Interfering with strangers' kids

[Allegra]

This thread is brought on by the horrible recent news story of the little boy who was swung to death for two days by his mother, who was having a mental breakdown. For those who haven’t read or seen the news story, one of the most disturbing aspects of it was that the child dies slowly of thirst and exposure in the middle of a public playground, where presumably, everyone and his brother saw what was going on and decided not to get involved. I think we have gotten to a point where members of society are way too nervous about getting involved with others. I think someone should have stepped in to save the child. I said that when I read the story. And then last night…

My husband and daughter and I were visiting a city park in downtown St. Louis. It really is a neat place with free pools and sprinklers and gardens, sculptures, and walking paths. Especially on a summer night, there are always kids running back and forth and around each other and it’s difficult to tell who is “with who”. Anyway, there is an area of this park with a large open field in front of a rock formation that had a TV screen imbedded in the rock. The idea is that they show the Cardinals game or other sporting events and those who can’t afford to see it in person can spread out a picnic blanket and enjoy it among other fans for free. Leading up to the TV screen are several levels of faux rock formations and planters that children are free to climb on.

So anyway, my daughter and husband were busy running around in the field, which was mostly empty. There were a few adults sitting on benches on the far end of the field, mostly eating snacks and watching a women’s soccer game. There four or five kids climbing on the rock levels. I noticed right away there was a child who looked no older than 18 months climbing with the other kids, many of which weren’t giving him much space. Some of the drops on this thing are up to two feet, which probably wouldn’t hurt an older child, but wouldn’t do any good to a baby’s skull. I glanced around to see if there were any parents watching, but the only other adult was a man who had a similarly aged child in a single stroller. The other kids climbed down from the rocks and ran off, leaving the baby alone. After a few minutes of struggling to find a way down, the baby began to cry and I was getting to the point where I wanted to step in. I asked the stroller guy if the baby was his and he said “no”. The only other adults present were my own husband and three or four picnickers completely across the field and clearly more engrossed in the game than the plight of this toddler. Meanwhile, the baby was hanging backward off a two foot ledge and crying because he couldn’t get footing to get down. It’s normally my philosophy to let other people raise their own kids, however, I knew it was going to ruin the evening if the poor kid busted his head, so I stood up and began walking toward the rocks to try and help the little guy down. As soon as I did, one of the adults came running across the field, clearly more concerned about my nerve in approaching their child then the impending head injury. At least the baby was safely extracted from the rocks.

So, what are the proper criteria for deciding whether to get involved? In my situation, I think I hesitated probably a lot longer than I should have, but other people would probably tell me I over reacted and should have minded my own business. Should one just trust their gut or are there specific criteria to look for? Every one is so worried about being accused of some wrong doing, I think we are afraid to do anything at all. I personally experienced that last night. However, I’m terrified by the notion that if my toddler somehow managed to get away from me somehow in a public garden, other parents might let her drown in the pool, run into traffic, or fall of a ledge because they were afraid of having to deal with a confrontation with me if they stepped in. So, how do you know when it’s appropriate to get involved? Thoughts?

 

[pensmama87]

Unfortunately, it’s been my experience that people get involved when there’s basically no risk to them - it’s easier to get to feel superior over a small thing, than it is to actually help with a big thing.

I have never needed to get involved, but my own “rule” is clear and present danger. So baby likely to fall - yes, get involved. If I saw a baby alone with no one that it belonged to, I might hang out a few extra minutes and see if someone shows up.

That playground story is so, so sad. My stomach is rolling just hearing about it. If I’m around someone and their baby is throwing a fit and they’re not coming or going, and don’t calm down in a few minutes, yeah, I’m probably going to at least ask Mom, “Hey, do you need some help?” And their answer would determine if I pushed it further, even if that meant I made a call to the police instead of pursuing contact with the mom.

The times people have been interfering with my parenting have actually involved no attempt to help at all, but snide commentary. A big one lately is children left alone in cars for any period of time. My oldest is a runner and we have had several near misses with cars. So I park close to cart returns when I can, but sometimes I leave him in the car for 60-ish seconds or so to put a shopping cart back or put library books in the book drop. To me, that is infinitely safer than having him loose. And when we do have to walk in parking lots, yes, I do practice safe walking habits with him. But I’ve had friends who do similar have people come up and scream at them about how they’re going to kill their children or they’re going to be kidnapped, etc.

Now, if I were in a grocery store parking lot and noticed a kid in the car next to me, and no grown-up within in the time it took me to load or unload kids, I might stick around a bit to see if one turns up. So far they always do, within a very short period of time, and I never say anything. I just continue about my business. If one didn’t, I would probably go to the store management and ask them to make an announcement about a child left in a car.

 

[Kelfa28]

This is such a tough call.

It’s hard because I don’t satellite my kids when I’m at parks and I generally get annoyed when other people think that it’s their job to parent my kids.

I have very active kids who are advanced for their physical play levels. My 3.5 year old plays like a kindergartner and my 19 month old plays like a 3 year old…she can climb almost anything and she is very fast and very strong.
Ladders, swings, rope climbs and rock walls aren’t too much for her to handle.

I usually let them explore on their own but I’m always close by. It’s tough being so pregnant and having kids who want to go on totally separate pieces of play equipment…I usually have to make a choice…who is doing the less dangerous thing or who is younger.

I’ve had two instances where I’ve wanted to punch someone for stepping into a situation that resulted in far more harm then good.

The first was on a bike trail my kids and I frequent. My oldest likes to run ahead because her sister and I are too slow for her.
There was a lot of kids apart of a running club at the local school doing their 5k that day. One of the coaches saw my oldest approaching a small ditch.

She’s old enough and has done the bike path enough to know it’s there and to stop.
Which she had already done.
Plus…the coach saw me calling her and reminding her to stop…though I was about 30 feet back.
He still took it upon himself to try and jog up to her and pick her up to prevent her from falling.

Of course this resulted in my daughter panicking at a strange man running up to her and she started to run away and scream.

I, very sharply, told the guy to back off…I knew my daughter better then he did and do NOT touch her.

We had to go home because she was inconsolable at that point.

The second instance involved my younger daughter at a local playground.

It’s a more advanced playground to navigate…it has high levels and openings that allow for fireman’s poles and other climbing equipment to get to the different levels.

My younger daughter was on a platform and approaching an opening. I was right below her and watching.
A grandmother was on the platform with her grandson.
My daughter just walked by one of the openings and this grandmother reached out and grabbed my daughter and tried to pick her up.

I was right there though about a foot below her.

My younger daughter lost it, screamed and fought this woman hard and would have fallen if I wasn’t there.
We had to go home because my little girl was frightened and didn’t want to leave my arms.

Sorry…but lesson learned…that situation would have been way worse if she had just left my daughter alone.

I’m just being Devil’s Advocate here…I wasn’t there in the situation and I think it’s all about judgment calls.

 

[UbiCaritas]

It’s a hard question, and the answer is…I don’t think there’s an answer that will have the ideal outcome in every single situation.

Some things are easy. You see a kid drowning in a pool? GET THEM. A toddler sitting in the middle of the road? Move them. Etc.

The thing is–and on this we may have to agree to disagree–there are also so very many stories about people over-interfering. Ten-year-old kid plays in the front yard of a perfectly safe neighborhood at four in the afternoon? CPS gets called, parents go through hell. Eight-year-old has bruises on her knee from falling off a bike? CPS gets called. Etc.

I think trusting your gut is the best place to start. Instincts are there for a reason. I read recently a blog post by a mom of an autistic girl who, as autistic children sometimes do, ran away. She was saved in no small part by a passing driver who thought it odd she was by herself, and decided to follow her to see where she was going.

If other kids are at the playground while I’m there with DD, I keep half an eye on them. On the one occasion when a really creepy guy with no kids was sitting there and staring at my daughter and some other girls, I looked him dead in the eye and kept staring until he got up and walked away. If I saw a baby upset like you describe, I’d go over and help them. Likewise, if I saw a smaller kid–say, 10 and under–out by themselves in my neighborhood, I’d say “hi” and perhaps ask if they were okay. Toddler-age, and I’d get ahold of them somehow and call the police to sort out where the parents were.

In the case of a mom having a full-on mental breakdown at the park? I’d walk over and see how she was doing, and try making small talk about the kiddo. Frankly, I do this anyway at our park; there aren’t a lot of moms in the neighborhood, and I like to get to know my neighbors. If her responses were off-the-wall inappropriate, yes, I’d call the police.

I should add that it sounds like, in the news story you describe, the system massively failed that child from the get-go. Someone who jumps out of a moving car with their child for any reason short of kidnapping has no business having custody of that kid, yet CPS handed him back to her anyway.

 

[marymary1975]

I did not read the news that you are referring but I think is disturbing that a child was left to die in public and no one moved a finger to help. I think is sad and I think is a product of the current culture of let other do whatever they want, don’t say anything and there is no right or wrong. I personally come from a culture that is on the other side of the spectrum, where everybody would get their noses in so I naturally tend to react by doing something. In the US that have not work out well because people tend to get mad at me and of course I get the I am judgmental all the time because I tend to act right away.

My MIL is another one who tends to get involved but mostly because in my State she is a mandatory reporter so there are many situations she has to report and interfere. All the time people get mad at her and say she is noisy when most of the time she is complying with her duty and reporting actual situations of danger. Still seems like people don’t get it and that most people either are too afraid of doing something or just don’t care.

I personally tend to react when I see danger or older kids doing something that may harm younger ones or harmful behavior in kids and yes, I get told all the time to mind my own business but to me is hard not to because I have been culturally trained to be like that. Lately my husband has been suggesting me to try to target the other kids’ parents first but sincerely, sometimes is hard. I do get that sometimes people interfering too much is not good… In my country things can be a little annoying because sometimes you get the other extreme, everybody and their sister getting involved in things so minuscule that is inappropriate – but most people instead of looking for the happy middle have gone to the other extreme: like the news you mentioned.

I think we should look for a middle ground, as I said, dangerous situations, possible harm, kids being harmed or hit, emergency situations particularly if the parents are not around. Smaller situations particularly if the parent is near then to bit our tongues.

 

[pensmama87]

This is such a tough call.

It’s hard because I don’t satellite my kids when I’m at parks and I generally get annoyed when other people think that it’s their job to parent my kids.

I have very active kids who are advanced for their physical play levels. My 3.5 year old plays like a kindergartner and my 19 month old plays like a 3 year old…she can climb almost anything and she is very fast and very strong.
Ladders, swings, rope climbs and rock walls aren’t too much for her to handle.

I usually let them explore on their own but I’m always close by. It’s tough being so pregnant and having kids who want to go on totally separate pieces of play equipment…I usually have to make a choice…who is doing the less dangerous thing or who is younger.

I’ve had two instances where I’ve wanted to punch someone for stepping into a situation that resulted in far more harm then good.

The first was on a bike trail my kids and I frequent. My oldest likes to run ahead because her sister and I are too slow for her.
There was a lot of kids apart of a running club at the local school doing their 5k that day. One of the coaches saw my oldest approaching a small ditch.

She’s old enough and has done the bike path enough to know it’s there and to stop.
Which she had already done.
Plus…the coach saw me calling her and reminding her to stop…though I was about 30 feet back.
He still took it upon himself to try and jog up to her and pick her up to prevent her from falling.

Of course this resulted in my daughter panicking at a strange man running up to her and she started to run away and scream.

I, very sharply, told the guy to back off…I knew my daughter better then he did and do NOT touch her.

We had to go home because she was inconsolable at that point.

The second instance involved my younger daughter at a local playground.

It’s a more advanced playground to navigate…it has high levels and openings that allow for fireman’s poles and other climbing equipment to get to the different levels.

My younger daughter was on a platform and approaching an opening. I was right below her and watching.
A grandmother was on the platform with her grandson.
My daughter just walked by one of the openings and this grandmother reached out and grabbed my daughter and tried to pick her up.

I was right there though about a foot below her.

My younger daughter lost it, screamed and fought this woman hard and would have fallen if I wasn’t there.
We had to go home because my little girl was frightened and didn’t want to leave my arms.

Sorry…but lesson learned…that situation would have been way worse if she had just left my daughter alone.

I’m just being Devil’s Advocate here…I wasn’t there in the situation and I think it’s all about judgment calls.

Yeah, it would take a LOT for me to actually go ahead and touch someone else’s kid. Like UbiCaritas said - a kid in the middle of the road would qualify, but otherwise - I’m going to do a “wait and see.” Maybe talk to the kid if there’s no grown-up in sight or one doesn’t show up in a few minutes.

Which can be a hard thing to do, too, because some people are so terrified of “strangers” but I’m fortunate to live in an area where lots of kids walk to school and it’s a very neighborhood atmosphere. I know I will have to start discussing this stuff with my kids soon, but I’d rather they know to say “no” to getting into someone’s car rather than “if anyone you don’t know says hi to you, run.”

 

[Kelfa28]

I
In the case of a mom having a full-on mental breakdown at the park? I’d walk over and see how she was doing, and try making small talk about the kiddo. Frankly, I do this anyway at our park; there aren’t a lot of moms in the neighborhood, and I like to get to know my neighbors. If her responses were off-the-wall inappropriate, yes, I’d call the police.

I should add that it sounds like, in the news story you describe, the system massively failed that child from the get-go. Someone who jumps out of a moving car with their child for any reason short of kidnapping has no business having custody of that kid, yet CPS handed him back to her anyway.

This.

I just read the news report on that poor child and he was just let down in so many different ways.

Thinking it over…I have a hard time with the fact that virtually no one stepped into that situation.

As much as I don’t like interfering with other people’s kids or having strangers take it upon themselves to interfere with my own…that situation had red flags written all over it.

If I was at the park…I can guarantee that if either of my kids saw another kid being pushed on a swing…they’d want to use the swing too.

Nine times out of ten they pick the swing next to whomever is being swung…which means I’m up close to both the kid and the person pushing.

I usually do make small talk. I ask about the kid’s age and size…I’ll say hi to the kid and encourage my kids to say hi too.

I used to work as a Paramedic…so I was trained to pick up signs of mental instability…but also, if a kid just doesn’t look right.

I’d hope I’d notice something off and say something or make a phone call.

 

[Ophelia23]

In your situation, if I felt the child was in danger I would step in. I’d much rather say “I’m sorry” to the parent than see a cracked skull. And I’ll bet the child would prefer it, too. I try to always assume the best in people–chances are the parent was distracted with a discussion or another child and didn’t even realize their young one was in distress until they saw you approaching.

My parenting style is not helicopter like whatsoever. I tend to let my kids (even the almost 2 year old) wander and play on the playground. I’m watching them, and I certainly will step in if they need me to, but I enjoy letting them figure out how to play and how to climb and I think the occasional bump, bruise or scrape is a good thing. But I can think of one time in particular where I had my back turned momentarily, and my youngest ran off toward the lake. Another parent stopped her, turned her around back toward the park and sent her on her way, and I was deeply grateful. Not offended.

 

[Allegra]

This is such a tough call.

It’s hard because I don’t satellite my kids when I’m at parks and I generally get annoyed when other people think that it’s their job to parent my kids.

I have very active kids who are advanced for their physical play levels. My 3.5 year old plays like a kindergartner and my 19 month old plays like a 3 year old…she can climb almost anything and she is very fast and very strong.
Ladders, swings, rope climbs and rock walls aren’t too much for her to handle.

I usually let them explore on their own but I’m always close by. It’s tough being so pregnant and having kids who want to go on totally separate pieces of play equipment…I usually have to make a choice…who is doing the less dangerous thing or who is younger.

I’ve had two instances where I’ve wanted to punch someone for stepping into a situation that resulted in far more harm then good.

The first was on a bike trail my kids and I frequent. My oldest likes to run ahead because her sister and I are too slow for her.
There was a lot of kids apart of a running club at the local school doing their 5k that day. One of the coaches saw my oldest approaching a small ditch.

She’s old enough and has done the bike path enough to know it’s there and to stop.
Which she had already done.
Plus…the coach saw me calling her and reminding her to stop…though I was about 30 feet back.
He still took it upon himself to try and jog up to her and pick her up to prevent her from falling.

Of course this resulted in my daughter panicking at a strange man running up to her and she started to run away and scream.

I, very sharply, told the guy to back off…I knew my daughter better then he did and do NOT touch her.

We had to go home because she was inconsolable at that point.

The second instance involved my younger daughter at a local playground.

It’s a more advanced playground to navigate…it has high levels and openings that allow for fireman’s poles and other climbing equipment to get to the different levels.

My younger daughter was on a platform and approaching an opening. I was right below her and watching.
A grandmother was on the platform with her grandson.
My daughter just walked by one of the openings and this grandmother reached out and grabbed my daughter and tried to pick her up.

I was right there though about a foot below her.

My younger daughter lost it, screamed and fought this woman hard and would have fallen if I wasn’t there.
We had to go home because my little girl was frightened and didn’t want to leave my arms.

Sorry…but lesson learned…that situation would have been way worse if she had just left my daughter alone.

I’m just being Devil’s Advocate here…I wasn’t there in the situation and I think it’s all about judgment calls.

That parent was visibly annoyed, though he didn’t say so directly. I don’t know if he was annoyed at me for having the nerve to undermine his parenting plan to spawn the world’s first internationally known 18-month rock climber, or that my interference prompted him to unglue his eyes from the soccer girls on the screen.

Some thoughts to consider though are, while it’s possible for a child to be some sort of swimming prodigy, unless I’ve caught his segment on the news, I just see a baby heading for the river and if it’s obvious that I’m going to get there before the parent, or I can’t tell which parent is the parent, or there is not other adult in sight at all, I’m going to assume that immediate action needs to be taken without considering that the parent knows their kid, or that they took special infant swimming classes, or that the parent has even noticed that their kid has gotten away from them yet.There are so many variables that can lead to catastrophe and in the few seconds before the kid hits the current, you don’t really have time to assess them all.

I don’t care for parents commenting on my child not having socks in the grocery store, or my decision to buy GMO fruit, or whether or not she feels indignant using a monkey leash, or other silly things that are none of their business. However, if at any time, my child was in actual immediate physical danger and they saw it and I didn’t, I would want them to step in, so even if the situation wasn’t as dangerous as they initially perceived, I would try to be thankful that they were willing to try to protect her. Or at least, I wouldn’t be ignorant toward them.

Even if she would be upset by someone picking her up or grabbing ahold of her hand to shirt to stop her, it’s better for her to be mad for a minute then bit by a copperhead, fall into the river, get run over by a hoard of cyclists, or attacked by a stray dog. I try to be as vigilant as possible, but I know how quickly a small child can sneak away. (especially if the parents are corralling more than one kid.)

 

[UbiCaritas]

That parent was visibly annoyed, though he didn’t say so directly. I don’t know if he was annoyed at me for having the nerve to undermine his parenting plan to spawn the world’s first internationally known 18-month rock climber, or that my interference prompted him to unglue his eyes from the soccer girls on the screen.

Some thoughts to consider though are, while it’s possible for a child to be some sort of swimming prodigy, unless I’ve caught his segment on the news, I just see a baby heading for the river and if it’s obvious that I’m going to get there before the parent, or I can’t tell which parent is the parent, or there is not other adult in sight at all, I’m going to assume that immediate action needs to be taken without considering that the parent knows their kid, or that they took special infant swimming classes, or that the parent has even noticed that their kid has gotten away from them yet.There are so many variables that can lead to catastrophe and in the few seconds before the kid hits the current, you don’t really have time to assess them all.

I don’t care for parents commenting on my child not having socks in the grocery store, or my decision to buy GMO fruit, or whether or not she feels indignant using a monkey leash, or other silly things that are none of their business. However, if at any time, my child was in actual immediate physical danger and they saw it and I didn’t, I would want them to step in, so even if the situation wasn’t as dangerous as they initially perceived, I would try to be thankful that they were willing to try to protect her. Or at least, I wouldn’t be ignorant toward them.

Even if she would be upset by someone picking her up or grabbing ahold of her hand to shirt to stop her, it’s better for her to be mad for a minute then bit by a copperhead, fall into the river, get run over by a hoard of cyclists, or attacked by a stray dog. I try to be as vigilant as possible, but I know how quickly a small child can sneak away. (especially if the parents are corralling more than one kid.)

I think the difference here is that you (rightly) are talking about things that are genuinely dangerous, and doing something about them. If I was distracted, for example, with several kids, and the youngest grabbed something inappropriate and stuck it in her mouth and a mom pulled it away and alerted me, I might be initially annoyed, but then grateful when I saw what was really going on. When a complete stranger walks up to me at the post office to demand to know if I’m breastfeeding my daughter (snoozing in her carseat at the time) on the grounds that Breast! Is! Best!, I’m likely to be just plain irritated. That’s a not a case of a baby in immediate danger, it’s one of busybodyitis.

 

[Allegra]

Unfortunately, it’s been my experience that people get involved when there’s basically no risk to them - it’s easier to get to feel superior over a small thing, than it is to actually help with a big thing.

I have never needed to get involved, but my own “rule” is clear and present danger. So baby likely to fall - yes, get involved. If I saw a baby alone with no one that it belonged to, I might hang out a few extra minutes and see if someone shows up.

That playground story is so, so sad. My stomach is rolling just hearing about it. If I’m around someone and their baby is throwing a fit and they’re not coming or going, and don’t calm down in a few minutes, yeah, I’m probably going to at least ask Mom, “Hey, do you need some help?” And their answer would determine if I pushed it further, even if that meant I made a call to the police instead of pursuing contact with the mom.

The times people have been interfering with my parenting have actually involved no attempt to help at all, but snide commentary. A big one lately is children left alone in cars for any period of time. My oldest is a runner and we have had several near misses with cars. So I park close to cart returns when I can, but sometimes I leave him in the car for 60-ish seconds or so to put a shopping cart back or put library books in the book drop. To me, that is infinitely safer than having him loose. And when we do have to walk in parking lots, yes, I do practice safe walking habits with him. But I’ve had friends who do similar have people come up and scream at them about how they’re going to kill their children or they’re going to be kidnapped, etc.

Now, if I were in a grocery store parking lot and noticed a kid in the car next to me, and no grown-up within in the time it took me to load or unload kids, I might stick around a bit to see if one turns up. So far they always do, within a very short period of time, and I never say anything. I just continue about my business. If one didn’t, I would probably go to the store management and ask them to make an announcement about a child left in a car.

I don’t think that it’s technically “leaving your kid in the car”, if you are still in eyesight of the kid. “Leaving your kid in the car” is actually going inside the grocery store, not walking ten feet to put a cart in the cart corral. I did once change the baby while my husband was inside the store picking up milk, and I walked maybe 20 steps away to put the diaper in the trash and a lady was watching and told me that she was about to freak out because she thought I was actually going into the store. I wasn’t mad at her though. I only have one child right now, so I don’t have to leave the baby in the car to put the cart in the corral, however, I’ve often been confused about the location of my grocery store’s “mothers with newborns” special parking spot. The first and only time I tried to use it, I realized it was a waste of time. The spots were closest to the door, but furthest from a cart corral! Unless you are hauling your groceries out of the store and carrying your newborn at the same time, it’s not very helpful at all.

 

[cradlecatholic5]

Hello fellow St Louisan,

I believe I know what venue you’re referring to … and I would have rescued that baby. I would most likely said in a very loud voice as approaching the baby “where’s your Mommy, honey”

I know in this world we live in, there’s crazies out there … but shame on that parent for leaving the baby on it’s own for too long.

Also, as a HUGE fan of our Cardinals, I can see how one can get all caught up in the game, but for the love of mike … NOT when you have a baby with you, especially in a public place.

IMO, you did well.

 

[Allegra]

Hello fellow St Louisan,

I believe I know what venue you’re referring to … and I would have rescued that baby. I would most likely said in a very loud voice as approaching the baby “where’s your Mommy, honey”

I know in this world we live in, there’s crazies out there … but shame on that parent for leaving the baby on it’s own for too long.

Also, as a HUGE fan of our Cardinals, I can see how one can get all caught up in the game, but for the love of mike … NOT when you have a baby with you, especially in a public place.

IMO, you did well.

This dad didn’t even have that as an excuse. They weren’t showing the game, they were showing women’s soccer!

 

[Kelfa28]

This dad didn’t even have that as an excuse. They weren’t showing the game, they were showing women’s soccer!

His excuse?

Either texting, Facebook or Candy Crush (or whatever game guys like to play on their phones).

Seriously.

I just posted in the bullying thread about a kid who was maliciously targeting my 19 month old in a play yard at the mall.

Dad was too busy with his nose in his phone to notice.

 

[Allegra]

His excuse?

Either texting, Facebook or Candy Crush (or whatever game guys like to play on their phones).

Seriously.

I just posted in the bullying thread about a kid who was maliciously targeting my 19 month old in a play yard at the mall.

Dad was too busy with his nose in his phone to notice.

Anyway, I wasn’t really considering the father’s intentions at the time, as I didn’t even know which person was the kid’s parent, or if any of the adults around were his parent. The father was sitting so far away, I really didn’t think any of the people over there would be the parent. I half expected a frantic mother to barrel around the corner any moment, screaming the kid’s name. It was only after he showed up and I got the attitude that I began to wonder if the child’s mother knew her son was climbing alone on ledges with multi feet drops while his father looked at young female athletes on TV.

 

[Deus_tecum]

If a kid is in real danger, I help the kid. I don’t give a rat’s behind what the parents or any other adults in the vicinity think, say, or do.

 

[Regina7]

There’s a big difference between interfering when there is danger (e.g. Child walking towards road/water), perceived danger (e.g. Child seemingly without parent), and inconsequential stuff (e.g. Kid not wearing socks).

It is our moral obligation to help in cases of danger. I’d certainly want someone to interfere with my children. I have called the police because a toddler was left unbuckled in a running car (he was there for about 10 minutes before police came), I grabbed a child, who was right next to mom, because she was going to walk in the road and mom wasn’t paying attention. I have helped little kids on the playground (one who was stuck) or helped a child who fell down.

Nobody has ever told me to mind my own business because of several reasons. First, I keep my opinions to myself. I won’t comment if the child is eating garbage food, has two different socks, etc.-- because these things don’t really matter. Plus, I’m generally interactive with other people so if I help a kid on the playground, I’ve probably been talking to her mom. Thirdly, I’m a woman. A man would never be able to approach kids like I do because they seem more threatening.

I would honestly rather be called out for interfering rather than having to deal with a situation I may have prevented.

OP, had I seen your daughter by the water, I would have just stayed where she was and said hello, waiting for you to catch up. I wouldn’t touch her unless she was clearly in danger. But I would wait for you, say hello and probably make a comment about how cute your kids are.

 

[DeniseNY]

One would think that a parent would be appreciative if a stranger alerted them to an imminent danger. I was in Barnes and Noble once and a child (about 4 maybe) was sitting at the bottom of an escalator. Close enough to where it worried me that he could have gotten his fingers chewed off. Two women were standing nearby and I said, “excuse me, do you know who he’s with? He can get hurt there”. Well, one turned out to be the mother and said “I don’t need you to watch my child”. I shot back: “well lady, someone’s got to do it”. She got him and walked away.

 

[EasterJoy]

That parent was visibly annoyed, though he didn’t say so directly. I don’t know if he was annoyed at me for having the nerve to undermine his parenting plan to spawn the world’s first internationally known 18-month rock climber, or that my interference prompted him to unglue his eyes from the soccer girls on the screen.

Some thoughts to consider though are, while it’s possible for a child to be some sort of swimming prodigy, unless I’ve caught his segment on the news, I just see a baby heading for the river and if it’s obvious that I’m going to get there before the parent, or I can’t tell which parent is the parent, or there is not other adult in sight at all, I’m going to assume that immediate action needs to be taken without considering that the parent knows their kid, or that they took special infant swimming classes, or that the parent has even noticed that their kid has gotten away from them yet.There are so many variables that can lead to catastrophe and in the few seconds before the kid hits the current, you don’t really have time to assess them all.

I don’t care for parents commenting on my child not having socks in the grocery store, or my decision to buy GMO fruit, or whether or not she feels indignant using a monkey leash, or other silly things that are none of their business. However, if at any time, my child was in actual immediate physical danger and they saw it and I didn’t, I would want them to step in, so even if the situation wasn’t as dangerous as they initially perceived, I would try to be thankful that they were willing to try to protect her. Or at least, I wouldn’t be ignorant toward them.

Even if she would be upset by someone picking her up or grabbing ahold of her hand to shirt to stop her, it’s better for her to be mad for a minute then bit by a copperhead, fall into the river, get run over by a hoard of cyclists, or attacked by a stray dog. I try to be as vigilant as possible, but I know how quickly a small child can sneak away. (especially if the parents are corralling more than one kid.)

There is nothing more common in the world than to be upset with someone else when you know very well and without having to look deep down inside yourself that you are actually upset with yourself or in a situation where the child’s other parent would be far more upset with you than the stranger is. I would not be at all surprised, in fact, if the annoyed parent was not projecting his irritation with the partner who constantly chides him for neglecting their toddler onto you.

He didn’t say he was annoyed directly. He probably knew he had more reason to thank you than to resent you. At any rate, even if he had given you a good dressing down, you did the right thing. You have to ask yourself what the child, as an adult looking back, would have wanted you to do on her behalf. You did that. Don’t think twice about it, even if ol’ Dad wasn’t gracious enough to thank you for stepping in before he did.

After all, ask yourself this: If you had been filmed by “What Would You Do?” would you wish you had waited longer? Probably not.

 

[Allegra]

There is nothing more common in the world than to be upset with someone else when you know very well and without having to look deep down inside yourself that you are actually upset with yourself or in a situation where the child’s other parent would be far more upset with you than the stranger is. I would not be at all surprised, in fact, if the annoyed parent was not projecting his irritation with the partner who constantly chides him for neglecting their toddler onto you.

He didn’t say he was annoyed directly. He probably knew he had more reason to thank you than to resent you. At any rate, even if he had given you a good dressing down, you did the right thing. You have to ask yourself what the child, as an adult looking back, would have wanted you to do on her behalf. You did that. Don’t think twice about it, even if ol’ Dad wasn’t gracious enough to thank you for stepping in before he did.

After all, ask yourself this: If you had been filmed by “What Would You Do?” would you wish you had waited longer? Probably not.

Actually, what’s bothering me is the feeling that I waited too long to step in. This happened the day after I swore that I would never be like those people that walked past the lady with the toddler in the swing.