think your beliefs are compatible.
 
Thank you so much for all your responses. I agree with all of you. Its just at this point really difficult for me to make a decision because he isn’t saying no to the kids being Catholic nor is he saying yes . For him the dilema is more about the way his mother is going to react to this news. At the moment he is giving it a thought and trying to figure out how to work around this.
We did discuss this and decided to go our separate ways just a couple of days ago. But he came back saying he doesn’t want to give up just yet and would want to try and make things work. I myself am finding it really difficult to let go of this one (though I know I will if this matter isn’t settled in the right manner) because he is a really wonderful person and we are on the same page on pretty much everything else.

I’m requesting for all your prayers in this matter so that we both make the right decision in the end that’s in accordance with the Lords plan.
 
There isn’t any way to work this out. The Catholic person has an obligation to raise the children Catholic. Plus, how do you know that he will not want to become more into his own religion as time goes on, the same way that Catholics that leave the Church come back at some point?
 
Sunbreak said:
There isn’t any way to work this out. The Catholic person has an obligation to raise the children Catholic. Plus, how do you know that he will not want to become more into his own religion as time goes on, the same way that Catholics that leave the Church come back at some point?
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Even if not, it could become a point of resentment for him, being the only Hindu in his own family at home. His parents and other relatives who take their Hindu faith more seriously could start to interfere as well.
 
It’s hard enough to find long-term compatibility with people of the same faith. Also, your spirituality is Christ centered and it would, ideally, be shared with your spouse. Many of us can’t conceive of being married to a non-Catholic.
 
The influence of a father over his children is huge. Because this man is an unbeliever he would basically see your religions as like different opinions; you like red and I like blue, so why do you always have to have your own way? He would confuse and mislead the children in the most important matter of all - their eternal salvation- even if he offered no actual opposition, merely by being their father and not accepting the truth of the Catholic Faith. His children, acting according to their well formed consciences for the glory of God and their own salvation, would be in the unfortunate position of being wiser and more knowledgeable than their own father. He could help them in temporal matters but in the most important matters of all, spiritual matters, he would be worse than useless. On moral dilemmas he would say the wrong thing - perhaps in invincible ignorance- but your children, knowing better, would be temped to listen to him instead of God. His very presence in your home would be a source of scandal to them and most likely to you.
 
sasha01 said:
Thank you so much for all your responses. I agree with all of you. Its just at this point really difficult for me to make a decision because he isn’t saying no to the kids being Catholic nor is he saying yes . For him the dilema is more about the way his mother is going to react to this news. At the moment he is giving it a thought and trying to figure out how to work around this.
We did discuss this and decided to go our separate ways just a couple of days ago. But he came back saying he doesn’t want to give up just yet and would want to try and make things work. I myself am finding it really difficult to let go of this one (though I know I will if this matter isn’t settled in the right manner) because he is a really wonderful person and we are on the same page on pretty much everything else.

I’m requesting for all your prayers in this matter so that we both make the right decision in the end that’s in accordance with the Lords plan.
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It doesn’t matter if you are on the same page with everything else- faith is ALL that matters. The rest is inconsequential. A marriage with this man may jeopardize the souls of your children- are you willing to sacrifice this?
 
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