Introducing non Catholic spouse to Mass

[Casilda]

When he finally realized his theology was Catholic, and he was willing to experience a Roman Catholic Mass, we visited a few smaller churches locally. Novus Ordo done reverently. He fell in love with Midnight Christmas Mass. He does not like the Mass we attend most regularly, where I finally got a hold of a priest to talk to. They sometimes have mass without a priest, I don’t know if this is right or wrong, but neither of us is comfortable with that. So we tried a much smaller parish, one fourth the size (numerically) and now we are both confused. They led out all of the children before the readings. So they didn’t get to experience Mass. All the music was Christian contemporary on screens with an instrumental accompanied choir (flute, trombone, etc.) I probably don’t have to tell you but there were no kneelers. It made us feel like we were back in a protestant church. My husband did like the TLM at the Cathedral, he prefers adherence to an older liturgy like the one at an Eastern Orthodox church.

I wanted to meet with a Legion of Mary group at this no-kneeler parish, and now I am not to sure? What happens when your ‘not protestant anymore’ spouse says your Catholic mass is too ‘protestant’?

 

[InNomineDomini]

He does not like the Mass we attend most regularly, where I finally got a hold of a priest to talk to. They sometimes have mass without a priest…

If that Parish is having Word and Communion services with the permission of your Bishop in place of Mass, then its priest may very well be having problems in terms of health or other obligations or emergencies or any number of things. This may very well explain why you’ve been having such difficulty “finally” getting a hold of him.

If you’re not pleased with the Mass there, and if the priest is seemingly all over the place in terms of his obligations, then why not just attend some place else that has the reverent Ordinary Form you spoke of?

Simply finding a reverent parish and exclusively attending it for a while would be more fruitful, I think, than going from parish to parish to parish to parish and consistently comparing them.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

Simply finding a reverent parish and exclusively attending it for a while would be more fruitful, I think, than going from parish to parish to parish to parish and consistently comparing them.

I agree with this.

As I recall, the OP is dealing with a marriage issue. She really needs to find one place and stay there for a while. Work with the priest, resolve the issues, then if you need to move on, do so.

Also recognize that you’re never going to find the perfect parish or the perfect Mass. You may like the music at one, the preaching at another, the environment at a third, the congregation at a fourth. But adopting one as your home, for better or worse, is probably more spiritually beneficial.

 

[PennyinCanada]

My husband did like the TLM at the Cathedral, he prefers adherence to an older liturgy like the one at an Eastern Orthodox church.

You can go to an Eastern Catholic Church. They are in communion with Rome but have the same Divine Liturgy as the Orthodox.

 

[PietroPaolo]

When he finally realized his theology was Catholic, and he was willing to experience a Roman Catholic Mass, we visited a few smaller churches locally. Novus Ordo done reverently. He fell in love with Midnight Christmas Mass. He does not like the Mass we attend most regularly, where I finally got a hold of a priest to talk to. They sometimes have mass without a priest, I don’t know if this is right or wrong, but neither of us is comfortable with that. So we tried a much smaller parish, one fourth the size (numerically) and now we are both confused. They led out all of the children before the readings. So they didn’t get to experience Mass. All the music was Christian contemporary on screens with an instrumental accompanied choir (flute, trombone, etc.) I probably don’t have to tell you but there were no kneelers. It made us feel like we were back in a protestant church. My husband did like the TLM at the Cathedral, he prefers adherence to an older liturgy like the one at an Eastern Orthodox church.

I wanted to meet with a Legion of Mary group at this no-kneeler parish, and now I am not to sure? What happens when your ‘not protestant anymore’ spouse says your Catholic mass is too ‘protestant’?

I’d recommend either:

1. Go back to the parish that is doing the Novus Ordo reverently. Why did you stop going there again?
2. Give the TLM a few more tries. I’d recommend going six straight weeks to the High Mass (Missa Cantata) before making up your mind. The TLM is like a glass of dry red wine. It takes awhile to acquire the taste, but when you do everything else pails in comparison.
3. Find an Eastern Catholic Church. Make sure it isn’t a schismatic Eastern Orthodox Church.
4. If all the above fail, suffer through the “Protestant-style” Mass (with a priest present). It’s better to have a poor liturgy and a valid Eucharist than to have a great liturgy and just bread (high church Anglicans, I’m looking at you ).

God bless.

 

[klm120861]

No kneelers probably has to do with when the church building was built. My parish was built in the 70’s (I think - it might have been the early 80’s) and we only got kneelers a couple of years ago. (Not long after the new priest told everyone they were going to kneel - kneelers or not.) Because the church was built without kneelers, they may not be able to install them at this point without doing a major renovation and possibly removing seating. You can always kneel on the floor, if that is an issue - and there is space enough to do so.

With regard to the music, there is nothing wrong with using modern music if it is appropriate. We do a lot of contemporary music at our parish and our music minister and assistant music minister both use guitars. Both are classical guitarists among the multitude of instruments they play. Sometimes we do a hymn or two, but a lot of our music is written by people like Matt Maher (who did the music for Pope Benedict XVI when he came to the US). In that sense it is very “contemporary” but also very appropriate. Remember, once upon a time the (now) classical Ave Maria was “contemporary” During Lent and Advent, Christmas and Easter - the liturgical high times - we do the Mass responses in Latin. Not the Gloria or the Our Father, but the Mysterium Fidei (Mystery of Faith) and the Sanctus (Holy Holy) And we almost always do the Kyrie and the Agnus Dei.

The point is, sometimes the parish where you initially feel most “uncomfortable” is precisely the parish God wants you at - as long as it is liturgically correct. I always swore I’d never go to my parish because it reminded me too much of the Prot. world I came out of. But God put me there (I gave my son the choice of which parish he wanted to go to to receive his sacraments and he picked “grandma’s parish.” Now I wouldn’t go anywhere else. But my parish challenges me everyday in my walk with Christ: in going deeper drawing closer Had I let my…fears (?) … prejudices (?)… keep me from going there just because it was kind of “contemporary” I would not be as in love with Jesus as I am today. Just a thought.
May God guide you to the parish he wants you at and may he richly bless you always!
Kris

 

[thistle]

When he finally realized his theology was Catholic, and he was willing to experience a Roman Catholic Mass, we visited a few smaller churches locally. Novus Ordo done reverently. He fell in love with Midnight Christmas Mass. He does not like the Mass we attend most regularly, where I finally got a hold of a priest to talk to. They sometimes have mass without a priest, I don’t know if this is right or wrong, but neither of us is comfortable with that. So we tried a much smaller parish, one fourth the size (numerically) and now we are both confused. They led out all of the children before the readings. So they didn’t get to experience Mass. All the music was Christian contemporary on screens with an instrumental accompanied choir (flute, trombone, etc.) I probably don’t have to tell you but there were no kneelers. It made us feel like we were back in a protestant church. My husband did like the TLM at the Cathedral, he prefers adherence to an older liturgy like the one at an Eastern Orthodox church.

I wanted to meet with a Legion of Mary group at this no-kneeler parish, and now I am not to sure? What happens when your ‘not protestant anymore’ spouse says your Catholic mass is too ‘protestant’?

There is no Mass without a priest.

 

[Casilda]

I’d recommend either:

1. Go back to the parish that is doing the Novus Ordo reverently. Why did you stop going there again?

there has been no permanent priest since last Spring, and the administrator already refused to hear my confession, told me he leaves in July, to try then.

2) Give the TLM a few more tries. I’d recommend going six straight weeks to the High Mass (Missa Cantata) before making up your mind. The TLM is like a glass of dry red wine. It takes awhile to acquire the taste, but when you do everything else pails in comparison.

This is an option we are considering, its about an hour away though.

1. Find an Eastern Catholic Church. Make sure it isn’t a schismatic Eastern Orthodox Church.

My husband prefers the Orthodox Divine Liturgy, also considering that

1. If all the above fail, suffer through the “Protestant-style” Mass (with a priest present). It’s better to have a poor liturgy and a valid Eucharist than to have a great liturgy and just bread (high church Anglicans, I’m looking at you ).

God bless.

 

[Casilda]

The Eastern Catholic church has only 300 families registered, with one priest and one deacon.

Had a restless sleep last night. Just a nightmare about Easter approaching and having to sit in the pews and not being able to participate in communion. Its the lack of communication, me talking with someone who can listen to the spiritual side of what I am saying and not making it a business meeting.

So we are going to Sat vigil at an Eastern Catholic church. Praying that the Lord meet me there. My husband wanted Eastern Orthodox, I wanted to go back to Roman Catholic, maybe this is the compromise that God wants me to do. ? Who knows? Lots of good questions, but no real answers. ? I will be going in all broken, chewed up and spit out by the eastern orthodox, ignored and cast away by the western Catholics, this is my last hope before I drop out and go silent. Lord, You know there is but one last pathetic flickering ember left in me. I am dying spiritually. If You left a church, help me find it, or someone that will help me. If not, it is you and me. I will curl up with my Bible, all You gave me and all I have. Set me free from this dead end journey and I will wander were you lead me. Kirk out.

 

[Casilda]

Attended an Eastern Catholic Divine Liturgy. I stepped into the church and out of the twilight zone (as in the TV show).
I so desperately wanted to go back to the Roman Catholic church (of my youth) but alas, the Lord has let me realize, painfully, that it no longer exists. What I have sought is the spirituality and have not found it. Its still there in small pockets, groups, individuals. But as I intermingle with them, I see they are sustained but I am vanishing. They are renewed maybe daily, but I die a little.

At least here in this Eastern Catholic parish everyone receives, either communion or a blessing, no one is left in the pews, dying. The priest is not too busy to listen. His ears and heart are open. Thank you, Lord, I believe my painful journey has ended, and I truly believe now that I may be actually home.

 

[grandfather]

Attended an Eastern Catholic Divine Liturgy. I stepped into the church and out of the twilight zone (as in the TV show).
I so desperately wanted to go back to the Roman Catholic church (of my youth) but alas, the Lord has let me realize, painfully, that it no longer exists. What I have sought is the spirituality and have not found it. Its still there in small pockets, groups, individuals. But as I intermingle with them, I see they are sustained but I am vanishing. They are renewed maybe daily, but I die a little.

At least here in this Eastern Catholic parish everyone receives, either communion or a blessing, no one is left in the pews, dying. The priest is not too busy to listen. His ears and heart are open. Thank you, Lord, I believe my painful journey has ended, and I truly believe now that I may be actually home.

I was baptized as a baby in he Latin rite. I struggled for years with the silly innovations at mass, Santa priests, dancing ladies, a number of priest scandals including one who went to prison. Twenty years ago I found an Eastern parish and attended Divine Liturgy. Never looked back. I admire friends who stuck it out fighting the good fight for Catholic sanity. They are winning. I can’t go to Mass there on Sunday with all the clapping for everything from newly baptized babies to weekly stage shows from the choir.

I hope you have the same experience in the Eastern Church.