Intersex and faith

[femaleenuch]

I was born intersex. When my teen years hit, chaos ensued in my body. My voice deepened, my muscle mass grew tremendously, and my testosterone levels shot through the roof. My doctor (a very wise woman) strongly suggested to my parents not to put me on hormonal treatments. They listened to her thankfully.

Finally, most things straightened out. I am pretty much sterile (a very small chance of ever becoming pregnant, and if I do, I will probably lose the baby), and most people mistake me for a male (in fact the only thing that identifies me as female is my chest).

I think, sound and act like a guy. My chromosome and testosterone says the same. A lot of folks treat me like a freak, the manly girl. I’m pretty happy with my life, this is how God created me, and I have learned to accept it. The problem is PEOPLE around me, even in the Church, don’t know what to do with me. There seems to be no Church Law that deals with someone like me. On the surface, Church Law deals with folks who are feel that they are one gender, but physically the other. Church Law DOES NOT deal with folks who are like me: chromosome, hormonal levels, and biological different, and physically ambiguous. What is the opposite gender for the intersex? OR if there isn’t, does that mean we have to live celibate lives for the rest of our life because of the way we were born? Would the Church even marry someone like me?

I’ve chosen to live chaste for almost a decade now, partly do to circumstance, and partly due to the fact that Church teaching is very unclear about folks like me. I’m also a very recent convert, and I know I will have to tell the Priest about being intersex, which may open a whole can of worms.

 

[Hadrianus]

Well, historically gender has been decided by appearance. If you have the form and body parts of a woman, then for the purposes of Church law you are a woman. Chromosomes and high testosterone levels really don’t enter in to it.

 

[cjellis27]

A priest may be able to help you better understand the Catholic perspective on your situation. I admire you for being comfortable with yourself, and content with your life. We all go through different struggles, and it seems you have been able to embrace yours. I agree that God created you to be the way you are, and that there is nothing that needs to be done to change that. Good luck in your quest for answers. God bless and I wish you the best.

 

[JRKH]

Tough situation to be sure…
As far as “Church Law” is concerned…the basic one especially as far as you and your fellow Catholics are concerned is “Love”…Love your neighbor as yourself.

Perhaps reflect on how you wish to be treated, how you might treat others who are quite different in an unusual way…
These people are faced with something that is admittedly very rare. They don’t know what to make of it. Think what it might be like is there was - for example - a set of adult Siamese twins in the parish. Very unusual thing to see and certainly not something one deals with every day. How do you talk to them? What do you say? Do you have questions you’d like to ask but are afraid to? etc…
I think your situation is probably like this in some ways…

I think that the more comfortable and even open and “jolly” you are about your circumstances the more at ease others will be…Not everyone of course, but many.

Peace
James

 

[femaleenuch]

Thanks cjellis27. I want to tell the priest, but I am a bit hesitant since I live in a small town, and there is only 1 Catholic Church, the next closest is 1 hour away.

Hadrianus: A person is more than body parts. A human is the TOTALITY of mind, body, spirit. To reduce a person to body parts isn’t right. And gender is so much more than body parts, even the Bible states so.

Historically, race was decided by the way a person looks. History is a tool, not the deciding factor.

James: Thanks for the advice. I wonder how Siamese Twins would fair in the Church (never seen one in any church). Would each of them be allowed to marry? And the Bible doesn’t deal with that situation. As you stated, it is about LOVE. Love your neighbors, seek to do no harm, and if the Church doesn’t know, maybe silence is the best answer possible.

 

[lauraabarlow]

:hug3:-Always remember that you are a child of God, no matter what. I hope and pray you have the love and support from your friend and community. My thoughts and prayers are with you-and no-the church cannot fault you for being someone you have no control over-it definitely isn’t your fault by a long-shot. I also have a child, a teenager-although totally different circumstances came out as a transgender male-always identified as a male as a little girl and actually was mistaken for a boy instead of a girl. Took me some time to understand to better support but am now-and he is going to safespace meetings for youths like that. The base chaplain-a civilian priest knows and still accepts my teenager-no condemnation on his part-it really does help when you have an understanding priest along with family and friends-and support groups as well.

 

[JRKH]

James: Thanks for the advice. I wonder how Siamese Twins would fair in the Church (never seen one in any church). Would each of them be allowed to marry? And the Bible doesn’t deal with that situation. As you stated, it is about LOVE. Love your neighbors, seek to do no harm, and if the Church doesn’t know, maybe silence is the best answer possible.

Well - While the specifics that you mention are interesting, that was not my reason for the using that example…It was simply the first thing that came to mind when trying to express how uncomfortable people can be around something or someone that is completely out of the norm…
If seeing Siamese twins walk into Church would cause you to feel - ill at ease and have questions like the ones you mention above, it is worth reflecting on and seeing what the Holy Spirit has to say about your particular situation. How can you perhaps help others to understand better and be more accepting of you and comfortable around you.

Good Luck

Peace
James

 

[smichhertz]

Hi femaleenuch,

Welcome to CAF! I really hope you have a positive experience on these forums. I have really enjoyed it myself and found it to be a tremendously wonderful resource.

Unfortunately, you are correct, there is not a lot out there. Do you have a spiritual director? That would probably be the best route to go. A good spiritual director will help guide you on the best way to live your life.

Beyond that, I cannot give much advise. But I will say a prayer for you and I wish you all the best! No matter what happens, remember always that you are a child of God and loved dearly by Him. He brought you into existence to fulfill a very special mission.

 

[OrdinaryMelkite]

I’d like to welcome you to the forum as well.

Personally, I would talk to the priest and gauge his reactions.

I agree with you that gender is more than just “physical appearance.”

 

[Hadrianus]

I am so sorry my post appeared abrupt. What I mean is that I see no reason why the Church wouldn’t marry you, and that there is no reason for you to be thought abnormal because of a biological variant. God Bless, Hadrianus

 

[manualman]

Welcome to CAF.

You’ve got a hard road to walk, because it IS so poorly understood in both the secular and religious world. Humanity has learned so much about biology and medicine in the last 50 years it boggles the mind. Discerning the implications takes time, even for the Church leadership.

So what do you do? Well, where are your attractions? If you are attracted to men and you are physiologically a woman, what’s the problem? Inability to conceive is not an impediment to marriage. But it might not be a good idea if you don’t have clear gender identification yourself. That’s not necessarily a moral issue, but a prudence one.

Perhaps you can ask your priest if he is aware of a priest willing to do correspondence spiritual direction (but not confession). Explain that you are a convert, have some spiritual issues that you want solid catholic advice on, but would feel ill at ease discussing with someone you see all the time. He won’t likely be offended.

Hey, I grew up with toothpick skinny arms, bookish interests, no sports interests whatsoever and an aversion to locker room humor in general. I can relate in small part to feeling isolated. But even if there are lots of people who treat you badly because you are different, there are still plenty out there who will give you an honest shot at becoming friends. Just take the bad ones in stride (they’re just sinners like us) and keep looking for the good ones.