Introduced very different friends - going to date

[CSLewisfan]

I have a very good friend who is my total opposite: She is a liberal/atheist (nominally CofE but same thing really). We really enjoy each others company and how passionate we are about our respective worldviews. We argue often but always respect each other. We have a very close bond. She gets on very well with my family and my girlfriend and in fact calls into my granddad occasionally to check up on him.

My girlfriend and I went out for a meal last week and ran into my friend in the pub afterwards (my gf was initially sceptical of my friend but changed her mind after meeting her). Randomly a friend from Church was there too and joined us and we had a lovely evening of chatting/jokes and a few bottles of wine. It turns out they hit it off, and he said to me at vigil tonight they have a date next week.

She enjoys what she calls “sessions” which is basically multiple sexual partners (of both genders) that she hosts in her home. She has some kinky interests that she is very open about.I have also known her to be monogamous with partners in the past. I do not know my friend from Church as well as I do my friend, but he goes up to receive so I presume that means he does not share her tastes. (she is obviously immoral, but is not a bad person).

The question I have is whether to warn my friend from Church so he is prepared and not potentially . . . compromised? Or view this as a potential miracle (and miracle it would be) that my friend wants to have a different kind of relationship to those she has had in the past? Maybe seeing how happy my girlfriend and I are and wanting something similar. . .

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I have a very good friend who is my total opposite: She is a liberal/atheist (nominally CofE but same thing really). We really enjoy each others company and how passionate we are about our respective worldviews. We argue often but always respect each other. We have a very close bond. She gets on very well with my family and my girlfriend and in fact calls into my granddad occasionally to check up on him.

My girlfriend and I went out for a meal last week and ran into my friend in the pub afterwards (my gf was initially sceptical of my friend but changed her mind after meeting her). Randomly a friend from Church was there too and joined us and we had a lovely evening of chatting/jokes and a few bottles of wine. It turns out they hit it off, and he said to me at vigil tonight they have a date next week.

She enjoys what she calls “sessions” which is basically multiple sexual partners (of both genders) that she hosts in her home. She has some kinky interests that she is very open about.I have also known her to be monogamous with partners in the past. I do not know my friend from Church as well as I do my friend, but he goes up to receive so I presume that means he does not share her tastes. (she is obviously immorale, but is not a bad person).

The question I have is whether to warn my friend from Church so he is prepared and not potentially . . . compromised? Or view this as a potential miracle (and miracle it would be) that my friend wants to have a different kind of relationship to those she has had in the past? Maybe seeing how happy my girlfriend and I are and wanting something similar. . .

Geesh! What ever happened to private things being private. How does multiple sex partner sessions come up in polite conversation with a friend.

Normally I would say warm your friend if even for health reasons but for some reason I think you know too much already…

 

[CSLewisfan]

Geesh! What ever happened to private things being private. How does multiple sex partner sessions come up in polite conversation with a friend.

Normally I would say warm your friend if even for health reasons but for some reason I think you know too much already…

We are very good friends (platonic if that’s an implication). Sharing details about our lives is not uncommon where I’m from.

Health concerns. Yes unfortunately…that would factor into warning.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

We are very good friends (platonic if that’s an implication). Sharing details about our lives is not uncommon where I’m from.

Health concerns. Yes unfortunately…that would factor into warning.

Good friends or not. Penetration and who where and how many should not be the topic of your conversations. Respecting eachother or not, as a Christian you are not communicating your faith well if others feel comfortable sharing that with you.
You might want to reflect on that a bit.

 

[LethalMouse]

Geesh! What ever happened to private things being private. How does multiple sex partner sessions come up in polite conversation with a friend.

Normally I would say warm your friend if even for health reasons but for some reason I think you know too much already…

The truth shall set you free!

The sinner who talks of sins does those sins

The private ones do far worse

It is a natural slippery slope, the guy who drinks in front of everyone is a drunk…

The guy who hinds it becomes a non functional alcoholic…

Don’t be private, don’t be evil.

 

[LethalMouse]

We are very good friends (platonic if that’s an implication). Sharing details about our lives is not uncommon where I’m from.

Health concerns. Yes unfortunately…that would factor into warning.

Pretty much everyone I have met in my life is pretty forthcoming with such info, not counting people with motives

Idk where some of these posters live… but they might put off that “ssshhhhhh here comes that guy/girl” vibe so that they are given a false impression

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I will also say that we have gotten way to relaxed as a society about information we offer. I know I used to participate. Oh I knew all of the sordid details and fetishes of my gay and strait friends and they knew mine. And then I grew up, I took my faith seriously.

I have no idea how we can claim someone as a friend and not care about thier souls. I have no idea how we can be told to proclaim the gospel and yet consider it kind and tolerant to listen to evil as if it’s acceptable.

That being said I know how hard it is to put that into practice. And I know that it is tempting to mistake comfort in sharing for helping someone. And I’m not perfect, I suppose I often fail at the very thing I’m pointing out here.
But I’m not sure you friend would take that position if she were talking to Jesus, the pope, a nun or even a good Catholic. And that is something we should all think about because we are called to be Jesus and good Catholics.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

The truth shall set you free!

The sinner who talks of sins does those sins

The private ones do far worse

It is a natural slippery slope, the guy who drinks in front of everyone is a drunk…

The guy who hinds it becomes a non functional alcoholic…

Don’t be private, don’t be evil.

So let’s say you are a good and faithful Catholic. One of your friends tells you about thier multiple sex partner parties. How do you respond?

 

[1Lord1Faith]

OP, you need to talk to both of them. Your indulging friend may be thinking how great it would be to seduce a nice church boy. And yes, health reasons, mental and physical. If young people think, and I know they do, that regular casual sex will not affect your we’ll-being in the future, you are in for a surprise when you grow up and try to start a stable family.

 

[LethalMouse]

So let’s say you are a good and faithful Catholic. One of your friends tells you about thier multiple sex partner parties. How do you respond?

Depends on the person.

Mostly if we already knew where each other stand I might give them a quasi “normal” reaction… ie: my friend who is a random christian

He does married women and things like that. I mention it comically and give a high five when it would be culturally normal etc… but I also pretty regularly use any time he mentions church of his christianity as a reminder he should knock that stuff out. I also generally call it all by disordered things like “well yeah you loved those immoral situations lol good for you getting some I guess”

Now in the situation of sex parties I might note the germs. Even in my secular times I wasn’t too big a man hoe, as I was cautious not to get germs and such… So I have the ability to talk nice and still disapprove lol.

In terms of it “affecting” the person being told, sticks and stones…

If words hurt you, you need to get help (objective “you” not personal)

 

[LethalMouse]

OP, you need to talk to both of them. Your indulging friend may be thinking how great it would be to seduce a nice church boy. And yes, health reasons, mental and physical. If young people think, and I know they do, that regular casual sex will not affect your we’ll-being in the future, you are in for a surprise when you grow up and try to start a stable family.

Well he could also be a one sin catholic…

Some can be pretty good at everything except not being pretty good at not indulging pretty women

It is weird waking up and telling your FWB you got to get a move on to make it to church lol…

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Depends on the person.

Mostly if we already knew where each other stand I might give them a quasi “normal” reaction… ie: my friend who is a random christian

He does married women and things like that. I mention it comically and give a high five when it would be culturally normal etc… but I also pretty regularly use any time he mentions church of his christianity as a reminder he should knock that stuff out. I also generally call it all by disordered things like “well yeah you loved those immoral situations lol good for you getting some I guess”

Now in the situation of sex parties I might note the germs. Even in my secular times I wasn’t too big a man hoe, as I was cautious not to get germs and such… So I have the ability to talk nice and still disapprove lol.

In terms of it “affecting” the person being told, sticks and stones…

If words hurt you, you need to get help (objective “you” not personal)

A high five… Man shaking my head

 

[LethalMouse]

A high five… Man shaking my head

If sins were not enticing people probably wouldn’t do them.

Getting some carries with it:

Chances of unwanted pregnancy and a poorly raised child or worse an aborted one

1/4 chance of contracting an STD

High probability of emotional pain when one person gets attached or such

Immorality of defying God’s will

Getting some carries with it:

Show that you were desired

Extreme physical pleasure

perhaps acquisition of someone you had put in much efforts to get

For the former one must receive their tisk tisk

for the latter they may receive the high five

 

[CatholicRaven]

I guess I’m in the minority here. I say stay out of it.

What exactly is the point of discussing her sexual past with him? Everyone’s saying, “health reasons,” but really? If he’s practicing his faith, how likely is it he’s going to dive into bed with her? What dating adult isn’t aware that there is that risk if they sleep with someone they don’t know well? Does this guy really need you to swoop in and inform him of her faults before he has a chance to get to know her himself?

This is just one date that may or may not go anywhere! Even if it does, I don’t think you should discuss her past with him unless she gives her consent or he specifically asks you–and even then, I’d only suggest that he needs to discuss that with her. You don’t know whether her behavior will continue, or whether she will reveal that information in her own time, if the relationship gets that far. If later, they’re supposed to be exclusively dating and she’s lying to him and/or cheating on him, maybe then butt in. But if she changed her ways and converted, and/or they got married despite what he knew of her past, how would you like to be the one who revealed her private information to him then?

It’s not as if you can be certain he’s going to sleep with her if she offers, or even that she’ll try to get him to do so if she knows he believes it to be wrong and she respects him. I mean, just because he’s a guy doesn’t mean he’s incapable of self-control, right? They are adults, and I would assume he is already aware that he and she do not necessarily share the same views on everything, and that may include sex, and if he’s dated at all, he is likely aware that women in today’s culture may have a sexual past.

 

[angell1]

I will also say that we have gotten way to relaxed as a society about information we offer. I know I used to participate. Oh I knew all of the sordid details and fetishes of my gay and strait friends and they knew mine. And then I grew up, I took my faith seriously.

I have no idea how we can claim someone as a friend and not care about thier souls. I have no idea how we can be told to proclaim the gospel and yet consider it kind and tolerant to listen to evil as if it’s acceptable.

That being said I know how hard it is to put that into practice. And I know that it is tempting to mistake comfort in sharing for helping someone. And I’m not perfect, I suppose I often fail at the very thing I’m pointing out here.
But I’m not sure you friend would take that position if she were talking to Jesus, the pope, a nun or even a good Catholic. And that is something we should all think about because we are called to be Jesus and good Catholics.

you’d be surprised how saying you don’t want to hear about something doesn’t work.

generally the teller doesn’t believe it’s a big deal, therefore, does not really care about your sensibilities.

friendships like that are hard. I generally consider those people acquaintances now.

but really, I am shocked at how forthcoming some people are with that kind of information, even if they don’t even know you that well

 

[ToeInTheWater]

If sins were not enticing people probably wouldn’t do them.

Getting some carries with it:

Chances of unwanted pregnancy and a poorly raised child or worse an aborted one

1/4 chance of contracting an STD

High probability of emotional pain when one person gets attached or such

Immorality of defying God’s will

Getting some carries with it:

Show that you were desired

Extreme physical pleasure

perhaps acquisition of someone you had put in much efforts to get

For the former one must receive their tisk tisk

for the latter they may receive the high five

I really hope you never befriend any serial killers, then. They also often experience “extreme physical pleasure” and “acquisition of someone you had put in much efforts to get”.

I know guys like you, they try to have it both ways, one foot “in the world”, one foot “in the Church”. Usually, they wind up falling.

 

[Isca]

My advice would be to say nothing. If your female friend is as open as you say, she will no doubt share this information with your male friend at some point in the near future - it’s his decision to make, after that.

 

[WJeffrey]

A friend who makes a date with your girlfriend while your girlfriend and you are on a date is not much of a friend. Unless your name is Doormat. Have a little have some self respect.

 

[CSLewisfan]

A friend who makes a date with your girlfriend while your girlfriend and you are on a date is not much of a friend. Unless your name is Doormat. Have a little have some self respect.

Sorry if I wasn’t clear. He has made a date with my friend who is a girl. .not my girlfriend. My reaction would be quite different and as you said, he couldn’t be classified as a friend.

Without wanting to appear spineless, I have decided to stay out of this. It’s really none of my business and if things go badly, however badly is defined, I don’t think it will be my fault.

 

[LethalMouse]

I really hope you never befriend any serial killers, then. They also often experience “extreme physical pleasure” and “acquisition of someone you had put in much efforts to get”.

I know guys like you, they try to have it both ways, one foot “in the world”, one foot “in the Church”. Usually, they wind up falling.

The difference is serial killer = always wrong

Sex = circumstantial

Or as one crusade meme out it:

Sex = Deus may or may not Vult depending on multiple factora

Crusading = Deus definitely Vults

On the flip as a fan of the Old Testament I could perhaps see some merits in a serial killer of evil people