Introvert personality

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I would like to discuss personality types and differences with people who consider themselves introvert or more of an introvert than extrovert.
I am an introvert myself, who has struggled many times to make it extrovert, but it didn’t make me happy ever. I collect my energy from being alone, in silence, reading books, articles, being with my fiancé who is the only person who I can be with feeling energised and not the opposite.
There are some weeks when I’m not able to write and talk to people, they surely feel neglected by me, and many of them neglect me too as a result, which is problematic only because my intention is not to hurt people, but just living my true personality.
I love praying and reading the Bible which most people don’t do on a daily basis, I don’t enjoy talking about most worldly things, and this limits my social interaction.
I don’t mind it at all, I just would like to talk with others who feel similarly, not to feel that something is abnormal in me. 🙂
One more thing I’m planning, I would like to be able to work freelance in a few years’ time, to spend as much time with my family as possible, if you can give me any advice on this, that would be very helpful.
I want to ask also if you think there are any signs that should be worrying about being too much of an introvert, like should I force myself to have more social activities when I don’t feel the need for it?
Anyway, I’m a teacher at a secondary school, so during the terms I meet many people a day and I have to interact with them a lot. But this job does not suit my personality at all and I feel burnt out many times.
Thank you for your answers and suggestions in advance! God bless you all.
 
I suggest a good book that I am currently reading, Ouiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain. It gives a really interesting perspective on introversion. I tested high introvert on the Myers Briggs but I am what is I have heard called an Occupational Extrovert. I can speak to people, and even to very large groups of a few hundred, when I am engaged in my work. But bring me to a party and I am usually a wallflower and can’t begin a conversation with strangers. It’s how we are wired.

Introverts process things differently and relate to people differently. I have come across as being a snob by people who don’t understand introversion. When I sit at a dinner party quietly some people think that because I don’t say much I am looking down at them or reject them. That is the farthest thing from my mind. I just don’t know what to say. I haven’t processed it yet.

That is why I like conversations on the internet, because I have time to formulate what I am going to say.

I found it interesting in this book that there are a lot of famous people who are introverts. Even many actors, who are on stage and screen all the time, are really introverts. So are many priests. Many of the most intelligent people are introverts.

So celebrate who you are. That is how God made you. I think the more you understand introversion you may be able to overcome some of the obstacles.
 
Hi, I’m an introvert too. I can interact with people at work and socially, and then I need some time to recharge my batteries. I live alone with a cat and this works for me.

The Myers Briggs test really helped me to understand myself. I have taken it 3 times and each time have scored INFJ (Introversion, Intuition, Feeling, Judging). According to the results, only 1 percent of the population are INFJs.

I was a teacher for a while at a community college and enjoyed that. I taught 3 classes and worked several days a week.

I suggest you check out the book Do What You Are which gives suggestions on finding work that fits your personality.
 
I consider myself an introvert. I think I do occasionally hurt people by not talking to them, but I am trying to get better at talking when necessary. I have no problems at all with public speaking and acting, but I’m not good at talking one on one to people that I don’t know. I keep a small group of very close friends. It was harder when I had just started high school, but now my groups understand my personality and can work with me just fine.

I don’t think it’s necessary to force yourself to do more activities just for the sake of talking to people more. You also don’t need to turn yourself into an extrovert. You’re just you, and unless a certain aspect of your personality is causing you problems in your work or personal life, I don’t think you need to change it.
 
I am not an introvert. But I hope you can overcome the feeling that you have to force yourself to be extraverted. You are correct that it will not make you happy.

I want to address the second part of your post, working freelance in a few years. Since you are in secondary ed, here is my suggestion: transition into corporate learning and development. Focus on instructional design, particularly e-learning. There are several good groups on Linked In you should join and follow. There are several good online graduate programs and certificates in Instructional Design. Look at the American Society of Training and Developmen (ASTD) website for more information also.

Or pursue technical writing, also getting a certificate or certification.

These are fields that can use your secondary education background that both have a high number of freelance and work-from-home positions.
 
Joannm said:
I suggest a good book that I am currently reading, Ouiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain.
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Yes, yes! All people should read this book, but especially introverts. It gave me such a better understanding and appreciation of my own personality. I’ve also found that with a better understanding of introversion (and myself), I have become better at handling those times when being an introvert is distressing.

Don’t try to be an extrovert. All that will do is bring more anxiety and possible depression. Just learn to be a really good introvert and celebrate it. You can turn being an introvert into a positive thing, and Susan Cain’s book is probably the best place to start.
 
iawoveuooo said:
I would like to discuss personality types and differences with people who consider themselves introvert or more of an introvert than extrovert.
I am an introvert myself, who has struggled many times to make it extrovert, but it didn’t make me happy ever. I collect my energy from being alone, in silence, reading books, articles, being with my fiancé who is the only person who I can be with feeling energised and not the opposite.
There are some weeks when I’m not able to write and talk to people, they surely feel neglected by me, and many of them neglect me too as a result, which is problematic only because my intention is not to hurt people, but just living my true personality.
I love praying and reading the Bible which most people don’t do on a daily basis, I don’t enjoy talking about most worldly things, and this limits my social interaction.
I don’t mind it at all, I just would like to talk with others who feel similarly, not to feel that something is abnormal in me. 🙂
One more thing I’m planning, I would like to be able to work freelance in a few years’ time, to spend as much time with my family as possible, if you can give me any advice on this, that would be very helpful.
I want to ask also if you think there are any signs that should be worrying about being too much of an introvert, like should I force myself to have more social activities when I don’t feel the need for it?
Anyway, I’m a teacher at a secondary school, so during the terms I meet many people a day and I have to interact with them a lot. But this job does not suit my personality at all and I feel burnt out many times.
Thank you for your answers and suggestions in advance! God bless you all.
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I personally feel it’s fine for you to be an introvert - God made us the way we are for a reason! And we’re all very unique with so many different personality traits and our own gifts to share with the world (not necessarily one on one either!). I think the only time severe introversion could become a problem is if you never want to leave your home at all and/or be near other people. But I don’t see that in your post - you seem to be able to interact as often as needed with others, so I would recommend just being who you are and celebrating that!
God’s blessings always.
 
I am very introverted. At one point it made me wonder if I was predestined to Hell, because Christians must forget themselves and love others, whereas introverts are naturally very self-focused; not selfish or self-centered necessarily, but definitely self-focused, and they’re just born that way. I did not understand why God would make me “bad,” on purpose, as if He did not want me to be able to function as a Christian. I have a healthier view of it now; for example, as an introvert, it may be easier for me to enter the Interior Life because I’m naturally oriented toward quiet and the knowledge of things that are inside of me.
It is important to realize that tendencies and personality traits are not sins. As far as your concern that you are hurting other people by not interacting with them as much as you feel that you should, I would say that yes, you should care about their needs which may sometimes involve leaving your comfort level (i.e., return phone calls in a reasonable amount of time even though you hate your phone), but you do not have to try to force yourself to be someone you’re not. False friendships aren’t satisfying. People probably recognize that you are “a quiet person” and they don’t (or shouldn’t) expect you to act like something else. Personally, I’ve discovered that it is physically impossible for me to fool anyone into thinking for a moment that I’m Miss Friendliness and Spunk, so why try?
 
I used to spend so much time wondering what was wrong with me- why I dreaded large gatherings, even with people I loved and wanted to see, why I felt so worn out by meetings at work, why I couldn’t think quickly on my feet…people always said “you’re so quiet” as if it was a really bad thing. It bothered me when class participation was such a large part of a grade, because I had a lot to say, I just didn’t think of things as quickly as the conversation moved. Like you, I get my energy from retreating. I am easily overstimulated.

I second the book suggestion for Ouiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking, and if you haven’t read The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron I’d suggest that too. Reading books such as these helped me to see that there is a biological basis for how I am, and that it’s okay and a waste of time and emotion trying to be someone I am not.

Most of my family and long-time friends know how I am, and it’s no problem. I think the most challenging aspect of being this way is in the workplace. Like you, I have felt very burnt out all the time at the various jobs I have held. I think the suggestion to find a work from home job is good advice as well- it is much easier to focus on your job when you do not have to worry about the social aspects of the workplace. That being said, if you do end up telecommuting eventually, I’ve found that it’s important to get myself out a few times a week, whether that means lunch with a family member or friend, just sitting in a cafe working, or even shopping. We do need to be around people, and it’s not good for introverts to be paralyzed socially. Even a quick conversation with the teller at the bank, or volunteering for a couple of hours a week can help us to be social without being overwhelmed.

You’re not alone! There are so many of us, just not in the limelight because we prefer to stay out of it. 🙂
 
I’m an introvert too…INFJ (took that test several times the first being when I was 12 and I’ve scored INFJ every time 🙂 )

I too have had pressure from an extroverted parent to be more outgoing etc …blah blah blah… as I’ve grown older I’ve really grown into my introvert personality. I’m not anti-social but I don’t like big group functions b/c it literally drains me and I end up not enjoying it after a while. Once in a while I’ll go out to something like that (a festival, bar etc) but typically I like to just have a few friends over for dinner and drinks. I also like to go to book stores and coffee houses with my DH (he’s not quite as introverted as I…he;s more in the middle). My DS is an innie also and I’m not going to pressure him to be extroverted but I do want him to try new things b/c I think that is important. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for being introverted! I spent a good deal of my childhood feeling like I didn’t fit in…but I honestly love being an innie now! I have several introverted friends and is honestly very nice to have people to talk to about it and who understand what it’s like.

I am a Certified Massage Therapist and I LOVE my job…it is an introvert’s dream job. One on one interaction, still helping others, not feeling mentally fatigued at the end of the day…some interaction with co-workers…lots of time to think…I LOVE it!!!

Innies are unfortunately not valued in western society as much as outies are…however I heard that in Asia, the opposite is true lol!
 
Get the solitude you need but do not become self absorbed. God put us on a planet together, in community.
 
Michael_Mayo said:
Get the solitude you need but do not become self absorbed. God put us on a planet together, in community.
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it’s not about being self absorbed, it’s about being and doing things that don’t exhaust us. There are lots of careers where introverts excel…Psychologists, therapists, artists, tutors…anything that is more one on one interaction is better suited for introverts. We still help people we just don’t like large group functions.
 
iawoveuooo said:
Anyway, I’m a teacher at a secondary school, so during the terms I meet many people a day and I have to interact with them a lot. But this job does not suit my personality at all and I feel burnt out many times.
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I am not terribly extroverted, but I do a lot of sales type work…and I find that to be terribly exhausting. After dealing with clients all day, I am mentally beat. I feel like I have to be “on” all day, so by the time I get home, I just don’t have the energy to go out to some sort of church function, or social gathering…I am done. So I can totally understand how being a teacher could be quite a drain on someone who is introverted by nature.

On the flip side, I do think being forced to interact is good for me. I definitely have the tendency to slink into my shell if nothing is forcing me out…and I sort of lose connection with the outside world. Not like becoming a hermit—but more like just being concerned solely with my immediate little world. I think I am a better person when I am not like that…but that is just me.
 
As a fellow introvert, I want to “fourth” the recommendation for Quiet Power. As was the case with many of you, I allowed societal expectations with regards to what a happy, socially successful person looks like impact my ability to see the strengths in the temperament that God has created in me for way too long. On the spiritual side, I also relate to the feeling of being “bad” because of my introversion upon hearing several “service to others is the way to God”-oriented homilies and after being chastised in some communities for not saying “Praise God!” every two seconds or launching into sermons on the street. It doesn’t help that I come from a culture where extroverted expressions are often thought to be the only signs of a true faith. Meeting new people is still a challenge due to this and there will always be those who won’t accept the quiet person, but getting older has enabled me to shift my focus away from what I thought I was lacking towards how I can use the gifts that I **do **have in order to serve God and others.

One challenge that I have faced is that it can be difficult to find ministries that utilize introverts’ spiritual gifts on the parish level. When calls to service come, they often involve activities such as soup kitchens, handing out food on the street, and visiting elders. While extroverts may brighten someone’s world with a perfectly timed comment in a difficult situation, I know from experience that this is…well, not one of my gifts 😊. Have any introverts found ministries, either through their parishes or elsewhere, that tap into the gifts that we introverts often have? Smaller group or individual teaching, discernment, behind-the-scenes service, and the like?
 
iwillrisenow said:
While extroverts may brighten someone’s world with a perfectly timed comment in a difficult situation, I know from experience that this is…well, not one of my gifts 😊. Have any introverts found ministries, either through their parishes or elsewhere, that tap into the gifts that we introverts often have? Smaller group or individual teaching, discernment, behind-the-scenes service, and the like?
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For introverts I think that being on teh church decorating/art committee or the cleaning committee (or what ever they call them) are good things that we can do that wouldn’t drain us. Also thins like baking or cooking dishes for funerals and such…anything that is “behind the scenes”. donating money to charities and things like that are also good things that innies can do to help others. In fact, I think that the whole Spriitual Works of Mercy list is dedicated solely to introverts lol! Whereas the Corporal Works of Mercies seem to be more suited to extroverts 😃

I think that had I not married I would make a great cloistered nun and if I were born a man I would make a great monk! The idea of a quiet life devoted to prayer is a great way to dedicate yourself to God and use your talents to honor God 🙂
 
This chat reminded me of my dear father-in-law who invited me to an evening prayer service at their church. I came in, sat at the back, and was enjoying this quiet time before the service. My fil came early, sat in the front like a keener he was, then spent the time turning around to see who was coming in. Hey George! Hi Cheryl!! Waving, pointing to his watch and laughing. Oh. My. Goodness. He had a conversation with everyone who came in at the back of the church while he was in the front pew. OK, no clue about how to sit still in a pew and be quiet. 😛 Gosh, I should have sat at the front and he should have stayed at the door to hug the folks coming in. lol He probably thought I was the odd duck! I do wish I had some of his enthusiasm and he had some of my desire for quiet time. 😉

People energized him, people drain me. I wish that the extroverts would make an effort to see the more quiet folks and help them be included in a conversation. That doesn’t seem to happen often though. lol

I totally see why introvert guys marry the chatty girls. It’s so much easier, the guy can just coast and not have to work so hard. lol
 
Thank you for bringing up this topic about the introverted personality. I think too often in our culture we celebrate and applaud those who are extraverts but somewhat disapprove of introverts which is unfortuante because most introverts are awesome people.You seem to be doing well and having a full life. Introverts can sometimes be drained by phone conversation but promptly using email and texting can keep you in contact with friends and family in a good way and keep procrastination at bay.
 
There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert. The majority of people are extraverts, which makes it difficult for an introvert in this society. As long as you have some social skills, it doesn’t matter how much you socialize.
I am an introvert also. When I was younger, I was called shy, snobby and other things that I wasn’t. Social situations drain me. I prefer interacting with one person at a time, or just a few. I am also very sensitive in a physical way, which may be part of this whole thing - I don’t know if other introverts are this way too. For example, I used to be able to tell the outside temperature within 2 degrees just by walking out the door without hearing a weather report first. I hear sirens in the distance when the dogs do. Once I verified at a science museum exhibit that tested hearing that I could hear or somehow sense sound beyond what was usual. I could also match colors exactly without taking a sample with me to the store. So, large crowds and noise can be very overwhelming at times.
Also, being an introvert, I can be alone a lot and entertain myself with my imagination or knitting or reading. I’m perfectly fine with this. If I have social contact once or twice a week, it’s all I really need.
 
iwillrisenow said:
One challenge that I have faced is that it can be difficult to find ministries that utilize introverts’ spiritual gifts on the parish level. When calls to service come, they often involve activities such as soup kitchens, handing out food on the street, and visiting elders. While extroverts may brighten someone’s world with a perfectly timed comment in a difficult situation, I know from experience that this is…well, not one of my gifts 😊. Have any introverts found ministries, either through their parishes or elsewhere, that tap into the gifts that we introverts often have? Smaller group or individual teaching, discernment, behind-the-scenes service, and the like?
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One great ministry for introverts is the Church Prayer Line if yours has one. If not, maybe suggest it and get one started! Anyone interested in praying for those in the Church and/or their loved ones gives their name and phone #, and calls are made one to the other down the line when the need arises. Can give a great feeling of doing something good for others!
Peace and God bless.
 
Another introvert here. Welcome to the club! 🙂
(+1 more recommendation for the book Quiet. I really enjoyed it.)

If there’s anything I clearly remember growing up it’s the comments about how quiet I was in contrast to most everyone else. So many cracks to the effect, “We couldn’t get her to stop talking!” (Sarcastically spoken of course). Even when you’re young you can always pick up the underlying connotation of how that sways away from the ‘norm’ or when it’s meant in a disparaging way. I never took any those comments personally. To me, If anything, it was everyone else who were the odd ones. 😉 When I was young I was once called ‘serious’ by another person my age; it was not meant as a compliment. I was actually slightly offended! The only response I could come up with at the time was, “I"m not serious! I’m not that talkative but serious is not the right word.”
I take a good while to warm up to people in general, but anyone who truly knows me would describe me differently. 😃

I never did make much of an effort to ‘change’ myself growing up in the sense of attempting to be an extravert. I fully knew that was not my natural inclination. I don’t garner any energy from talking to people or menial conversation. I also become overly stimulated easily and have a slower reaction time during talkative interactions. Lately I have fortunately become much better in coping with highly social situations.
It has taken a lot of practice but I’ve grown to be comfortable enough in a crowded room. Or at least occupy myself helping behind the scenes. The greatest excuse any introvert can use to be away from having to talk to people you don’t know!

Learn to embrace your introverted self! It’s one of the greatest favors you can do. Don’t force being social if you don’t feel the need. If, in the deepest part of yourself, you feel the need to stretch your boundaries every so often, do challenge yourself and act upon it. Occasionally I surprise myself by not coming home drained from certain situations as often as I expected to, and even enjoy outings I would have otherwise missed!
 
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