Interested in an...atheist?

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KrazyKaiju

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Hello all,

I’m having a bit of a spiritual dilemma. There’s a girl who I know, and I’m not really sure if I SHOULD ask her out, let alone LIKE her.

To make a long story short, when I look for a girl, I think of many long-term things. Namely:
  1. Is she practical? (in terms of money, etc.)
  2. Will she be a strong mother? (Namely, what can she do for the physical and spiritual health of the children)
  3. Where does her faith lie? (i.e. denominational. Somewhat tied with #2)
  4. Where does her TRUE faith lie? (i.e. her spirituality)
And so on and so forth. Not to say that I’d leave all the child-rearing up to her. If anything, I want to help them become REALLY close to God and live happy lives. However, I wouldn’t want to have a family divided. I’m lucky enough to be where I am today. NEITHER of my parents are Catholic. ONE of them was a rambunctious college boy. Yet here I am: Mr. Studious and Spiritual (and health-oriented).

So back to the girl. She SEEMS nice, and we do get along pretty well. There’s one TEENSY problem, though. She’s an atheist (or at least, the concept fascinates her). I’m not sure where her morals lie, and we haven’t really delved into the matter. I’m waiting to see which action is best, but the answer doesn’t seem obvious. Advice?

Of course, it seems like I’m making too many judgments too soon. Heck, I don’t even know if she’s single! 😛 Consider this a question for future reference.

-KrazyKaiju

P.S. Before you answer, think of the kids.

P.P.S. If my post isn’t too clear, let me know, and I’ll edit it.
 
Re read your long term measurements. Does not look like any of them are met with this individual.
 
What does your “gut” tell you at this time? I ask this only because you seem in a good place spiritually. And so your “gut” or “conscience” is probably a good place to seek answers.
 
I have consulted with my spiritual director on dating issue for the sake of my children.

And my SD has repeatedly told me that “This is not an ideal world.”

In other words, if a young person is nice, attractive, compatible, has good moral values, don’t rule the person out just because he or she is not a believer yet. There are many cases that the unbeliever is led to Christ through the relationship, even it may take long time.

And I agree with my SD.
 
You have to be careful though. Sometimes people are led away from the Church as well through relationships.
 
srferdave said:
You have to be careful though. Sometimes people are led away from the Church as well through relationships.
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You are right. The person who dates a non-believer has to be very strong in faith to influence the other.
 
I have always believed dating should be to find the person you are meant to marry, not just a way to have someone to hang out with on Friday nights. If at a very early stage in knowing a guy, I already recognize major obstacles to being with him, it is enough for me to avoid all of the messy emotional attachments that go along with dating.

I say this from personal experience, if you date someone who does not share your most profound and deepest-held beliefs about life, there is no way that difference in beliefs will not become a major obstacle to ever being in a relationship with that person. One or both of you will likely end up compromising your beliefs if you are to remain together. Moral beliefs go hand in hand with world views, so if you have different world views don’t expect the girl will share your moral code.

St. John of the Cross gave some good advice about being in a relationship: “They should consciously recall the attraction and see if it causes remembrance and love of God to grow inside them, or instead triggers remorse of conscience. If the connection is pure, love for God deepens with the deepening of the friendship. Remembrance of God arises as often as thoughts of the friend arise. Growing inside one love means growing inside the other.” This seems to me to be a very good test for a (possible) relationship.

But hey, it doesn’t stop you from getting to know this girl more as a friend; I just caution you from getting too involved before you know her well. Besides there are a lot of beautiful, intelligent, single Catholic girls out there, maybe you should give us a chance instead! 😉
 
If she is an atheist, and not a believer with the same faith as you, then you will encounter great difficulties. Your children will suffer from this too. You need the grace of God to make a marriage work. As Jesus said to the apostles when they said who then can be married. With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. An atheist will eliminate God from the relationship. There are meant to be 3 people in this marriage relationship. Husband, wife and God. Without God it’ll fail. You may be very strong and survive but what about the children. If you want your kids to grow up to be good catholics you must be saints usually. Very hard with an atheist. If you really like the girl perhaps invite her to mass and some catholic talks and try and give her the gift of faith. If you love her the greatest gift you can give her is the faith regardless of whether you marry or not. If she loves you she will respect your opinions and listen to you. Offer prayers and sacrifices for her too. All apostolate must be preceded by prayers and sacrifices. Be strong enough to move on if you have to. Pray to our Lady of fair love and St Gabriel to help you find the right girl. All the best to you on yor journey.
 
There is a saying from marriage encounter that is very, very true. it **is:
2 + 3 = 1. The couple, plus the Trinity = One good firm marriage. ** Without this equation it would be most difficult indeed, not only for the two of you, but even more so for your children.
 
From your post and your post script, it’s pretty clear that you already have doubts.
Look, I know it’s hard to hear, but you shouldn’t marry an atheist or an agnostic. A marriage covenant is a promise to God. If she doesn’t believe that God exists, how can she promise Him anything?
Now,I know that you barely know her and you only want to date her, but you shouldn’t be dating someone you know you’re never going to marry.
You may be thinking, “I can change her”, but let me tell you from experience, that does not produce healthy marriages. You are supposed to love the person for who they are, as they are.
Pray for her; talk to her about Catholicism if you think you can reach her, but do so as her brother, and not as a love interest.
 
Take it from someone who is married to an atheist: Proceed with caution, if you proceed at all.

I could go on for pages about this, but suffice it to say that being in a long term relationship with an atheist will make both of you frustrated. You’ll be upset that she won’t share in the most important part of your life, and she’ll be upset that the most important part of your life is (to her) as silly as worshipping Superman.

If you want more details about the bumpy road you’re about to travel on, PM me.
 
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