Invalid Marriage - Attend or Not Attend

  • Thread starter Thread starter CathyM
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
C

CathyM

Guest
Catholics believe that Marriage is a Sacrament.

When a Catholic decides to marry outside the Church (without approval), he/she is in effect publicly denying the Catholic faith, the Sacrament of Marriage, the Authority of the Church, and is removing him/herself from communion with the Mystical Body of Christ.

A a matter of conscience arises for practicing Catholics who are invited to attend, celebrate and give witness to the occasion.

Bearing in mind –
First love the Lord your God with all your mind, heart, soul and strength, and then love your neighbor as yourself.

What is the more “loving” thing to do - attend or not attend an invalid Wedding Ceremony?

Some would advise, for the sake of family peace, unity and “love” sit quietly, bear witness, say nothing and let our Blessed Lord and the Holy Spirit handle it.

Others would suggest that this is a crossroad of faith of God’s design, calling us to witness to a “higher love”. (Truth)

My husband and I have had to make our decision.
What would you do and why ?
 
CathyM said:
Catholics believe that Marriage is a Sacrament.

When a Catholic decides to marry outside the Church (without approval), he/she is in effect publicly denying the Catholic faith, the Sacrament of Marriage, the Authority of the Church, and is removing him/herself from communion with the Mystical Body of Christ.

A a matter of conscience arises for practicing Catholics who are invited to attend, celebrate and give witness to the occasion.

Bearing in mind –
First love the Lord your God with all your mind, heart, soul and strength, and then love your neighbor as yourself.

What is the more “loving” thing to do - attend or not attend an invalid Wedding Ceremony?

Some would advise, for the sake of family peace, unity and “love” sit quietly, bear witness, say nothing and let our Blessed Lord and the Holy Spirit handle it.

Others would suggest that this is a crossroad of faith of God’s design, calling us to witness to a “higher love”. (Truth)

My husband and I have had to make our decision.
What would you do and why ?
Click to expand...
Christ said that He came to witness to the Truth and that this would divide familes. It would set father against son, mother against daughter. I would have to side with Christ.
 
Br.Rich_SFO said:
Christ said that He came to witness to the Truth and that this would divide familes. It would set father against son, mother against daughter. I would have to side with Christ.
Click to expand...
I agree with you Br. Rich SFO…my question to Cathy M would be if this person is deciding to go outside of the Church for this marriage are they also leaving the Church altogether? I do not understand why or under what circumstance one would do this :confused:
 
Is the person leaving the Church altogether?

I really do not know. Time will tell.

It is my understanding that a person can formally “defect” from the Catholic faith.

The process of formally “defecting” is somewhat unclear – but in essence the person would submit a letter of their intention to renounce the faith to the Church and then a notation is made to their Baptismal record.

There is an irony here – for if the person desires strongly enough to actually formally defect from the Catholic faith, they would also likely have determined that Catholic Church has no Authority and would feel no obligation whatsoever to submit to the notification process anyway.

And if someone actually does formally defect, I have no idea how the defection is UNDONE later should they have a change of heart.
 
As far as I know, the Catholic Church, so strict in other matters, recognizes every marriage between a man and a woman in which there is an exchange of vows before witnesses, even a civil one. The exception would be if one or both were divorced without annulmnet with a living spouse. A marriage blessed by the church is another matter. Go to the wedding and offer your friendship to the bride and groom.
 
*Jbuck919 *
*“As far as I know, the Catholic Church, so strict in other matters, recognizes every marriage between a man and a woman in which there is an exchange of vows before witnesses, even a civil one.” *

I appreciate the spirit in which you offer your comment, however that is only true for non-Catholics.

There are additional requirements to be met in order for a Catholic to be validly married :

**FORM OF CELEBRATION **
( See Canon Law Book IV Chapter V 1108-1119)
in parish church (or with permission of the Bishop another suitable sacred place)
two witnesses
priest, deacon or designated person to ask for and receive consent
Click to expand...
**MIXED MARRIAGES **
( See Canon Law Book IV Chapter VI 1124, 1125)
The Catholic Church does not recognize the marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic party UNLESS they obtain permission from the local ordinary. ( Bishop )

CHAPTER VI MIXED MARRIAGES

CANON 1124
Without express permission of the competent authority, a marriage is prohibited between two baptized persons of whom one is baptized in the Catholic Church or received into it after baptism and has not defected from it by a formal act and the other of who is enrolled in a Church or ecclesial community not in full communion with the Catholic Church.

CANON 1125
The local ordinary can grant a permission of this kind if there is a just a reasonable cause. He is not to grant it unless the following conditions have been fulfilled:
1 the Catholic party is to declare that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith and is to make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power so that all offspring are baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church;
2 the other party is to be informed at an appropriate time about the promises which the Catholic party is to make, in such a way that ii is certain that he or she is truly aware of the promise and obligation of the Catholic party;
3 both parties are to be instructed about the purposes and essential properties of marriage which neither of the contracting parties is to exclude
 
It seems you already know what to do. Supporting a grave mistake isn’t true support. Why would you want to support anything that is a danger to your loved one’s soul.

I had to skip my oldes friend’s wedding a few years ago. She knew going into it that I could not, in good conscience, attend. I let her know that I truly was supporting her and that if she ever chose to have her marriage blessed that I would be in the front row. She was very understanding although her siblings were not.

Since her wedding, I have been her shoulder to cry on. She’s really having a tough time with the marriage after a few years and one child. Now she sees the wisdom she didn’t want to see because she really wanted to get married. I’m hoping this will bring her closer to the Church.
 
Two of my first cousins opted not to be married in the Catholic church. I did not go. I know they did not get married in the Church because they felt the pre-marital prep was more than they had the inclination to participate in. However, putting together a fancy reception was not too much to do. I am praying daily for them. I know they had not practiced their faith in years and felt they would only be “hypocritical” if they married in the church. I told them it was would be more “reconciliable” rather than “hypocritical” but they are not in that place yet in their lives. I just hope they do get there sometime and they will yearn for the Lord.
More than likely, they just don’t have the proper catechesis nor the inclination to know more about our faith of which they were baptized into.

I just keep praying for their personal conversion.
 
stbruno said:
Two of my first cousins opted not to be married in the Catholic church. I did not go. I know they did not get married in the Church because they felt the pre-marital prep was more than they had the inclination to participate in. .
Click to expand...
Under those circumstances, they couldn’t have been married in the Catholic Church anyhow, even if they wanted to attend the prep. Marriage between first cousins is prohibited.
 
Since this is a matter of conscience –
excerpts from :

THE INCONVENIENT CONSCIENCE
by George Cardinal Pell

Conscience is “a connecting principle between the creature and his Creator.” But while some conscience as God’s invitation to embrace His law as free subjects, others see it as a radical call to personal freedom. Indeed, for many people today, the word “conscience” suggests no law at all, but rather the freedom to judge by our own personal resources and the right to act as we each think best – a rejection, in other words, of the need for morality and creed; a claim that I should be allowed to live as I choose.

“Good conscience” … means a good grasp and a good application of moral truth – for it is the truth that remains primary, the truth that is grasped and applied by the practical mind.

Conscience is a messenger from Him, Who, both in nature and grace speaks to us behind a veil, and teaches and rules us by His representatives. Conscience is the aboriginal Vicar of Christ.

Conscience is a hard, objective thing – a challenge to self, a call to conversion and a sign of humility.

Comments ?
 
Your question raises a few others in my mind. Is the person getting married of close relation to you (child, sibling, parent…) or a more distant relation or social friend? Is this person purporting to be a practicing Catholic or someone who may at one time have been Catholic, but has chosen to pursue another faith? Would the marriage be impossible/invalid in the eyes of the Catholic Church (i.e. involve a divorced party, etc.)? Would the marriage cause confusion or scandal for attendees who are not mature in their faith formation?

I think these questions are relevant because people are not required to be Catholic to be married or for a Catholic to attend a wedding. If the person in question is an adult, capable of marriage and has chosen to pursue his/her faith in another denomination, I see no conflict with attending the ceremony. They are not professing to be something they are not. In fact, this couple may be more honest than some others who get married under the banner of the Catholic Church but have no intention of following Church teachings that might interfere with some of their “lifestyle choices.”

You might also consider that if the parties getting married are close relatives, the offense that comes from you skipping the wedding could overshadow the moral reasons for you doing so and further alienate them from the faith–preventing a return that might otherwise be inspired by virtue of your relationship and your role modeling of the faith-in-action.
 
jbuck919 said:
As far as I know, the Catholic Church, so strict in other matters, recognizes every marriage between a man and a woman in which there is an exchange of vows before witnesses, even a civil one. The exception would be if one or both were divorced without annulmnet with a living spouse. A marriage blessed by the church is another matter. Go to the wedding and offer your friendship to the bride and groom.
Click to expand...
That is not so. A Catholic who goes and contracts civil marriage makes the marriage invalid. One who does that doesn’t need an annulment either.

“Only those marriages are valid which are contracted in the presence of the local ordinary or pastor or of the priest or deacon delegated by either of them, who, in the presence of two witnesses, assists” (can. 1108).

If you go to the marriage God may hold you responsible for showing your support by your presence.

It is a horrible thing when one commits spiritual adultery. It is nothing to celebrate.

Ken
 
I may have missed this, but are you certain that this couple does not have permission from the church to marry elsewhere? It can be given, and they may not have felt the need to enlighten every potential guest.

If you are this stressed about the wedding, then I would say you should not attend whether or not they have permission to marry outside of a Catholic church because you do not support them and would be hypocritical in attending.
 
This is very difficult to give a response to, not knowing all the particulars of why the bride and groom are marrying outside the Church.

Is your decision not to attend based completely on the teachings of the Church is such matters (have you discussed it with your priest?) or is it based on being too scrupulous? Again, I don’t know all the particulars, so I am just throwing out ideas. You would be witnessing a civil union, not a Sacrament, so I don’t really understand the problem in attending. You may vehemently disagree with their decision to forgo a Sacramental marriage, but do you wish them well otherwise? If yes, then maybe you should attend. If you haven’t’ done so, I would discuss your dilemma with your priest and follow his guidance.

As Br. Rich said, Jesus did say He came to set brother against brother, etc. However, could this be a case of judge not, lest ye be judged?
 
I say attend and wish your friends well with their marriage. Leave your personal opinions and judging at the door.
 
It is not judgement, it is standing up for your belief in the Catholic faith. They will do as they wish. You will do as you are called to do by your faith.
Catholics leaving Christ out of their marriage is not something other Catholics celebrate!
 
This is how I look at it (considering that almost all of my family members have been married outside of the Church). Attend, and if you truly practice your faith and they seek your counsil, let them know the Church’s teaching pertaining to marriages outside of the Church. If you’re still not sure, ask yourself this: If this couple has a child and want to have the child baptized would you attend the baptism (even though the parents are in an invalid marriage)? If you do not attend their wedding (and if they see your decision as being unloving and uncharitable) do you think they’ll include you in the baptism of their child?

I have attended family member’s weddings b/c I do love them and want what’s best for them. These same family members are more open to my cousil on Catholic and spiritual matters now than they would have been had I chosen not to attend their weddings (I come from an Irish/Italian family that holds onto grudges for years and lifetimes). Not only that, I make sure that when I’m with their children that I am involved with the children and talk about God to the children (something that some of them aren’t being taught anywhere else).
 
Another thing, there are many weddings that are Catholic by appearance but are never sacramental (as ruled by a tribunal). Isn’t it just as wrong to attend a Catholic wedding that may not be a sacrament (those close to the bride and/or groom sometimes have a better idea of the mindsets of the bride/groom which is why they are a witness during the annulment process)?
 
mikew262 said:
I say attend and wish your friends well with their marriage. Leave your personal opinions and judging at the door.
Click to expand...
The point is, by all looks, it’s not a marriage. So, she’d be going to support a pretend marriage which leads the couple into fornication.
 
gmarie21 said:
Another thing, there are many weddings that are Catholic by appearance but are never sacramental (as ruled by a tribunal). Isn’t it just as wrong to attend a Catholic wedding that may not be a sacrament (those close to the bride and/or groom sometimes have a better idea of the mindsets of the bride/groom which is why they are a witness during the annulment process)?
Click to expand...
You’re confusing the words sacramental and valid. A marriage is valid and sacramental if the marriage is done as prescribed by the Catholic Church and both parties are baptized. It is a valid but not sacramental marriage is fhte marriage is done as the Church prescribes and one of the spouses is *not *a baptized Christian.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top