Introducing Childcare

  • Thread starter Thread starter JGheen
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
J

JGheen

Guest
This isn’t strictly a Catholic question, but I’m hoping there are some stay-at-home-moms that can share their experience & tips on timing and methods of introducing childcare…

I’m a stay-at-home new mom to a 7-month old baby. My husband watches her once or twice a week in the evenings, so I can get out of the house. Otherwise the baby is pretty much always with me. I’m hoping to drop her off at the gym nursery for some much needed workout time during the day. I’d also like to eventually get a babysitter for a few hours every other week, so my husband and I can have a date night. We have relatives that live in nearby towns willing to babysit. But unfortunately, because of the distance, they aren’t familiar faces (yet) for our baby.

I’ve taken her to our gym nursery 4 times so far. The first 2 times, my husband or I stayed with her the entire time. The 3rd time, I left her (with the nursery staff) for 30 minutes. She was a bit fussy but basically okay when I picked her up. However, this 4th time, the staff actually brought her to me in the middle of the gym because she was crying and fussing too much for them to handle. When she saw me, she started crying and screaming even louder. It look 10 minutes to get her to stop screaming, which is highly unusual behavior for her and really rattled me. She was clingly and fussy for hours afterwards.

That is probably more information than you need to know, but I’d be interested in hearing anyone else’s experience or tips on this issue. I think she might be at a stage where she is experiencing seperation anxiety, so I’d be happy to wait awhile before trying to introduce childcare again - if there is a better time. Of course, some children are put in daycare at a much younger age and are fine. I don’t want to stunt her development by isolating her at home and I would like a bit of space every now and then. Any advice?
 
Stranger anxiety is fairly common around that age. Different babies have it to different degrees and but even with the same child the reaction can vary depending on all kinds of circumstances.

My younger ones did better if a brother or sister stayed with them. If you have a friend with a slightly older child that your baby likes and you can plan to use the gym nursery at the same time, maybe that might help.
 
I’m not a SAHM, but we have plenty of experience with childcare providers for our son.

First, the stranger anxiety at this age is totally developmentally normal. It might even get worse as they get older and are more aware of you being gone and associate someone coming over with you leaving.

That being said, I agree with the previous poster who said that sometimes you just need to toughen up and leave them. They will cry and even have a total meltdown. If it’s in the evening and they’re tired already they will probably fall asleep just from the sheer exhaustion of it.

Many a night I paid the babysitter for 4-5 hours of her time and she really only had to do 45 minutes of “work” until our son fell asleep.

Also, leaving your baby with someone in your home is different than at a gym. At home they are surrounded by many familiar things, but at the gym everything (including the people) is new.
 
I’m not a SAHM, but we have plenty of experience with childcare providers for our son.

First, the stranger anxiety at this age is totally developmentally normal. It might even get worse as they get older and are more aware of you being gone and associate someone coming over with you leaving.

That being said, I agree with the previous poster who said that sometimes you just need to toughen up and leave them. They will cry and even have a total meltdown. If it’s in the evening and they’re tired already they will probably fall asleep just from the sheer exhaustion of it.

Many a night I paid the babysitter for 4-5 hours of her time and she really only had to do 45 minutes of “work” until our son fell asleep.

Also, leaving your baby with someone in your home is different than at a gym. At home they are surrounded by many familiar things, but at the gym everything (including the people) is new.
 
What Philo said is true.
I kept children in my home for years so I could stay home with MY kids…I had plenty of those screamers. 😉

I would add this:
Never say to your child: Mommy & Daddy will be right back. It’s not true, and they will distrust anything you say from that day forward.
When my charges were old enough, I would tell them: Your mommy is going to come back after 3 Barney’s (90 minutes) or after Sesame Street finished this afternoon, or after your nap and a snack. What ever it was. Something they can recall in their heads as a defined length of time.
And then show back upon time!
I trained my two to not bang on the bathroom door while I was in there the same way.
“Mama has to go to the bathroom…I’ll be out in 2 minutes” “peek a boo” Here I am…wasn’t that fast? Hugs kisses.
They got over having to follow me everywhere. They trusted that I would come back at the appointed time.
I had a little boy who transferred his attachment to me…I went to a Mother’s Day tea at preschool and left him in the nursery to I could spend time with my little one. They brought him out at arms length and said he had been screaming the whole time. I got the impression they were about to snap.
Not leaving a child with a sitter occasionally can be just as bad as leaving them with others daily. Plan some outings, let her cry…build trust.
It takes a few tries, but you will be just fine!
Peace to you,
pianist
 
I’ve been a FT working mom and had my daughter in daycare. While she did fine going to daycare (it was her second home - she started going there at 3 mos before the separation anxiety stage), it did NOT help her adjust any easier to leaving her in other situations (back-up daycare, night-time sitter, church nursery). So don’t feel like by staying at home you are preventing your child from social development - that comes with age. Now that she is 2.5 she does much better with sitters but we can explain where she is going/who will watch her and when we will be back.

My son is 10 months and I’ve been working only 2 days a week since he was 6 months old. He has major separation anxiety and I can’t find consistent daycare so they get moved around a lot in order for me to work my 2 days per week. I have no choice but to leave him and let him cry. He is so excited to see me when I pick him up. I just have to be tough. It gets better!
 
At 7 - 9 months old your baby is reaching a stage where they know that the adult looking after them is not Mum or Dad. It’s just a phase your baby needs to go through.

In order to look after your baby you need to look after yourself. It sounds like you have a good plan in place. dont let one little set-back get in your way. you’re doing a good job.

My wife went back to work when our 1st was about 7 months, leaving me to look after him on weekends. It took some adjusting but we all coped and my wife benefitted greatly from getting out of the house.

With our 2nd child she only went back 1 day a week so we can have sundays together as a family. That adjustment was far easier as mum and dad had both been though it before.
 
If you decide to get a nanny, just introduce her gradually while you are still around, get her to come and help you out when you are at home, so the baby will get used to seeing you together, and then just increase the time he spends with her alone. She is too small to understand some things, but she will feel safer with someone else if you are still around.
 
Definitely the age where stranger/separation anxiety sets in. It will pass, I promise. 🙂

The time at the gym when they brought her to you…what were the circumstances at drop off? Was she asleep? If so, the sheer act of waking up in a strange place with strangers & no Mommy/Daddy in sight could’ve done it. Or, if it was super busy at the time with lots of noise, or even just another baby crying, etc. many factors could’ve gone into that day. Don’t let that one experience keep you away. Especially since you had done it before with just a little fussing, which is normal.
 
Thank you all for your encouragement and insights. They are all greatly appreciated!
 
I started with “Mommy & Me classes” at “The Little Gym”. This gave my baby girls confidence in a gym enviroment. It also helped me workout with the baby. I believe the experience has allowed them to enjoy exploration of new faces and activities. We started class at six months.

Also, babies love pictures of faces. We have baby photo albums (get at Target) and read to them like a book. Additionally, we made a play ring of pictures if saints. It’s a great way to help babies feel safe and familiar with people.

In that baby photo album, we have a picture of their AuntAlexis & Grandpa Al (RIp). Every day we look through the book and say, “God Bless … (Name of pictured person)”. When we traveled to see Aunt Alexis, the children seemed very comfortable with her. My husband was using my Dad’s calculator (HP) and one of the girls said, "that’s grandpa Al’s !! (We never told her that before!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top