Nothing unusual is happening to you. You are truly a child of God and your conscience has awoken from a deep sleep and now is fully awake and in being awake you now fully perceive. Your conscience was dead and now it is alive.
This can seem like a terrible turn in the Christian life, but it is a wonderful thing you are experiencing. You have been allowed to see reality as it truly is in the sense of the order of things in the world and their relation to God.
God loves you very much. He has given you a great gift. You are currently panicking because you do not understand what is happening to you. I assure you what is happening to you is a wonderful work of the Holy Spirit who has come to your soul and awakened it to the graces of God and the wonderful life you can live with Jesus and currently to recreate you God is forming your conscience and things that formerly never caught your attention now seem bright and bold before you as clear as day and it is a hard adjustment to make, but God will help you to make this adjustment…
Everyone is tempted, its a constant situation but that doesn’t mean you must live your life is a constant state of fear, you must not fear God. God loves you and you must freely approach Him as your Loving Father and be comfortable and familiar with Him, talking to Him as naturally as you get up and put on your clothes.
The Spiritual life is not a complex maze too difficult for humans to understand or there would be no point to having a spiritual life at all. The Spiritual life is as natural as the physical life and it is simply because you had not previously delved into the spiritual life that now it seems a strange world and your physical life is to some extent seeming strange to you, this is a normal thing to happen and you musn’t become afraid or worried about yourself. What you experience is perfectly normal and many people experience it.
If I can I’d like to suggest that you make a simple prayer because to become holy we don’t need to do anything complex, we need to be simple before the Lord and it is the Lord who does all of the complex work. Say a little prayer like this…‘It is seeming like it is beyond me Jesus but I know with you nothing is beyond me, so I place all my trust in You. Amen’ That is all you need say and say it sincerely.
You know that your conscience was dulled and now you know it is alert and sharpening by the day, this is a good thing, though at first it seems strange and worrying, but I wish I could show you where it will lead you, because it will lead you to peace, peace with God and peace with men and any struggle is worth that.
Leave the past behind you, God has forgiven and forgotten your past and you are a new creature in Him now, you have died and risen in Christ anew and all that has been done and said in the past sometimes comes to mind to remind us we are weak and to remind us to stay close to Jesus, but don’t let the past affect you now, you are now close to Jesus.
I will keep you in the Living Prayer of my life and I’d ask you if you wouldn’t mind offering to Jesus every kind thought you have, every kind word you say and every kind deed you do for the strengthening of you soul in Him. Remember to thank Jesus for all things and in thanking Him He will bless you and those you love even greater than He does now, such is His love, kindness, compassion and mercy.
The Christian path is a tough road, it isn’t how it is often portrayed by the media. It is the path of soldiers in Christ and no faint heart can withstand this ardous journey without being faithful in prayer. Pray and continue to pray unceasingly with everything you do in life as well as in words.
I’ll remember you at Holy Mass tomorrow, be courageous, you are on a wonderful journey.
