Invalid Marriage question. Need help fast

[friendlyperson]

Ok guys, here’s the story. I’m 19 years old and tomorrow my parents are picking me up from college and taking me to a theme park to visit for the day. My parents, my little brother, some of his friends, and I are all going. But just now I learned that my aunt is also going and is bringing her civil husband. She’s a Methodist (not Catholic) and has been married three times, which I think means that she is presently in a presumably invalid marriage (although I don’t know what the religions of her past and current spouses are).
So my question is, is it wrong for me to go on the trip? If I do, am I morally obligated to verbally point out to them the irregularity of their situation (like I said, my aunt is not Catholic, so she probably has no concept of all this annulment/divorce stuff)? If so, does anyone have any suggestions?
I asked a priest in the past about a similar situation and he said that I do not have an obligation to say anything. But then I hear everything about how we need to be firm and try to bring people out of their sinful situations out of concern for their souls. I don’t know what to do. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!

 

[DarkLight]

No and no.

Put it this way - will you saying something be likely of any benefit, or will it just hurt the relationship?

 

[friendlyperson]

No and no.

Put it this way - will you saying something be likely of any benefit, or will it just hurt the relationship?

Thank you so much for the reply! I definitely see your point. A few years ago my cousin (baptized Catholic) got “married” in a non-Catholic ceremony. I was convinced that I had an obligation to tell her this. She actually took it okay, but when my parents found out, they were unhappy to say the least.
I felt like I was guilty either way.
Again, thank you for the help, and God Bless.

 

[friendlyperson]

I’ll take as many replies as possible. The more the better. I really want to get a sense of what others think about this.

 

[ichabode]

There is a proper time and place for everything. I cannot see how this would be the proper time or place. It would seem this is the time to be a good daughter and niece. Pray to God to give you the courage, words, and love to properly witness your faith in everything you do.

That does not always mean correcting people. Hopefully your are not involved with Regnum Christi.

God bless you and your family.

 

[1ke]

Ok guys, here’s the story. I’m 19 years old and tomorrow my parents are picking me up from college and taking me to a theme park to visit for the day. My parents, my little brother, some of his friends, and I are all going. But just now I learned that my aunt is also going and is bringing her civil husband. She’s a Methodist (not Catholic) and has been married three times, which I think means that she is presently in a presumably invalid marriage (although I don’t know what the religions of her past and current spouses are).

You don’t presume anything about her marriage.

So my question is, is it wrong for me to go on the trip?

No.

I don’t even understand what sin you think you would be committing?

If I do, am I morally obligated to verbally point out to them the irregularity of their situation (like I said, my aunt is not Catholic, so she probably has no concept of all this annulment/divorce stuff)? If so, does anyone have any suggestions?

No. You absolutely should NOT say anything to your aunt. You don’t know the details, and they aren’t your business.

I asked a priest in the past about a similar situation and he said that I do not have an obligation to say anything.

Seems like you should follow your priest’s advice over random internet strangers.

But then I hear everything about how we need to be firm and try to bring people out of their sinful situations out of concern for their souls. I don’t know what to do. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!

Perhaps some spiritual counseling would help you-- the virtue of PRUDENCE should be a focus-- how to distinguish that which is your business from that which is not. If you truly don’t know what to do, then prudence dictates silence until you’ve had a chance to talk to your priest.

 

[1ke]

A few years ago my cousin (baptized Catholic) got “married” in a non-Catholic ceremony. I was convinced that I had an obligation to tell her this.

This is an entirely different scenario. This is objectively correct-- as a Catholic she does have an obligation to marry in the Church. Did you have an “obligation” to say something? Depends on your relationship with your cousin, and other factors.

You have no ability to discern the facts of your aunt’s current or prior marriages, your aunt is not a Catholic, and therefore it is not possible for you to give her any facts. Marriage and nullity are very complex and you cannot make blanket statements.

She actually took it okay, but when my parents found out, they were unhappy to say the least.

Well, perhaps it was more your delivery timing, message, tone, or the fact it was unsolicited and possibly upset your cousin… again PRUDENCE is a virtue to cultivate.

 

[friendlyperson]

Thank you all for your replies. I am truly grateful. To be clear the sin that I fear I would be committing is the sin of scandal. I am worried that visiting with them but remaining silent would be a way of quietly condoning sin.
I am also being told that quite a few priests are “modernist” nowadays. I don’t know if the priest I asked is this way, which is why I wanted to get the perspectives of other Catholics instead of relying on just one priest’s opinion.
I also struggle with scrupulosity, so sometimes it is hard to know when my legitimate conscience is bothering me and when it is just the scruples.
But again, thank you all for helping me.

 

[1ke]

Thank you all for your replies. I am truly grateful. To be clear the sin that I fear I would be committing is the sin of scandal. I am worried that visiting with them but remaining silent would be a way of quietly condoning sin.

No, you would not be committing the sin of scandal. This is your scrupulosity distorting things.

Did Jesus commit the sin of scandal by eating with prostitutes and other sinners? No. And those were ACTUAL public sinners. Your aunt is not such a person. You are simply assuming things about her that are not necessarily accurate.

I am also being told that quite a few priests are “modernist” nowadays. I don’t know if the priest I asked is this way, which is why I wanted to get the perspectives of other Catholics instead of relying on just one priest’s opinion.

Stay away from people who disparage priests. If a priest does something **specific **and **concrete **that is something concerning, you should use the proper chain of command in your diocese to obtain assistance. That would be pastor, dean of the deanery, vicar for clergy at the diocese, bishop.

I also struggle with scrupulosity, so sometimes it is hard to know when my legitimate conscience is bothering me and when it is just the scruples.

So it is VERY important that you get a spiritual director and a regular confessor and not deviate from working with them. Do not go to internet sites and second guess what your spiritual director and confessor are telling you.

 

[friendlyperson]

No, you would not be committing the sin of scandal. This is your scrupulosity distorting things.

Did Jesus commit the sin of scandal by eating with prostitutes and other sinners? No. And those were ACTUAL public sinners. Your aunt is not such a person. You are simply assuming things about her that are not necessarily accurate.

Stay away from people who disparage priests. If a priest does something **specific **and **concrete **that is something concerning, you should use the proper chain of command in your diocese to obtain assistance. That would be pastor, dean of the deanery, vicar for clergy at the diocese, bishop.

So it is VERY important that you get a spiritual director and a regular confessor and not deviate from working with them. Do not go to internet sites and second guess what your spiritual director and confessor are telling you.

Thank you for your help. I will definitely ask around the Center for Campus Ministry at my school and look into getting a spiritual director.

 

[PennyinCanada]

Think of this as strategy. If you say something (and how would you even say anything about this situation?) your aunt will not change her living situation with her husband. What you will accomplish is that you will alienate yourself from her and other family members. This is not a smart move.

Love her and her husband, always be kind and generous. Then, one day, when God is moving her heart, maybe you will be there to come along side and walk with her a bit. God knows the length of her days and he has a strategy. Don’t mess with it, but trust God, and love! And pray for her of course. This is no small thing, to pray for someone.

As a side note, but relevant, our blessed Mother at Fatima asked for prayers and sacrifices for the intention of the conversion of sinners and peace in this world. If you can’t pray the rosary every day, (I hope you can!) you can at least offer up all your joys, sorrows, and sufferings each morning for this intention. Also you can offer up your day to honor a particular rosary mystery. Today is Friday. You can offer up your day for one of the sorrowful mysteries. In this way you will be working for the Lord each and every day and no struggle or sorrow will be wasted. At the end of your life you will see what the Lord and the blessed mother did with your offering! Remember the little boy with a few loaves and fish? He gave them to Christ who then fed the 5,000. We can offer our little things each day and know that the power of God goes with them. Then you will have the comfort of knowing that you are indeed working for the salvation of your family and friends, daily, whether they are with you or far. This is a very good strategy.

 

[friendlyperson]

Think of this as strategy. If you say something (and how would you even say anything about this situation?) your aunt will not change her living situation with her husband. What you will accomplish is that you will alienate yourself from her and other family members. This is not a smart move.

Love her and her husband, always be kind and generous. Then, one day, when God is moving her heart, maybe you will be there to come along side and walk with her a bit. God knows the length of her days and he has a strategy. Don’t mess with it, but trust God, and love! And pray for her of course. This is no small thing, to pray for someone.

As a side note, but relevant, our blessed Mother at Fatima asked for prayers and sacrifices for the intention of the conversion of sinners and peace in this world. If you can’t pray the rosary every day, (I hope you can!) you can at least offer up all your joys, sorrows, and sufferings each morning for this intention. Also you can offer up your day to honor a particular rosary mystery. Today is Friday. You can offer up your day for one of the sorrowful mysteries. In this way you will be working for the Lord each and every day and no struggle or sorrow will be wasted. At the end of your life you will see what the Lord and the blessed mother did with your offering! Remember the little boy with a few loaves and fish? He gave them to Christ who then fed the 5,000. We can offer our little things each day and know that the power of God goes with them. Then you will have the comfort of knowing that you are indeed working for the salvation of your family and friends, daily, whether they are with you or far. This is a very good strategy.

Thank you for your kind and wise words.

 

[Graceful_Lamb]

First off, your aunt is not catholic. Even if she was, I would still say that I don’t think it would be appropriate to say something to her about having a possibly invalid marriage, according to the Catholic church. I don’t think it is your place to say anything. Let me put this way: Would you be okay with your aunt making comments to you about your relationship with your significant other/spouse?

I don’t see any reason why you can’t socialize with your aunt and uncle. I don’t see how the state of their marriage would have any effect on you socializing with them. Their marriage is completely separate from the familial relationship you have with them.

 

[friendlyperson]

First off, your aunt is not catholic. Even if she was, I would still say that I don’t think it would be appropriate to say something to her about having a possibly invalid marriage, according to the Catholic church. I don’t think it is your place to say anything. Let me put this way: Would you be okay with your aunt making comments to you about your relationship with your significant other/spouse?

I don’t see any reason why you can’t socialize with your aunt and uncle. I don’t see how the state of their marriage would have any effect on you socializing with them. Their marriage is completely separate from the familial relationship you have with them.

You definitely have a point.

 

[Dorothy]

Thank you so much for the reply! I definitely see your point. A few years ago my cousin (baptized Catholic) got “married” in a non-Catholic ceremony. I was convinced that I had an obligation to tell her this. She actually took it okay, but when my parents found out, they were unhappy to say the least.
I felt like I was guilty either way.
Again, thank you for the help, and God Bless.

You may have planted a seed of truth when you mentioned that to your Catholic cousin. Said in love and truth, it can germinate in the future and set things right. Remember her in your prayers.

 

[frangiuliano115]

Ok guys, here’s the story. I’m 19 years old and tomorrow my parents are picking me up from college and taking me to a theme park to visit for the day. My parents, my little brother, some of his friends, and I are all going. But just now I learned that my aunt is also going and is bringing her civil husband. She’s a Methodist (not Catholic) and has been married three times, which I think means that she is presently in a presumably invalid marriage (although I don’t know what the religions of her past and current spouses are).
So my question is, is it wrong for me to go on the trip? If I do, am I morally obligated to verbally point out to them the irregularity of their situation (like I said, my aunt is not Catholic, so she probably has no concept of all this annulment/divorce stuff)? If so, does anyone have any suggestions?
I asked a priest in the past about a similar situation and he said that I do not have an obligation to say anything. But then I hear everything about how we need to be firm and try to bring people out of their sinful situations out of concern for their souls. I don’t know what to do. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!

Is your name John the Baptist?

Then leave it alone. In a case like this you’re not obligated unless specifically asked OR the right circumstances should come up, which they won’t, I can assure you.

Testify with your life.

God bless you

 

[frangiuliano115]

Thank you all for your replies. I am truly grateful. To be clear the sin that I fear I would be committing is the sin of scandal. I am worried that visiting with them but remaining silent would be a way of quietly condoning sin.
I am also being told that quite a few priests are “modernist” nowadays. I don’t know if the priest I asked is this way, which is why I wanted to get the perspectives of other Catholics instead of relying on just one priest’s opinion.
I also struggle with scrupulosity, so sometimes it is hard to know when my legitimate conscience is bothering me and when it is just the scruples.
But again, thank you all for helping me.

A franciscan brother I know is definitey NOT a modernist.

He would agree with everything ichabode said. He sounds very wise.

God bless

 

[estesbob]

Ok guys, here’s the story. I’m 19 years old and tomorrow my parents are picking me up from college and taking me to a theme park to visit for the day. My parents, my little brother, some of his friends, and I are all going. But just now I learned that my aunt is also going and is bringing her civil husband. She’s a Methodist (not Catholic) and has been married three times, which I think means that she is presently in a presumably invalid marriage (although I don’t know what the religions of her past and current spouses are).
So my question is, is it wrong for me to go on the trip? If I do, am I morally obligated to verbally point out to them the irregularity of their situation (like I said, my aunt is not Catholic, so she probably has no concept of all this annulment/divorce stuff)? If so, does anyone have any suggestions?
I asked a priest in the past about a similar situation and he said that I do not have an obligation to say anything. But then I hear everything about how we need to be firm and try to bring people out of their sinful situations out of concern for their souls. I don’t know what to do. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you going on this trip. There is actually nothing wrong with you having a close relationship with your aunt.

 

[GreyWings]

FWIW, I was invalidly married before I received annulment. Was I less of a person? No. Was I confused? Uh, yes. Was I in a bad relationship? HECK YES. It was sad and I was abused and went through absolute hell - only I was blind and everyone but me could see that I needed out. Only God knows why we have our trials, but it would have been so hurtful if a family member avoided me when I was going though that awful time in my life because I was invalidly “married.”

I think it’s important to let people walk their own path. Embrace your aunt with love. She’s had bad luck in the romance department, pray for her that she’ll find happiness in her life.