Interracial Marriage

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AWalterscheid1

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Hey everyone, my name is Abby and I just had a few things to say, and wanted some (name removed by moderator)ut.
I fell in love with an African man (a practicing Catholic like me, who I believe to be the best guy out there for me because he always lifts me up and, more importantly, brings me closer to God). When my mom found out she went crazy, made us stop the relationship and everything. In fact, she told me, “God made different races, for them to be with each other” and I cannot see her logic in that at all. I mean, how could such a God-loving, caring, and gentle man be looked down upon because his skin is not the “right color”? Given, we live in a small town, where almost everyone is white and anything different is frowned upon for a long time. Which being up the next point of, because we are in a small town, my mom believes that everyone in the town will think poorly of my family if I were to marry this man.

I want to be able to stand up for what I believe in and how I was raised to love everyone and don’t judge people because they are different from you, but would it be disobeying my parents if they are against us being together at all? I want to be able to prove to my mother that just because he is a different race, he is still capable of loving and caring for me, and that others do not care as much as she thinks they will, to eventually always think ill of my family.

I ask that you would pray for me, and if you could give some tips or things from the bible that will help. Thank you, and God bless you all:blessyou:
 
The Catholic Church isn’t racist. Your mother, if she is basing her bias solely on this man’s race, should be ashamed of herself - especially considering he is a practicing Catholic!

Now, if you are a minor and living with your mother, you have no choice but to follow her policy. However, as soon as you are able and legal, I would move out and let her know why, whether or not you are with this man.
 
I fell in love with an African man (a practicing Catholic like me, who I believe to be the best guy out there for me because he always lifts me up and, more importantly, brings me closer to God). When
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Is your partner actually from Africa or just African-American, as in he’s a US citizen and just happens to be non-white?
my mom found out she went crazy, made us stop the relationship and everything. In fact, she told me, “God made different races, for them to be with each other” and I cannot see her logic in that at all.
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That is sooooo old and absurd.
I mean, how could such a God-loving, caring, and gentle man be looked down upon because his skin is not the “right color”? Given, we live in a small town, where almost everyone is white and anything different is frowned upon for a long time. Which being up the next point of, because we are in a small town, my mom believes that everyone in the town will think poorly of my family if I were to marry this man.
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This sounds like its going beyond a dating preference and right into racism. I don’t think people who prefer not to date outside their own race are racist.

Like it or not, most people will date and marry within their own race.

But to suggest that someone ELSE is in wrong JUST BECAUSE of skin color is ridiculous!
I want to be able to stand up for what I believe in and how I was raised to love everyone and don’t judge people because they are different from you, but would it be disobeying my parents if they are against us being together at all? I want to be able to prove to my mother that just because he is a different race, he is still capable of loving and caring for me, and that others do not care as much as she thinks they will, to eventually always think ill of my family.
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I think you can stand up for what you believe in because your parents are in the wrong!

Also from a parental perspective, it is counterproductive to interfere on this level in practical terms. Now, if this is an international, on-line relationship, or if you’re a minor and he’s not, well, that’s where their concern should be emanating from, not from skin color.

So if your parents see something in this relationship (besides genetic traits he can’t control) that cause them concern, they need to communicate it, but since they are not, I am going to ask you to be the adult here and ask them if that is their only issue.

And when you ask them (and you should), make it clear you don’t want them fishing for mundane concerns just to bolster their view on interracial dating.

As far as Bible quotes, “love your neighbor as yourself”. Who is your neighbor? Any sentient biological being.

Please consider what I have said, and do come back if you have other questions or need more advice on the situation.
 
I am not a minor for one. And to answer your question, he is actually from Africa and moved to the U.S in 2010 for school and is now in the US Army, to top it all off, which gave him his citizenship.

I am moving out soon, and hopefully I will be able to convince her that this is my choice and I am happy with it.
 
Wow! Did mom fall into a time warp and travel back to the 60’s? This isn’t the Bible, but tell her to watch the movie “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner”; in particular, Spencer Tracy’s speech near the end of the film. It might help. 🤷
 
I’m sorry your mum has reacted like this and is being racist. It must be very difficult for you. However, your mum is completely wrong on this and you are right. Rather than worry about what other racist people in your town might think, she should be pleased that you have found a good Catholic man who makes you happy. She might reflect that if he is prepared to fight for his country, he is actually someone to be proud of!

It will be hard for you, but you have to make a stand. It’s your life and your future marriage you’re talking about. You can try to convince her and I hope she sees the error of her ways - but if she doesn’t, it will be her loss. You don’t have to prove anything to her or get her consent - she is the one who needs to do some work on her own beliefs and think about her wrongdoings in relation to you both.
 
AWalterscheid1 said:
Hey everyone, my name is Abby and I just had a few things to say, and wanted some (name removed by moderator)ut.
I fell in love with an African man (a practicing Catholic like me, who I believe to be the best guy out there for me because he always lifts me up and, more importantly, brings me closer to God). When my mom found out she went crazy, made us stop the relationship and everything. In fact, she told me, “God made different races, for them to be with each other” and I cannot see her logic in that at all. I mean, how could such a God-loving, caring, and gentle man be looked down upon because his skin is not the “right color”? Given, we live in a small town, where almost everyone is white and anything different is frowned upon for a long time. Which being up the next point of, because we are in a small town, my mom believes that everyone in the town will think poorly of my family if I were to marry this man.

I want to be able to stand up for what I believe in and how I was raised to love everyone and don’t judge people because they are different from you, but would it be disobeying my parents if they are against us being together at all? I want to be able to prove to my mother that just because he is a different race, he is still capable of loving and caring for me, and that others do not care as much as she thinks they will, to eventually always think ill of my family.

I ask that you would pray for me, and if you could give some tips or things from the bible that will help. Thank you, and God bless you all:blessyou:
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No, when one is an adult, one doesn’t have to obey one’s parents the same as one does when one is a child. You can now feel free to date and marry whom you please.

There are a lot of layers to this. In a lot of places, interracial relationships are still frowned upon even in 2014. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is.

If you were to ever marry, you would probably need to get used to this kind of rejection, realize that though these are modern times, there is still a lot of racism and prejudice about from whites, blacks and non-whites. We’ve come a long way but still not far enough, sadly.

I worked in rentals very briefly many years ago. One couple was a white woman with a black man. There were comments going around the office about them. The husband was saying how important it was for them to find a place where they would be accepted and treated well. He told me his wife had a nervous breakdown, that they didn’t want any problems, that he wanted to also talk to the owner and everything.

I have a friend who married a girl who was from Mexico, but she is quite dark. They actually had some people beating on their door one night years ago due to race, ended up having to move out from that place. As far as I know, they seem happily married, have 2 children.

Rejection could even come from his family, as well.

In some places, interracial relationships seem more accepted, like say, Brasil, possibly Puerto Rico.

Yeah, I’ve heard from people who seem to think God created the races to be separate. To me, there is no division with God, though…

I’ve found people from Africa to be SO nice! Too bad people couldn’t give them a chance!

The Bible verses that comes to mind would be…“There is neither Jew nor Greek: there is neither bond nor free: there is neither male nor female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:28.

After you marry, you can always say, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Mark 10:9.

Good luck to you both no matter what you decide!
 
" I want to be able to prove to my mother that just because he is a different race, he is still capable of loving and caring for me, and that others do not care as much as she thinks they will, to eventually always think ill of my family."

Should this even come into play when considering marrying someone? If so, how far up should it be on the list when we are considering the person we will be united with for eternity? Is this making a political statement by marrage? Is it church teaching that we should be making statements for or against something by using the Sacrement of Marrage? Should any of the Sacrements be used to make a statement for or against a practice we disagree or agree with? Should liberal Catholics be shut out of any Sacrement to protest their conflicts of beliefs of The Body of Christ? (Church.)

I am married to someone who is of a different race which is a totally meaningless statement to me but included it as it may make a difference to someone pondering the questions I asked. There are many other issues in my marrage that I am more concerned with than her race. I would pray this person entering into a relationship with ANY person will use foresight and try and look far into the future and picture the relationship way on into the future and then concentrate on the only relationship that matters.
I gotta admit that even if this person sees way into the future, that future will probably turn out to be much different than what they see it as now. And to top that, which is even more important, what will the person I am considering for an eternal relationship be like as they get older and afterwards enter into whichever situation they choose to spend eternity in.
As a male there are several women that come to mind that I would not want to listen to for eternity! I have to ask forgiveness constantly for being disgusted by statements made by them.
Another discussion, another time!
I will certainly add my voice in prayer that this person and all who are preparing to enter into the Holy Sacriment of Marrage find a mate that will aid them in the walk with the Master. Race should be considered since man has had the race issue since who knows when (Example:The statement made by the women at the well in Sumaria when our Lord told her to give Him a drink of water. Jesus seemed a bit amused by the womans statement in my opinion but then this was the Creator of the Universe speaking to her!) but it would be near the bottom of my list!.
Love to all who pray for this and others!
 
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It is sad that your Mom is using God to justify such a prejudiced position. 😦

As you are not a minor, your Mom really has no say in who you choose to date. She can share her opinion, but she cannot force you.
 
AWalterscheid1 said:
When my mom found out she went crazy, made us stop the relationship and everything. In fact, she told me, “God made different races, for them to be with each other”
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This sadly and hauntingly reminds me of the trial Judge’s decision PRE USSC in Loving v. Virginia, he professed such;
Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And, but for the interference with his arrangement, there would be no cause for such marriage. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.
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Need we call to mind if Pangaea really did exist, in reality we came from the same land Mass, just drifted apart before modern times.

She may be better suited if you married a career felon as long as he was white?
 
This is not a new story.

“Romeo and Juliet” had the same kind of theme - of falling in love with someone that the parents disapprove of.

Throughout the ages - a new generation changes the world. And the older generation will eventually need to accept it or they will be left aside.

It’s good to listen to the older generation for all the wisdom that they accumulated in their lifetimes - but it is also wise to understand with that wisdom comes the baggage of their upbringing.

You will more likely change your mom by being loving but stern with her. Understand her criticism, but explain that you have chosen a route that you want to explore. When she tells you that other townspeople will criticize you - then thank her for her advice on that and tell her that you are willing to risk their criticism for something you know is right.

Time was that people had the same feelings when the Italians or the Poles or the Spanish moved into town.

And not to put the cart before the horse - but once grandchildren arrived - more times than not the older stogy grandparent saw a child that needed to be loved and became the biggest proponent of that individual.

While it may be true that most people marry within their “race” - many many more people are willing to risk the relationships that they might not have 50 years ago.

And accept that this is hard for your mother. You might even want to watch a movie from 50 years ago that had two very liberal parents learn to accept their own biases. That movie - “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner”. The movie was very provocative at the time. But at it’s core, it showed us that when it comes to our own children, we have to learn to accept that they will become adults and will have their own mind.

Good luck. This isn’t easy.

How old are you?
 
I’d love to take your mom to my gym where there are a lot of couples of different races seen loving and supporting each other in their quest for fitness. Or to the local high school where a goodly chunk of teen love is interracial. Or to the mall or the movies or the grocery…interracial couples are ll over the place! Maybe she’d see that this is a non-issue.

Who you marry is your choice. Your family will have to learn to accept your decisions as an adult.

That said, I hope you thoroughly discuss any cultural differences that would affect day to day life, how the household should be run…stuff like that. Being married to a soldier is not easy or for the faint of heart. Military have a high divorce rate for a reason. Make sure you take the realities of military life into account.
 
Someone asked how old I was, and to answer I will be 19 in July. I know this seems to be really young for some people, but I am looking to the future say four or five years from now, because our relationship is still forming on its own but everyday it gets stronger.

Thank you all for your suggestions, comments, and continued prayers.
 
I am the product of a mixed marriage – my father is Puerto Rican and my late mother was white. They were together for 57 years before my mother passed away. Many people opposed them when they were first together, including my maternal grandparents. I don’t think the racism completely went away. But it never seemed to bother my parents. They just lived their lives.

They are an excellent example to any mixed couple.

They were both Protestant Christians who attended the Baptist Church. And that was a great place for them.

I am so proud of their long partnership.
 
AWalterscheid1 said:
Someone asked how old I was, and to answer I will be 19 in July. I know this seems to be really young for some people, but I am looking to the future say four or five years from now, because our relationship is still forming on its own but everyday it gets stronger.

Thank you all for your suggestions, comments, and continued prayers.
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I think you are old enough to make these kinds of decisions yourself.
 
My husband is also a non white immigrant who got his citizenship in the US Army. I am white from a small southern town (pop. 5,000) so I kind of relate. My parents had no problem with our relationship but many other people did, including some of my siblings and other family members. We married when I was 18. Honestly, race and culture has never once come up in our day to day lives. Our problems stem from the normal stuff couples have trouble with, but we have been married long enough that we’ve worked most of it out. Being an Army wife I can tell you it is going to be difficult, but it’s very much worth it. It’s not an easy life but it suits our family. If it were my mom giving me a hard time about my husband’s race or for being an immigrant, i think I would probably just let her know the positives about him and move out as soon as possible. I like the suggestion of Spencer Tracy in “Guess Who’s Coming for Dinner?” It’s an old but really good movie if you haven’t seen it. As far as Biblical references, I’m not sure, but I believe Moses married someone of a different race. I am not positive, but I don’t think Zipporah was Hebrew like Moses. And Joseph married an Egyptian woman but he was Hebrew. I never really searched out anything like that before though so don’t take my word as true.
 
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