Intrusive thoughts and consent + communion

[Catholicwoman]

I suffer from OCD and I believe this has turned into scrupulosity but that isn’t the issue, I suffer from intrusive thoughts quite badly sometimes, sometimes they get a bit better sometimes I ignore them but most times I can’t, its OCD its an obsessive condition, literally. I try not to give to much thought to this when I’m feeling okay but the intrusive thoughts tend to focus on things I’m horrified by and I have difficulty knowing if its my fault or not. Specifically I suffer from explicitly worded thoughts (sometimes visual most times just insulting) about people and more importantly about religious figures, sometimes even Our Lady herself. It pains me to write this, I never thought I would but I’m so confused.

I was praying the rosary tonight with my family and the same recurrent intrusive thought kept coming again and again, praying a group rosary it’s difficult to not react so there was this big commotion in my head and after this one awful thought I think I had something else in my mind but I said something along the lines of agreement, out loud in my head. I would never ever agree with the wording of this thought so don’t know why this happened I meant to so those words but the only thing is I might have possibly have been trying to turn the thought into a complement by saying Our Lady is the most beautiful woman in the world and counter the thought but doubt it right now I don’t know. I’m confused and hurt and upset by what has happened. I love the Lord and Mary, I would never ever want this thought to be consented to but for some reason in that moment saying these words seemed logical??

Have I committed a mortal sin, do I need to refrain from taking communion tomorrow? I desperately need some advice I don’t know how to bring this up to anyone without seeming either crazy or like I’m evil. I desperately want to receive communion but also don’t want to risk taking it in a state of mortal sin??

Edit: Its difficult to explain but I’m feeling much better today I had already made my mind up that I haven’t’ intended to do anything bad but my OCD keeps coming back and saying what if or telling me that I’m being dishonest. Its aggravating really. I’m usually not this bad with things but since restarting medication a bout a month ago (give or take a week or two) I’m finding it difficult to discern what is me or even doubting my own intentions often.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

I think you need a team of people to help you.

You need a good psychiatrist than can recommend mental health exercises and medicines.

You need a spiritual director so you can go to him (or her) with these issues

Thoughts are not sins, especially if they are a product of a mental illness.

Please, seek professional help, you will be much relieved once you are in the right hands.

 

[Catholicwoman]

Thanks for your advice, I am seeing a psychiatrist but my OCD has completely changed over this past year and I’ve only seen her briefly a few times. I guess my biggest issue is the fear of committing sacrilege if I receive communion even though I never meant to say anything bad

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Thanks for your advice, I am seeing a psychiatrist but my OCD has completely changed over this past year and I’ve only seen her briefly a few times. I guess my biggest issue is the fear of committing sacrilege if I receive communion even though I never meant to say anything bad

OCD is an illness. As we are not allowed to give medical advice I will stop here in referring to that exactly so as not to accidentally step afoul of forum rules. That said, it is nothing to be embarrassed about, but I can no more give advice on it, specifically, as I could on any medical issue.

You must “respect” yourself enough to understand and take it seriously.

If you were diabetic and needed to eat a piece of candy right after the homily, it is clearly in Church teaching that it is necessary and therefore, is not “breaking the fast”.

When it comes to mental illness the overarching rules of the church are not held to the same degree as they are for those who are well. When I am pregnant if I need meat on Friday, I eat meat. It is not a sin because the church understands that a pregnant body has different needs.

When it comes to mental illness, the Holy Mother Church is extremely generous, moreso than other denominations. It understands that ANY illness is beyond our control and that we should follow doctor’s advice over what appears to be “hard lines” when it comes to sin. In fact, even moral sin lists that one must have full control over knowing an action was wrong for it to be a mortal sin.

It is clear that you do not have control.

Be at peace and seek appropriate medical help.

 

[Bluebright]

You’ve had lots of advice here. I just wanted to say, even people without your issues have intrusive thoughts and struggle with them. Remember how gentle and loving God is and that He knows you better than you know yourself and loves you more than you could ever love yourself. My point is that you are much harder on you than He is. Divine Mercy is perfect, no way would God ever blame you for something you didn’t have control over.
I am just talking here cos I don’t have your issues but I do have a physical illness and blame myself when I can’t do something cos I am ‘lazy’ when really I am fatigued which is actually a whole other thing, cos I also can’t control when my body just wont do it any more. It can be tricky too for me to tell the difference.
Anyway back to intrusive thoughts. St Faustina wrote a lot about fleeing into the Sacred Heart of Jesus when she had intrusive thoughts ( she fled to the Sacred Heart in her imagination at first) she talked about hiding there, as a refuge. I think that’s a good thing to do as well as calling on your guardian angel and praying to Mary. Another thing St Faustina said was to tell your confessor about it as soon as possible. I have done this and it really helps, I thought it was a bit strange cos it’s not really a sin, not my fault but I spoke to my priest about it in confession and he was so gentle and sweet it really helped, he also gave great advice. So do that and read some books on the saints, nearly all of them have advice on such things. Good luck.

 

[buglady]

You would probably benefit from reading the book by Father Thomas Santa, “Understanding Scrupulosity.” He gives advice on compulsive thoughts. You could also go to his website which has newsletters and other columns on different subjects.

Incidentally, my thoughts kind of run away with me as well, but they are usually thoughts regarding the bad treatment of animals and tragedies in the world. It makes me cry and feel terrible. It is normal sometimes to feel bad, but it can get the best of you.

I found an old movie on youtube. “The Cremator” was released in 1969, and it was in Czech. Fortunately it had English subtitles, and the theories this man, who owned a crematory, ran this way. It was insane, but he thought he was doing everyone a favor in burning up their bodies to liberate their souls to be “reincarnated.” He said he was releasing them from their misery in life. That was not too bad of a way to think about his line of work…not until he started to murder members of his family. He was really putting into action what his thoughts were.

 

[PJM]

I am truly sorry for your condition. It is NOT your fault or a sin.

Continue to endeavor to pray. God is on your side! And GOD remains in charge.

Make an appointment to speak to your Pastor about this. if you feel it would help you. I THINK IT WOULD.

God Bless and strengthen you.
Patrick

 

[EthelG]

My dear sister in Christ, I feel your pain—with issues of my own, intrusive thoughts are a bear to whip. But please be kind to yourself about this…you do not want these thoughts, so you are not guilty of mortal sin. Neither are you crazy, and you are certainly not evil.

It may hopefully be some comfort to you that some of the greatest Saints in our Church struggled
much as you did—even worse!!! Among them were St. Therese of Lisieux, St. Anthony Mary Claret,
some of the Desert Fathers and even St. Catherine of Sienna. https://www.spiritualdirection.com/...s-suffered-from-temptations-and-evil-thoughts
Ask them to help you with the battle they themselves faced.

God loves you fully and unconditionally, and He understands your mind and heart, and your desire to please Him. May He bless you and give you peace and joy once more. <3