Introversion and vocation

[strugglingalong]

Should someone who is introverted and who isn’t very outgoing consider a vocation to the priesthood?

I ask because I am pretty quiet, shy and really introverted. I like people and enjoy talking to them but struggle to be outgoing at the start of getting to know them. What I mean is I don’t go around talking to every person and when I don’t know someone I find it difficult to know what to say to get to know them.

Is that a sign that one should not consider the priesthood? Thoughts?

Thanks so much!

Pax Christi tecum.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

I wouldn’t take introversion as a sign that you shouldn’t be a priest.

First, I know priests who are introverted who are wonderful priests. For one thing, they really listen!

I’m also an introvert, but there’s something about talking about my faith that lets me get beyond that. If you put me at a party where I don’t know anyone and have to make small talk I’m unhappy. But if you put me together with someone who wants to talk about becoming Catholic, I can talk with them all day about RCIA, their faith journey and my own. I think the Holy Spirit is guiding me in those situations and giving me what I need to talk with people.

Finally, you might want to consider becoming a religious priest. You may not be the person who goes out to preach parish missions, but you might fit very well into a Benedictine monastery.

I’d keep an open mind and explore the possibilities.

 

[nightwalker]

Should someone who is introverted and who isn’t very outgoing consider a vocation to the priesthood?

snip<

It is not a sign that you should not consider the priesthood. It may be a sign that, while discerning, you might consider religious life, particularly more contemplative orders.

 

[SenorSalsa]

I once read, although I can not find anything to confirm, that St. John Vianney, patron saint of Parish Priests, had such stage fright that he would give homilies facing away from the people

 

[strugglingalong]

I once read, although I can not find anything to confirm, that St. John Vianney, patron saint of Parish Priests, had such stage fright that he would give homilies facing away from the people

Wow, really??? St. John Vianney, the patron of Parish Priests. Wow. That’s encouraging!

Pax Christi tecum.

 

[strugglingalong]

I
I’m also an introvert, but there’s something about talking about my faith that lets me get beyond that. If you put me at a party where I don’t know anyone and have to make small talk I’m unhappy. But if you put me together with someone who wants to talk about becoming Catholic, I can talk with them all day about RCIA, their faith journey and my own. I think the Holy Spirit is guiding me in those situations and giving me what I need to talk with people.

Exactly! If I have to go to a party and “act social” for no reason then I struggle and, as you said, am unhappy. But if I am talking to people about the Faith I could go on and on, and listen to them forever! It’s the pure social situations that are difficult, those situations that rely purely on personality and chit chat sort of stuff.

Pax Christi tecum.

 

[Salonika]

Should someone who is introverted and who isn’t very outgoing consider a vocation to the priesthood?

I’m another introvert and I don’t think that having this preference should stop you considering the priesthood.

In the same way as in any other job your introversion may influence how you excercise your priesthood as you are likely to need to balance time with others with time of your own to recharge your batteries. A large parish where you are the only priest with lots of demands may stretch you too much but somewhere where you are mainly working with individuals and a small groups may be more suitable.

Like extraverts we introverts need to be stretched but not stressed!

 

[strugglingalong]

I’m another introvert and I don’t think that having this preference should stop you considering the priesthood.

In the same way as in any other job your introversion may influence how you excercise your priesthood as you are likely to need to balance time with others with time of your own to recharge your batteries. A large parish where you are the only priest with lots of demands may stretch you too much but somewhere where you are mainly working with individuals and a small groups may be more suitable.

Like extraverts we introverts need to be stretched but not stressed!

Very true. I just have a difficult time being in front of lots of people and speaking…but as you said I may do better in a smaller parish or in smaller groups. As you also said there is that need to be stretched and to work to overcome some limitations. God can do anything.

Pax Christi tecum.

 

[outcast]

i’m going through a rough stage of adolescence at 15(CRAPPIEST part of my life) and i’m EXTREMELY introverted and i think i’'ll never find anyone. i already know i’m a lost cause to get married. theres no way in hell someone will find me attractive, just because i’m not outgoing, so i’m thinking i’ll be a lay person or something, but i want to get a really good, high paying job when i grow up, cuz i’m really gifted and intelligent. but at the same time i’m struggling with my sexuality, cuz i (do it) every day, cuz of what i just said above… that no one will find me and i’ll be single for the rest of my life. but the hardest part is that i REALLY want to get married, cuz i love women and have the qualities(smarts, looks, masculenity, caring) to be good, Cahtolic father. i also have a really deep voice(i mean REALLY deep)

where any of you guys like this during adolescense?

 

[Neal]

i’m going through a rough stage of adolescence at 15(CRAPPIEST part of my life) and i’m EXTREMELY introverted and i think i’'ll never find anyone. i already know i’m a lost cause to get married. theres no way in hell someone will find me attractive, just because i’m not outgoing, so i’m thinking i’ll be a lay person or something, but i want to get a really good, high paying job when i grow up, cuz i’m really gifted and intelligent. but at the same time i’m struggling with my sexuality, cuz i (do it) every day, cuz of what i just said above… that no one will find me and i’ll be single for the rest of my life. but the hardest part is that i REALLY want to get married, cuz i love women and have the qualities(smarts, looks, masculenity, caring) to be good, Cahtolic father. i also have a really deep voice(i mean REALLY deep)

where any of you guys like this during adolescense?

In a word…

YES

Does it get better? Yes.

Let me tell you something about women, they don’t look at us the same way we look at them; they are inherently wiser when it comes to judging the value of a person. Sucks for us men but it’s a fact. I thought all my life that I was unattractive and what have you, yet many times in my life I have been very surprised by the fact that many women disagree with that assessment. I have always struggled with my weight, and was sure that no woman would want me because of it, but I was wrong. I have had relationships with women that thought I was attractive anyway, both emotionally and physically. Besides, 15 is an age when your body is changing and life is hard. Your peers will often times drag you down to make themselves feel better.

Ignore them! No one can make you feel miserable other than yourself; no one can make you truly happy but God. Trust in Christ! Pray! and above all else don’t get discouraged! I didn’t start dating a lot until college, and though I am going into the priesthood, I now have the knowledge that I do attract women and could have one now; that the only reason I don’t is because of my FREE CHOICE to live a celibate life.

Again, in short, your feelings of inadequacy are part of the fallen world we live in and common for guys your age. I am certain that some women find you attractive, remember, they think differently (better in this case) than we do. You will gain confidence with age (when I was 15 I was like you, but now, at 25 I am sure of myself, as long as I have Christ no one can stand against me.)

Most importantly remember, you are a son of the Father, a brother of Christ, beloved of the Holy Spirit, a prince of the Kingdom, heir to eternal life! By being baptized in Christ you are conforming yourself to Christ, you have nothing to fear. Whenever you feel down on yourself and depressed I want you to say this short phrase:

Jesus I trust in You!

He will not leave you crushed, He loves you. Pray that God reveals your vocation to you (marriage or priesthood or whatever) and for the grace to let God change you into what He wants you to be.

Now, on to the original topic

Shyness is nothing to worry about, they will work on that if you go to seminary. Introversion can be a benefit as the life of a priest does call for some periods of solitude, which can be hard to bear if you are an extrovert.

 

[outcast]

thanks Neal . good luck in the priesthood.

i get these terrible, sad mood swings every day so i tend to think like that.

 

[Rising_Suns]

I once read, although I can not find anything to confirm, that St. John Vianney, patron saint of Parish Priests, had such stage fright that he would give homilies facing away from the people

St. John Vianney is a great example for anyone discerning the priesthood (also an introvert). Being a good priest does not mean that you have to always be socializing and personable. St. John Vianney was kind, but severe when it came to sin. He spoke few words during the day to day life, and mostly lived by example. Due to his initial shyness, he had to prepare his homilies the week before, and practice them over and over until they were committed to memory. He would never be seen talking about trifle matters, or small chat. He spoke only when necessary.

In fact, most of his life consisted of prayer and penance. Socializing with laity was almost non-existent, and only done in order to get to know his flock and their spiritual needs. Once he understood the spiritual needs of his village, he began a long-term plan of daily prayer, penance, and fasting, often spending long nights in continual prayer. This is how he won souls, not through his homilies. Although his homilies helped convey his message, it was through his penance and fasting that he merited the grace necessary for his homilies to effect the hearts of his people. Like St. John the Baptist, he was an aesthetic of few words and hard discipline.

This, according to the Church, is the ideal parish priest: The perfect example par excellence for all aspiring priests.

Blessings,

-Davide

 

[turtle18]

God created introverts and God created extroverts. They are both suitable for the priesthood. Through the grace of God, you should be able to overcome any shortcomings you perceive yourself to have.

Here is an analogy–the church choir is full of sorpranos. There is maybe usually only two or three tenors & altos at best. But they are just as needed by the choir as the sorpranos. In fact, the choir doesn’t sound very good if it is all sorpranos.

Likewise, the priesthood needs more than just extroverts. Usually an introvert will open up to people once they know them and develop deeper relationships than an extrovert.

 

[DL82]

I don’t think being an introvert is a problem. 2 Corinthians 12 is a great thing to read. St Paul talks about boasting of his weakness, because it is when he is weak that God is strong in him. If it’s your calling, God will give you the strength to see it through.

On the other hand, have you considered whether your vocation is to the Religious priesthood, perhaps with an enclosed order, or an order like the Carmelites that has an emphasis on silent contemplation as well as a parish ministry?

 

[strugglingalong]

I don’t think being an introvert is a problem. 2 Corinthians 12 is a great thing to read. St Paul talks about boasting of his weakness, because it is when he is weak that God is strong in him. If it’s your calling, God will give you the strength to see it through.

On the other hand, have you considered whether your vocation is to the Religious priesthood, perhaps with an enclosed order, or an order like the Carmelites that has an emphasis on silent contemplation as well as a parish ministry?

Yes I have but most religious orders can’t take debt and I have a lot of student loans that need paying off

Pax Christi tecum.

 

[strugglingalong]

St. John Vianney is a great example for anyone discerning the priesthood (also an introvert). Being a good priest does not mean that you have to always be socializing and personable. St. John Vianney was kind, but severe when it came to sin. He spoke few words during the day to day life, and mostly lived by example. Due to his initial shyness, he had to prepare his homilies the week before, and practice them over and over until they were committed to memory. He would never be seen talking about trifle matters, or small chat. He spoke only when necessary.

In fact, most of his life consisted of prayer and penance. Socializing with laity was almost non-existent, and only done in order to get to know his flock and their spiritual needs. Once he understood the spiritual needs of his village, he began a long-term plan of daily prayer, penance, and fasting, often spending long nights in continual prayer. This is how he won souls, not through his homilies. Although his homilies helped convey his message, it was through his penance and fasting that he merited the grace necessary for his homilies to effect the hearts of his people. Like St. John the Baptist, he was an aesthetic of few words and hard discipline.

This, according to the Church, is the ideal parish priest: The perfect example par excellence for all aspiring priests.

Blessings,

-Davide

Wow, so encouraging! I agree with all of that and it resonates deeply within me. I guess in our modern world, what seems to be valued is social ability and extroversion; introversion is almost looked down upon. But I guess I’m not trying to love or please the world but God. I’m going to get St. John Vianney’s biography. Is this sort of stuff in there?

Pax Christi tecum.

 

[Neal]

my vocation director was telling me that recently a lot of shy guys have been called, so it seems to be God’s will. They will work with you to make you more able to speak in public.

 

[strugglingalong]

my vocation director was telling me that recently a lot of shy guys have been called, so it seems to be God’s will. They will work with you to make you more able to speak in public.

That is very, very encouraging. It’s not that I don’t want to speak in public, it’s just that it is nerve-wracking and difficult. The times I have forced myself to do it I was happy I did afterward. It’s just the doing it part that is difficult.

Pax Christi tecum.

 

[Timmay]

That is very, very encouraging. It’s not that I don’t want to speak in public, it’s just that it is nerve-wracking and difficult. The times I have forced myself to do it I was happy I did afterward. It’s just the doing it part that is difficult.

Pax Christi tecum.

That’s something that gets easier with experience. I used to be the same way. I dreaded having to speak in front of people. Even the thought of it made me sick.

A few years back, I started working at a retreat center, and I was perfectly happy handling all the behind the scenes stuff. Until one day when someone suddenly quit, and I was thrust into having to fill in for him on some of his talks. The director here was very patient and understanding, but he also pushed me and helped me to do more and more and overcome that.

Now, I can sit and talk in front of people for hours. Believe me, the people at the seminary will work with you on that. From my understanding, half of the homiletics classes are just on being a better public speaker.

 

[strugglingalong]

That’s something that gets easier with experience. I used to be the same way. I dreaded having to speak in front of people. Even the thought of it made me sick.

A few years back, I started working at a retreat center, and I was perfectly happy handling all the behind the scenes stuff. Until one day when someone suddenly quit, and I was thrust into having to fill in for him on some of his talks. The director here was very patient and understanding, but he also pushed me and helped me to do more and more and overcome that.

Now, I can sit and talk in front of people for hours. Believe me, the people at the seminary will work with you on that. From my understanding, half of the homiletics classes are just on being a better public speaker.

Thanks Timmay. It’s nice to hear someone else has overcome it!

Pax Christi tecum.