Interfaith marriage questions

[Marked]

I am a non-baptized man. I have never attended church with any regularity with any faith. Over the past year or so I have felt a real calling to the Catholic Church to realize God. I have a long journey ahead of me and consider myself to be a precatechumenate. I am married to an Episcopalian Woman who, for the sake of this posting, will not convert to Catholicism but is supportive of my decision. We were married in the Episcopal Church and she is a baptized member in full standing of that faith.

My questions are:

1. If I was never baptized but want to baptized in the Catholic Church does my marriage need to go through convalidation? If not, what about after I am baptized?
2. Irrespective of question #1, my wife will never submit to the suspension of birth control. Can I truly become a Catholic if I know that I cannot follow the Humanae Vitae with respect to birth control, even if it is not at my own choosing?
3. If my wife objects to raising our children Catholic, again, how can I truly become a Catholic if I cant promise to raise my kids as such?

Assuming I still feel the calling through/after the RCIA time frame, believe me, I want to stop using birth control and I want to raise my children (baptized in the Episcopal faith) Catholic. I know the hard line but am I looking at it the wrong way or am I in big trouble? I do not like the notion of being a cafeteria Catholic (which is an oxymoron) and wouldn’t do that. I just want to make sure that I am knowledgeable in the avenues I have…if any in my situation… to get to where I want to be, a Catholic in full standing.

Thanks.

 

[Monica37]

Some of this I can address and some I cannot. I am the practicing Catholic and my husband is the non baptised man. Birth control is a tricky thing when one sees no problem with it (my husband adamantly does not want more children) and one disagrees with it. I think in your situation you need to make your feelings clear (sounds like this is one you feel strongly about now) and then pray that she will have the desire to stop using BC. You really cannot be expected to force her to do do something she is unwilling to do at this point. Talk to a good priest about this. This should not prevent you from your journey.

My husband has allowed me to raise the kids Catholic, but when I first went back to the Church he fought hard to make it uncomfortable for me. It’s been several years and he is warming up to it now.

My advise to you would be to read as much as possible about why we do what we do. Catholics have a lot of outward signs of faith and they can be confusing to non Catholics. My mistake was that I didn’t know why I did the things I did and could not give my husband good answers so he just saw it as mumbo jumbo secret society stuff and felt left out and angry. Once I started really learning my faith and could answer his questions, he started to come around.

Lastly, I would recommend a book by Scott and Kim Hahn called Rome Sweet Home. It’s a good read and gives hope and a real good blue print for how to evangelize a spouse. Mostly, it’s patience, prayer and love, but you probably already knew that .

 

[Sr_Sally]

I am a non-baptized man. I have never attended church with any regularity with any faith. Over the past year or so I have felt a real calling to the Catholic Church to realize God. I have a long journey ahead of me and consider myself to be a precatechumenate. I am married to an Episcopalian Woman who, for the sake of this posting, will not convert to Catholicism but is supportive of my decision. We were married in the Episcopal Church and she is a baptized member in full standing of that faith…

You are at the very early stages of your discernment. I pray that you will come quickly to the Truth in the Catholic Church.

My questions are:

1. If I was never baptized but want to baptized in the Catholic Church does my marriage need to go through convalidation? If not, what about after I am baptized?

Your marriage is considered valid by the church. Your priest will be able to guide you in what additional steps, if any you need to take after you are baptised.

1. Irrespective of question #1, my wife will never submit to the suspension of birth control. Can I truly become a Catholic if I know that I cannot follow the Humanae Vitae with respect to birth control, even if it is not at my own choosing?

The Church realizes that we do not have control over other people’s actions. You should certainly educate yourself about the reasons why we reject birth control, lovingly encourage your wife to understand as well, and nver materially cooperate in using bith control–ie, don’t use condoms or remind her about taking her pills, but you cannot stop her from using the method of her choice if does not require cooperation on your part. You also do not need to abstain from marital relations.

1. If my wife objects to raising our children Catholic, again, how can I truly become a Catholic if I cant promise to raise my kids as such?

You can promise to do what is possible to rasie your children as Catholics. That means you will do you best to teach them yourself, to bring them to Mass with you (even if they also go to church with their mother) and to get them to the sacraments as best as you can. The promise is for you to try, it does not ask you to say you will definately do it, even families where both parents are Catholc sometimes fall down on the job also.

Assuming I still feel the calling through/after the RCIA time frame, believe me, I want to stop using birth control and I want to raise my children (baptized in the Episcopal faith) Catholic. I know the hard line but am I looking at it the wrong way or am I in big trouble? I do not like the notion of being a cafeteria Catholic (which is an oxymoron) and wouldn’t do that. I just want to make sure that I am knowledgeable in the avenues I have…if any in my situation… to get to where I want to be, a Catholic in full standing.

Thanks

You will not be a cafeteria Catholic if you believe the Truths the Church teaches and do your best to implement them in your life. We all have impediments in our lives to perfect obedience to the church. You can only do your best possible to conform your will, taking advantage of the graces given you in the sacraments.

I will pray for you and your journey.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

My questions are:

1. If I was never baptized but want to baptized in the Catholic Church does my marriage need to go through convalidation? If not, what about after I am baptized?

Convalidation is required when someone is in an invalid marriage. Assuming that this is the first marriage for both of you I would assume your marriage is valid. Once you are baptized it will also be sacramental. If either of you were married previously then you need to talk with your priest. Actually, talking with your priest about the issue is probably a good idea anyway.

1. Irrespective of question #1, my wife will never submit to the suspension of birth control. Can I truly become a Catholic if I know that I cannot follow the Humanae Vitae with respect to birth control, even if it is not at my own choosing?

Yes. See if this answer from one of the apologists helps.

1. If my wife objects to raising our children Catholic, again, how can I truly become a Catholic if I cant promise to raise my kids as such?

I’m sure that when your children see you practicing your faith they will be influenced by it. Even if they’re not being raised in the Catholic Church they will be exposed to it. And who knows, perhaps you will be an example to your wife and she will want to follow you.

Best wishes.

 

[Marked]

Thank you so much for your answers. This is a big help.

I know that I will serve God with conviction through my strict adherence to liturgy and personal activity outlined for me by the Catholic Church. I have total faith and give myslef to God through it.

I realize that others can change or see truth only on their own but I will provide guidance where I can and as the Church would expect me to. Your answers seem to confirm this plan of mine and that I can, given my all or nothing philosophy, enter the Church.

Being a precatechumenate, having this forum really helps. I will, of course, seek the advice of my parish Priest before I enter into RCIA.

Thank you all so much.

 

[puzzleannie]

welcome home
most of your questions can only be addressed in a way helpful to you personall by the pastor of the church where you want to join RCIA, because he is the one who will interview you and go over those issues with you, and can get answers that apply to you. In general if a marriage is otherwise valid (neither party has been married before, there are no impediments) there is nothing further needed. ONce you are baptized it automatically becomes sacramental as well.

As far as the other issues concerning marriage and family, discuss these with your pastor, and you will need more than one discussion as you make this journey. No your wife does not have to convert but of course she does have to be informed of the commitment you will be making. It is quite likely that issues will arise during this time you may have to address together, just as you would in case of any other life-changing experience.

Welcome home. when you begin RCIA please come on over to the evangelization forum where topics particularly relevant for those on the journey are discussed, esp questions about the process itself and what you are learning.