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1ke
Guest
I think Pope Gregory summed it up quite well in his Encyclical On Mixed Marriage.What is so horridly wrong with something that God has blessed?
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1ke
Guest
Nor did I say that. I have met many Catholic men I would never have married because they lack character.
This attitude is one that basically says religion isn’t #1. If he really understood the Sacrament of Marriage and the obligation of raising up children in the faith, he would do what it took to raise up children in a unified, practicing Catholic home.
Well, of course he shouldn’t date someone only because they are Catholic. But it should be the starting point. One must assess character, compatibility, and the other person’s practice of the faith as well.
Y
yessisan
Guest
I saw this and decided to leave my :twocents: …
I agree with 1ke. Marrying outside the Catholic faith is a very BAD idea. This is coming from a Catholic married to a non-Christian. I was like the OP’s son and a mix of his gf. I didn’t care about religion and thought many Catholics were just cafeteria Catholics, the hypocritical kind… but as soon as I got married, I realized how bad things could be. If you plan to have a family, things are going to be hard. Sometimes (before getting married) talking about how the children will be raised doesn’t mean that’s going to happen.
DH and I cannot stop arguing about that, and we’re married in the CC. He knows I had to promise to do all in my power to raise the children Catholic, and he completely ignores this and says they’ll be raised in his religion, and when they are old enough to decide, they’ll decide what religion to follow.
BAD IDEA!!! I don’t wish this onto anyone. Interfaith marriages are bad. They rarely work, they’re hard, really hard. If it weren’t for the religious difference, I don’t think DH and I would have problems. He’s anti-Catholic and I am not too fond of his faith because I’ve been a target on their list of conversions.
DH respects that I want to be Catholic, but he wishes I weren’t. Goes the same w/me and his religion but I pray for his conversion every day.
To the **OP, **if your son were to marry this girl, he wouldn’t be happy. If he wanted to be Catholic and raise the children Catholic, he’d have a tough time in his marriage. If he’s not strong in the Catholic faith, then, I don’t want to say he will, but it’s a possibility he’d give up the CC to become Jewish. I sure wouldn’t want my children being raised in a religion where they don’t accept the Trinity.
I think interfaith marriages are a bad idea. Don’t get me wrong, I love my DH, but I wish I had thought things through before I married him.
I agree with 1ke. Marrying outside the Catholic faith is a very BAD idea. This is coming from a Catholic married to a non-Christian. I was like the OP’s son and a mix of his gf. I didn’t care about religion and thought many Catholics were just cafeteria Catholics, the hypocritical kind… but as soon as I got married, I realized how bad things could be. If you plan to have a family, things are going to be hard. Sometimes (before getting married) talking about how the children will be raised doesn’t mean that’s going to happen.
DH and I cannot stop arguing about that, and we’re married in the CC. He knows I had to promise to do all in my power to raise the children Catholic, and he completely ignores this and says they’ll be raised in his religion, and when they are old enough to decide, they’ll decide what religion to follow.
BAD IDEA!!! I don’t wish this onto anyone. Interfaith marriages are bad. They rarely work, they’re hard, really hard. If it weren’t for the religious difference, I don’t think DH and I would have problems. He’s anti-Catholic and I am not too fond of his faith because I’ve been a target on their list of conversions.
DH respects that I want to be Catholic, but he wishes I weren’t. Goes the same w/me and his religion but I pray for his conversion every day.
To the **OP, **if your son were to marry this girl, he wouldn’t be happy. If he wanted to be Catholic and raise the children Catholic, he’d have a tough time in his marriage. If he’s not strong in the Catholic faith, then, I don’t want to say he will, but it’s a possibility he’d give up the CC to become Jewish. I sure wouldn’t want my children being raised in a religion where they don’t accept the Trinity.
I think interfaith marriages are a bad idea. Don’t get me wrong, I love my DH, but I wish I had thought things through before I married him.
K
KCtheMommy
Guest
1ke, if you have never dated outside our faith, how is it you can be so judgemental to those who do, or those who marry outside the faith?
It’s kind of like a person who is quick to give their stellar parenting advice – yet they have no children. (Anyone who has been subject to this is probably rolling their eyes when they read this.) It’s hard to take seriously.
And no it’s not like saying “just because I haven’t murdered someone doesn’t mean I can’t say that murder is wrong.” Dating outside the faith is not a SIN. Marrying outside the faith is not a SIN, and as PP said, can even be dispensed AND blessed.
I married a non-Catholic, non-Christian, agnostic. He eventually converted to Catholicism out of his own search and needs, but none-the-less we had been married 7 YEARS by the time he did it. A great marriage at that. Even greater once our marriage was blessed in the church. I’ll tell ya what though, even if it weren’t we would still be married, as it stands over ten years now. I love that man like I can love NO OTHER, and in that I feel God put me with whom he believed right for me.
Don’t get me wrong – you are entitled to your opinion, and to post it all you want. I just wonder HOW you can feel so strongly about something you have no personal experience with, and it seems: judge other’s in that opinion or belief?
It’s kind of like a person who is quick to give their stellar parenting advice – yet they have no children. (Anyone who has been subject to this is probably rolling their eyes when they read this.) It’s hard to take seriously.
And no it’s not like saying “just because I haven’t murdered someone doesn’t mean I can’t say that murder is wrong.” Dating outside the faith is not a SIN. Marrying outside the faith is not a SIN, and as PP said, can even be dispensed AND blessed.
I married a non-Catholic, non-Christian, agnostic. He eventually converted to Catholicism out of his own search and needs, but none-the-less we had been married 7 YEARS by the time he did it. A great marriage at that. Even greater once our marriage was blessed in the church. I’ll tell ya what though, even if it weren’t we would still be married, as it stands over ten years now. I love that man like I can love NO OTHER, and in that I feel God put me with whom he believed right for me.
Don’t get me wrong – you are entitled to your opinion, and to post it all you want. I just wonder HOW you can feel so strongly about something you have no personal experience with, and it seems: judge other’s in that opinion or belief?
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yessisan
Guest
Oh, and one more thing… race is completely different than religion. Race can be dealt with easily. Religion is about how your family will be raised, how their spiritual life will be lead. Being married w/someone outside of your race doesn’t affect the children as 2 different faiths in one home does. The children will be born as a mix of both races. This is normal, a man and a woman will have a child and the child will have half the dna from mom, and half from dad. It’s wrong to think religion and race would be the same.
When you marry interfaith, mom and dad will argue how to raise you. When mom and dad are of 2 different races they won’t argue what color is my child going to be…
When you marry interfaith, mom and dad will argue how to raise you. When mom and dad are of 2 different races they won’t argue what color is my child going to be…
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KCtheMommy
Guest
I am sorry he did this to you.
This is just about the third time in TWO days where I have read on this forum that men are not keeping the promises they made going into their marriages. Now the wives are suffering. Gosh, it’s like false advertising or buying a used car. Say anything to get you to buy, then the product doesn’t stand up to the promises.
How frustrating for you ladies. Doesn’t anyone keep their promises these days? If anything THIS is a good argument for marrying in the faith – but YET – Catholic men are breaking their promises too.
Geesh marry someone you trust!
C
Convert_in_99
Guest
We just went through this whole debate about two weeks ago. The thread got closed.
It’s one of those things that can be argued forever.
Bottom line: it’s not a sin to marry someone from outisde the Catholic Faith as long as its in a Catholic church. It’s not a sin to do so so long as there’s a dispensation and the couple are working with a priest in marriage preparation.
My marriage is working great. My protestant Christian husband has helped me with my CATHOLIC faith more than Catholics I have talked to. It can be a good thing, but doesn’t always mean it is. Each case is different. For mine, it is a very good thing.
It’s one of those things that can be argued forever.
Bottom line: it’s not a sin to marry someone from outisde the Catholic Faith as long as its in a Catholic church. It’s not a sin to do so so long as there’s a dispensation and the couple are working with a priest in marriage preparation.
My marriage is working great. My protestant Christian husband has helped me with my CATHOLIC faith more than Catholics I have talked to. It can be a good thing, but doesn’t always mean it is. Each case is different. For mine, it is a very good thing.
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debraran
Guest
One thing I know for sure is my son will never change his religion, he told me that and I believe him. Twelve years of Catholic school and even looking a the priesthood for a short while in high school, was not the reason, he just knows Jesus exists and doesn’t feel drawn to other Christian religions.
But, the heart is an entity onto itself and I know he’ll work this out…he’s young.
I’m going to inquire one day how my head supervisor works it out; he’s a wonderful Jewish man (reform) and married a beautiful and they tell me, devout,Catholic girl. I know they had a rabbi and priest (rabbi’s usually don’t do it but they found one) and incorporated small Jewish traditions, like breaking the glass and the chupa which was nice. It’s been 10 years and 2 kids and he still is so loving. I tell my girls to look for a man that will love God, then you and the children and be helpful and respectful…a hard mix sometimes, but worth the wait. I heard his wife say at a party he never changed, she’s so lucky. Nice to hear of some good marriages with so many bad.
But, the heart is an entity onto itself and I know he’ll work this out…he’s young.
I’m going to inquire one day how my head supervisor works it out; he’s a wonderful Jewish man (reform) and married a beautiful and they tell me, devout,Catholic girl. I know they had a rabbi and priest (rabbi’s usually don’t do it but they found one) and incorporated small Jewish traditions, like breaking the glass and the chupa which was nice. It’s been 10 years and 2 kids and he still is so loving. I tell my girls to look for a man that will love God, then you and the children and be helpful and respectful…a hard mix sometimes, but worth the wait. I heard his wife say at a party he never changed, she’s so lucky. Nice to hear of some good marriages with so many bad.
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1ke
Guest
I am not being judgmental at all.
I don’t have to burn my hand to know the stove is hot. I need not take drugs to know they will hurt my body and mind.
Your logic is flawed in that one need not have first hand knowledge of a particular tragic decision in order to know that it is a poor decision.
One may arrive at the conclusion a particular course is unwise by observing the outcome of others and most importantly by forming one’s conscience with the teachings of the Church in the forefront.
The Church teaches that mixed marriages are a serious threat to the Catholic and their children, and should not be entered into. They are tolerated (for the sake of those foolish souls who do not heed the Church’s warning). They are not encouraged or condoned by the Church.
Yes, it is exactly like that.
It is a sin if it puts one in the near occasion of sin-- which many times mixed marriages do. I encourage you to read the Encyclical I posted.
The Church has not changed her teaching, although individual bishops have certainly been very lax in the dispensation requirements and clearly priests have not done a proper job of catechesis if so many Catholics truly believe there is nothing wrong with marrying a non-Catholic.
I’m glad you have a happy marriage. Anecdotally we can find 100 people who hvae a good marriage and 100 people who regret marrying a non-Catholic with all their heart.
That does not change what the Church actually teaches about the subject. And, it is that teaching that should inform one’s conscience and form one’s decision making process before one is invovled with anyone.
Meeting people like Yessian is all the experience I need. My heart breaks for her.
The Church teaches what she does because she is the steward of our souls. And, we in turn become the steward of the souls of our children. I would not *willingly *bring non-Catholic beliefs into my household to undermine the raising of my children in the Catholic faith-- most especially when that undermining comes from their other parent (consciously or unconsciously).
I’m not judging anyone, their decisions, or their lives.and it seems: judge other’s in that opinion or belief?
I am citing church teaching on the matter and explaining that it is unwise to enter into such a relationship.
C
Convert_in_99
Guest
I guess I am just one of the lucky ones. My marriage sound like this man you described. My husband is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, save becoming catholic. I put my Catholic faith above him. He knows it, and is happy about it. We also share lots in our faiths. We are both Christian, baptised, love scripture, and pray together. He’s the most loving, kind, selfless, compassionate, wonderful man I know. He’s not catholic, but he acts more catholic than some I know!
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1ke
Guest
So for those that believe religion is irrelevant and marrying a non-Catholic and/or non-Christian is equally desirable as marrying a Catholic-- that religion should not be a deciding factor in pursuing a relationship-- what then do you believe the purpose of marriage to be?
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KCtheMommy
Guest
THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT! Roflmbo! But SOME mixed-faith-marriage’s stoves may be luke warm or even cool to the touch. Everyone is different. We are talking ABOUT PEOPLE, not stoves, not drugs, not machines. Or murder, as I was stating in my OP because I had a feeling you would “go there!” Please know I am laughing, not becoming angry or frustrated. Like I said, I respect your views and your right to them.
I think that it’s off putting when you break down people’s posts and subject them line by line to your opinion AND your knowledge (fair enough?). But that’s ME, just my thought, I am not speaking for anyone else. That is me being judgemental, so I apologize, but do want to be honest about the source of my thoughts when I originally posted to you. I just seems very black and white and judgemental. But like Convertin99 said this has already been hashed out and closed down before. I think we could take numerous spins around this particular dance floor and I will continue to think that SOMETIMES inter-faith marriage is ok (especially if people go into it with promises they do everything they can to KEEP) and you are going to continue to think it’s a super bad-idea. We just have to agree to disagree on this one.
And I agree to disagree with upmost respect for YOU.
God Bless. I think I might go read the article you posted a link to. Cheers!
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yessisan
Guest
Convert, I don’t think anyone is saying it’s a sin, we’re just saying it’s not the greatest thing to pursue. Some marriages do work. My SIL is a non-Christian and is married to a CAtholic, but he gave in and said she could raise the kids in her faith.
The Church doesn’t really like it when Catholics marry outside the faith. That is why the dispensations exist. You need a special permission to marry someone who isn’t Catholic, but the Church accepts that many of us will, in fact marry outside the faith, being why they have the dispensations.
I read on a Catholic update on Interfaith marriages that 40% of Catholics are married outside the faith, so the Church had to do somethng to let us marry the ones we love.
For Your Marriage
Catholic Update
The Church doesn’t really like it when Catholics marry outside the faith. That is why the dispensations exist. You need a special permission to marry someone who isn’t Catholic, but the Church accepts that many of us will, in fact marry outside the faith, being why they have the dispensations.
I read on a Catholic update on Interfaith marriages that 40% of Catholics are married outside the faith, so the Church had to do somethng to let us marry the ones we love.
For Your Marriage
Catholic Update
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KCtheMommy
Guest
I guess I am just one of the lucky ones. My marriage sound like this man you described. My husband is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, save becoming catholic. I put my Catholic faith above him. He knows it, and is happy about it. We also share lots in our faiths. We are both Christian, baptised, love scripture, and pray together. He’s the most loving, kind, selfless, compassionate, wonderful man I know. He’s not catholic, but he acts more catholic than some I know!
MINE TOO! Well ok, before he became Catholic.Even though he was raised by atheists (who are so angry with ME for him becoming catholic. WHATEVER! Not MY choice, a person’s journey to faith is their own, you can’t force belief) he is the MOST moral man I know! He was before he ever found faith. I guess that’s why he kept his pre-marriage promises in regards to the importance and respect of my faith.
So it’s POSSIBLE to have a great inter-faith relationship. And ya never know what’s going to change in the future.
Congrats Convert, your tale is heart-warming.
M
maryjk
Guest
Since this thread has turned to the “I married outside the Faith” and it hasn’t worked out, or I married outside and it did work. Here is my story.
I married outside of my faith.
I was a C/E Catholic. I attended Mass about twice a year, lived with my boyfriend for almost two years.
We got married outside the Church, at a court house. No, I never even spoke to the Church about getting married there.
After our son was born, I realized that I didn’t want to raise him like my parents raised me. I wanted religion to be a big part of my son’s life. I wanted him to know God.
I started attending Church with him. Enrolled him in CCD. And before our son made his First Communion, my husband and I had our marriage convalidated.
With the Convalidation came Confession and NFP.
I now home school, but not because of our faith. Our son and I attend daily mass at least once a week, sometimes more. We pray before meals. We have numerous religious articles hanging on our walls. There is a Last Supper in the dining room and a large crucifix in the living room. Our Lady sits on a shelf in the living room. My husband does not attend Mass, but has taken me a number of times. He takes our son, if I am out of town. He reminds our son to pray before a meal, if I am not around. We have had our priest for dinner and have taken him out for lunch. We purchase a Christmas gift for our priest every year. Last year we contributed to Catholic Charities, this year, I chose a different charity.
Will he ever join the Church? I don’t know. I pray for him and so do many of our friends. He was baptized Catholic when he was a baby, but never attended mass with his family. He does not consider himself Catholic. He calls himself an atheist.
What it comes down to, in our marriage, is respect. He respects me. So he respects my religion.
We recently had a young friend that was seriously dating a person of another religion. They dated for over a year. This person got upset that our friend would not leave the Catholic Church for them. My husband said, our friend is who she is, in part, because of her religion. If this person loved her, then he loves her, in part, because of her religion. To ask her to change her religion is to ask her to change who she is. No one should demand that.
I married outside of my faith.
I was a C/E Catholic. I attended Mass about twice a year, lived with my boyfriend for almost two years.
We got married outside the Church, at a court house. No, I never even spoke to the Church about getting married there.
After our son was born, I realized that I didn’t want to raise him like my parents raised me. I wanted religion to be a big part of my son’s life. I wanted him to know God.
I started attending Church with him. Enrolled him in CCD. And before our son made his First Communion, my husband and I had our marriage convalidated.
With the Convalidation came Confession and NFP.
I now home school, but not because of our faith. Our son and I attend daily mass at least once a week, sometimes more. We pray before meals. We have numerous religious articles hanging on our walls. There is a Last Supper in the dining room and a large crucifix in the living room. Our Lady sits on a shelf in the living room. My husband does not attend Mass, but has taken me a number of times. He takes our son, if I am out of town. He reminds our son to pray before a meal, if I am not around. We have had our priest for dinner and have taken him out for lunch. We purchase a Christmas gift for our priest every year. Last year we contributed to Catholic Charities, this year, I chose a different charity.
Will he ever join the Church? I don’t know. I pray for him and so do many of our friends. He was baptized Catholic when he was a baby, but never attended mass with his family. He does not consider himself Catholic. He calls himself an atheist.
What it comes down to, in our marriage, is respect. He respects me. So he respects my religion.
We recently had a young friend that was seriously dating a person of another religion. They dated for over a year. This person got upset that our friend would not leave the Catholic Church for them. My husband said, our friend is who she is, in part, because of her religion. If this person loved her, then he loves her, in part, because of her religion. To ask her to change her religion is to ask her to change who she is. No one should demand that.
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Katie1723
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SincerelyMe
Guest
I recently (almost 3 months ago) married an incredible man who is Jewish. We married in the Catholic church (with a chuppah and breaking the glass) and have every intention of raising our children Catholic together. The growth of faith in our relationship has been one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced in my life. We started dating 4 years ago and were not the poster couple for following the church in our relationship. About a year and a half ago, something awoke in both of us that had us thirsting for every bit of knowledge we could find about our respective religions. We both started attending mass and synagogue together, a big step for DH who was very uncomfortable with religion. We had the most amazing conversations between us and with priests and rabbis. As we’ve been searching for the truth together we are continually drawn to the Catholic church and her teachings. DH has expressed interest in attending an adult formation group so we will have the knowledge we need when we have children and they start asking all those questions. I feel our relationship and marriage has brought me closer to my own faith and made me eager to learn as much as possible, something I don’t know if I, personally, could have achieved if I had married a Catholic and marriage preparations were easy and set. Don’t get me wrong, Catholics marrying Catholics is an incredibly wonderful thing, two people sharing one faith is beautiful. God works in mysterious ways and gaining a deeper understanding of the Catholic church continues to be an amazing journey and I love that I get to share this awakening with my husband!
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Kaninchen
Guest
I have to say that I’m somewhat puzzled about the requirement about bringing up children as Catholics – how on earth does it work where it’s the mother who belongs to another religion (ignoring those relationships where the childrearing mainly falls on the father, of course)?
I’m Jewish and never considered dating, never mind marrying, a man who wasn’t but, even if I try to imagine having married a Christian/Catholic and being prepared for the children to be raised as Christian/Catholic, I couldn’t imagine how it would be practically possible to do so.
I understand that the responsibility would fall entirely on the Catholic father but so much early learning comprises a wealth of formal/informal messages and passing on of behaviors and ideas from the mother.
I’m Jewish and never considered dating, never mind marrying, a man who wasn’t but, even if I try to imagine having married a Christian/Catholic and being prepared for the children to be raised as Christian/Catholic, I couldn’t imagine how it would be practically possible to do so.
I understand that the responsibility would fall entirely on the Catholic father but so much early learning comprises a wealth of formal/informal messages and passing on of behaviors and ideas from the mother.
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