Internally not "open to life". Please help!

[Rence]

I wouldn"t be comfortable making that judgment call one way or another on an anonymous message board. The fact that the OP hasn’t used NFP up until this point tells me that she and her husband may have determined that there currently isn’t a serious reason.

With all due respect, it tells you no such thing whatsoever.

In addition, there is no requirement anywhere anytime to get pregnant, or any required number of kids one has to have. The Church, thankfully, doesn’t dictate when we have to have sex, when we cannot have sex, how many children we must have, how far to space them, etc. That’s up to every individual family to decide. She is having difficulty with the one she’s caring for now. That’s a good enough reason not to try and deliberately have another one right now.

The Church requires there to be a serious reason for practicing NFP to postpone a pregnancy. To encourage somebody to use NFP without explaining this accompanying requirement could lead that person into sin and we would be partially responsible.

And serious reason is up to the individual family to decide.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Ok, so we’ve made it clear to the OP that the church allows for the spacing of children. We’ve made it clear that there need to be serious reasons to do so. We’ve made it clear that it is not our place to judge whether or not another person has serious reasons. And we’ve made it clear that the care of a 9 month old could be a serious reason, for some people. MOVING ON…

Folks, let’s not get bickering about the serious reasons and if the OP said this or inferred that…this is not helpful to the OP. The bases have been covered on the whole NFP / serious reason front. There will always be something to argue about.

To the OP, I want to suggest that 9 months is probably not a long enough time to judge how you will feel about the possibility of future babies. Myself, I never felt ambiguity about being a mother, or wanting another child. But after my second child was born, I found myself completely unable to think about going through the birth process again. To the point that I thought that I might have to stop at 2, even though I had always pictured having a large family. Also, the difficulty of having a baby and a young toddler added up to a tough several months. It was a full 18 months after the baby was born before I had a desire for another child and could picture being willing to go through what was necessary to have that other child.

I know that my feelings were very different from yours. But the idea of not being ready might not be. Sometimes, you’re so NOT ready that you can’t even picture ever being ready again. It may be that when your baby gets a little older, that you find motherhood more enjoyable. Maybe you don’t really like babies, but you’ll like toddlers or the preschool age.

It also may be that you need to find some ways to enjoy your days, with and without your baby. Do you like to socialize? Find a play group. Do you like to exercise? Get a gym membership at a place with a daycare. Do you just need to get out of the house more? Go shopping (or browsing, depending on your budget). Around here, we have a drop off program called “Mother’s Day Out” which is basically like part-time daycare (like twice a week, for just a couple of hours at a time). Some moms drop their kids off so they can have a little time to themselves to run errands, or just to be alone.

 

[Lady_Love]

God has obviously called you to serve Him in the vocation of marriage and motherhood. What is keeping you from enjoying it? This is the REAL question.

Is it your attitude? Are you too self-centered? Are you ungrateful? Do you not know what a gift children are? Do you see them as a burden? Do you need help? Are you over-tired? Do you lack generosity?

Only you can answer this question. There is nothing to be ashamed about but there is some barrier preventing you from loving your vocation. I do know that resisting your vocation takes more energy and is more draining then surrendering to your vocation. When considering your family, you have to think about what is best for everyone. Would your current child have a more fulfilling life with a sibling? Will you regret not having another child when you are older?

I think your show of resistance may actually be present precisely because you are feeling the call to have another one. If there was no “call” then there would be no “response” to the call one way or the other.

 

[Z1Z2]

One thing that comes to my mind is, not everyone is a baby person - even mothers. I wasn’t. At the risk of not sounding maternal, I will confess that I did not particularly enjoy the first year of either of my children’s lives. With my older, I thought it might be that she was a preemie and had many health issues as an infant. Then I had my son, who was full term. Turns out I didn’t particularly enjoy even his relatively easy infancy. HOWEVER, once they hit one, and started being “real” people, and they started being being able to communicate, things got better and better. I am not into babies, but I am into toddlers, preschoolers and elementary kids. I am even finding out that I can have fun mothering a middle schooler. So, it can be hard to predict the future from the experiences of the first 9 months. I am not promising that would be the case for you, but just wanted to present a different view of someone who is not a “baby person”.

 

[silicasandra]

God has obviously called you to serve Him in the vocation of marriage and motherhood. What is keeping you from enjoying it? This is the REAL question.

Is it your attitude? Are you too self-centered? Are you ungrateful? Do you not know what a gift children are? Do you see them as a burden? Do you need help? Are you over-tired? Do you lack generosity?

Only you can answer this question. There is nothing to be ashamed about but there is some barrier preventing you from loving your vocation. I do know that resisting your vocation takes more energy and is more draining then surrendering to your vocation. When considering your family, you have to think about what is best for everyone. Would your current child have a more fulfilling life with a sibling? Will you regret not having another child when you are older?

I think your show of resistance may actually be present precisely because you are feeling the call to have another one. If there was no “call” then there would be no “response” to the call one way or the other.

I had PPD after the birth of my first child. I am not saying the OP has PPD, and I think you are truly trying to be charitable, but if I had come to CAF asking a question like the OP, and received a response like this, I would have been seriously hurt. Even though you are asking questions, a person in a state of depression could very well read these as suggestions: “You are self-centered. You are ungrateful. You don’t think your child is a gift.” The OP said herself she loves her son. Even when I was in the darkest spots of my depression, I still loved my son and wanted to be the best mother I could. It was just very, very difficult for me to do that, for a variety of reasons. And I consider myself a “baby person!”

Not every person who is called to be a parent has to be absolutely gaga over babies. Babies are only babies a short while. They will be young children, and then adults, for a much longer period of their lives. It is absolutely okay to admit that the baby stage is not your favorite. The OP has not experienced her son outside of the baby stage. That is her experience with parenthood. She may very well realize as her son becomes a toddler that she is ready, after all, to have another child. I don’t think it’s a problem for her to realize she is not ready yet - the important thing is to realize that saying “not now” is nowhere near the same thing as “not ever again.”

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I wouldn"t be comfortable making that judgment call one way or another on an anonymous message board. The fact that the OP hasn’t used NFP up until this point tells me that she and her husband may have determined that there currently isn’t a serious reason.

The Church requires there to be a serious reason for practicing NFP to postpone a pregnancy. To encourage somebody to use NFP without explaining this accompanying requirement could lead that person into sin and we would be partially responsible.

What judgement? Of course that caring for a 9 month old baby is a valid reason for a woman to not think about another baby. I’m amazed when I hear of women who want another one shortly after giving birth. Goodness, I thought I was being ironic in my comment.

I normally don’t participate in or even read these threads. I wonder how people don’t go insane worrying whether they should have more children in order to qualify as devout Catholics. Because that is what it sounds like to me, despite all the gentle reminders not to judge people.

 

[severus68]

What judgement? Of course that caring for a 9 month old baby is a valid reason for a woman to not think about another baby. I’m amazed when I hear of women who want another one shortly after giving birth. Goodness, I thought I was being ironic in my comment.

I normally don’t participate in or even read these threads. I wonder how people don’t go insane worrying whether they should have more children in order to qualify as devout Catholics. Because that is what it sounds like to me, despite all the gentle reminders not to judge people.

Well said.