Interfaith problem

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I’m confused here.
If you are married in a valid but non-sacramental marriage, you cannot remarry the same person later. There’s some admin thing about getting permission after the fact, for disparity of cult, but not a new wedding.

But really, OP, it sounds like there are way larger issues with your marriage than this. To the point where tying yourself tighter to this man, regardless of his faith, sounds inadvisable (based on what has been shared so far)
 
Holly said:
I have always been a Catholic. I met a Muslim man when I was still a non practising Catholic. We got married in an Islamic ceremony. We had children and they have grown up with his faith.
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Recently, I have discovered true faith. I don’t know how to explain it. Except I just love everything that is being a Catholic. The mass, the communion, the rosary, confession, reading the Bible. I was confirmed and have wanted to marry my partner in the Church.

He does not accept my promise for our children. We live in an Islamic country where it is illegal to convert Muslims to any other religion, including Christianity. He says he will marry me but I have to promise I will not ever try to convert them. So basically going against my promise
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If you plan to stay married to him, then talk to your priest about a Radical Sanation.

I’m married a Jewish woman when I was away from the faith. She was not willing to make a promise to raise the kids Catholic, nor did she really want a Catholic wedding.

So I received a Radical Sanation. In the Radical Sanation you (as the Catholic) make a promise to do everything possible to teach the faith WITHOUT hurting your marriage. But you are not promising that they will be raised Catholic. You are promising that you will do the best with your circumstances.

Your spouse does not have to make any promises and doesn’t have to be involved. Your spouse simply needs to know you made the promise to do everything possible without hurting your marriage to teach the faith.

I pray this is helpful to you.

Please feel free to ask me any questions.

God Bless
 
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Holly said:
I am sorry but are you Catholic? This is not ok. It is a sin. If he has been with me for so many years, and he is not willing to do this for me, it denotes how little he cares for me or what happens to our family. I feel he does not love me. My only hope is he could marry me and that my children could visit my family for the first time in their lives. I wanted to do a small gathering with them all. They were all so thankful to have me back in their lives and so was I. Till he changed his mind. Maybe he didnt understand the promise I had to make. Because before I spoke to my family, I talked with him and he agreed he could do this. Trust me, I have stayed in this marriage for years. Endured physical violence too. I wish he could just understand how difficult it would be to convert them in reality. So, no it is not something realistically expect to happen but I am certain a priest wont marry us if my husband doesnt seem willing to do these basic requirements.
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Are you from the Muslim country you live in? If not, where did you meet him?

I’m also saying a prayer for you.

May The Lord grant you the peace, courage and wisdom to do His will. Amen.
 
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SnowRose said:
I’m confused here.
If you are married in a valid but non-sacramental marriage, you cannot remarry the same person later. There’s some admin thing about getting permission after the fact, for disparity of cult, but not a new wedding.
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It doesn’t sound like the OP is in a valid Catholic Marriage. It sounds like the marriage is invalid.

Personally, I think the best way for her to validate it would be with a Radical Sanation (assuming she decides to stay with him).
 
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Pup7 said:
I was college educated and physically/emotionally abused by my ex fiance who also happened to be a state trooper. It was when he held his service weapon to my head and said “who will believe you?” that I finally left.

No, it’s never a minor problem.
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change “state trooper” with “official in public service” and it´s exactly my story as well. There was an awful statistic shown in the waiting room of the women´s shelter where they connected social position and the risk of being a victim of domestic violence, and I realized I was everything but special…
 
In those Muslim countries, I would wager many women have violent husbands. Muslim countries are very violent… Many of you suggest to leave the guy. But even if she tried that, and by some miracle took the children with her, the children themselves would not be happy without their father, his side of the family, and their faith community.

Why not work it out? He’s not a monster. She has survived eighteen years. He’s a Muslim man and that’s how they act. Macho. Chauvinist. More in tune with their male buddies than with you. But good to the kids. She loves him, but she is asking something impossible for her man in that country.
 
Lara said:
In those Muslim countries, I would wager many women have violent husbands. Muslim countries are very violent… Many of you suggest to leave the guy. But even if she tried that, and by some miracle took the children with her, the children themselves would not be happy without their father, his side of the family, and their faith community.

Why not work it out? He’s not a monster. She has survived eighteen years. He’s a Muslim man and that’s how they act. Macho. Chauvinist. More in tune with their male buddies than with you. But good to the kids. She loves him, but she is asking something impossible for her man in that country.
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Have you ever been a victim of domestic violence?

Have you ever lived in Saudi Arabia?

My guess is no to both questions. Allow me to be blunt: you have no earthly idea.

I have known many a Muslim man who isn’t abusive. This isn’t about anything other than safety.
 
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I spoke to my family. They suggested I try to convince him to go to my country. To be patient.

I dont want you to fight. I know Muslims are ok with hitting their families. I understand it is discipline from their point of view. But the problem is… to what extent?

I dont know. I want to be just a family, but is this a family? I have left out a lot in my story because when I wrote it, it was immediately after an issue took place. Because I couldnt write more than 3000 words too. Look, he wanted to involve the police, have me jailed, deported. He was ok with destroying our family for his faith. So why is it unjust of me to do the same? Except, I would do it for the sake of everyones safety and wellbeing.

God has made it clear for me. I asked for answers and I started recalling incidents that had nothing to do with me. Just as I was trying to be patient, to try to convince him, something happened yesterday. So this doesnt involve me. It involves the children. I feel that this is not ok. It is not ok to live this way.

Everything you are saying as Muslims, makes me question so much about the beliefs you hold.

Perhaps you dont know the extent, perhaps that doesnt matter. I think that the people answering are ok justifying violence in the name of their faith. That scares me more than you can imagine. It makes me think this is not just him as I originally believed. It is not an extreme case. It is more than that. Yes. I hear stories in the news, but always thought they were stereotyping. And even when my husband did wrong, i would think it was him.

He loves me. He has a problem but he loves me. He did this, but he is sorry. He did that, but I must be understanding. But until when? Thank you all for the answers. I think it is clear to me that this is not love. This is not a family. And God never approved of this for a reason.

The day I got confirmed, many asked me if my husband never tried to convert me. I said no. This made me ask him. I thought he respected me so much that he had never tried. Though for me, it was strange because I now view it as an act of love to try and convert someone. He said I was not worthy. He said I was not worthy.

I was not worthy of God? How could someone say that? It is what made question his love.

This has become clearer and clearer and I am just going to see how I can leave now. I will see a priest tonight.

Please, dont fight anyone. Let them say what they wish. I keep you all in my prayers and thank you for your prayers. Thank you for taking the time to answer and come back and check on us. We will be ok, I know it.
 
We met in London. But we both are expats now. This is not our country. Neither of us are living with our families. But he does visit his and has taken the kids with him. They have never visited my country or my family.
 
Sorry to go off topic, but the statement that muslim men are generally okay with beating their wifes is disgusting. I am partly of persian heritage. My father never beated anyone, nor did my uncles, cousins etc.
 
I generally agree with this as well. Although, in a hyper conservative countries like Saudi Arabia, it could be true.
 
I agree that certain societies have their own, special weak points regarding crime. I won’t deny that for example india has a rape problem or germany an neo-nazism problem. But defining people’s view on what is normal as an outsider leads to feels of cultural superiority too often.
 
Holly said:
This has become clearer and clearer and I am just going to see how I can leave now. I will see a priest tonight.
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Holly, you are one incredibly brave lady. I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible, and you’re able to live out your faith. Keep yourself safe.
 
Pup7 said:
No, she needs to go to the US Embassy if she can (or the embassy/consulate of whatever country she’s a citizen of). She is not in a country where a priest can do much good.

OP, can you get to the consulate/embassy? If you’re not American I apologize for assuming you are.
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Pup7, I hear you loud and clear, and i am actually in line with your posts - almost always. However, this particular one is something that i have to - respectfully - disagree for a good reason. I’ll explain it, if i may:

Holly going to the US Embassy means declaring an official war on this guy which will have the following - very likely - consequences:

a) She must leave the country immediately

b) She will never see those kids again until they are 18 at least (by their own consent, if the father won’t have brainwashed them already by making up all kinds of nasty stories about their mother)

c) She might actually end up being in more danger than now, because if he is a real fanatic, there is no soul who can save her even in the United States, as he (and potentially his family) will hunt her down and kill her to rid their family name of the “stain”. (i know this sounds gross, but it’s just the reality of a lot of hardcore Muslim subcultures)

HOLLY, in my humble opinion, do as necessary to stay safe until the kids come of age (18). This should also give you the extra time to contemplate on things in general. Play it cool, and please don’t engage in any confrontational situation at any cost. You have a loving Father in Heaven who watches over you and He knows your true faith (your heart). Besides, you really don’t want to lose those kids at least for 2 years, if not more. And God knows what lies he could be telling them after you’re gone (how about you cheated on him and ran away with a guy? A free ticket/invitation for your murder) See my point? Unfortunately, if the kids are tuned in with their father, he could have got you murdered and they would “have to” be fine with it, according to the Shariah law. You probably know all of that stuff… So, don’t get heated up and do something you would regret later on which you would never be able to undo. Having said all of that, live out your faith without provoking him, stay true to your inner self and to Our Lord Jesus Christ. He does know and understand your circumstances. You don’t need to be the next martyr in the Middle East. Please try to love your enemy for the time being. Also, remember that a wife who does not rebel and who is the mother of his children has always an honorable place in the Muslim culture which he must respect. One more thing: try to befriend his friends’ wives, so that you always have a leverage in front of his friends, too. Middle Eastern wives are very strongly influential on their husbands, don’t forget that…
 
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I pray for you Holly! Stay strong!
You sound much better than yesterday when you sounded feeling guilty for what has been done wrong to you.
I pray God helps you and your children to break free. He loves you and He will show it to you.
May God bless you!
 
CatholicTurk said:
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Pup7:
No, she needs to go to the US Embassy if she can (or the embassy/consulate of whatever country she’s a citizen of). She is not in a country where a priest can do much good.

OP, can you get to the consulate/embassy? If you’re not American I apologize for assuming you are.
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Pup7, I hear you loud and clear, and i am actually in line with your posts - almost always. However, this particular one is something that i have to - respectfully - disagree for a good reason. I’ll explain it, if i may:

Holly going to the US Embassy means declaring an official war on this guy which will have the following - very likely - consequences:

a) She must leave the country immediately

b) She will never see those kids again until they are 18 at least (by their own consent, if the father won’t have brainwashed them already by making up all kinds of nasty stories about their mother)

c) She might actually end up being in more danger than now, because if he is a real fanatic, there is no soul who can save her even in the United States, as he (and potentially his family) will hunt her down and kill her to rid their family name of the “stain”. (i know this sounds gross, but it’s just the reality of a lot of hardcore Muslim subcultures)
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No, that’s not what going to the Embassy involves. You’re well off with that thought.

I’ve lived in Saudi Arabia - not stationed there, i was a civilian in Riyadh, subject to their laws and without the protection of a SOFA (Status of Forces Agreement). I lived there for three years. I was not attached to the Diplomatic Quarter and had a blue passport like every other American. I was a regular Jane US Citizen.

I have known women in her position and I know precisely what they did.

The only way you can receive help from law enforcement in the event of abuse in a country of that ilk is to seek assistance from her own government. It doesn’t “declare war”. If she wanted to leave (as in the Kingdom he could legally block her departure), she would have to seek assistance from her own government.

And yes, the US government can protect her should she choose that route if she is American. What do you think goes on over there?

That’s what they do. There’s an entire office at the US Embassy in Riyadh that deals with that very thing. I know people who worked there.

Had you read more of my posts, you’d see that I’m well aware of the legality of mercy killing in many of those countries. The “hunting down” you speak of is more of a Hollywood plot line and actually isn’t the norm. Not every Saudi is that wealthy; most are as working class as the rest of us. We also have a no-fly list. You can block them from coming here. This is a post-9/11 world.

So I actually do know what I’m talking about in that regard.
 
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I am aware of your experience by your posts. However, since i also know as a citizen of such a similar Middle Eastern culture, i guarantee she’ll be in trouble if she goes to the Embassy, unless she is certain that she’s leaving the country and not looking back. Moreover, you’re talking about the no-fly list, one would think such a good thought. And it is… but relatively ineffective. Why? Because that guy is probably not stupid, either. Mercy killing is (very sadly) an honorable thing in the Muslim cultures, therefore as long as it is justified, he could have even had it taken care of remotely. Remember that it’s a merit (credit before Allah) if another Muslim brother gives him a hand (loco, i know…) Besides, he might have his own people or extended family living in the US, you never know. There are all kinds of crazy stories out there, and these are not Hollywood stories at all, trust me - especially if he’s coming from a wealthy family - none of which i would be discussing more in detail on the internet for sure.
 
Yep. There was a Sally Field movie about this. The Muslim men have all the power in these countries. Its rare for someone to actually help the American/Christian women escape with young kids.
 
The most amazing thing I ever saw was in the immigration line at DFW when a passport was scanned and the guy was removed by armed agents from the line. At the risk of profiling, the passport was green (it was Saudi) and he was not Anglo-Saxon.

The movie you’re speaking of is about 35 years old and described events that occurred in Iran during the fall of the Shah, which was a far different time and a far different political atmosphere. Times have changed greatly, and have changed even more in the years since I left the Middle East. People do get out of those countries in the 21st century, and it’s not as rare as you believe.
 
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