Interfaith Marriage - Catholic/Protestant

[ms_dobalina]

Hi everyone,

I am new to the site. I am sort of reaching out for advice, opinions, and just generally feedback.

I am a practicing Catholic. My husband is a member of the United Church of Christ - he calls himself a Protestant - and makes a point of empahsizing the “protest.”

We have been married for a couple of years. We married in the Catholic church after attending the marriage classes, counseling, etc. offered by the church. Very positive experience! With mutual respect of each other’s faith practice, since our core beliefs are so simliar, it is rarely a problem.

We live about an hour from where I grew up. The only family either of us have here are his parents. Although his father is Catholic, and his mother Protestant, they both attend the UCC. I have been to several of the services there. They are very nice and I enjoy them, but I always attend Mass as well. I just don’t feel complete without Holy Communion and the Catholic service in general.

My husband says he does not feel welcome and/or comfortable at Mass, or at the church at all. Since his parents are so active at their church, they have been dropping not-so-subtle hints that they would like us to be more active at the church. I’m sure with my husband alone they are putting far more pressure on him. He is especially close to his mother, who I’m pretty sure has some strong anti-Catholicism sentiment that has been passed on to him. I find myself defending the Catholic church quite a bit.

I want to stay respectful of my inlaws. They are lovely, kind, good Christians. However, I have NO intentions of abandoning the Catholic church. Everything about the practice is part of who I am and feel absolutely like it is where I should be.

Any advice? Has anyone else had this experience? My husband does not pressure me to stop going to Mass, but he does want me to attend services at UCC to please his parents. However, he will not attend any services with me.

 

[anp1215]

Hi everyone,

I am new to the site. I am sort of reaching out for advice, opinions, and just generally feedback.

I am a practicing Catholic. My husband is a member of the United Church of Christ - he calls himself a Protestant - and makes a point of empahsizing the “protest.”

We have been married for a couple of years. We married in the Catholic church after attending the marriage classes, counseling, etc. offered by the church. Very positive experience! With mutual respect of each other’s faith practice, since our core beliefs are so simliar, it is rarely a problem.

We live about an hour from where I grew up. The only family either of us have here are his parents. Although his father is Catholic, and his mother Protestant, they both attend the UCC. I have been to several of the services there. They are very nice and I enjoy them, but I always attend Mass as well. I just don’t feel complete without Holy Communion and the Catholic service in general.

My husband says he does not feel welcome and/or comfortable at Mass, or at the church at all. Since his parents are so active at their church, they have been dropping not-so-subtle hints that they would like us to be more active at the church. I’m sure with my husband alone they are putting far more pressure on him. He is especially close to his mother, who I’m pretty sure has some strong anti-Catholicism sentiment that has been passed on to him. I find myself defending the Catholic church quite a bit.

I want to stay respectful of my inlaws. They are lovely, kind, good Christians. However, I have NO intentions of abandoning the Catholic church. Everything about the practice is part of who I am and feel absolutely like it is where I should be.

Any advice? Has anyone else had this experience? My husband does not pressure me to stop going to Mass, but he does want me to attend services at UCC to please his parents. However, he will not attend any services with me.

You can go to a service occasionally, maybe every other month, to make them happy, if you want to. If they pressure you to go more, just say “Thanks, but I am really comfortable in the Church I’m at now, and don’t really have time to go to two separate services every week. But I think on [date] I can join you.”

I don’t know, that’s what I would do. I’m lucky in that my husband’s parents don’t pressure us to go to their church with them.

 

[joanofarc2008]

My father left the Church for over 30 years and finally reverted. We were raised UCC. I am so sorry that I was not raised with my Catholic heritage as i had to come to it on my own. For the sake of the graces of your marriage and the promises you made to raise your children Catholic please do not do this.

 

[Franna]

A Catholic friend of mine was married to a Seventh Day Adventist and attended services with him on Saturday.He however refused to go to her church on Sunday.They were married for 40 years.

 

[mamaslo]

The balance has to be with your husband. The inlaws have nothing to do with this and need to kindly keep their thoughts to themselves. But your husband would have to say so.

There was a man at our church who was married to a Methodist and he attended both, I think as he was very active in both choirs. It is do able but takes a lot of energy.

You have your obligation and you emphasized that, but the dialogue over this should be between you and your husband. Not you and your husband and your in-laws. If they weigh in on this…then you have a challenge on your hands with your husband and may need a counsellor or a priest to help him separate a bit more from his parents.

There is no need to be unkind or disrespectful, but him being your husband trumps his mom’s influence. If it doesn’t then there is a problem.

 

[ms_dobalina]

Thank you everyone for your open and forthright replies. They are very appreciated!

I have no intentions of ever leaving the Catholic faith. When I was 13, just due to be confirmed, my parents stopped attending Mass. They had some issues with specific clergy and had tried different parishes but they were just done. My mother came from a very devout Catholic family and all her siblings and my cousins still attend.

At the age of 32, I returned to the church. I realized how much good had come from my upbringing there, and how right everything felt. After 20 years of having it out of my life, now that it has been back in for five years you couldn’t pull me away. I see and feel the difference in my every day life.

I understand why God brought my husband & I together. We married later in life than most. Shortly after my return to the faith my life changed drastically in multiple ways. Meeting my husband was one of them.

I do think he treads the line with how close he is to his mother. Ultimately yes - as his wife, I should indeed come first. I also can’t force him to become Catholic and invite him every week to go. I did talk him into going on our anniversary last year.

The post about the Catholic woman and the seventh day adventist - wow! (I’m sorry I can’t remember your names!) 40 years attending with him and he never goes with her. Were they married in the Catholic church too?

Thanks again everyone,

Sara

 

[anp1215]

Thank you everyone for your open and forthright replies. They are very appreciated!

I have no intentions of ever leaving the Catholic faith. When I was 13, just due to be confirmed, my parents stopped attending Mass. They had some issues with specific clergy and had tried different parishes but they were just done. My mother came from a very devout Catholic family and all her siblings and my cousins still attend.

At the age of 32, I returned to the church. I realized how much good had come from my upbringing there, and how right everything felt. After 20 years of having it out of my life, now that it has been back in for five years you couldn’t pull me away. I see and feel the difference in my every day life.

I understand why God brought my husband & I together. We married later in life than most. Shortly after my return to the faith my life changed drastically in multiple ways. Meeting my husband was one of them.

I do think he treads the line with how close he is to his mother. Ultimately yes - as his wife, I should indeed come first. I also can’t force him to become Catholic and invite him every week to go. I did talk him into going on our anniversary last year.

The post about the Catholic woman and the seventh day adventist - wow! (I’m sorry I can’t remember your names!) 40 years attending with him and he never goes with her. Were they married in the Catholic church too?

Thanks again everyone,

Sara

Continue to pray for the conversion of your in-laws and husband. I pray for mine. My husband and his family are evangelicals. Though my husband does not practice and attends Mass with me.

I am so thankful you returned to the Church and see the beauty in it. I just became Catholic 3 months ago. Sometimes I pause, look around, and just think about how unbelievably blessed I am to call this faith my own. It’s so amazing.